Could she be cheating?

[dumbass2]

you really need to think about this. Don't want to see you back on here a month down the road in the second chance forum trying to get her back and feeling like you made a mistake. I would take some time away from here now as you have received enough input from both sides of the coin. Now's time for you to decide for yourself. You know the relationship better than anyone on here. Like i suggested before. If you want to move forward, then you have to put this behind you and just see if you can trust her again. If you feel it's worth giving it a little more time. Don't rush to an emotional decision right now.

[Superchicken]

NO, don't break up on her yet.

I truly think she just put her toes back in the water to check the temperature.

Dude, you Tsunamied her big time. Remember she cried, so she got B U S T E D !.

That's why she cried. But will she do it again, hmm, don't know, as everyone acts differently.

As suggested by many, keep an eye open, and a tether on her social events.

 

 

Its a crappy way to start a relationship, but if nothing happens for a while, then you can put it behind you.

However, if something crops up, then you know what to do.

 

 

Get your mate to check out Tinder every now and then, as you never know.

 

 

For now, go and have some fun with her. As your not a Cheat until you get caught.

Take her out, have a blast. Live and laugh dude. Enough worrying for now.

 

 

Ted

[LD1990]

On the one hand, you don't exactly have her dead to rights in terms of evidence.

 

On the other, I've found that when something seems off in a relationship, it's almost always because something is off. When in doubt, the simplest solution is often the best. Why did she download Tinder again? The simplest solution is that she downloaded it to talk to other men and see what else was out there.

 

Asking more questions isn't worth it. If she has been lying, she will continue to lie, and she will also have had plenty of time to develop her story at this point. You can either watch her like a hawk from now on (good luck with that) or break things off.

[Phoenician]

I believe with all the social media exposure we have today , we can not live insecure just because a human like us on Fb , chatted on tinder or even had a sexting message .

 

Let's be mature ,when we agree to step into the jungle of social media as everybody does , we should redefine the boudaries of cheating ; the way i look into it nowadays :

 

if one wants to be happy ; there are two ways

1-being isolated , no social media at all ; which is almost imp nowadays .

 

-or redefine the boundaries , chatting on x,y, is not cheating ,sexting with stranger even is not cheating if it doesn't affect relationship .

 

 

That's my new beleifs ; in my case i learned from a stranger while sexting , techniques to turn on my wife ; and from a sexless marriage , I succeeded to orgasm her remotely ; then got my great sexual love making experience .

 

so my advice to you OP , look at the filled half of the glass and enjoy life .

 

and even if she fantasizes abt somebody else ; yet she is commited , don't take it personnel , work on to be that somebody else and enjoy the ride

 

 

That's my two cents ...

[MarkIVSteel]

and even if she fantasizes abt somebody else ; yet she is commited , don't take it personnel , work on to be that somebody else and enjoy the ride

 

You can't be serious :rolleyes:

[Sweetfish]

If she downloaded tinder there is a problem for sure. For what ever reasons... something gave her the itch to download it. You guys need to stop giving women a free pass. If his S.O. friend hinted to her the OP was on tinder the advice would be opposite.

 

Social media... you have to be on high alert because it's changing the dynamics of dating and/or relationships. It's another place to get validation and alter ones ego.

 

Sorry man... but this is not a good scenario. That's my opinion. Next thing you know she is going to be hanging out with the girlfriends during ladies night or something of that nature.

[Superchicken]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phoenician

and even if she fantasizes abt somebody else ; yet she is commited , don't take it personnel , work on to be that somebody else and enjoy the ride

You can't be serious :rolleyes:

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Actually, I see nothing wrong with this.

Unless its a friend I know, or she knows (Close friends or family).

But, hey, Brad Pitt, who cares.

 

 

No big deal.

 

 

Ted.

Edited November 23, 2016 by Superchicken

[T216]

It is not a pleasant scenario for sure.

 

The fact that she installed Tinder again is a problem. Whatever the reason it may be, it's just one step away from cheating. Emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical one.

