heywhats Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 (edited) At the age of 31, I’ve had enough heartbreaks to last a lifetime. I’ve also learned from them and when a relationship ended, I educated myself before getting into another. One of my previous problems has been begging, pleading and being needy. I worked out this throught the past few years. I met a great girl in March, she’s 33, we hit it off great and recently, was bringing up moving in together. We agreed on children (we both have very weird and specific needs, but have the same desires regarding children), want the same lifestyle and got along great. When I met her in March, I was very clear about my brother passing away a month earlier and it may affect me as a partner. She said I was wonderful and said she was there for me. I never got too depressed, but I am still grieving. We had a romantic weekend planned this weekend. It was my idea and she was super excited. During the week we were having a conversation about spiders, I told her I don’t kill bugs, it’s pointless. She said I was “very sweet”. This concerned me, it just was out of character for her to say. Her tone sounded like she was talking to a child. On Friday she called me up and said her friends and her talked and think we should end it. That she doesn’t see it working. I confidently said (again, learning from my past neediness) okay, I respect your decision. May I ask why? She just sighed and said lots of reasons. I said, I’m sorry to hear that, I like you a lot and let me know if you change your mind. She sounded very upset and started to cry and said she wants to be friends, I said I’m sorry, I see you as a lover, that won’t work for me (thanks Corey Wayne). I asked her one more time, “you sound conflicted, is this what you want?”. She said “yes, I made up my mind”. I told her to let me know if she changes her mind, she said “I will”. I told her I had stuff to do and wished her well. After the phone conversation, I told her to donate any clothing I left at her place and to mail me the sunglasses I left there. I did not get a response. Today is Sunday and over the weekend I deleted our social media pictures and blocked her on Facebook, so I can grieve. I am very upset about this, but I’m taking the tons of advice on this forum. I came across her Instagram today and saw she deleted some pictures (she didn’t delete any of us, just some random ones). She only had 8 or so, she’s down to 6, two of them are mushy ones of us and one is a new one from today of her and her girlfriends. Did I handle this well? I wanted to break down and cry, but there’s no point. I want her back, or at least talk about it with her, to see if we can make any improvements. Do you think it’s likely she’s confused and might come back? It seems so sudden, she seems so conflicted and I find it weird she didn’t delete our mushy Instagram photos. She deleted other random ones. Regardless, her account is blocked and I’m in NC. I just want to know what you all think? Edited November 20, 2016 by heywhats
MidwestUSA Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 You handled that just fine. Why would you consider giving a second chance to someone who lets her friends influence such decisions for her? 1
LD1990 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 She's 33 with the decision making skills of a preteen. Seriously, her friends talked to her and they all decided she should end it? What kind of **** is that? A breakup, especially a breakup after less than a year, is a sign things weren't meant to be. Besides, consider the situation you'd find yourself in if the two of you did get back together. Every time she went out to see her friends, you'd be wondering "are they going to tell her to break up with me again?" Every time you saw her friends, it would be awkward.
LostOnes05 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Bravo!!! You did well. No regrets. If she needs a committee to make a decision that should be between 2 people...good riddance. Can you imagine if you disagreed on which brand of toilet paper to buy?!
Author heywhats Posted November 21, 2016 Author Posted November 21, 2016 Now that you all mention it, it does sound immature. Even if her friends helped her come to this conclusion, at least take credit for it! I enjoy my time with her. We have a great time and want the same things. I'm confused by this Instagram thing
MidwestUSA Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Now that you all mention it, it does sound immature. Even if her friends helped her come to this conclusion, at least take credit for it! I enjoy my time with her. We have a great time and want the same things. I'm confused by this Instagram thing This is coming from a woman who's been around a lot longer than you. Don't spend too much time trying to figure out why we do what we do! I haven't figured it out yet.
Author heywhats Posted November 21, 2016 Author Posted November 21, 2016 I'm doing my best to move forward. I just hope she reconsiders and we can at least see if we can spice things up. Again, the whole instagram thing is confusing me
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 You handled it very well. Good for you for learning from your past and doing the mature thing and accepting her decision no matter how hard it is. Have a good cry, there is definitely a point to that, it's a great release and you will feel much better after you do. All that pent up emotion you are holding in needs to get out. Hard to say why she decided it since her reasons (which she said were many) are unknown. I would not look back if I were you. Nor would I make any attempt to discuss this with her.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 As per the instagram thing I wouldn't read into it too much, sometimes people take a long time to take the couples' photos down from social media because they don't want to make a big "announcement" about the split. So they gradually get rid of pictures so they don't have to explain things.
dumbass2 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 (edited) You handled the break up great except the part about if she changes her mind to let you know. You've now let her know that you are an option for her, that you are not hurt at all by her breaking up and that you would more than likely take her back. I liked that you asked her if this is really what she wants to do. You made her repeat it and drive the point home. No mistaking her words and actions. You gave her a chance to reverse what she said and she didn't. Two things that you did mention "I’ve had enough heartbreaks to last a lifetime. I’ve also learned from them" What you still need to learn is that once someone breaks up with you and is telling you that they don't want to be with you any more, that you should not be hoping that they change their mind and want you back. I personally know that that part is hard to do. Also, one thing you can think about if this happens again is to stay completely away from all social media. That part is still causing an issue for you. "One of my previous problems has been begging, pleading and being needy. I worked out this throught the past few years." That part is great and it's tough to do sometimes, but again, hoping that she changes her mind is not a good mind set to be in. She should have the feeling that by her doing that, that she is going to lose you forever and that there is no going back. You will not be an option for her. You did very well overall and now make sure that you do not communicate with her or all that you did will be for not. Edited November 21, 2016 by dumbass2
ahall1701 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Man, bravo. You handled that better than most people would. You should really be patting yourself on the back. Most excellent work. Someone like your ex should have more reliance on her own decisions rather than having her friends basically steer her decision. We all have friends for their input. But we're response for our own actions.
Robin Reese Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Bravo! You did great and believe me once you will leave her unattended, she might as well try to catch up with you(via some common friends) just to know how are you doing and you better be showing that you are doing perfectly fine without her. P.S : I don't know how to insert picture in here so visit this link. Keep in mind that if she gets to know from common friends that you are in a bad state without her then it will leave her satisfied. Thats how the psychology of girls work.
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