Could she be cheating?

[MarkIVSteel]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I am going to ask her tonight, and see if she has the app on the phone.

 

Good relationship is based on honest communications. It doesn't feel like there is anything going wrong, and I think she will tell me the truth. She is a good person, never imagined her as the cheating type.

 

I will see her reaction first when I ask her, even good liars cannot cover up the initial reaction well.

 

You have too much faith in humanity.

 

"Talking" to her about it will only put her on high alert that she should cover her tracks better.

[LD1990]

Good relationship is based on honest communications. It doesn't feel like there is anything going wrong, and I think she will tell me the truth. She is a good person, never imagined her as the cheating type.

 

I will see her reaction first when I ask her, even good liars cannot cover up the initial reaction well.

 

The average person can only spot a lie 54 percent of the time. Cops and detectives don't score any better in lie detection studies. So if you're banking on her initial reaction, you might as well be flipping a coin.

 

No guy ever imagines his girlfriend as the cheating type. Don't make the mistake of thinking she can do no wrong just because the p*ssy is good.

[T216]

Ok, here is the update.

 

I asked her in person yesterday.

 

She honestly told me that she did download Tinder again, the reason why being we were talking to someone at an art opening a couple of weeks ago, she could not remember where she had seen him before, and the guy said he has definitely met her without mentioning where. So she thought they could have talked to each other on Tinder before. She was talking to a girlfriend about Tinder (who is on it), her friend told her that if you only delete the app, all of your messages and profile are still there. She didn't know. So she downloaded again to check if she was talking to him on Tinder before.

 

Then she said she didn't download Tinder again to date other people, or to swipe left and right. She only wanted to check the old messages. She said there is nothing wrong between us and she would never cheat on me. She was crying and kept on saying sorry.

 

She deactivated the account and de-linked it from facebook. She said honestly she didn't do anything or had the intention to do anything. She knows that it may look bad, but really it's nothing like it seems.

 

I checked on her phone and messages before I asked her about it, it didn't look like there were any suspicious messages. And the fact that she honestly told me that she downloaded it again and deactivate the account in front of me could mean that she is genuine. She could have just said she didn't download it or deleted it again, and she couldn't make up a story that quickly.

 

She was cheated on in her previous relationship for years. She said she is so sorry that she made me feel it that way for even just 2 days. She knows how horrible it is, and how it feels on the receiving end.

 

What are your thoughts?

Edited November 23, 2016 by T216

[frus69]

Ok, here is the update.

 

I asked her in person yesterday.

 

She honestly told me that she did download Tinder again, the reason why being we were talking to someone at an art opening a couple of weeks ago, she could not remember where she had seen him before, and the guy said he has definitely met her without mentioning where. So she thought they could have talked to each other on Tinder before. She was talking to a girlfriend about Tinder (who is on it), her friend told her that if you only delete the app, all of your messages and profile are still there. She didn't know. So she downloaded again to check if she was talking to him on Tinder before.

 

Then she said she didn't download Tinder again to date other people, or to swipe left and right. She only wanted to check the old messages. She said there is nothing wrong between us and she would never cheat on me. She was crying and kept on saying sorry.

 

She deactivated the account and de-linked it from facebook. She said honestly she didn't do anything or had the intention to do anything. She knows that it may look bad, but really it's nothing like it seems.

 

I checked on her phone and messages before I asked her about it, it didn't look like there were any suspicious messages. And the fact that she honestly told me that she downloaded it again and deactivate the account in front of me could mean that she is genuine. She could have just said she didn't download it or deleted it again, and she couldn't make up a story that quickly.

 

She was cheated on in her previous relationship for years. She said she is so sorry that she made me feel it that way for even just 2 days. She knows how horrible it is, and how it feels on the receiving end.

 

What are your thoughts?

I was going to give your GF benefit of the doubts, but she actually downloaded it again? Just to see if she has chatted with this guy before? Seems too much effort for just some random dude?

Who downloads Tinder to check old messages..This is really stupid considering how bad it will make her look??

And why didn't she delete Tinder after she checked her messages? Why she kept it until you talked to her? Have you checked her Tinder message and see if anything is recent??

[VeveCakes]

Why did she want to see these messages? This was someone she matched with and went on a date with...

[T216]

She said she just wanted to know where she met him before.

 

I had a look there were no new messages. Now she deactivated the account, deleted the app and de-linked it from Facebook. So I may never know.

 

If she made this up, I am not sure what to think of this story.

 

She said she left Tinder on the phone because she thought she had the discovery mode disabled or she wouldn't show up in the swiping pool.

