EmbarrassedToBeHere Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 Hi Everyone. I'm new here and could really use advice. I started talking to a guy in October. I had seen him online (okcupid) a few times over the last year, I was always too shy to send him a message because I thought maybe I wasn't his type. One night, while I was at dinner with a friend, she decided to swipe right on him. Turned out, he had swiped right on me as well, and he sent me a message that same night. We texted and talked on the phone for about a week, before we set up our first date. Our first date was very comfortable, though I was extremely nervous. We kissed good night and I thought he was the last person I was ever going to kiss. We dated for about six-weeks before he told me that it was not going to work out for him. He is in school full time and also works full-time. We talked every day, and saw each other at least once a week. We talked about meeting each other's families at Thanksgiving and we made plans well into January 2017. He said that he started to feel smothered by my texting habits - As soon as I felt him pull away (he was stressed with school and I think pulling away was his coping mechanism because he had mentioned that he does not know how to express what he's feeling when he's stressed), my reaction and instinct was to come on stronger. The less he replied, the more I texted him. He had asked me to be patient with until he was done with finals in December, and said that once Finals were over, he wanted us to spend more time together. But, him pulling away freaked me out. On the sunday night that he ended things, I called him once, I texted him four times, and sent him both a facebook message and a snapchat message (because I wanted to see if he was looking), all within 30 minutes. He called me and said that it wasn't going to work for him because that kind of communication made him feel really uncomfortable. He then unfriended me on Facebook and asked me to respect his wishes; I haven't spoken to him since (nor have I tried). Also, I should add that as soon as he hung up, he unfriended me on Facebook. He's 33 and I'm 32... It's been a week and I can't stop thinking about him. Is there any way to fix this? Can I text him and hope for a miraculous change of heart? Or should I cut my losses and move on?
Frozensushi Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 He said that he started to feel smothered by my texting habits - As soon as I felt him pull away (he was stressed with school and I think pulling away was his coping mechanism because he had mentioned that he does not know how to express what he's feeling when he's stressed), my reaction and instinct was to come on stronger. The less he replied, the more I texted him. He had asked me to be patient with until he was done with finals in December, and said that once Finals were over, he wanted us to spend more time together. But, him pulling away freaked me out. He called me and said that it wasn't going to work for him because that kind of communication made him feel really uncomfortable. It's been a week and I can't stop thinking about him. Is there any way to fix this? Can I text him and hope for a miraculous change of heart? Or should I cut my losses and move on? No. No more texting, no more communication. You need to walk away. He expressed his wishes, he wants you to leave him alone. He told you he felt smothered by all your texts, that it made him feel uncomfortable. Then what do you do? You do the complete opposite and pour kerosene onto the fire. Look, you came on too strong and when you didn't let up, you gave off the impression of being super needy and desperate. Two huge flags in any relationship. The guy probably really liked you, but your insecurities caused it to spiral out of control. Any further contact will push him away further. The best thing for you to do it just walk away. This will give him a chance to miss you and think about you. If he still has any feelings left for you, he'll reach out. But if you don't want him to block you on his phone and all social media I'd advise to leave him alone. Just my opinion. 1
Author EmbarrassedToBeHere Posted November 22, 2016 Author Posted November 22, 2016 I should have added that I haven't tried reaching out to him. He asked me to respect his wishes, and that's exactly what I've been doing... My mistake for not being super specific..
Methodical Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 He said that he started to feel smothered by my texting habits - As soon as I felt him pull away (he was stressed with school and I think pulling away was his coping mechanism because he had mentioned that he does not know how to express what he's feeling when he's stressed), my reaction and instinct was to come on stronger. The less he replied, the more I texted him. He had asked me to be patient with until he was done with finals in December, and said that once Finals were over, he wanted us to spend more time together. But, him pulling away freaked me out. On the sunday night that he ended things, I called him once, I texted him four times, and sent him both a facebook message and a snapchat message (because I wanted to see if he was looking), all within 30 minutes. He called me and said that it wasn't going to work for him because that kind of communication made him feel really uncomfortable. He then unfriended me on Facebook and asked me to respect his wishes; I haven't spoken to him since (nor have I tried). Also, I should add that as soon as he hung up, he unfriended me on Facebook. He's 33 and I'm 32... It's been a week and I can't stop thinking about him. Is there any way to fix this? Can I text him and hope for a miraculous change of heart? Or should I cut my losses and move on? I should have added that I haven't tried reaching out to him. He asked me to respect his wishes, and that's exactly what I've been doing... My mistake for not being super specific.. He told you to let him get thru finals in December and you didn't. He broke up with you, and you went all stalkerish on him - 1 call, 4 texts, FB message, Snapchat message - all in the span of thirty minutes. NO, you can't salvage this. In fact, you proved his point by bombarding him. You only backed off bc he started blocking you. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 No, there's no way to fix this. He asked you to tone it down, and you did the opposite. Then he just got irritated and asked you to leave him alone. This one is over, but take it as an important lesson. Don't get too attached too quickly (ie. assuming he's the last guy you will ever kiss on your first date) and don't go overboard with texting and pushing to communicate, especially when someone has also asked you not to.
Author EmbarrassedToBeHere Posted November 22, 2016 Author Posted November 22, 2016 hat did the messages say? Apricotjelly - That Sunday I texted him at 7 pm (we only exchanged a good morning text and a mid-day text saying "how is your day"). I asked him "Hey how was your day?" "If you're done working, want to get yogurtland?" Then I called him, because I thought "maybe he turned off his notifications" When he didn't pick up, I sent a text, "I called you..." "I'll be around for a while if you want to call me back, otherwise have a good night studying.." about 15 minutes later, I sent a facebook message saying "Hey.. are you okay?" So.. no.. I didn't get all stalkerish.. And I'm sure I'm not the first person to ever have such a deep connection with someone and to think "This is the last guy I'll ever kiss." Just because I'm 32 and have had my heart broken, doesn't mean that I do not believe in love and romance. I still believe in good things - I'm not jaded. Oh and to the poster who said he blocked me, he didn't block me. Unfriending someone on facebook and blocking them is VERY different.
Kayley Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 To be honest, I doubt it can be salvaged. I'm going through something similar with a guy I dated for 3 months. Came on too strong, I regret it but I think there's nothing that can be done. Go NC, see what happens but don't expect him to get in touch.
Recommended Posts