He completely ignored me

[Nicole10]

I get the impression that that is the case. You just made it very easy.

 

 

Obviously you pushed it past the breaking point.

 

Frankly, I can't picture anybody out of high school sticking around with a person who threatens breaking up during conflict. Life is way too short. I hope you get some support to get to a place where you won't do this again with any future relationship.

 

It doesnt make sense that he was explaining himself and asking to work things out, then talking about closing the distance if he wanted to break up. And all of this happened 1.5 months ago.

[basil67]

It doesnt make sense that he was explaining himself and asking to work things out, then talking about closing the distance if he wanted to break up. And all of this happened 1.5 months ago.

 

Your confusion comes because you're paying more attention to his words than his actions. Words are cheap. People don't always mean what they say. There isn't always a solid reason for why they say what they do.

 

It's just the same as how you've been (assumably) saying things to him about working on the relationship while you're cheating on him. If you're cheating, then your words are meaningless.

 

In the end, you looked at his actions. You concluded that there was no point in continuing. You were right.

[NuevoYorko]

Your confusion comes because you're paying more attention to his words than his actions. Words are cheap. People don't always mean what they say. There isn't always a solid reason for why they say what they do.

 

Also there's that pesky thing about OP telling him she wants to break up.

 

It's acceptable for that to completely erase any words he's said in the past.

 

If his words are supposed to have unalterable meaning, what about yours?

 

He's done with you. Time to start recovering.

[Nicole10]

Update:

Just wanted to share an update. So, after I apologized for being rude we stopped talking. Yesterday, as I was deleting his texts I accidentally pressed dial button but hang up immediately. I thlught it didnt even go through but he had a missed call.

Anyway he asked if I would like to talk and I agreed.

He told that he is aware of not being fair to me, that he is too busy and he should have been giving me more but... he is starting his own business and it is going slower and harder than he expected. He is at work sometimes 7 days a week and most of the time stressed. He also admitted that work is his priority and it is interfering with our relationship but wasnt sure what would be the best solution. He doesnt want for our relationship to end but doesnt want to hurt me either.

I told him if we dont have in mind closing the distance, then everything is pointless. He said he does have it in mind and that is one of the reasons he is working so hard.

He lives with his brother (brother's house) in one of the most expensive cities in USA. He wants me to move there in 1.5 years when I am done with school but we cant live with his brother. So, he is trying to start his business, save enough money to buy a house and have a steady income when I move there. I will be fresh out of school with no job.

With all this in mind, he told me he can only promise to talk to me on a daily basis (as it was till this point), and we could meet every 3-4 months. Basically, as it was up to this point.

Then he told me to think about it, sleep on it and talk to him.

What do you think? Does it make any sense?

Edited November 22, 2016 by Nicole10

[dumbass2]

How can you be in any type of relationship with those stipulations? You've already said it's not working for you. Why don't you end this so you can start something new with someone closer to you. This one just isn't going to work and you're wasting your time.

[Nicole10]

How can you be in any type of relationship with those stipulations? You've already said it's not working for you. Why don't you end this so you can start something new with someone closer to you. This one just isn't going to work and you're wasting your time.

 

Not sure why. Maybe because I am in school full time while also working full time and can't really focus on a real relationship. I also don't mind seeing him every three months (because I dont have time or money for something more frequent).

[Empyrea]

Sometimes a "real relationship" actually takes less energy. You get to see each other more often, fill up on positive energy during those times, and relax and focus on other things when apart. This kind of a LDR situation which isn't really fulfilling your needs will just cause you a lot of stress and anxiety without the positive reinforcement. It sounds like a poor decision, but it's your own to make.

[Nicole10]

Sometimes a "real relationship" actually takes less energy. You get to see each other more often, fill up on positive energy during those times, and relax and focus on other things when apart. This kind of a LDR situation which isn't really fulfilling your needs will just cause you a lot of stress and anxiety without the positive reinforcement. It sounds like a poor decision, but it's your own to make.

 

Thank you. I was saying I don't have the time to properly date other people. Partners need to spend time together in order to develop a bond. I was just saying that not being able to date or be in a relationship what the reason why I was so tolerant in LDR.

[dumbass2]

Thank you. I was saying I don't have the time to properly date other people. Partners need to spend time together in order to develop a bond. I was just saying that not being able to date or be in a relationship what the reason why I was so tolerant in LDR.

 

Yes, but it now sounds like it's not working for you so why continue on?

[Nicole10]

Yes, but it now sounds like it's not working for you so why continue on?

 

I know. But instead of just dumping him when he was not in a good place, I was just trying to understand and see if his reasons are valid. But, it is not that simple when you are 2000 away and can only assume what is going on.

[Nicole10]

After we talked, he told me to think about everything and we would talk more the next day. I understood he would call me but he didnt. So today I texted him "I thought you were supposed to call me yesterday. If you were busy, you could, at least, have let me know that"

 

His response.