 

We all fantasize others and look at strangers sometimes in a sexual way while we are in a relationship. It's human nature, acting on it is different. Social media of course made it easy these days, now one can act on it without actually "acting" on it. However being on a hookup service is different than just carrying out your mutual fantasies in some one off online chatrooms. Downloading a dating app when you are in an exclusive relationship is an alarming bell to anyone.

 

To be frank, I don't quite understand her story, especially now looking at the situation in hindsight after talking to her yesterday.

 

What puzzles the most is that everything seems to be going great in the relationship, we haven't had an argument since June, we always have good time together, travel, spend days with her family and friends. Even she said so herself, everything is going so well between us. It's really not what it seems.

 

She sent me a text message from work today saying "I hope we are ok, I am so sorry for making you worry over nothing xxx"

 

On one hand of course that I want to continue and enjoy each others company. On the other hand I don't want to live in the shadow of this from this point on. I don't want to check on her phone all the time, or worry about all this when she is having a ladies night out etc. it's not ideal for any healthy relationships.

Edited November 23, 2016 by T216

[Phoenician]

You can't be serious :rolleyes:

 

after 18 years of marriage , being faithfull and ending up to expect too much from a wife who is very descent , committed to her family , but failing like me to be happy ; i say yes am i am serious in considering small mistakes as nothing compared to what we really want in our life .

[T216]

Speaking of cheaters and being cheated on.

 

I was in a marriage, my ex wife was cheating on me for months in the end, there were warning signs (this was before Tinder and smart phones). I am quite sensitive with these kind of things nowadays. I know how deceptive people can be. I still chose to trust and believe in people, otherwise what's the point of living.

 

To be honest I don't feel like there is anything off in this relationship. Unless she is a complete sociopath, she must have some legitimate reasons. However her current story doesn't add up.

 

Or perhaps it's just a side of her that I don't know.

Edited November 23, 2016 by T216

[Phoenician]

If she downloaded tinder there is a problem for sure. For what ever reasons... something gave her the itch to download it. You guys need to stop giving women a free pass. If his S.O. friend hinted to her the OP was on tinder the advice would be opposite.

 

Social media... you have to be on high alert because it's changing the dynamics of dating and/or relationships. It's another place to get validation and alter ones ego.

 

Sorry man... but this is not a good scenario. That's my opinion. Next thing you know she is going to be hanging out with the girlfriends during ladies night or something of that nature.

 

who can say that FB is not a dating application nowadays ?

 

it is even a more successful dating application from all others .

 

it costs u a like to start something that can range from a greeting to affair !

it is worse , because it connects ppl in an easy way , nothing hidden .

 

"you have to be on high alert" , are you kidding ? do u want to end up auditing everything ? u might succeed , but at the end you will end up with Xanax.

 

In my 18 years of marriage , i wrongly translated the fact that me wife is not exited to me , I did the full audit check ; and I rememeber one day i saw a chat with someone whos name is usually a male name , saw huggs and kisses between them !

 

after long time of investigation and exuhsting steps , I discovered that this person is a person (female ) who works with my wife , and she helps her a lot in her admin work .

 

I felt so stupid , but lucky not to raise the issue , because i would have looked like an idiot if i did.

 

 

My opinion in all this , is that the person who is more than just a GF , who is supposed to be a life partner ; should be so connected to you to an extent that from the look of her yeys you understand what she wants .

 

 

and small slips are really nothing , I am not telling you to trust her blindly , i am telling reach the point that you are so powerful in your relationship to an extent that she will not be able to lie on you , and vice versa.

 

I am not sure if my message is clear , and agree with Jen abt smthing she said : trust your Gut.

 

 

Thats mt 4 cents ....

[Sweetfish]

Speaking of cheaters and being cheated on.

 

I was in a marriage, my ex wife was cheating on me for months in the end, there were warning signs (this was before Tinder and smart phones). I am quite sensitive with these kind of things nowadays. I know how deceptive people can be. I still chose to trust and believe in people, otherwise what's the point of living.

