Dating a totally different body style

[jaQ3]

I met an amazing guy on online dating. We hit it off magically, and he makes me laugh a lot.

 

The problem is we finally met for drinks and my heart sank. I'm a curvy girl who has always dated bigger guys, which I guess works for my body insecurity.

This guy is teeny tiny, like size 0, and has very thin features. I don't know if this is something I can get past, I just feel like I'm going to break him.

 

Has anyone hesitantly dated someone with a completely different body type and had attraction grow? I like everything else about him.

[stillafool]

When you say you are a curvy girl does that mean larger? Because any size woman can be curvy. To answer your question yes his personality can make you fall for him and quite a few really thin men really go for larger women.

[jaQ3]

Lol yes, I am 5,7" and wear a size 16 but I have an hourglass shape. Luckily for me my fat tends to stick in all the right areas LOL

[BikerAccnt]

Yes, I have, and am.

 

I tend to have an athletic build. I get to the gym and try to watch what I eat to maintain a nice 190 lbs at 5'11''. I've been the same weight - except for about 3 years for about 20 years now. Normally I date women who are the same body type wise. Meaning, the aren't thin, but aren't heavy either. They tend to firmer, rather than softer. I was never attracted to "curvy" women. I found that most women who listed themselves as curvy on line, were far beyond. No offense meant, please.

 

I am now dating, and absolutely crazy about, a curvy woman. We met online, and like you, when we first met, my heart sank a bit. We had such a good time talking/flirting before we met, and her pictures were well taken to flatter her. (we all do that so it's fine). Not that she's huge, morbidly obese, or anything like that. She's just.... larger than the body style I usually find myself dating and attracted to, and she's soft. Very soft. It's the most amazing, sexy soft I've ever felt.

 

After about the first 10 minutes of talking however, I knew I would ask her out again. That was almost 5 months ago.

 

Sometimes I still find myself looking at her with my "old" eyes, and then I wonder about all the amazing women I probably never let myself meet because of those eyes that only saw things a certain way. So I guess what I'm saying is don't let this guys thin features put you off if you like him, and you don't find them a total turn off. Trust me, you won't break him. We men aren't quite that fragile, even the stick like ones.

[joseb]

When you saw his online profile could you not tell his body type?

[jaQ3]

I could tell he was thin but it wasn't clear exactly how tiny he was.

[Dis]

When you say you are a curvy girl does that mean larger? Because any size woman can be curvy. To answer your question yes his personality can make you fall for him and quite a few really thin men really go for larger women.

 

Yes, I have, and am.

 

I tend to have an athletic build. I get to the gym and try to watch what I eat to maintain a nice 190 lbs at 5'11''. I've been the same weight - except for about 3 years for about 20 years now. Normally I date women who are the same body type wise. Meaning, the aren't thin, but aren't heavy either. They tend to firmer, rather than softer. I was never attracted to "curvy" women. I found that most women who listed themselves as curvy on line, were far beyond. No offense meant, please.

 

I am now dating, and absolutely crazy about, a curvy woman. We met online, and like you, when we first met, my heart sank a bit. We had such a good time talking/flirting before we met, and her pictures were well taken to flatter her. (we all do that so it's fine). Not that she's huge, morbidly obese, or anything like that. She's just.... larger than the body style I usually find myself dating and attracted to, and she's soft. Very soft. It's the most amazing, sexy soft I've ever felt.

 

After about the first 10 minutes of talking however, I knew I would ask her out again. That was almost 5 months ago.

 

Sometimes I still find myself looking at her with my "old" eyes, and then I wonder about all the amazing women I probably never let myself meet because of those eyes that only saw things a certain way. So I guess what I'm saying is don't let this guys thin features put you off if you like him, and you don't find them a total turn off. Trust me, you won't break him. We men aren't quite that fragile, even the stick like ones.

 

I agree with stillafool and I understand what bikeraccnt is saying too

 

I think the difference between curvy and overweight needs to be set straight

 

Curvy does not equal overweight

 

Sometimes women like to say they're curvy as a nice way of saying they're overweight....this is pretty misleading because theres a difference between having a good sized butt and boobs and just being plain overweight

 

I have a large chest and a good sized butt but I'm otherwise petite (5'1 size 6)...this is what the correct defintion of curvy is

 

Anyway, OP....I can understand that you might have some reservations about this guy but give him a chance

 

I've heard some skinny guys really like larger girls

 

And, at the end of the day....if his size still bothers you...then you can move onto the next

 

Best of luck to you girl!

[Gloria25]

The more you have in common (the "glue") you have, the more likely the RL will survive.

 

Me, I prefer an athletic guy. Cuz, it's not just about how a fit body looks, but I'm an active person. I want a guy who can do physical things with me. I also associate being overweight with a lazy and self-indulgent/selfish personality. I volunteer, help others, and am not cool with someone who just sits around wasting away.