"I thought it was the other way around, but regardless, that's not the issue at the moment. I think it will only get worse as time goes on. We are both stressing out. Your text today was in an angry tone. This is not the way I want to have a relationship. I have to go back to work now. Will call you at 9pm. To be continued."

 

I guess, I have my answer.

[dumbass2]

Well, let us know after you get that call tonight

[Nicole10]

Well, let us know after you get that call tonight

 

I hope you are not sarcastic because I really need to vent.

[anika99]

You are a dishonest and untrustworthy gf. You justify cheating because your bf didn't text you enough. Hmm....let me see...would I rather my bf cheat on me by dating other people behind my back or would I rather he miss 1 day of texting? Gosh, this a toughie, I just can't decide....

 

Your bf obviously didn't deserve your disloyalty and dishonesty and I'm glad he didn't do any grovelling to keep you this time, especially since he had no idea what a massive fool you were making of him. It's his job to make you feel special? How special do you think he would feel if he knew what you were doing?

 

Accept that the relationship is over and don't get seriously involved with anyone again until you mature. Cheating, lying and sending passive aggressive texts is not the way a mature adult deals with relationship problems.

[Nicole10]

1

You are a dishonest and untrustworthy gf. You justify cheating because your bf didn't text you enough. Hmm....let me see...would I rather my bf cheat on me by dating other people behind my back or would I rather he miss 1 day of texting? Gosh, this a toughie, I just can't decide....

 

Your bf obviously didn't deserve your disloyalty and dishonesty and I'm glad he didn't do any grovelling to keep you this time, especially since he had no idea what a massive fool you were making of him. It's his job to make you feel special? How special do you think he would feel if he knew what you were doing?

 

Accept that the relationship is over and don't get seriously involved with anyone again until you mature. Cheating, lying and sending passive aggressive texts is not the way a mature adult deals with relationship problems.

 

I didnt just go on a date with the other guy because I was bored. I went because I couldnt cope with the way my bf was behaving.

First of all, last trip with my bf was weird. He was distant, he had weird comments about LDR and he split the costs 50/50, without any regard for my hard financial situation. I worked overtime to afford that trip. He even answered the phone while we were having sex. When I got back from the trip, his texts were not only less frequent but distant. I confronted him few times, he blamed work and stress and was making plans to close the distance.

I stayed in a relationship and continued to save money to see him. While he was doing exactly what? He was texting me every day. And that is it. Something like a routine, I guess. I tried breaking up two more times. I know I should have done that first time but I couldnt.

I wasnt sure whether to believe his story of being stressed . I thought maybe I was insensitive and demanding. It is hard to tell when you dont see the person. And plus I love him, so I stayed. Anyway, what did it do to my self-esteem. It is nonexistent. I know seeing other guy is not the solution, but while waiting for my bf to be less busy, I felt good that someone was putting some effort to see me and actually call me on the phone rather then just text.

If I was losing interest in him, I would never lie to him or try to keep him around. LDR is already hard enough.

Edited November 24, 2016 by Nicole10

[anika99]

Again, cheating is not a mature way to deal with relationship problems.

 

I actually don't blame you for breaking up with him. I don't understand long distance relationships. Texting, phone calls, and the occasional face to face encounter just wouldn't cut it for me. I want to see, touch and hear my partner. I don't want to just tell them what I'm doing for fun on the weekend, I want my partner to be part of my fun on the weekend. I don't want to go to bed alone and fantasize about my partner, I want my partner in bed with me so we can make each other's fantasies come true. So I don't blame you for wanting a real life in the flesh man. I simply do not understand young people wasting their time in these virtual relationships. Go out and date people, have fun, enjoy life because you can't get time back, just don't cheat.

[Nicole10]

Again, cheating is not a mature way to deal with relationship problems.

 

I actually don't blame you for breaking up with him. I don't understand long distance relationships. Texting, phone calls, and the occasional face to face encounter just wouldn't cut it for me. I want to see, touch and hear my partner. I don't want to just tell them what I'm doing for fun on the weekend, I want my partner to be part of my fun on the weekend. I don't want to go to bed alone and fantasize about my partner, I want my partner in bed with me so we can make each other's fantasies come true. So I don't blame you for wanting a real life in the flesh man. I simply do not understand young people wasting their time in these virtual relationships. Go out and date people, have fun, enjoy life because you can't get time back, just don't cheat.

I never had a relationship in mind but it just happened. I visited him with zero expectations. We had fun, I got back to my state and still expected nothing. Then, he started texting more, being sweet. Offered to come visit me. Organized his schedule around mine. Again, we had fun, I started thinking about a relationship. A month later he booked a trip for both of us in order for me to relax after a stressful semester. We had a blast, and I never ever connected with someone on that level. I asked him where he sees this going. He offered to keep seeing each other and in about 1.5 years we could close the distance. Next two months, we spent planning for the upcoming trip. And since that trip things started going downhill. (He also started building his business around that time).

I actually didnt mind the distance much as I am too busy. And planning trips is also fun. I am not saying it is better than regular relationship, but when you really connect with someone long distance, you can't just be happy with some local guy, just because he is local.