 

To be honest I don't feel like there is anything off in this relationship. Unless she is a complete sociopath, she must have some legitimate reasons. However her current story doesn't add up.

 

Or perhaps it's just a side of her that I don't know.

 

I would write this off...

 

Do not worry about it anymore.

 

I think at this point its going overboard. just note what happen and proceed unfazed.. even though you'll think about it still.

[DK_Casus]

Crying could easily be at the risk of losing you - it doesn't mean anything.

 

Given the scenario - there's absolutely no way for strangers like us to comment with much of value.

 

Her explanation is plausible within reason - and I don't think it's outright fishy. That said, it does call into question her priorities. I mean, why would you care where some random guy saw you? Why is that important at all? If she has anything like a brain, she should know her profile could be spotted.

 

If this was exclusively about satisfying a curiousity - she could simply have told you about it.

 

That said, I would probably give her the benefit of the doubt - but you must understand that a seed of mistrust has now been planted - and it goes both ways. It won't just "go away" - and it'll take work.

Edited November 23, 2016 by DK_Casus

[Sweetfish]

who can say that FB is not a dating application nowadays ?

 

it is even a more successful dating application from all others .

 

it costs u a like to start something that can range from a greeting to affair !

it is worse , because it connects ppl in an easy way , nothing hidden .

 

"you have to be on high alert" , are you kidding ? do u want to end up auditing everything ? u might succeed , but at the end you will end up with Xanax.

 

In my 18 years of marriage , i wrongly translated the fact that me wife is not exited to me , I did the full audit check ; and I rememeber one day i saw a chat with someone whos name is usually a male name , saw huggs and kisses between them !

 

after long time of investigation and exuhsting steps , I discovered that this person is a person (female ) who works with my wife , and she helps her a lot in her admin work .

 

I felt so stupid , but lucky not to raise the issue , because i would have looked like an idiot if i did.

 

 

My opinion in all this , is that the person who is more than just a GF , who is supposed to be a life partner ; should be so connected to you to an extent that from the look of her yeys you understand what she wants .

 

 

and small slips are really nothing , I am not telling you to trust her blindly , i am telling reach the point that you are so powerful in your relationship to an extent that she will not be able to lie on you , and vice versa.

 

I am not sure if my message is clear , and agree with Jen abt smthing she said : trust your Gut.

 

 

Thats mt 4 cents ....

 

 

 

• 66% of attorneys say that they have used evidence that was collected from Facebook as part of a divorce case.
  
• The percentage of attorneys who say that they have seen at least one case involve Facebook information within the past 5 years: 81%.
  
• 41%. That’s the percentage of marriages where at least one person admits that they have cheated on their spouse at least once.
  
• 57% of men and 54% of women who have cheated in one relationship will cheat in future relationships, especially with the ease of emotional infidelity access on Facebook.
  
• 35% of those who have cheated said that the incident occurred because of a business trip. This is the same percentage who will have a Facebook affair with a co-worker.
  

Twenty percent of divorces involve Facebook and 80 percent of divorce lawyers have reported a spike in the number of cases that use social media for evidence, according to a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

 

 

 

COLUMBIA, Mo. *— Facebook and other social networking web sites have revolutionized the way people create and maintain relationships. However, new research shows that Facebook use could actually be damaging to users’ romantic relationships. Russell Clayton, a doctoral student in the University of Missouri School of Journalism, found that individuals who use Facebook excessively are far more likely to experience Facebook–related conflict with their romantic partners, which then may cause negative relationship outcomes including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce.

 

 

[TheTraveler]

It is not a pleasant scenario for sure.

 

The fact that she installed Tinder again is a problem. Whatever the reason it may be, it's just one step away from cheating. Emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical one.

 

We all fantasize others and look at strangers sometimes in a sexual way while we are in a relationship. It's human nature, acting on it is different. Social media of course made it easy these days, now one can act on it without actually "acting" on it. However being on a hookup service is different than just carrying out your mutual fantasies in some one off online chatrooms. Downloading a dating app when you are in an exclusive relationship is an alarming bell to anyone.

