suckered Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I have been seeing this guy for about 4 months. I really liked him a lot and had great hopes for the future together. At 2 months mark, I caught him in a major, deal breaking lie. He confessed and begged for a second chance. I initially asked for a break but I agreed to give it another chance. The reality is, I can no longer see a future or a relatinship with him. I don't trust anything he says and I am pretty sure that at least small lies are just a part of his nature and can't be changed. Ignoring all that, he treats me well and we have lots of fun together. I am very lonely. I live in a foreign country with no family and friends and doing "the right thing" by dumping him would mean months of loneliness streatching ahead. Even though I can no longer see a possiblity of future or me falling in love with him, I enjoy the every day banter, sex and going on weekend trips and doing activities together. When the subject of future comes up, I just say stuff like "let's take in a day at the time, who knows what's in the future anyway" and keep the conversations light. I wouldn't even care if he dated someone else (although I still keep some of the pretense of caring, it's a little more romantic that way). I have an active OLD profile and if someone interesting came up, I would end it with the current guy. I still feel weird about this. I am used to doing the right thing and dumping guys that do me wrong. I have also never casually dated. I mean, I still notice all the incosistencies and half-truths with the current guy, I just pretend not to. People that I know already think that I ended things for good and it would be embarassing telling them that I am still seeing him. We now spend a lot of time with his friends and family or alone. I hide any FB tags from him too. Do I need to end this now?
PegNosePete Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I caught him in a major, deal breaking lie. If it was a deal breaker then it should have broken the deal. Why did you carry on with the deal after a deal breaker? The reality is, I can no longer see a future or a relatinship with him. Then you are wasting your time, and your youth, by continuing to date him. In 10 years time you will wish you had used your time more wisely and not wasted it on liars. 3
DK_Casus Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I'm usually pretty forgiving and tolerant, but I don't tolerate dishonesty. Obviously, there are lies told with "the best intentions" - and those I can usually get past. But a serious lie of any kind would spell doom for me. I just can't live with the kind of doubt that would be impossible to kill until the end of time.
MarkIVSteel Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 "I have an active OLD profile and if someone interesting came up, I would end it with the current guy." Sounds like you're just using him. If you don't trust him, break up with him. However, he apologized so you either forgive him and move past it or you don't. Using him for dates and companionship until the next Mr McHottie comes around is pretty low. You're basically lying about your feelings to him and deceiving him. Yet you complain he's a liar. Sounds like the two of you deserve each other. You're both liars and cons. 3
Gaeta Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 You... * Are using him * Are misleading him * Lying to him about your real intention * Are wasting your time * Are wasting the best years of your life * Are denying yourself meeting someone better I think you should worry less about this guy's actions and worry about what all this says about you. 2
Methodical Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 According to you, he habitually lies. Yet, you have given him false hope by extending a second chance, which is really nothing more than a FWBs thing for you bc you don't want to be alone. You are using him until something better comes along. Seems like the pot calling the kettle black to me.
Arieswoman Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 Is it ever OK to keep dating a liar? No. (Ten characters)
jen1447 Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 Do I need to end this now? Yes. (Ten characters)
kendahke Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I have been seeing this guy for about 4 months. I really liked him a lot and had great hopes for the future together. At 2 months mark, I caught him in a major, deal breaking lie. He confessed and begged for a second chance. I initially asked for a break but I agreed to give it another chance. The reality is, I can no longer see a future or a relatinship with him. I don't trust anything he says and I am pretty sure that at least small lies are just a part of his nature and can't be changed. Ignoring all that, he treats me well and we have lots of fun together. I think it all depends upon whether or not you can look yourself in the eye while you deceive (read: lie to) the people you know just to keep a liar in your life just because you're lonely. Do I need to end this now? If you need to ask a question, then the answer must confirm what you don't want to hear from the sane part of yourself that wants this to end. That is the part of you that you need to be spending a lot of time with, not this liar, because it's on the verge of being badly broken.
LoverofWrestling Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 If you can't see a future/relationship with him and you don't trust him, they yes I do think you need to end things with him.
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