He completely ignored me

[Nicole10]

I think everyone is giving you a massively hard time and I don't know if that's really how to help someone with low self worth. You will see things in your own time.

 

 

I think that you know deep down that you sent out that last text to him in a desperate ploy to feel loved and valued by him. We're all guilty of these things from time to time, so I don't think you should be condemned. I also think that people have good instincts and they feel insecure for a reason, when something is actually up. So you're probably spot on that he was losing interest/effort was declining or whatever.

 

 

And so I urge you to forget about getting that last bit of validation from him. It no longer matters if he reaches out to try to get you back etc. Find your own validation and learn to extricate yourself earlier from a situation that you're not content with rather than resorting to silly games designed to get you back on top. It's a very good idea, in my opinion, for you to remain single for a significant amount of time to face these insecurities and build a full life that doesn't require outside sources for fulfillment.

 

 

Also, BE someone you can be proud of (no cheating, games and any other crap) and then you will love YOURSELF.

Thank you so much. You are spot on talking about instincts and that I felt insecure for a reason. Yes, you are right that deep down I hoped he will reach out to me and explain why he didn't text the whole day.

And, yes, I stayed too long in this relationship even after I felt I wasn't getting what I wanted.

[Space Ritual]

It is a partner's role to make other person feel special.

 

 

LMFAO!

 

No one is under any obligation to make someone feel special. I suspect you have received your share of participation trophies in your life that would make you feel that way.

 

There are no guarantees in relationships, just like there are no guarantees in life itself.

 

That internet fantasy air you are breathing must be thick with entitlement.

 

Hope you don't break your ankle when the Unicorn bucks you off it's back. It may be a bit embarrassing to tell people you broke it chasing a rainbow.

[Nicole10]

Have you ever been in a relationship? Did you ever do something special for your partner's bday to feel special? We live 2k miles apart, I couldn't have done much but I made sure to text and then call him first thing in the morning for his bday. (I wanted to wait midnight and call but there is also a time difference). You know what he did for mine? Texted me around 2pm, I guess when he had a break from work. That was the first good morning as well as happy bday text. That kind of special. Just small things partners do for each other to show they care. Especially, if they are in LDR.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Nicole10

[Mkn1010]

I'm pretty sure people here are getting kicks out of making fun of OP and I don't think that's cool despite her actions.

[basil67]

Rather than feeling "special", I think it's more about having our partner feel appreciated and wanted. It's not unreasonable to want to feel like our partner wants us in their life.

 

Nicole, he wasn't meeting your needs and you did the right thing ending it with him. Granted, you ended it poorly - but it's over now and you can begin your healing.

[Buddhist]

I'm pretty sure people here are getting kicks out of making fun of OP and I don't think that's cool despite her actions.

 

I don't get kicks out of watching someone fall into the same hole that I did. I like to think that not everyone needs the broken ankles and grazed knees that I recovered from. I am well known on this site for not sugar-coating though, it's not make me feel big, but comes from having already kicked my own arse for similar thinking.

 

I get the softly, softly approach that many people adopt. But diplomacy and soft approaches haven't worked well in the environments I've worked with a lot of GenY and younger in. There's more than just idealism at play in those generations. There's actually a bonafide delusional aspect to it. I can't tell you how often I've seen young people accept a job, get into the job and then start complaining about how unfair the expectations of the job are. Not only that but then set about trying to get the organisation to change the job responsibilities to suit whatever idea they personally have of working. Which in a lot of case is going a lot of social media stuff on their phones. It's pretty similar to how schools now work. Don't correct mistakes, instead move the goal posts so those mistakes are now acceptable and the new standard so you can give the student an A instead. People are smart, they work out pretty quickly how to game a system if you let them.

 

A delusion that was cultivated by my own generation attempting new age parenting, or whatever we want to call it. It's a failed experiment to overly shield young people from the realities of life, and give them feathered nests for the 'best possible start in life'. All that does is make them ill-prepared for a world that sadly won't continue the same tradition their parents started.

 

I know that words don't teach, only life teaches but if we were all to adhere to that then advice forums wouldn't exist. SHe's asking for advice. Sure enough I'm not telling her what she wants to hear, I know that. That doesn't make the advice any less valid though.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Buddhist

[Mkn1010]

I like the posts you offered Buddhist, I don't think you were having a laugh! Your writing is very thoughtful

[Nicole10]

Rather than feeling "special", I think it's more about having our partner feel appreciated and wanted. It's not unreasonable to want to feel like our partner wants us in their life.

