Cheryl11111111111111 Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 Your focusing on the wrong things. You are focusing on him and he doesn't even like you anymore or she. I didn't read it all. I am only on here because I am letting someone go but not his behavior. I will not let his behavior go! In the end, life is so much more then you even realize and you are wasting your time for the simple reason you aren't what he or she is looking for. You aren't. You can focus on this or you can let it go and become who you want and need to be. Being this person will be a lot more worth it then having this person and this person - did he dump you - or bully you to move on. I mean, a dump is a dump. If he said to you "this is over" and you said "okay thank you" or if he said to you "ps they don't live happily ever after" "do you think he's trying to save what you have" then he is actually playing with your head. Who cares. In the end, there are amazing people who you are actually missing out on because of this one guy! or girl.. Again I didn't read your post.
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 I met this man. Beautiful looking. He too was Spanish. He had tanned skin, curly hair and green eyes! wow .. I looked at him and thought I like you for sure. I looked at me and said "oh no" not today.. So I let this guy ruin my chances of finding future love. That's what happens when you hold on. In the end, your holding on and he just has you hung on. Your not with him. Your not with you. Your with nothing and no one and nothing is getting done. Trust me, not even her. Your behavior is not pulling her back or another one in. Your behavior is only hurting yourself!
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 Please believe me my beautiful child .. I am trying to be very loving to you and your pain. To please believe that this isn't the end of the world. That you are worth much more and so give yourself you! do that and everything else will come. Each moment know that no decisions are being made. Your doing nothing. Your doing nothing but focusing on your life and the outside world is on hold so you can be happy with yourself and be exactly what you are! it takes a lot of sacrifice and you sacrifice everything on this planet to do that. You are putting yourself on hold now to enjoy life later and during this process others have sex. it's just the way it goes!
VeveCakes Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 Yeah all I really got from him when the dog was sick was that she was still in the vet & they weren't sure what was wrong with her. Had he even said he wasn't up for talking I'd have got that but he just went from texting loads to being very quiet with no real explanation. I felt pushed out and confused. I definitely did go overboard when he said it was done. I acted with my emotions and I'm really embarrassed. I wish I had said what I needed to say, then let it be. I feel like those actions pushed him even further away. Like I said, 8?3 never been on this end of a break up before and I freaked out. I hate that I can't have a calm conversation now, an apology for that behaviour. Just for things to have gone from so good to that...it's so confusing & I don't do well with not understanding. I'm trying really hard but it keeps getting me. Honestly don't feel bad about what you did. It's a natural reaction to feeling like you are losing someone. Don't we all wish someone cared about us that much to fight for us? I know I did the same with my ex. Hell I just did it again to him the other day. But don't for a second think that your effort doesn't resonate with him. He may not want to be with you but he will remember you as caring about him. Sometimes I think that is more important than keeping our "dignity" Just a day at a time Kayley. Hugs. 1
Author Kayley Posted November 24, 2016 Author Posted November 24, 2016 Honestly don't feel bad about what you did. It's a natural reaction to feeling like you are losing someone. Don't we all wish someone cared about us that much to fight for us? I know I did the same with my ex. Hell I just did it again to him the other day. But don't for a second think that your effort doesn't resonate with him. He may not want to be with you but he will remember you as caring about him. Sometimes I think that is more important than keeping our "dignity" Just a day at a time Kayley. Hugs. I'm really trying to not beat myself up for it. Sometimes I stop but ultimately it starts again at some point. I really hope he remembers it as me caring, I'm scared he just views me as 'crazy'. I think the really hard thing with these short term relationships is it feels like it was given up on before it was really given the chance. It never really got to become anything and you don't get to see the same faults in a person that you do if you're together longer. It's hard not to feel like something with potential was thrown away. At least if it had been given a chance, maybe both parties would see that it just wasn't going to work in the long term. Cheryl, 11111111111111. I'm well aware I'm not with him and my behaviour is not pulling him back or letting someone else in. I don't want someone else when I feel like this. What's the point in disguising my pain only to feel it more if that relationship doesn't work? I'm also well aware he doesn't even like me anymore, that does't turn off my feelings though. It hurts whether I want it to or not. I know I'm not what he wants but right now I'm hurting and I can't just turn it off or let it go. I just need to work through it. 1
Miss Clavel Posted November 28, 2016 Posted November 28, 2016 pride 1. a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. 2. the state or feeling of being proud. 3. a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem. you are too good for that man. i'd poast the old chestnut, "never cast your pearls" but that would be showing my age. show your pride, for the love of god. this man is so messed up. he seems to have some people pleasing component in his borderline personality. get shut of him and MOVE ON. good luck
Author Kayley Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 pride 1. a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. 2. the state or feeling of being proud. 3. a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem. you are too good for that man. i'd poast the old chestnut, "never cast your pearls" but that would be showing my age. show your pride, for the love of god. this man is so messed up. he seems to have some people pleasing component in his borderline personality. get shut of him and MOVE ON. good luck I'm trying. I'm just the kind of person whose far too hard on myself about things and that's what I'm doing now. I'm trying to get past it. The progress is slow, very slow but it's there. Maybe if we had been together longer, I'd have seen more of this 'messed up' side and it'd be easier to write him off as that. I'm trying to push through all my positive thoughts about him and remind myself of the not so positive things. I made mistakes but I need to stop blaming myself solely for this because I didn't make a mess of it on my own. Thank you
Author Kayley Posted February 8, 2017 Author Posted February 8, 2017 I can't believe I'm still finding this so difficult. This week especially, I swear I haven't stopped crying today and I just can't get him out of my head. I haven't felt this bad in a while. I have some days where I feel okay, some days where I think maybe I can get over this then days like today smack me in the face. This is definitely the worst one in a while though. I just wish I could talk to him one more time. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety and tbh I realise that there were times I was pretty unfair to him because my goddamn anxiety had me thinking the worst and creating problems that didn't exist. I want to apologise for that. I don't want to be together. As much as I miss what we had and I wish things had been different, I know that it could never be 'good' again. It isn't going to work and I don't want to try to make it work. There are just things I want to say and I'm struggling to let go of them.
