Girlfriend taking longer to reply to texts recently

November 21, 2016

I've been seeing this girl about 3 months now, we usually text frequently and she initiates a lot of texts. I've noticed the last three or four days her texts have started to dry up. She hasn't replied to my last text about 6 hours ago, I know she's not that busy today and she's appeared online on my Facebook chat multiple times during this time.

I went to see her last night and everything was normal, we kissed, she was affectionate and talkative etc there was no difference in person but her texts are still few and far between sometimes. She goes from replying a lot to then taking hours as mentioned previously.

I know this probably comes across as needy but I've definitely noticed a change in her communication these last few days, should I be worried? I feel anxious and worried that the worst possible scenario is going to happen. I've been trying to think of why she would be less responsive and show less interest but I honestly can't think of any reasons. She did tell me yesterday that she's noticed that I've been texting less as well but I don't think I have really which I found strange. A couple of times she's got back to me and started the text with "sorry I was busy...", I understand people are busy and I'm not expecting her to text back all the time but it literally takes 10 seconds?

Thoughts on what I should do? Is she losing interest or has she become 'comfortable'? Do girls sometimes just need a little space?

Edited November 21, 2016 by Jimmyjackson

November 21, 2016

Maybe she is falling back into natural habits? I know I'm not a big texter and when I'm trying to impress, I'll text more than usual but my default mode is to leave hours between replies. It's not deliberate, but it's because I'll have my phone on me but won't be looking at it for a long periods of time when I'm working or doing chores. Or it's because I'll set aside certain times during my day to reply to texts such as during my commute or late in the evening. I prefer texts to make plans rather than have long conversation. Do you know what her communication preferences are? Do you know what she's like texting her friends? How is dating going otherwise? Have you made plans to meet up again soon?

November 21, 2016

Maybe she is falling back into natural habits? I know I'm not a big texter and when I'm trying to impress, I'll text more than usual but my default mode is to leave hours between replies. It's not deliberate, but it's because I'll have my phone on me but won't be looking at it for a long periods of time when I'm working or doing chores. Or it's because I'll set aside certain times during my day to reply to texts such as during my commute or late in the evening. I prefer texts to make plans rather than have long conversation. Do you know what her communication preferences are? Do you know what she's like texting her friends? How is dating going otherwise? Have you made plans to meet up again soon?

Well it just seems out of character is all, before Thursday she was texting as much as she usually does but it's changed a little since then. I saw her last night and everything seemed fine...

November 21, 2016

I texted her and asked if everything was good and just mentioned that she'd been a little quiet these past few days and she replied with ... "I'm feeling a bit fragile and would rather sleep on it?"

November 21, 2016

It turns out her text is in reference to last night as we had an argument (I got too drunk and ruined her birthday party as she had to look after me. She got angry in front of her friends and now feels embarrassed).

I just told her i'll give her some space, I'm fearing the worst...

November 21, 2016

It turns out her text is in reference to last night as we had an argument (I got too drunk and ruined her birthday party as she had to look after me. She got angry in front of her friends and now feels embarrassed).

I just told her i'll give her some space, I'm fearing the worst...

So everything wasn't normal last time you saw her then. Funny that you came looking for a reason for the change in her behaviour and then omitted the most obvious piece of information that might have helped.

Seems like your poor behaviour wasn't as important to you as it was to her.

November 21, 2016

So everything wasn't normal last time you saw her then. Funny that you came looking for a reason for the change in her behaviour and then omitted the most obvious piece of information that might have helped.

Seems like your poor behaviour wasn't as important to you as it was to her.

Because this started happening a few days ago so it's not related. Plus we'd discussed this this morning and resolved it (or so I thought). She was being 'off' with me prior to this

I understand it coud explain her lack of communication today especially since she's still hungover and what not. But it wouldn't explain Thursday, Friday when she seemed off.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Jimmyjackson

November 21, 2016

You should read about the rubberband theory. Men and women in relationships tend to pull away then spring back. It's constant. My therapist said the worst thing to do when they pull back is try to cling. Perhaps it's this. If so, just stop worrying, be your normal self, and let her do her own thing.

Even if it's not her pulling back, it could just be life. Maybe she's busy. Maybe she doesn't have anything interesting to say. Maybe she's tired. I go through phases with my boyfriend where we'll talk nonstop for a day then another day we'll barely talk. I remember worrying like you did (probably around the same time - 3 months in). Then things got better. Then they died down. Then got better. Then died down.

TLDR: don't worry.

November 21, 2016

You should read about the rubberband theory. Men and women in relationships tend to pull away then spring back. It's constant. My therapist said the worst thing to do when they pull back is try to cling. Perhaps it's this. If so, just stop worrying, be your normal self, and let her do her own thing.

Even if it's not her pulling back, it could just be life. Maybe she's busy. Maybe she doesn't have anything interesting to say. Maybe she's tired. I go through phases with my boyfriend where we'll talk nonstop for a day then another day we'll barely talk. I remember worrying like you did (probably around the same time - 3 months in). Then things got better. Then they died down. Then got better. Then died down.

