Should I stay friend with him?

[mushroomlol]

Long story short. BF of 3 months went cold and one day said I can date other guys and he might start dating other people too. I was shocked and decided to break up with him. I asked him out one last time and again he bailed at the last minute because he was sick (and it was true). So i decided to move on.

 

But I miss him so much. At one hand I know he wasn't a good BF but we do share a lot of common interests. I want to go to all kinds of shows and events with him. I want to ask him out but I am afraid he says no or he bails again at the last minute. I cannot take this kind of action anymore. I did text him last week and he responded really quick and kept the conversation going for a great while.

 

I think I am just not sure how to proceed at this point.

[Redhead14]

Long story short. BF of 3 months went cold and one day said I can date other guys and he might start dating other people too. I was shocked and decided to break up with him. I asked him out one last time and again he bailed at the last minute because he was sick (and it was true). So i decided to move on.

 

But I miss him so much. At one hand I know he wasn't a good BF but we do share a lot of common interests. I want to go to all kinds of shows and events with him. I want to ask him out but I am afraid he says no or he bails again at the last minute. I cannot take this kind of action anymore. I did text him last week and he responded really quick and kept the conversation going for a great while.

 

I think I am just not sure how to proceed at this point.

 

You broke up with him. It's over so keep moving. Why string yourself along? If you stay "friends" with him, it will always be in the back of your mind that you want more and hope for more. Nine times out of ten, that's the reason people stay "friends" with people they've broken up with. It's painful to spend time with someone you had hoped for more with knowing they don't feel the same about you. Go no contact and stay that way.

[smackie9]

So why would you even want this guy in your life when he can't treat you with any dignity and respect. He's blowing you off for a reason...he's not interested in spending time with you.

 

be with those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. Him chatting with you is called dropping bread crumbs....

[Methodical]

He doesn't want a relationship with you. Possibly FWB? If you aren't into that, then you need to move on.

[PogoStick]

So i decided to move on.

 

I want to go to all kinds of shows and events with him.

 

I think I am just not sure how to proceed at this point.

 

1. You haven't moved on.

 

2 + 3. Ask a new guy to things you enjoy. Perfect way to start a new, better relationship.

[mushroomlol]

You broke up with him. It's over so keep moving. Why string yourself along? If you stay "friends" with him, it will always be in the back of your mind that you want more and hope for more. Nine times out of ten, that's the reason people stay "friends" with people they've broken up with. It's painful to spend time with someone you had hoped for more with knowing they don't feel the same about you. Go no contact and stay that way.

 

I know this could take time it's just too painful now. I read this news and I could think of me. I went to one place and I wish he could be here. But I know he wont be. I don't know I feel like I am fighting against my feeling now. And I really don't know why I like him so much?! Probably because we had a really good time at the very beginning of the relationship

[mushroomlol]

1. You haven't moved on.

 

2 + 3. Ask a new guy to things you enjoy. Perfect way to start a new, better relationship.

 

I am trying to find a new guy. All I have is this dating app and a new guy won't come easily. I am really specific about the ones that I want to date/hang out. After my EX, I just feel like there's no way I could find another person I want to see which I know it's not true. But I kind of losing hopes.

[kendahke]

 

I think I am just not sure how to proceed at this point.

 

Certainly away from the cliff towards which you are heading with this line of thinking.

 

Once you've been demoted from girlfriend to "you can date other guys", it's pretty hard to return to the perch. He has to want that and right now, he doesn't want exclusivity with you. That's usually what is meant when someone says "you can date other guys".

 

The fact that he isn't closing the deal with you as his woman after 3 months says your relationship has run its course and only diminished returns can be expected.

 

Here's the thing: a man who wants you, wants exclusivity with you doesn't ever suggest you pursuing another man. In fact, he says the exact opposite of that.

 

I'd proceed in a fashion which, every day, leads you further from him.

[mushroomlol]

Certainly away from the cliff towards which you are heading with this line of thinking.

 

Once you've been demoted from girlfriend to "you can date other guys", it's pretty hard to return to the perch. He has to want that and right now, he doesn't want exclusivity with you. That's usually what is meant when someone says "you can date other guys".

 

The fact that he isn't closing the deal with you as his woman after 3 months says your relationship has run its course and only diminished returns can be expected.

 

Here's the thing: a man who wants you, wants exclusivity with you doesn't ever suggest you pursuing another man. In fact, he says the exact opposite of that.

 

I'd proceed in a fashion which, every day, leads you further from him.

 

He's moving away shortly. He said this kind of thing before but I like him so much that I just want to spend more time with him and him only. When he brought that up again, I was quite sad.

[Satu]

He's not you bf, and he's not your friend; so what is he?

 

He's your ex.

 

A prefix meaning “out of,” “from,” and hence “utterly,” “thoroughly,” and sometimes meaning “not” or “without” or indicating a former title, status, etc.; freely used as an English formative: exstipulate; exterritorial; ex-president (former president); ex-member; ex-wife.

 

That means he has no status in the present.

 

Find somebody else to have fun with; it's not so hard.

 

 

Take care.

[smackie9]

You will never get over these feelings if you keep in contact with him, it will be like a long slow painful death.....pull him off real fast like a band aid and the pain will go away much quicker.

[kendahke]

He said this kind of thing before but .

 

But nothing. If he's having to repeat himself for you to get it, that's not good. It means you're ignoring what he's saying.

 

I, myself, don't think I would keep putting myself in the path of someone who has said this to me once before. My self esteem wouldn't allow it. It makes one look desperate when they won't take "no" for an answer.

[kendahke]

He's moving away shortly.

 

Honey, he's moved away from you a long time ago. That's why he's saying you can date other men while he dates other women.

[mushroomlol]

But nothing. If he's having to repeat himself for you to get it, that's not good. It means you're ignoring what he's saying.

 

I, myself, don't think I would keep putting myself in the path of someone who has said this to me once before. My self esteem wouldn't allow it. It makes one look desperate when they won't take "no" for an answer.

 

This is my first relationship. Also he is the first guy that I have ever wanted to be in a relationship with. I guess at that time he said that mainly because he went through a big change in life and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

 

But you are right, I am kinda ignoring what he was implicating. All his actions have told me that he doesnt want to get exclusive with me. Before he was all into me and wanted to get exclusive. His change of attitude also annoyed me.

 

It is just sad to think this is the end of it and I prob wont see him again in my entire life.

[spiderowl]

This is my first relationship. Also he is the first guy that I have ever wanted to be in a relationship with. I guess at that time he said that mainly because he went through a big change in life and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

 

But you are right, I am kinda ignoring what he was implicating. All his actions have told me that he doesnt want to get exclusive with me. Before he was all into me and wanted to get exclusive. His change of attitude also annoyed me.

 

It is just sad to think this is the end of it and I prob wont see him again in my entire life.

 

It is hard when you fall for someone and it is not reciprocated, but will will find someone else you like even more, it's only a matter of time. Allow yourself time to get over this until you are mentally free of him and can consider other guys. You need someone who treats you so much better. x

[mushroomlol]

It is hard when you fall for someone and it is not reciprocated, but will will find someone else you like even more, it's only a matter of time. Allow yourself time to get over this until you are mentally free of him and can consider other guys. You need someone who treats you so much better. x

 

thanks for understanding! I just hope to get over him as soon as possible. Actually in my mind i was thinking I need to find someone that's hotter than him and better than him 100X times

[mushroomlol]

Just watched the movie 'He is just not that into you'. Feel much better and relieved now. Sometimes we all know the truth but we just don't want to admit it.

 

Guess I will still think about him or cry every now and then. But I need to move on and go NC.