furby19 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Has anyone on here ever settled in a relationship? Would you ever recommend settling?
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Never have, never will. 1000 times over I prefer to be alone. I've been single for as long as 2 years at times just because I know the right guy is coming and out there. I'm pretty all or nothing though...that's my personality. 2
smackie9 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 You could just go with a FWB while you date others to find the one. 1
Author furby19 Posted November 20, 2016 Author Posted November 20, 2016 So, let's get this straight. You ladies believe there is someone who was put on this earth specifically for you to be with. I used to think that way, too. Now I am not so sure about that. 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Yes! Only not just one person but several. So every man that I have ended up in a long term relationship with has been a variation of the same man hahahah. They all shared similar traits and characteristics that appealed to me. All the men that I dated in between those either didn't have enough of the characteristics that make me want to fall in love with them or didn't appeal in some significant way. In other words, I've fallen completely in love with each of the guys that I ended up in an LTR with, therefore I never settled. If I didn't fall in love then I would end it because it meant something was missing.
Buddhist Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Define settling? You either find someone you want to be in a relationship with or not. I've never had an occasion where I did not want to be a relationship with someone and went ahead and did it anyway. That would be insanity. 8
jaQ3 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 I don't recommend it. Settling is like a festering zit. Over time it just gets worse until it pops. I just got out of a "settle" relationship and now in hindsight I can see I'm much better off. Settling feels ok for now, but it won't forever. There are so many happy relationships, happy couples everywhere, why settle? That's a sign of co-dependency.
Shining One Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Define settlingThis is an important point. Is it settling if you compromise on a few of your "requirements" in a partner? Is a man who wants a 120lb. woman settling when he has a 130lb. girlfriend? Is a woman who wants a 6' man settling when she has a 5'10" boyfriend? If the answer to those last two questions is yes, then I have settled. 4
Buddhist Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 This is an important point. Is it settling if you compromise on a few of your "requirements" in a partner? Is a man who wants a 120lb. woman settling when he has a 130lb. girlfriend? Is a woman who wants a 6' man settling when she has a 5'10" boyfriend? If the answer to those last two questions is yes, then I have settled. Exactly. That isn't settling thats realising that our laundry lists are mostly trivia and any one or several of those things are inconsequential in the face of truly wanting to be with someone. But if you don't truly desire to be with that person and are doing it only to not be single then that would be a very stupid thing to do and not kind on the other person either. Incidentally I've met individuals who tick every box on my laundry list and I still didn't want to be with them. Laundry lists are just mental masturbation really. We make them because it amusing mostly and we have little idea of what we truly desire in a partner. It's a form of lying to ourselves that we know what we're doing when in fact we're just groping around in the dark. 2
kckc Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 But if you don't want to settle in the relationship - why to get into one? I mean, relationships are about commitment and settling down eventually. If you are not ready to settle - better try FWB because you might hurt your potential partner if they will fall in love with you. For me, relationships are serious. If I don't want to build my future with sb, I just stay single. If you are in a relationship only for just having one, it's pointless, stay single and have fun with other people that don't want to be commited.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Define settling? You either find someone you want to be in a relationship with or not. I've never had an occasion where I did not want to be a relationship with someone and went ahead and did it anyway. That would be insanity. Agreed. For some 'settling' would be dating someone who makes $50K/yr instead of $75K or is 5'10 instead of 6'0. But, as Buddhist says, if 'settling' is being in a relationship with someone you didn't want, now that would be unfortunate. @smackie9. Isn't a FWB relationship a form of 'settling?'
basil67 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 So, let's get this straight. You ladies believe there is someone who was put on this earth specifically for you to be with. I used to think that way, too. Now I am not so sure about that. I have not settled either. But this doesn't mean that there's only one man in the world for me. With the population being what it is, that's just silly! My guy is a terrific guy and I wouldn't trade him. However, if I found myself single, I'm quite sure there would be other good guys for me. And if no great man came along, I'd rather be single than settle.
h0000 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 So, let's get this straight. You ladies believe there is someone who was put on this earth specifically for you to be with. I used to think that way, too. Now I am not so sure about that. I settled once. Couldn't do it in the end, had to break up. OP you sound like you don't believe you can find the girl you want and probably have to settle in order not to be alone
thecrucible Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Personally I think that if you start off a relationship with the thought that you are settling than you are doomed. I know if I am thinking like that, or if the other might be, then it's a bad omen for how it will turn out. Maybe I'd be unconsciously settling but I'd want to start a relationship with some enthusiasm and mutual strong feelings for each other so neither of us think we are settling. Oh and if I was with a guy who wasn't my ideal in certain ways but was ideal in everything that's really important, I'd like to think I wasn't settling but that I'd got something really good. People with great personalities can feel very hard to find in the dating world.
GoodOnPaper Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Has anyone on here ever settled in a relationship? Would you ever recommend settling? Would be best to define settling but my answer assumes that it means you like someone but never really feel that intense infatuation that relationships are supposed to start out with. If you're a woman, I don't recommend this type of settling. Temptations will likely involve actual ONS or FWB opportunities that could be too hard to pass up. If you're a guy, well, if you could attract women for ONSs and FWBs, you wouldn't be contemplating entering a relationship in which you feel you are settling. So, in that case, I think you can pull it off if you have a good sense of commitment and responsibility.
Author furby19 Posted November 21, 2016 Author Posted November 21, 2016 Would be best to define settling but my answer assumes that it means you like someone but never really feel that intense infatuation that relationships are supposed to start out with. Yes. This is what I'm talking about when I ask if anyone has settled. For example, I have a friend who has been in a relationship with someone for six years. I know for a fact that she settled for him. She won't admit that she settled (most people who settle won't) but I have always known that she did based on the way she treats him and a lot of other things, too. This is not about her and her relationship though. I want to know for myself. Has anybody ever settled? What were the pro's and cons? Would you do it again? Why or why not?