 

That being said, it appears that you are concerned that cuz this guy is thinner, he may be out of your league and will want someone who is more like him. It's up to you to give him a chance - but if you can't get over your insecurities, let him go.

 

I mean, I've seen some couples with thin guys and heavier women - some guys like certain women and/or fall for someone they normally wouldn't fall for.

[thecrucible]

I think you should it give a chance as long as you feel some attraction towards him. If you're not feeling attracted, then see if that attraction builds when you get to know him more.

 

I mean I'm curvy like you and have an hourglass figure. I'll never be totally skinny. I have had guys like me who are really skinny and I haven't always felt a lot of attraction for them. But I did try to turn a skinny male friend into a boyfriend. It didn't work out in the end but he wasn't attracted enough to me. Personally if he was attracted to me, I think he would have grown on me because I like his personality.

 

I have a skinny male friend and he frequently complains that women only go for really muscular guys with abs even though I tell him I am bigger myself so I am not looking for a gym specimen. I think some guys with his build feel hard done by. Personally skinny doesn't turn me off unless the guy is really malnourished with no muscle tone.

[introverted1]

Is the issue that you are not attracted to him because he is smaller than you like or that you are concerned he won't be attracted to you because of your size?

[BDJ_1]

I met an amazing guy on online dating. We hit it off magically, and he makes me laugh a lot.

 

The problem is we finally met for drinks and my heart sank. I'm a curvy girl who has always dated bigger guys, which I guess works for my body insecurity.

This guy is teeny tiny, like size 0, and has very thin features. I don't know if this is something I can get past, I just feel like I'm going to break him.

 

Has anyone hesitantly dated someone with a completely different body type and had attraction grow? I like everything else about him.

 

Don't worry about "breaking" him, that is pretty hard to do!

 

I'd be more worried about whether you find him attractive or not.

[abby_tx]

I think this is only an issue if your insecurities get in the way. Are you attracted to him? If so, never let this thought enter your head again. I know a lot of couples where the guy is stick thin and the girl is more voluptuous. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't find that body type attractive!

[jaQ3]

Is the issue that you are not attracted to him because he is smaller than you like or that you are concerned he won't be attracted to you because of your size?

 

I'm worried I'm not attracted physically to him.

 

I think he's okay with me, he told me I'm sexy, at least. But I would be lying if I didn't have really bad insecurities still

[abby_tx]

give it another date or two to see if attraction grows. if not, drop him.

[introverted1]

I'm worried I'm not attracted physically to him.

 

I think he's okay with me, he told me I'm sexy, at least. But I would be lying if I didn't have really bad insecurities still

 

I would not like to be bigger than my guy.

 

Have you ever dated someone smaller?

[Gr8fuln2020]

The more you have in common (the "glue") you have, the more likely the RL will survive.

 

Me, I prefer an athletic guy. Cuz, it's not just about how a fit body looks, but I'm an active person. I want a guy who can do physical things with me. I also associate being overweight with a lazy and self-indulgent/selfish personality. I volunteer, help others, and am not cool with someone who just sits around wasting away.

 

That being said, it appears that you are concerned that cuz this guy is thinner, he may be out of your league and will want someone who is more like him. It's up to you to give him a chance - but if you can't get over your insecurities, let him go.

 

I mean, I've seen some couples with thin guys and heavier women - some guys like certain women and/or fall for someone they normally wouldn't fall for.

 

Amen to all of this! I prefer athletic women b/c it provides much greater idea of their lifestyle. I am athletic, toned, very active and full of energy. Want the same.

 

I've seen 'curvy' used to describe by athletic women and women who are over-weight. A 'current' picture paints a thousand words and provides a better idea of what the person meant my 'curvy.'

 

Yup, seen plenty of thin guys with heavier ladies. Not the other way around, though.

[SunBird]

It amazes me how many people are fixated with the OP's size and 'exact' description. That is not what she is asking you to comment on.

 

As far as I can tell OP you are totally comfortable with yourself and quite rightly. The issue is whether you can be attracted to a skinny guy, not whether he is out of your league (Gloria25).

 

Sorry to rant but everyone is so blinded by media and society. Think for your self people!! Who cares how we look, the main thing is we a) love ourselves and b) are attracted to the person we are with.

 

And it seems here that point b) is what the question is about. You are naturally worried about dating someone who is different from what you normally go for. I hear ya. I totally love what the second poster said, the guy who said they are 5 months into doing this successfully - who knows what we might be missing, or might have missed by believing we have a 'type'. I did this for years and years. My type was big bear-like men, either slightly overweight, or rugby player types. Active, but big. I do find men like that attractive, but it blinded me to others.