TLDR: don't worry.

I think there are things that I need to work on myself. I tend to get anxious when I don't hear from her for hours as I assume the worst and make up all of these scenarios in my head. I didn't hear much from her Thursday or Friday and went to see her last night. Aside from my drunken state where I made a scene everything else was fine and as soon as I met her in person I realised I'd been worrying for nothing. But it still didn't explain her change in behaviour with texting and I just get anxious again.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Jimmyjackson

November 21, 2016

I think there are things that I need to work on myself. I tend to get anxious when I don't hear from her for hours as I assume the worst and make up all of these scenarios in my head. I didn't hear much from her Thursday or Friday and went to see her last night. Aside from my drunken state where I made a scene everything else was fine and as soon as I met her in person I realised I'd be worrying for nothing. But it still didn't explain her change in behaviour with texting and I just get anxious again.

I 100% get where you're coming from! This is me. I'm in therapy to stop my anxiety so I don't **** things up. My therapist recommend this book. It's a bit cheesy, but it helped me relax a ton. I would say when you ARE feeling anxious, immediately push the negative thoughts out of your head because it will snowball into something bigger than it probably is. Maybe she's acting "off" because she's trying not to fart. Maybe it's because she is scared of ****ing up. There's a million possibilities and it does no good to think of any of them.

Here's the book:

https://www.amazon.com/Mars-Venus-Date-Navigating-Relationship/dp/006093221X

November 21, 2016

I got too drunk and ruined her birthday party as she had to look after me.

The first post is missing this important info... seems you eff'd up and owe her a sincere apology...

I think she is done with you and if she isn't you will get drunk again and do something else..

People who get drunk and get into arguments with their SO's need to quit drinking IMO...that type of drinking is life altering and damaging to personal relationships.

Sorry...

November 21, 2016

If I read it right, she became distant for a while, then yesterday you got drunk and pissed her off and today she texted even less. So whether you got drunk or not doesn't really have to do with her change of behavior. She's been acting different, something is up. I don't think it's the "getting comfortable" situation.

I always say if a woman loses her attraction there is always someone else. Unless you are just a lousy BF and she's had enough of you. I'd leave it a few days and have a serious talk with her.

November 21, 2016

Perhaps she's realizing she's not game for a serious relationship. You mentioned in your other thread a month and a half ago that she was not long-removed from a three-year relationship. The tone of that other thread was also that she seemed hesitant to jump into something. Maybe she gave it a shot and has realized it's too soon for her.

November 21, 2016

You see the change in communication habits, so take a step back. Inserting yourself when that isn't what she wants will not score you any points. She had begun pulling back and getting drunk may have put the nail in the coffin. If she wants to communicate, she will. Take your cues from her response, both in timeliness (or lack thereof) and context.

November 21, 2016

The first post is missing this important info... seems you eff'd up and owe her a sincere apology...

I think she is done with you and if she isn't you will get drunk again and do something else..
People who get drunk and get into arguments with their SO's need to quit drinking IMO...that type of drinking is life altering and damaging to personal relationships.

Sorry...

I've apologised plenty of times and she also sent me a heart felt message for overacting. I hate that it is still bugging her, hopefully she feels better today after some sleep.

This post reads a little presumptuous, it is the first time I've ever gotten too drunk in my life, and it was due to the fact that I hadn't eaten any food for 9 hours (I went straight to see her after work and didn't eat). It was also our first and only argument, this post reads as if I have a problem. It was a once in a lifetime thing for me, I don't have a drinking problem. Just making that clear.

November 21, 2016

If I read it right, she became distant for a while, then yesterday you got drunk and pissed her off and today she texted even less. So whether you got drunk or not doesn't really have to do with her change of behavior. She's been acting different, something is up. I don't think it's the "getting comfortable" situation.

I always say if a woman loses her attraction there is always someone else. Unless you are just a lousy BF and she's had enough of you. I'd leave it a few days and have a serious talk with her.

Well yeah that's why I didn't include the drunk thing yesterday because it was completely unrelated anyway and I thought we'd settled it as well. I'm trying to think back in my mind and everything was fine until Thursday night. Maybe I've been coming on strong recently and need to chill?

Yeah as much as it's doing my head in I said last night just take some time to think about things and let me know, I think this is the best route to go.

November 21, 2016

Perhaps she's realizing she's not game for a serious relationship. You mentioned in your other thread a month and a half ago that she was not long-removed from a three-year relationship. The tone of that other thread was also that she seemed hesitant to jump into something. Maybe she gave it a shot and has realized it's too soon for her.

Perhaps, is it best I just give her space and see if she misses me?

November 21, 2016

You see the change in communication habits, so take a step back. Inserting yourself when that isn't what she wants will not score you any points. She had begun pulling back and getting drunk may have put the nail in the coffin. If she wants to communicate, she will. Take your cues from her response, both in timeliness (or lack thereof) and context.

