Polyamorous relationship...he is taking advantage of other girl.

[Kamissi]

So I'm in a polyamorous relationship...our suitation is two women who love the same man. He has a long history with the other girl, they've been together for six years. He and I are going on two. We all live together.

 

Today he and I had a super long talk on the phone. He told me how he's manipulating and taking advantage of the other girl because she makes more money and pays the most expensive bills.

 

While he knows this isn't right, he doesn't feel at all bad about doing it and she doesn't suspect a thing because he knows how to keep her happy.

 

He likes the way we live and doesn't want to break it off with her. In fact, I get so excited when he tells me this as I love this man and how bad he is!

 

Oh and before you ask he is doing this to get back at her because she hurt him really badly by pretending to be all sexual then got him and made no effort since.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Kamissi

[basil67]

What a horrible man he is. Is he really the kind of guy you want?

[sooshi]

He likes the way we live and doesn't want to break it off with her. In fact, I get so excited when he tells me this as I love this man and how bad he is!

 

You've got to be kidding me. Are you serious?

 

That made me nauseous (as does this entire situation).

Edited November 21, 2016 by sooshi

[aileD]

What a prize

 

I bet you can't wait til he gets bored or pissed at you and finds someone else to brag to about how he's manipulating you.

 

Good times!!!!!

[Buddhist]

He told me how he's manipulating and taking advantage of the other girl because she makes more money and pays the most expensive bills.

 

While he knows this isn't right, he doesn't feel at all bad about doing it and she doesn't suspect a thing because he knows how to keep her happy.

 

He likes the way we live and doesn't want to break it off with her. In fact, I get so excited when he tells me this as I love this man and how bad he is!

 

Then I suggest that you've met your match, did you just come here to brag? There's no question in your post. What makes you think he isn't having long talks with her about how he's manipulating and using you? Do you still get excited by that?

 

I'll never understand predatory people like yourselves but all I can say is that predators are loyal to no-one. He thinks of you like an object to be used as well. That much I can guarantee. You might love him but that feeling is not returned. He will throw your ass out the instant you're no longer of use to him. She's more secure because she's a breadwinner. Enjoy.

[Kamissi]

My question was what type of behavior would you call this as I want to read about it more?

 

No I just love being my boyfriends slave and living to serve him. I've never been happier and don't see myself with anyone else. Maybe I'm weird in my thinking I guess. Sorry you don't agree with my excitement.

[Kamissi]

He and I actually have a great connection and chemistry. He has none with the other girl. He gets off on this too.....don't know why. Is there a name for the behavior he's doing so he can possibly fix it? I'm pretty sure they don't talk about me in that way. She's a prude and more mature out of the three of us. I can read his signs to her loud and clear, while she hasn't a clue what's going on....not long ago, he told her without using the actual word that he's settling for her and she is actually okay with that!

[Methodical]

...they've been together for six years. He and I are going on two. We all live together.

 

Today he and I had a super long talk on the phone. He told me how he's manipulating and taking advantage of the other girl because she makes more money and pays the most expensive bills.

 

While he knows this isn't right, he doesn't feel at all bad about doing it and she doesn't suspect a thing because he knows how to keep her happy.

 

He likes the way we live and doesn't want to break it off with her. In fact, I get so excited when he tells me this as I love this man and how bad he is!

 

This doesn't add up. If you all live together, why is he bragging about manipulating and taking advantage of her via a phone conversation with you?

[Gloria25]

You know, there's real life stories of women who went on crime sprees with their bfs, SOs and even handed over their younger sister over to a dude to violate.

 

There's all kind of creatures in this world :sick:

[elaine567]

He and I actually have a great connection and chemistry. He has none with the other girl. He gets off on this too.....don't know why. Is there a name for the behavior he's doing so he can possibly fix it? I'm pretty sure they don't talk about me in that way. She's a prude and more mature out of the three of us. I can read his signs to her loud and clear, while she hasn't a clue what's going on....not long ago, he told her without using the actual word that he's settling for her and she is actually okay with that!

 

Have you never considered he plays the same game with her?

Bigging her up and putting YOU down.

That way he puts you both into competition for his attention.

He wins, both of you feel like you are his special girl and you both put your best foot forward to keep his interest, also you do not gang up together against him..

[Kamissi]

Yes we all live together but he was away at work all day....and he said he has done that to me in the beginning...we were on and off many times and we've been in a great place for a while now. I'm not worried he does that crap to me.

[William]

Folks, moderation removed some posts which stated or insinuated that this new member is trolling and, as that sort of behavior is disallowed here, those members are moderated and we ask that members either respond to the topical material, report any suspected violations of guidelines to moderation, or move on to the next discussion without comment. Thanks!

[Kamissi]

Okay, I think a bit more of a background story is in order. When he met his other girlfriend she gave off the impression that she was very sexual and always texted him a lot. She's actually a prude imo.

