francis Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 question...what do you do when an ex gives you total mixed messages... things like 'i don't know whether we were meant to be or not but i keep running into things that remind me of you' and 'i have been trying my best to move on and you should too' together with 'i want you to be happy' and 'i hope we can stay in touch' and 'i will support you in any way i can'... this is after 2 1/2 months of having parted... do you go along with it? get angry? no contact? what is the motivation behind this? is this a guy who's unsure? insecure? plain just not into you? is this fair?
westernxer Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Where in his messages does he say he loves you and wants to get back together? Nowhere. Don't play this game with him. Move on.
Opium Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Where in his messages does he say he loves you and wants to get back together? Nowhere. Don't play this game with him. Move on. I totally agree wtih westernxer on this one. But of course deep down that's not what you want to here. If you feel emotionally you handle a friendship than by all means go ahead. Though I will warn you it might get crazy. I wouldn't bother with him. It's all probably a test to see if he still has you.
butterfly29 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Hi Francis, Yeah, those are the typical messages they send you. Of course he wants you to be happy. Mostly because he feels guilty for hurting you. Don't buy all this crap. Move on. No contact is your only way to freedom. And if he really bothers you with calls/emails/Ims etc just tell him you need time alone and it's best for you not to communicate with him for a while.
Author francis Posted July 14, 2005 Author Posted July 14, 2005 thanks guys, i know it's true, just need to hear it from an outsider... it's crazy how easy it is to delude yourself, read more into their words... westernexer is right, it is a game... it's funny, i was a lot younger then but the best break up I had was when my boyfriend dumped me and then just left me alone...didnt contact me, didnt call to see if i was ok and where i was, just gave me space and time to move on...i got over him a lot quicker... in this case, i don't understand why people dump someone, tell them to move on, tell them you're not the one AND expect them to want to stay in touch with you. it is for their own egos, it is to ease their own pain without promising anything...the worse thing is, he knows how i feel about him, he knows i want us to be together, but he keeps stringing me along...telling me to take care in London, telling me he still cares and worries about me...it makes me sick no contact is the way forward for me...i havent replied to his emails (it was an LDR) and refuse to get caught up in the cycle again...i feel like i've got at least some control back...if i reply, i know that i will just be waiting to hear from him again and again and again...its got to stop all i sincerely hope is that he just leaves me in peace now...all i want is some peace in my head and my heart because its been a rollercoaster...
Author francis Posted July 14, 2005 Author Posted July 14, 2005 and he's emailed me this morning after i heeded no contact and ignored his emails yesterday... 'i am sorry, please let me know that you're doing okay'... do i respond? how do i respond? do i ignore? do i explain the truth that i cannot move on whilst staying in contact? or leave it a few days before saying this?
totallyconfused Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 dont respond! dont respond until you know you handle the consequences. your obviously not over him yet, so why give back that control? why let him feel better about his conscience - calling you and asking you if your OK. thats what my stupid ass ex bf is doing to me right now and clearly im not having that. he calls me when he knows its a time i dont usually pick up b/c im at work. like western had said - "Where in his messages does he say he loves you and wants to get back together? Nowhere. Don't play this game with him." its not just a game. he's testing you. taking advantage of you. seeing how far he can get, seeing if you still care. just say to yourself - homie dont play that game
westernxer Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Agreed. Do not respond. If he keeps texting you, get medieval on his ass and tell him to give you some space, harshly if needed. If he respects you, he'll comply with your wishes. If he doesn't, then you know he's a needy bastard. Funny how this works both ways...
miriam Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 "in this case, i don't understand why people dump someone, tell them to move on, tell them you're not the one AND expect them to want to stay in touch with you" That is EXACTLY what my ex is doing to me now!! I am trying my best to deal with it, its really hard bc we were so close. But he can NOT have his cake and eat it too. We broke up for a month around Thanksgiving and I remained friends with him. I was very understanding gave him his space etc. He did come back, but the whole time we were separated was sooo painful. I don't have the energy to go through that again. Good Luck with staying strong and trying to keep up with NC!
butterfly29 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 To me this looks like the situation where ignoring it won't make it go away. I would respond by simply saying "I am ok, but would be much better if you stop emailing me."
fundamental Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by butterfly29 To me this looks like the situation where ignoring it won't make it go away. I would respond by simply saying "I am ok, but would be much better if you stop emailing me." I agree with this.... Instead.... just say "I'm good." and leave it like that.
Fallen_Angel Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by francis 'i have been trying my best to move on and you should too' together with 'i want you to be happy' and 'i hope we can stay in touch' and 'i will support you in any way i can'... Did we date the same guy?! Or is there some sort of book with all these lines... Eh, I don't know. What I do know is that it is not in any way, shape or form fair to be strung along. But real life isn't that simple. Feelings make things so damn complicated. I guess it's up to you to stand up and grab the reins, as it were. Take control of the situation. Being in contact with your ex when your feelings are still very much on the table will be exceedingly excruciating. I wish I knew the motivation behind it all, as it would shed some light on my ex's comments as well!
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