That's what I'm doing, I said to her i'll give you some space and she said thank you. She also replied to me saying "I'm sorry if I seemed off, it wasn't intended" when I mentioned the last few days. I just told her to have a think and let me know

November 21, 2016

Perhaps, is it best I just give her space and see if she misses me?

No. Your mentality is still outcome dependent on her response.

You have to withdraw yourself and enjoy life OUTSIDE of her. That means working out, focusing on school or work, working on your own personal goals, talking to other women etc.

When you fake being busy, women can easily see through it and it will fall apart.

When you are genuinely busy, you won't even notice that she didn't text you in the past 7 days. You'll be too busy having fun with other women and life in general.

November 21, 2016

No. Your mentality is still outcome dependent on her response.

You have to withdraw yourself and enjoy life OUTSIDE of her. That means working out, focusing on school or work, working on your own personal goals, talking to other women etc.

When you fake being busy, women can easily see through it and it will fall apart.

When you are genuinely busy, you won't even notice that she didn't text you in the past 7 days. You'll be too busy having fun with other women and life in general.

I understand this but how do I do it? It sounds easy in theory but I have no desire to do other things while my mind is anxious and fixated on my issue at hand.

November 21, 2016

I understand this but how do I do it? It sounds easy in theory but I have no desire to do other things while my mind is anxious and fixated on my issue at hand.

What do you have going in your life besides her?

November 21, 2016

I understand this but how do I do it? It sounds easy in theory but I have no desire to do other things while my mind is anxious and fixated on my issue at hand.

And that is exactly why you need to do it.

I used to be like this. I still get a little bit like it sometimes, before I snap myself out of it.

There are two possibilities.

1. You are reading too much into this, she is fine, but your anxiety is actually causing an issue now.

2. She has doubts/is loosing interest.

Being anxious/clingy/whatever helps neither of these.

Try to remember that your life doesn't begin and end with her.

You probably did OK before you met her, and you will be fine if you end things with her. Fill your time with other thoughts (be they work, hobbies, meeting people, etc). It sounds like your sole focus is on her.

Don't be that guy sitting at home looking at his phone waiting for a text.

November 21, 2016

You see the change in communication habits, so take a step back. Inserting yourself when that isn't what she wants will not score you any points. She had begun pulling back and getting drunk may have put the nail in the coffin. If she wants to communicate, she will. Take your cues from her response, both in timeliness (or lack thereof) and context.

That's what I'm doing, I said to her i'll give you some space and she said thank you. She also replied to me saying "I'm sorry if I seemed off, it wasn't intended" when I mentioned the last few days. I just told her to have a think and let me know

This may sound counter-intuitive but you have to convince yourself you'll be fine w/out her and then act like it, which means don't be anxious, don't be needy, be calm, be pleasant, etc. She'll smell fear on you from a mile away and that'll just make you more unattractive and push her where she's already leaning, which is to let you go.

Bigger issue here is you may have already let her get too far into your head if she's able to have a panic effect on you. It's fairly normal and pretty much just human nature and it's the fate of many first-timers, but ppl still have to steel themselves for the hazards of the relationship world or it'll eat you alive. That means open your heart enough to let others in but guard it enough so they can't blow it up when they're in there.

November 21, 2016

She texted me saying she was ready to talk. I called her and she told me that she wants some time to herself. She realised after Saturday that her anxiety was still there. She was on Valium for anxiety when she was 17. She also mentioned she was only 2 months out of a relationship and feels she jumped in too soon.

We hadn't had sex, the reason being something happened to her when she was younger. I won't go into detail but you can probably guess what it is. She said this also had played a part because she doesn't want to keep me waiting while she's deals with it still.

To me in translates mostly as she's not over her ex and jumped the gun too soon. She said she likes me and finds me attractive but obviously can't do enough.

I'm obviously very disappointed because I really like her, she's my ideal girl and after being single for 2 years I finally found someone I liked. Now I'm back to square one with even less hope...

She's texted me since asking how I am but I haven't replied obviously. I know it sounds like false hope but I'm hoping she has some time to herself and comes back. I doubt it though...

November 21, 2016

She texted me saying she was ready to talk. I called her and she told me that she wants some time to herself. She realised after Saturday that her anxiety was still there. She was on Valium for anxiety when she was 17. She also mentioned she was only 2 months out of a relationship and feels she jumped in too soon.

We hadn't had sex, the reason being something happened to her when she was younger. I won't go into detail but you can probably guess what it is. She said this also had played a part because she doesn't want to keep me waiting while she's deals with it still.

To me in translates mostly as she's not over her ex and jumped the gun too soon. She said she likes me and finds me attractive but obviously can't do enough.

I'm obviously very disappointed because I really like her, she's my ideal girl and after being single for 2 years I finally found someone I liked. Now I'm back to square one with even less hope...

She's texted me since asking how I am but I haven't replied obviously. I know it sounds like false hope but I'm hoping she has some time to herself and comes back. I doubt it though...

Translation: I wants to keep you on the backburner while I explore my options with Mr McHottie or my absentee ex who still tingles my vagina.

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