wmacbride Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 This is a question for people who have been married for a long time ( more than ten years). I was nosing around on YouTube the other day, and I came across a video of a man who had lost his wife of many years. He was crying and holding up cards with what he wanted to say for the camera. It struck me as so sad. My mom passed away just short of her and my dad's 50th anniversary, and he still misses her so much. He's told me many times that there was so much that he would love to say to her, but now he'll never have that chance. Little things, like how much he liked talking about his day with her or working together in the garden, traveling, having long conversations in the evening by candlelight (she was big on that), sharing an extra large Tim Horton's together, and more. He's also said many times how he never really realized how strong she was, as it was a quiet sort of strength that didn't really need words, it was just there. In his eyes, she was,and always will be, the most beautiful woman. This may sound morbid, but if you have been married a long time and you lost your spouse today, do you think there are things that would be left unsaid? Would they know how much you love them? If you were in that situation, what would you most want your husband or wife to know?
ja123 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I'm not sure, as I'm not currently in an LTR. But your post does make me think that one shouldn't take people or time for granted ... or put off saying "I love you". Sorry for your Dad's pain.
Methodical Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I make a point to tell ppl in my inner circle I love them. Nothing dramatic or sappy, mind you. More like a simple, "love ya." Because you are correct, anything could happen to anyone at any time and I'd hate to think I'd never told someone I care about that I love them .
neowulf Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Grief affects everyone differently. I've seen some people shut down completely. Like the light has gone out of their eyes. The grief kills them inside. Others seem to take the loss as a wake up call. To work harder at life, to LIVE harder. To try and continue to live a good life in the name and spirit of their spouse. I've never been married, but I've lost a 6 year relationship. The grief of that separation changed me. She was my best friend, we spoke every day about anything and everything. Losing us was like having a physical part of me torn out. It took me years and years to get over the pain of it. To this day, pictures of her make me misty eyed. My heart is scared to this day. 1
seren Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 We have been together over 30 years, H isn't the type to openly say how he feels, but he always tells me he loves me, he adores me in fact and that without me, he would go to pieces. I tell him at least once a day how loved he is, how sexy he looks and how much he makes me laugh. After his affair we took a good, long look at 'us' at how we had often neglected us in the humdrum of marriage. He always does the small stuff that shows me he cares, picks me the first violets of the year, which mean far more than a shop bouquet as it involves traipsing into the woods. I am often in A&E with my illness, I always take time to look him in the eye and tell him I love him, how much he means to me and to be happy. I have letter written and in a safe place for he and my son to find if anything happens. I wish H was more verbal about his feelings, but he is who he is and I know he cares by the things he does. Actions always trump words in my book. So, could I let him know any more that I love him? No, I make sure to say and show him each and every day and he me. Right now I am having a bad spell, I know he will get up, clean the fire, relight it, make my breakfast, ensure the house is sorted, text me from work and come home during his coffee break and lunch just to make me a cup of tea and check all is good. When I was in hospital last, he drove the 80 miles there and 80 miles back to bring me nice food, magazines, clean jamma's, after a long shift in work. Like I say, actions, not words.
dreamingoftigers Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 This is a question for people who have been married for a long time ( more than ten years). I was nosing around on YouTube the other day, and I came across a video of a man who had lost his wife of many years. He was crying and holding up cards with what he wanted to say for the camera. It struck me as so sad. My mom passed away just short of her and my dad's 50th anniversary, and he still misses her so much. He's told me many times that there was so much that he would love to say to her, but now he'll never have that chance. Little things, like how much he liked talking about his day with her or working together in the garden, traveling, having long conversations in the evening by candlelight (she was big on that), sharing an extra large Tim Horton's together, and more. He's also said many times how he never really realized how strong she was, as it was a quiet sort of strength that didn't really need words, it was just there. In his eyes, she was,and always will be, the most beautiful woman. This may sound morbid, but if you have been married a long time and you lost your spouse today, do you think there are things that would be left unsaid? Would they know how much you love them? If you were in that situation, what would you most want your husband or wife to know? I think about this everyday, and honestly, it plays a very major role in why I haven't divorced at times. I am very scared of the "gone forever" aspect of things. I definitely let my husband know he is loved everyday. And honestly, despite how screwed-up he has been, I believe that he loves me as best he can too. We say each to each other everyday on top of it all. We often do big and small gestures for one another too. I've even joked to him "if it wasn't for the withholding, the adultery and the forays into alcoholism, you would be the perfect husband."
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