 

To be frank, I don't quite understand her story, especially now looking at the situation in hindsight after talking to her yesterday.

 

What puzzles the most is that everything seems to be going great in the relationship, we haven't had an argument since June, we always have good time together, travel, spend days with her family and friends. Even she said so herself, everything is going so well between us. It's really not what it seems.

 

She sent me a text message from work today saying "I hope we are ok, I am so sorry for making you worry over nothing xxx"

 

On one hand of course that I want to continue and enjoy each others company. On the other hand I don't want to live in the shadow of this from this point on. I don't want to check on her phone all the time, or worry about all this when she is having a ladies night out etc. it's not ideal for any healthy relationships.

 

This is really up to you.

 

If you cannot let it go, you are going to damage the relationship and this will end in a break.

[LD1990]

who can say that FB is not a dating application nowadays ?

 

Anyone who understands the difference between a social network and a dating application.

[T216]

Anything can be a dating application if you want it to be, all depends on your intention, you can even misuse eBay for that reason. You can leave your number on a rock or power pole if you want to.

 

Anyway my point is apps like Tinder, Happn, okcupid have no other functions but hooking up with people who share the same intention.

 

I am just confused about her story. Why would one just download Tinder again to look at old messages? If so why that guy made her do it? It all depends on her intention. Which are not answered and explained. Her answer to that was simply she wanted to find out if she talked to him on Tinder before. So she knows she had met him. And talking to her friend made her realization that all the messages were still there after deleting the app a few months ago.

 

I would like to let go and trust her again. At the moment I just don't see the logic and her true intention behind the story.

[DK_Casus]

Anything can be a dating application if you want it to be, all depends on your intention, you can even misuse eBay for that reason. You can leave your number on a rock or power pole if you want to.

 

Anyway my point is apps like Tinder, Happn, okcupid have no other functions but hooking up with people who share the same intention.

 

I am just confused about her story. Why would one just download Tinder again to look at old messages? If so why that guy made her do it? It all depends on her intention. Which are not answered and explained. Her answer to that was simply she wanted to find out if she talked to him on Tinder before. So she knows she had met him. And talking to her friend made her realization that all the messages were still there after deleting the app a few months ago.

 

I would like to let go and trust her again. At the moment I just don't see the logic and her true intention behind the story.

 

What part of the story is strictly illogical?

[T216]

Why would she just reinstall Tinder to go through old messages? Without the intention of using it as a way to potentially meet people.

 

Why all the sudden that guy made her to decide to download Tinder again? Then if she did find him on Tinder, what would she do? So it's not just checking previous messages so to speak.

 

Also if my friend did not tell me about her profile. She will just keep Tinder on her phone indefinitely? Which is contracdicting to her answer - she has already checked the old messages, in that case what's the point of keeping the app on her phone?

[DK_Casus]

Why would she just reinstall Tinder to go through old messages? Without the intention of using it as a way to potentially meet people.

 

Why all the sudden that guy made her to decide to download Tinder again? Then if she did find him on Tinder, what would she do? So it's not just checking previous messages so to speak.

 

Also if my friend did not tell me about her profile. She will just keep Tinder on her phone indefinitely? Which is contracdicting to her answer - she has already checked the old messages, in that case what's the point of keeping the app on her phone?

 

Ehm, because she wants to read the messages and figure out if she met him on there and perhaps see what they talked about?

 

As for keeping it on her phone - why should she be in a hurry to delete it? I mean, maybe she just hasn't gotten around to it yet.

 

It might not be true, but I see absolutely nothing illogical about it.

 

Basically, you're talking about a lack of trust and potentially harmful priorities - not a lack of logic.

[T216]

Ehm, because she wants to read the messages and figure out if she met him on there and perhaps see what they talked about?

 

As for keeping it on her phone - why should she be in a hurry to delete it? I mean, maybe she just hasn't gotten around to it yet.

 

It might not be true, but I see absolutely nothing illogical about it.