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Agreed. For some 'settling' would be dating someone who makes $50K/yr instead of $75K or is 5'10 instead of 6'0. But, as Buddhist says, if 'settling' is being in a relationship with someone you didn't want, now that would be unfortunate. Every time I see a "settle" post...I bring out this specially booked marked, "Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough." Today show video...and funnily enough, it's got "The Husband Store" following it. lol Yes, it's women focused believe or not and the author is a woman, and she says they tend to be too fixated on the things that do not matter when it comes to a relationship than the parts that DO matter. Then there's the follow up: "Why is it okay to settle for Mr. Good Enough?" 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I settled once. Couldn't do it in the end, had to break up. OP you sound like you don't believe you can find the girl you want and probably have to settle in order not to be alone Yes I believe I have settled for sure! I don't mind dating but I think when it comes to taking the next step from dating into a relationship your conscience has to be cleared up first. I dated a guy simply because I was 30, single since forever and he liked me. I saw all my other friends get married and have children, they married their prince charming but unfortunately I felt I just had to " make a choice" based on me constantly getting rejected and me just thinking that love wasn't really meant for me but for other people out there. I knew I was settling when every date I was with this particular man, I was excited more about the restaurant we were going to than the company I was with. I knew it was really a " No. No. No" when he told me he was getting addicted to me. I still was so desperate, I continued to date him even after months of knowing I didn't like him! so will I settle for someone again? I don't think it has worked out for me thus far and I was basically forcing myself to like someone in the past.
elaine567 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Yes. This is what I'm talking about when I ask if anyone has settled. For example, I have a friend who has been in a relationship with someone for six years. I know for a fact that she settled for him. She won't admit that she settled (most people who settle won't) but I have always known that she did based on the way she treats him and a lot of other things, too. This is not about her and her relationship though. I want to know for myself. Has anybody ever settled? What were the pro's and cons? Would you do it again? Why or why not? I think most people settle for what THEY can get, as it is usually impossible to get someone who ticks every single box. Most people are not that rich, not that good looking and most do not have the fantastic personality needed to be able to attract what they may really want, so they "settle". Thankfully we have "love", so even having "settled" with the most unappealing guy/girl around, WE think we have won the lottery..
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I think most people settle for what THEY can get, as it is usually impossible to get someone who ticks every single box. Most people are not that rich, not that good looking and most do not have the fantastic personality needed to be able to attract what they may really want, so they "settle". Thankfully we have "love", so even having "settled" with the most unappealing guy/girl around, WE think we have won the lottery.. Right, it's not really settling if the strict 5'3" girl who insists on dating ONLY men 6 feet or taller (because she has heels)...to compromise on that. Usually as they get older they tend to be flexible.
Author furby19 Posted November 21, 2016 Author Posted November 21, 2016 Thankfully we have "love", so even having "settled" with the most unappealing guy/girl around, WE think we have won the lottery.. I get the point you are trying to make.....but this is not want I am talking about. I am including the fact that feelings of love and infatuation were never present towards the person you are dating. I am not talking about the fact that you are with someone who doesn't meet every requirement on your imaginary list. I am talking about settling for someone you never grew to love/like. Most people who do this will not admit it anyway. I'm just trying to see if I can get some honest answers.
Nicole10 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I get the point you are trying to make.....but this is not want I am talking about. I am including the fact that feelings of love and infatuation were never present towards the person you are dating. I am not talking about the fact that you are with someone who doesn't meet every requirement on your imaginary list. I am talking about settling for someone you never grew to love/like. Most people who do this will not admit it anyway. I'm just trying to see if I can get some honest answers. Yes, I did that before. I met a guy who was good looking, treated me like a queen and was normal (hard find today,lol). I was in a vulnerable position at that time and thought why not. There is no reason not to be with him. While he ws crazy in love with me, I never felt that way. I grew to love him, he helped me a lot, I helped him a lot but I was never in love with him. Every time he would initiate sex I was tired, and I genuinely believed that I was just tired. Then, I met my current bf. He was not even half of what I had in mind (in the looks department) and my first thought was "never gonna happen." He lives in another state and he was persistent to see me. Somehow, I grew to like his personality over the phone and agreed to see him. Needless to say, I fell in love immediately.
Nicole10 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Yes, I did that before. I met a guy who was good looking, treated me like a queen and was normal (hard find today,lol). I was in a vulnerable position at that time and thought why not. There is no reason not to be with him. While he ws crazy in love with me, I never felt that way. I grew to love him, he helped me a lot, I helped him a lot but I was never in love with him. Every time he would initiate sex I was tired, and I genuinely believed that I was just tired. Then, I met my current bf. He was not even half of what I had in mind (in the looks department) and my first thought was "never gonna happen." He lives in another state and he was persistent to see me. Somehow, I grew to like his personality over the phone and agreed to see him. Needless to say, I fell in love immediately. So, in the first case, I settled. In the second not at all. However, when I do feel insecure and upset with my current bf, I do miss the feeling of security I had with the first one.
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I am not talking about the fact that you are with someone who doesn't meet every requirement on your imaginary list. Unfortunately, for a lot of women in the online dating world, not meeting every requirement is considered settling in their world. But they will say, "I know what I want, and I won't settle!!" As if they are convinced they would be unhappy if they "settled' on someone a couple inches shy of 6 feet.
Methodical Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Settling = being in love with the idea of love, which really is not love in and of itself. I think ppl who settle eventually regret their choice and resentment builds, causing failed relationships :/.
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