Mkn1010 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Ok so, I recently went on two dates with a guy. They both lasted 4+ hours and the conversations kept flowing. We share a lot of the same values and tastes in music/clothing etc. However, my gut feeling was that there was something very guarded about him and I just didn't feel like he was totally authentic. I was pretty upfront with my thoughts on our second date, I told him that I think he's the type of person that gets along with everyone and can mould his personality to the audience, thereby being liked/significant to the other person but there being very few people who are significant to him. He seemed to agree with that observation. Later that night we were walking in his area so heading towards his house and when we got there he asked me to come in, which I declined. He seemed surprised that I said I was going to make my way home. We also didn't do anything physical on either date (no kissing, nothing). So after that date, the texting on his end was a lot less (he previously initiated long text convos and then became much more short) and that's fine with me as I didn't want to romantically continue dating. But since I'm new to the city and we had so much in common, I asked him if he wanted to be friends. He replied saying "I think we are on the same page so I'm glad you feel the same way." I then explained that I'm the kind of person that needs to take time to be physically connected/comfortable with someone and so we're probably not the same in that regard but that we had a lot in common to hang out. And then he didn't respond and hasn't in the last day (he's usually extremely prompt) So, I'm wondering if he's NOT actually wanting to be my friend despite saying that we were totally on the same page with that? :/ 1
stillafool Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Most men are not into making platonic friends. I would move on and find female friends to hang out with if I were you. 5
thecrucible Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I don't think he's offended. He think he just took what you said as a parting phrase because men do say that with no intentions of being friends with you just to close contact and be polite. The subtext is "no hard feelings and good luck in the future" with the implication you'll never see each other again. Don't feel bad about this though. 4 hours is a long time to have a date so two dates like that is enough of a time investment. The fact he send long texts doesn't mean much either. It could just be his written communication style. I dated this guy who turned out to be a bit of a player once and he would send long text messages so you just can't read much into it. I think he doesn't want to carry on and perhaps keep some of his pride if he wanted it to go further with you. 1
Satu Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I think he has other wants. I'm not sure that its even possible to "agree to be friends." Friendship is something that develops organically over time. People become friends after being aquaintances. Not to worry. There will be other opportunities. Take care. 2
Author Mkn1010 Posted November 21, 2016 Author Posted November 21, 2016 I guess I'm kind of sad that he didn't genuinely want to be my friend! When I asked I said "I'm wondering if you'd like to be friends and I totally understand if you don't" and so he could have simply said he'd prefer to part ways which is fine!
Erik30 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 (edited) A lot of people don't really mean it when they say they want to be friends. It's not just guys, women also do it. For them it's just a nice thing to say when it's not working out. They never intend to hang out in the future. He didn't respond because there was no reason to, there was nothing else to talk about. He won't be texting you the same now that you're "just friends." "I told him that I think he's the type of person that gets along with everyone and can mould his personality to the audience, thereby being liked/significant to the other person but there being very few people who are significant to him." And you might have offended him with that part. You basically called him fake Edited November 21, 2016 by Erik30 2
Superchicken Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 It took me 2 years to go from friend to partner with one of my ex's. It did start as friends, but, I can tell you, I didn't want to be just a friend. So already "Sheep in Wolfs cloths". However, I liked her so much, I bit my time with her, and stayed her friend for a long time. Thankfully it moved up a notch, and progressed from there. You said the right things. You like it slow, and for woman, that's good. For us (men) its bad. But, you do sift out most of the "Unwanted" types this way.. If any person, be it male or female, doesn't have the same drive for companionship as yourself to continue forward slowly, or guarded, then I wouldn't waste another minute on them. If I was to hook up with a female, I would want her to be as sure as possible, that its me she is really wanting, and not something different. Cause its just going to lead to something bad soon down the line. The only way though, is time. If sex is an issue, then, Adios amigos.. (At least for women. Men, will accept it in any form, alas, yes, sadly me too:love: ). Dump his sorry ass, and be glad you weeded out one already.. Ted
elaine567 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 (edited) So, I'm wondering if he's NOT actually wanting to be my friend despite saying that we were totally on the same page with that? :/ You were totally on the same page in that there was nothing there romantically - not that he wanted to be your friend. "We can just be friends" is a euphemism for "There is no spark here, let's not do this again." You say he is an all things to all people kind of guy and few people are significant to him so why did you think he would want to be your friend? Why would you want that kind of guy to be your friend anyway? He would only let you down when something more interesting showed up. Edited November 21, 2016 by elaine567 fixed quote 3
Author Mkn1010 Posted November 22, 2016 Author Posted November 22, 2016 I suppose I find it funny that he would invite me in at his place if he wasn't feeling it romantically, so it's another example of someone who would sleep with you even though that doesn't even mean they enjoy your company (certainly not enough to be friends). Good Lord!
TheTraveler Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I suppose I find it funny that he would invite me in at his place if he wasn't feeling it romantically, so it's another example of someone who would sleep with you even though that doesn't even mean they enjoy your company (certainly not enough to be friends). Good Lord! He was interested romantically, you weren't. And that's the end of this story.
basil67 Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I suppose I find it funny that he would invite me in at his place if he wasn't feeling it romantically, so it's another example of someone who would sleep with you even though that doesn't even mean they enjoy your company (certainly not enough to be friends). Good Lord! He wanted a girlfriend. Not a friend. He's probably got enough friends already.
basil67 Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 Mkn, perhaps this thread may help you understand why guys don't want to be friends http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/601951-why-do-girl-love-friendzone-guys
Author Mkn1010 Posted November 22, 2016 Author Posted November 22, 2016 Thanks Basil, very informative
DK_Casus Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 Being a man, I read that as wanting to **** you - and playing a game to make it happen.
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