 

Basically, you're talking about a lack of trust and potentially harmful priorities - not a lack of logic.

 

I see your point, it's good to see it from a different perspective. Or I should say many perspectives on this forum. Thanks so much for all the replies so far.

 

I guess I need more time to think about it and digest what happened.

[DK_Casus]

I see your point, it's good to see it from a different perspective. Or I should say many perspectives on this forum. Thanks so much for all the replies so far.

 

I guess I need more time to think about it and digest what happened.

 

You're welcome

 

Also, I have to say that if you're in a relationship - and you intend to date other people in secret, then Tinder has to be THE stupidest choice.

 

Unless you're both living under a rock - without a social circle - then the chance of being discovered would be gigantic. It's an extremely popular dating app - and as you already know - it's exclusively FOR dating.

 

It would be supremely unwise.

 

So, unless she IS like that in general, I'd say that's one more point in her favor.

[Superchicken]

Ehm, because she wants to read the messages and figure out if she met him on there and perhaps see what they talked about?

 

As for keeping it on her phone - why should she be in a hurry to delete it? I mean, maybe she just hasn't gotten around to it yet.

 

It might not be true, but I see absolutely nothing illogical about it.

 

Basically, you're talking about a lack of trust and potentially harmful priorities - not a lack of logic.

 

OK, I agree with you that he needs to move on with his relationship.

BUT, please, remove the Bong from your mouth, and allow some fresh air to fill your lungs.

 

 

Give me a break, and for Pete's sake, yeah, re install Tinda, because she wanted to know what she chatted about, with the bloke she met.

I can tell you what they chatted .. Hey Babe, you look HOT, Wanna F**k, cause im in the mood. Hey, your Boobs look great..

 

 

Or, wait, she really could be expecting to see... Hi, my name is Nathan, I would like to discuss particle Physics, but first, do you agree that the Boson particle really does have that amount of Mev charge ?.

 

 

Mate, you really are a trusting person. That's a great quality, and I truly commend you for it. It takes balls to process things differently, and honestly take what they say as true.

Oh well, we all have different views.

 

 

Ted.

[DK_Casus]

OK, I agree with you that he needs to move on with his relationship.

BUT, please, remove the Bong from your mouth, and allow some fresh air to fill your lungs.

 

 

Give me a break, and for Pete's sake, yeah, re install Tinda, because she wanted to know what she chatted about, with the bloke she met.

I can tell you what they chatted .. Hey Babe, you look HOT, Wanna F**k, cause im in the mood. Hey, your Boobs look great..

 

 

Or, wait, she really could be expecting to see... Hi, my name is Nathan, I would like to discuss particle Physics, but first, do you agree that the Boson particle really does have that amount of Mev charge ?.

 

 

Mate, you really are a trusting person. That's a great quality, and I truly commend you for it. It takes balls to process things differently, and honestly take what they say as true.

Oh well, we all have different views.

 

 

Ted.

 

You seem confused.

 

I'm not saying he should trust her - I'm saying there's nothing strictly illogical about her explanation.

 

Also, while I don't use Tinder much - I have a somewhat less expecting approach to any conversation on it than you seem to have.

 

I never initiate with sexual innuendo - as most women don't like it. The women who DO like it - are likely not on Tinder for the same reasons as I.

 

It's my experience that letting the girl initiate the sex talk is much more effective. Same goes for dating them and "getting it on".

 

But that's another story.

[Superchicken]

You seem confused.

 

 

 

Also, while I don't use Tinder much - I have a somewhat less expecting approach to any conversation on it than you seem to have.

 

I never initiate with sexual innuendo - as most women don't like it. The women who DO like it - are likely not on Tinder for the same reasons as I.

 

.

 

So you use Tinder to swap recopies, and discuss price hikes in groceries in the last week.

 

 

Come on, Tinder is a purely "Lets meet" app, and again, come on, why else would you wanna meet.

 

 

OK, maybe there is 1 % that may talk about boring stuff.

 

 

Anyway, were hijacking the OP's thread.

 

 

Ted.