[TheTraveler]

No offense Joseb but I'm actually speaking from experience, albeit indirect, not pie-in-the-sky-idealism. My BF is professionally down in the gutter w the cheating masses bscly daily and shares his experiences and outlook w me fairly regularly. So I think it'd be fair to say my opinion's more experientially informed than most here bc I get my info straight from the source. Which should bscly tell you I might be onto sth here if I advocate for the non-cynical view despite what I know instead of just jumping on the fear-mongering train.

 

Your source is a wimp who gets railroaded. Not at all a good example.

[VeveCakes]

You don't show up if you have the discovery off. So it would have had to have been on. Could be honest mistake or not. Any orther reason to suspect cheating?

[TheTraveler]

Ok, here is the update.

 

I asked her in person yesterday.

 

She honestly told me that she did download Tinder again, the reason why being we were talking to someone at an art opening a couple of weeks ago, she could not remember where she had seen him before, and the guy said he has definitely met her without mentioning where. So she thought they could have talked to each other on Tinder before. She was talking to a girlfriend about Tinder (who is on it), her friend told her that if you only delete the app, all of your messages and profile are still there. She didn't know. So she downloaded again to check if she was talking to him on Tinder before.

 

Then she said she didn't download Tinder again to date other people, or to swipe left and right. She only wanted to check the old messages. She said there is nothing wrong between us and she would never cheat on me. She was crying and kept on saying sorry.

 

She deactivated the account and de-linked it from facebook. She said honestly she didn't do anything or had the intention to do anything. She knows that it may look bad, but really it's nothing like it seems.

 

I checked on her phone and messages before I asked her about it, it didn't look like there were any suspicious messages. And the fact that she honestly told me that she downloaded it again and deactivate the account in front of me could mean that she is genuine. She could have just said she didn't download it or deleted it again, and she couldn't make up a story that quickly.

 

She was cheated on in her previous relationship for years. She said she is so sorry that she made me feel it that way for even just 2 days. She knows how horrible it is, and how it feels on the receiving end.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

I'm going to go with I believe her.

 

Now do your best to enjoy being with her. That's the key my man. Drop this immediately

[frus69]

She said she just wanted to know where she met him before.

She said she left Tinder on the phone because she thought she had the discovery mode disabled or she wouldn't show up in the swiping pool.

 

 

Again why is he so important she wants to find her old account back to check messages..

About the discovery mode, if she really had it off, she wouldn't have shown to your friend. So she lied there. I cant really see how that can be a mistake..

And why have it off but leave Tinder on the phone? Normal people would just delete Tinder.

I'd be very uncomfortable with this situation. For only a couple of weeks there may be no evidence that she did anything, because she probably hasn't done anything yet. But I'm not sure if she has any intention to.

But if you haven't found any suspicious messages (tinder messages, text messages, facebook messages) maybe believe her once.

Edited November 23, 2016 by frus69

[T216]

I honestly don't feel like there is anything bad going on in the relationship. I cannot think of any reasons why she would cheat.

 

Human beings are complex, we do things for a variety of reasons.

 

If the story is made up or partially true, it's not a story that she could make on the spot. And what would be the point of making a such story. She could have just told me "no I didn't get tinder again it was the old profile or it showed up because I didn't deactivate."

 

If I need to ask her more questions, how should I approach it?

 

The fact that she deleted and deactivated the Tinder account completely means something? whether she had the intention or not. Even if she was on it to cheat or message old contacts again. Now she no longer wishes to and there is no way of getting the old account back.

 

I should just let it go perhaps.

Edited November 23, 2016 by T216

[dumbass2]

I don't buy her answer, but I think you should move on from it. what else is there to do at this point? If she did something wrong, she got caught. If she's been there herself before and she values your relationship, then she wont slip up again. One of my favorite sayings is "forgive, but don't forget" Try to move past this and if you observe any changes, like all of the sudden her guarding her phone more, then you may have reason to be suspicious. Most of us get that way anyway when we notice changes in someone. Move forward and hopefully everything works out and this is just a mistake. Mistakes happen in relationships.

[frus69]

I honestly don't feel like there is anything bad going on in the relationship. I cannot think of any reasons why she would cheat.

 

Human beings are complex, we do things for a variety of reasons.

 

If the story is made up or partially true, it's not a story that she could make on the spot. And what would be the point of making a such story. She could have just told me "no I didn't get tinder again it was the old profile or it showed up because I didn't deactivate."

 

If I need to ask her more questions, how should I approach it?

 

The fact that she deleted and deactivated the Tinder account completely means something? whether she had the intention or not. Even if she was on it to cheat or message old contacts again. Now she no longer wishes to and there is no way of getting the old account back.

 

I should just let it go perhaps.