polkapot Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 (edited) Hi Kayley, It's ok to be finding this difficult. It's not only the period of time the relationship lasted, but also how deeply you felt about this guy and the importance of the relationship to your life. I know what you mean about feeling guilty over anxiety-driven behaviour. I felt this way about an ex and would apologize to him about it. He told me that it's ok - he deals with it because he likes me. People who care about you and who are right for you will deal with all of you, even the parts that you don't like about yourself. These are the people who will help you grow. Everything you want to say to him, you've gotta resolve with yourself first. And once you do, he'll be irrelevant. Stick with NC, and keep posting on here. I'm going through the same thing and I'm pulling for you! Edited February 9, 2017 by polkapot
divegrl Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Hey Kayley I just spent a couple of minutes reading your whole thread. I am so sorry for what you are going thru! I had to do a double take because this story sounded exactly like my ex. Everything starts off strong, but then soon becomes distant. I too am left reeling from a 6 month relationship..... where like you say, there is so much that doesn't make sense. It seemed fine though afterwards and I cannot understand why he texted me for days while I was away, booking things for when I got back (which I know he did because he even sent me the confirmation) only to end it. The hardest thing to understand is the text an hour before asking how I was & 2£/5 my plans for the day were....then to get the break up text an hour after. That first text would obviously indicate everything was fine.... So many unanswered questions and I don't do well with no answers. There's more I want to say but I need to work so I'll probably end up rambling at some other point This. My ex sent me a text at 7 in the morning telling me how much he loved me.... then by 7 that same night he had gone distant. I was like, "whoa what happened". It's so bloody hard knowing that we had plans for winter. Thinking of what should have been. I was doing so well today then I felt the stupid need to look on his instagram. He'd uploaded a new picture, it was just of the dog but god it's still got me. I just don't understand why we couldn't talk it through. It was a rough 2 weeks it wasn't that bad! Yup. Mine too. We had definite plans for the month of January and then he just walked away. I am so sorry you're feeling this hurt and pain. It's totally understandable considering the way it ended; this situation absolutely sux. Just wanted to share my story to let you know you're not alone. Keep letting your emotions out. Keep leaning on people who love and support you. You will get thru this, one day at a time. Hugs my friend.
Author Kayley Posted February 21, 2017 Author Posted February 21, 2017 I honestly thought that by this point in time I'd be okay. I don't want to think about him anymore but I can't seem to stop myself. Some days it's more difficult than others. I think the problem with the anxiety was I didn't even realise that's what it was at the time and now that I know I just can't help but think that had I dealt with my anxiety issues before, maybe things wouldn't have happened the way that they did. We still might not have worked but still... I'm trying really hard to resolve things with myself but when 4 months down the line I still want that last conversation it's really hard and I'm scared that feeling isn't going to go away. Polkadot, thank you & I hope you're doing okay. Divegrl, thanks for your reply. I'm sorry that you went through this too. I hope you're doing okay & thanks so much for your reply <3
anna121 Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 It can take awhile. For me, when the heartbreak would last more than a couple of months, I would generally have to become interested in someone else in order to simply get my ex out of my mind. Not to necessarily start a full-blown relationship (and yes, some people will yell "rebound!"), but have a nice flirtation or a few dates to prove to myself that he was not the last person I would ever develop feelings for.
Author Kayley Posted March 5, 2017 Author Posted March 5, 2017 It can take awhile. For me, when the heartbreak would last more than a couple of months, I would generally have to become interested in someone else in order to simply get my ex out of my mind. Not to necessarily start a full-blown relationship (and yes, some people will yell "rebound!"), but have a nice flirtation or a few dates to prove to myself that he was not the last person I would ever develop feelings for. I've tried this but my mind still keeps coming back to him. I just don't understand why.
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