 

He was first hurt by her when she shared with her mom that he was bisexual and suggested he seek therapy. He trusted her with very private and personal information and she betrayed his trust by telling her mom this.

 

Secondly, she had to return to college as she was busy pursuing her masters degree and all of a sudden she barely texted him and forget sexting. He of course didn't feel important in her life and would soon build a ton of resentment that I feel he holds onto till today. She wouldn't even text him while on any of her breaks etc...

 

Thirdly, she laid out that she was born with no uterus or vaginal canal and had to have one created surgically making her unable to ever have kids. They both didn't have sex until 4 months in because she wanted to be comfortable with him and I think she was just loved playing games with him. (Heck, i had sex with him the first day we met. It was so thrilling and hot we hit it off so well.)

 

Fourth, she met this guy/boss before him 2 years before they met because she had to do her research for her thesis and maintained a secret crush on him throughout her relationship. She demanded monogamy and boyfriend wanted to open relationship as he wanted to explore and feel other women. For so long (4 years) she demanded this and closed her mind off.

 

Fifth, 2 years into their relationship she prioritized her career over him and went away for a month to China and they had worked out times they would chat. Well, one night she didn't show up to chat and her excuse was she got drunk with her boss and lost track of time. Boyfriend didn't buy it and still to this day believes she cheated on him. In turn, the spitefulless and hurt in boyfriend allowed him to justify his actions and anger by giving a taste of her own medicine which somehow he said always seemed to backfire and never have the hurting effect he wanted.

 

That was until he met me...I can explain that story in another post.

 

Sixth, he remained faithful to her until the China incident which then he cheated with a few girls as he hadn't had experience with other women. He soon found out she felt extremely different down there (very loose no musculature). He started comparing women based just off how they felt down there. Turns out he likes tight and gripping. After he had enough to compare to he was really upset that she fooled guys into thinking she was a "real woman" by getting this surgery. He felt again very betrayed and built up a lot of anger.

 

Throughout all this, she would always complain to him about life and her family and since they shared both of them living together with their parents and no car they built their bond around that very premise.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Kamissi

[jen1447]

No I just love being my boyfriends slave and living to serve him. I've never been happier and don't see myself with anyone else. Maybe I'm weird in my thinking I guess. Sorry you don't agree with my excitement.

 

If that's your kink that's fine, but it's blindly irrational to apply that way of thinking as a real life standard, unless you're prepared to be crapped all over in a major way and still love it.

[eye of the storm]

Kamissa, you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat others.

 

1. He treats her nice to her face and takes advantage of her and talks badly about her behind her back.

 

2. He is angry at her but won't tell her he is angry. He just punishes her.

 

3. He is enjoying setting you two up for conflict by pitting you two against each other.

 

If you think that one day he won't do this to you with the next girl, you are sadly mistaken. It will be you who did something he doesn't like. And it will be you he talks badly about. And it will be the next girl he arouses by degrading you.

 

But if watching a fellow human be degraded gets you off. Sounds like you are in the right relationship. Have fun.

[Miss Peach]

I'm all for being poly and being a sub (I've dabbled in both myself). But what I would have the issue with is two things:

 

1. He's showing you poor character. At some point he can and probably will do it to you.

 

2. You almost seem to be looking at this like it's a competition rather than true poly where you both have separate relationships with this man. What about compersion for her as a metamour?

[Kamissi]

Please delete this topic and post sorry for causing problems.

[Gloria25]

You know what I hate about this thread?

 

How women can go after each other over petty things - especially when a man is involved. We women need to pull together and support each other in positive thing and diss guys who play us against each other.

 

Me, of the times I've been with involved men, never went after the BW (stands for "betrayed woman"...ta da!! Another abbreviation to contend with). I've actually encouraged dude to try to get things better with BW.

 

One time I met a guy who was living with a chick and he repulsed me. Could tell he was using her and wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He even tried to kiss me as I was leaving our first meeting (where I was like,'Meh, no thanks'). Shoot, even my current neighbor? While I can't stand his lazy blob of a wife, sometimes I feel sorry for her cuz he's using her in his own way too.

 

So sorry, the situation the OP appears to glorify ain't my thing. While Gloria25 has gotten involved with involved men, she's not down for all the petty squabbling and uponemanship, cattyness that is typical of women.

 

PS, I posted recently about a 48 Hours where this mistress literally got off on harassing the BS. I watched that show in disgust and horror. Terrible people out there who get off on the pain of others. BTW, the harassment reached a climax where one day BS chased OW down in their SUVs, WS got between them on his motorcycle and BS ran him off the road to his death.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Gloria25

[William]

While deleting a thread which members have provided thoughtful responses to is outside of our policy, moderation will close it to further replies. Thanks all for your contributions!