There is really nothing you can do/ask again. This tinder thing is done and dusted. I don't buy her answer either and I guess she got curious and wanted to check out other guys. Maybe didn't intend to put anything into action.

It's your decision whether you want to let go or not

[jen1447]

What are your thoughts?

 

Forget analysis for a minute - what's your gut tell you?

[T216]

Forget analysis for a minute - what's your gut tell you?

 

I don't know what to think.

 

My gut tells me that she didn't cheat, 2 weeks is too soon. The story is a bit strange. I don't quite understand. She didn't lie, could be telling partial truth.

 

She was really upset with herself and crying. Deleting and deactivating Tinder completely make me think that if she was curious or chatting with old contacts now she is willing to make our relationship work.

[LD1990]

I think she's full of ****.

 

If her story is true, why all the crying and being upset with herself? According to what she told you, she didn't do anything wrong, so there's no need for such an emotional response.

[MarkIVSteel]

I don't know what to think.

 

My gut tells me that she didn't cheat, 2 weeks is too soon. The story is a bit strange. I don't quite understand. She didn't lie, could be telling partial truth.

 

She was really upset with herself and crying. Deleting and deactivating Tinder completely make me think that if she was curious or chatting with old contacts now she is willing to make our relationship work.

 

Bro, stop thinking of her "crying" and being "upset". If you immediately lose all common sense once a woman "cries", you'll get walked all over every time.

[Superchicken]

I agree with others. You most likely caught her out before she had a chance to do any serious damage.

However, I don't get why she was crying. Who cry's when they did nothing wrong. Emotions stem from feelings of an event. If nothing happened, why cry about it ?, guilt maybe..

No point pushing this anymore, as anything that may or has happened, is now dead and buried.

But keep a lookout for Zombies, as they like to rise from the dead !.

 

 

Go enjoy your time now, but, keep this incident in the back of your mind, and lookout ahead.

 

 

Ted

Edited November 23, 2016 by Superchicken

[T216]

She was being cheated on for years by her ex boyfriend. She said she knows what it feels like. She said she was crying because she made me feel that way even just for a couple of days. She was upset with herself.

 

She told me that she know it may look wrong from the outside what she did, but she really didn't do anything wrong, or had the intention, she didn't message anyone or swipe.

 

I am just confused at this stage.

Edited November 23, 2016 by T216

[TheTraveler]

Forget analysis for a minute - what's your gut tell you?

 

Good. You recognize you have no experience in this and you best friend is junk in regards to this.

[joseb]

And this is why I suggested asking her was unlikely to give you a satisfactory conclusion. She may well be telling the truth, but now you don't know for sure.

 

It sounds fishy to me. Especially with all the waterworks.

[Superchicken]

T216, why, and again why, and again, WHY would she get upset.

Come on, if it was a oops, then, oops, sorry, i'll delete it now. end of problem.

Not, ohhh boohoo, my feelings, boo hoo, poor me. Please, many of us have a little more experience on human deception than you do I'm afraid.

Of course, we may all be wrong, and we can write this in a new chapter, in the book of leprechauns and fairy's.

 

 

Just get on with your relationship, but, never let your guard down.

When she says "I'm going on a trip with my girl friends", or similar, then I would check on this to be sure.

 

 

Ted.

[Superchicken]

Follow up, I'm afraid the leprechauns and fairy's don't want it in their book, as they don't believe it either.

 

 

Ted.

[frus69]

And this is why I suggested asking her was unlikely to give you a satisfactory conclusion. She may well be telling the truth, but now you don't know for sure.

 

It sounds fishy to me. Especially with all the waterworks.

Should have asked the friend to swipe right and talk to her lol

I don't think because she was cheated on, guarantees she won't cheat.

I don't think her deactivating tinder account means anything either because what else can she do? They are irrelevant here.

 

 

The fact that she downloaded tinder but did not swipe it, really makes no sense to me. How did you check there was no recent messages, OP? Any chance she deleted it? Were there no new matches either?

If she wanted to check old contacts, could she be texting or FB them instead?

If she wanted to check out that specific dude from the art gallery, I'd be asking her why is she so interested in him.

 

 

If it's all too late to get answers and you decided to move on, yeah keep an eye open

[T216]

All of those questions will be hard to answer. Since her Tinder account is now gone. I can only reply on her words.

 

The story does sound a bit strange, why would she download tinder and just to check old messages to see if she had talked to him before?

 

I have no idea what I should do next, if I ask more questions how can I approach the situation?

 

On the other hand I am thinking about breaking up with her. Trust is important in a relationship. I cannot go on and pretend to have a normal relationship while keeping an eye on her or her phone all the time.