 

I am now with someone who was a friend beforehand, mainly because when I met him it didn't even cross my mind to think of him romantically becasue he wasn't my 'type'. After over a year of hanging out nature took control, I developed feelings for him due to our incredibly connection. I was worried because I didnt know if the chemistry would be there when/if we crossed the line because i was so un-used to the idea of someone a different shape and look. Turns out we have the best physical and sexual connection I ever have had.

 

But I was super worried like you are. It held me back for a long time. What i have learned is what I have heard in so many other stories... the connection you build on an emotional level is so key. I'm really attracted to my boyfriend now, but I would have missed him completely if we hadn't had the chance to hang out as friends for so long.

 

I say go with it. Be totally open with him. Dont worry about sex and all that jazz for a bit. If you want a serious relationship then hang out, get to know each other, build a foundation and if you keep falling for him and who he is, and for your connection that you clearly have, then you can see about the rest. Listen to your gut and be open and honest with yourself - ultimately only you can know if you are attracted to him, you might be surprised if you give it a go.

 

Good luck!

[Gaeta]

I have always dated men that were athletic and when I met my bf my first impression was he was too thin. He is 6'3'' and 165-lbs. The very tall & thin had never been my type but he was so nice when we met I accepted a second date then I liked him more, the date after a little more and now he is totally hot to me!! and his body is home to me.

[IfonlyIknew]

I can understand as I prefer bigger men 6'2+, 250lbs+ I have been with a man around 5'6ish about 160lbs and I liked the guy emotionally, thought he had a great face, but I could never get past how small he was. I was extremely turned off when we were intimate, he was skin and bones to me which in turn made ME feel less sexy like wait I need to lose weight asap (I'm a size 10/12 US). So it's not only about our attraction to them, it's how WE feel while being with them.

[kendahke]

I could tell he was thin but it wasn't clear exactly how tiny he was.

 

I had that happen with a guy with whom I went on the most horrible date in my life.

 

He didn't look thin in his pictures because, surprise surprise, they were over 10 years old. In person, he was a skeleton with a thin layer of skin stretched over the bones... in wrinkled clothes he didn't bother to put an iron to. He said he was "athletic and toned", too. That's about as subjective a description as "curvy" is. Both descriptors mean different things to different people.

Edited November 21, 2016 by kendahke

[losangelena]

I met an amazing guy on online dating. We hit it off magically, and he makes me laugh a lot.

 

The problem is we finally met for drinks and my heart sank. I'm a curvy girl who has always dated bigger guys, which I guess works for my body insecurity.

This guy is teeny tiny, like size 0, and has very thin features. I don't know if this is something I can get past, I just feel like I'm going to break him.

 

Has anyone hesitantly dated someone with a completely different body type and had attraction grow? I like everything else about him.

 

OP, when my ex and I got together, I was a good 40-lbs heavier than he was. We came from way opposite ends of the spectrum—me having lost a lot of weight, him trying to put on weight.

 

The guy I was seeing before him was bigger than me, and I found that really comfortable, because, like you, it didn't trigger my insecurities. However, when I met my ex, I felt like a right cow. I really struggled with my attraction to him, too, but I questioned whether it was a real lack of attraction, or whether I just didn't want to get out of my dating comfort-zone and be with someone who was smaller than me.

 

I kept seeing him, and over time, my doubts about him and his body faded. I eventually just saw him for him (and not a "small guy") and he only got more attractive in my mind. That's not to say that all of my insecurities went away (I still feel like a cow a lot of the time), but I did grow comfortable being with him.

 

Good luck!

[William]

After a bit of clean-up we will return this thread to the intended topic which is that of dating someone with a different body style then your own.

 

Those that wish to continue the discussion of BMI, nutrition, and weight loss. I'll direct you to our Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management forum. ~T

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am not attracted to men that are overall smaller than me. I can date tall and thin and shorter with larger frame. I can look past many physical flaws but being smaller than me is a deal breaker. Sadly, it doesn't matter if it's the most amazing guy in the world.

[DK_Casus]

I've dated girls that were overweight in a variety of ways - and it's my experience that if you're using OLD, they ALL lie about it, or nearly all. Almost all of them manipulate the truth and use words like "curvy" to avoid facing the reality of being fat if that's the case.

 

Now, I actually like a few extra pounds - and I prefer a few too many to the opposite scenario. To me, a "bony" look is very unattractive.

 

However, I'm NOT attracted to fat women - and it's NOT by choice, as I've really tried.

 

I'm 5.10 and with a somewhat muscular build (not super fit yet - still losing those post-relationship pounds) - and I don't really have a type as such. I don't mind tall women, but I know most of them prefer a taller guy.

 

I do have a thing for above-average sized breasts, though, and a decent pair can make me compromise in several ways.

 

Primitive, yes, but there it is.

[sunshine2]

 

I do have a thing for above-average sized breasts, though, and a decent pair can make me compromise in several ways.

 

Primitive, yes, but there it is.

 

That made me laugh - love the honesty!