 

Nicole, he wasn't meeting your needs and you did the right thing ending it with him. Granted, you ended it poorly - but it's over now and you can begin your healing.

Thank you.

Update: I apologized for ending things poorly and told him I was sorry things were not working out and that he was probably aware of it to.

He said "thanks for claryfying. I cant justify arguing with you since this is the 3rd time you are ending things. All the best."

I replied: Yeah, it probably tells you something. Other things are priorities in our lives and it is what it is. All the best."

[Nicole10]

He also said he was working and had a ****ty day (he does work till midnight sometimes because he has his own business). Then he said "take care of yourself and if our paths cross in the future I would like that."

This kind of texts kept me so long in this relationship. He always had an excuse and always seemed serious about us.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Nicole10

[Nicole10]

Why does it hurt so much? And why am I still hoping?

[NuevoYorko]

Yikes. I guess after reading this thread, my takeaway is that it was definitely time for this to have come to a merciful end. I'm sorry you are hurt.

 

Are you dating anyone else currently?

[Nicole10]

Yikes. I guess after reading this thread, my takeaway is that it was definitely time for this to have come to a merciful end. I'm sorry you are hurt.

 

Are you dating anyone else currently?

No, I am not. Would you mind to share why you think it was time to end this. I might be able to see it myself and feel better about everything.

[Mkn1010]

(I know I didn't post that but here's my two cents for what it's worth):

 

 

Because you weren't feeling good, whether that's your fault or his, you ended up sending that 'dumping him' message which speaks volumes about where your self-worth was at. Either the relationship or you (yourself) was causing that, and BOTH of those require being single as the solution!

[basil67]

No, I am not. Would you mind to share why you think it was time to end this. I might be able to see it myself and feel better about everything.

 

Because he wasn't meeting your relationship needs. Because things were so bad that you'd already dumped him twice previously. And because you were cheating on him.

 

The relationship was a wreck. Leaving was the right thing to do.

[Nicole10]

Because he wasn't meeting your relationship needs. Because things were so bad that you'd already dumped him twice previously. And because you were cheating on him.

 

The relationship was a wreck. Leaving was the right thing to do.

 

Thank you. I have zero patience and I dumped him when he, let's say, started texting me good morning at 2pm, instead of at 11am or whatever he was doing before. He claimed that he was busy and stressed, I saw it as a sign of losing interest

[Empyrea]

I think you have every reason to feel sad that a 1.5 year relationship has come to an end, but really it does look like there was no way to avoid that happening. 1.5 years is just around the time that people have left the initial "in love" phase, get more comfortable, true colours and habits are showing, etc. Clearly, the two of you were not a good match in the long run, because you need more validation and affection, whereas he seems to prioritise his work commitments. Maybe this difference would have remained hidden longer if he wasn't going through stressful times at work or due to the distance or whatnot, but I'm sure it would have eventually. You constantly demanding validation created an additional source of stress for him, and him being unable to give you what you needed was making you unhappy. Calling it quits was the only right thing to do. And yet, you're allowed to feel grief at the loss of a relationship. Take care!

[MarkIVSteel]

Just pick up the phone, call him and apologize for the text you sent. Tell him you didn't mean to send that text to him. You were only hurting because you hadn't heard from him. Tell him that you still love him and have feelings for him and don't want to break up with him.

[Nicole10]

Just pick up the phone, call him and apologize for the text you sent. Tell him you didn't mean to send that text to him. You were only hurting because you hadn't heard from him. Tell him that you still love him and have feelings for him and don't want to break up with him.

 

Thanks but he already said I broke up three times already and he cant justify arguing with me again.

I get hung up on little details though. Why did he mention future and if our paths cross in the future, he would like that. He mentioned it before too. Something like if we cant work out because of distance, I would like to try in the future (if we are both single of course).

[Emilia]

Thank you. I have zero patience and I dumped him when he, let's say, started texting me good morning at 2pm, instead of at 11am or whatever he was doing before. He claimed that he was busy and stressed, I saw it as a sign of losing interest

 

Thanks but he already said I broke up three times already and he cant justify arguing with me again.

I get hung up on little details though. Why did he mention future and if our paths cross in the future, he would like that. He mentioned it before too. Something like if we cant work out because of distance, I would like to try in the future (if we are both single of course).

I think you are far too insecure to be in a relationship.

[stillafool]

Thank you.

Update: I apologized for ending things poorly and told him I was sorry things were not working out and that he was probably aware of it to.

He said "thanks for claryfying. I cant justify arguing with you since this is the 3rd time you are ending things. All the best."

I replied: Yeah, it probably tells you something. Other things are priorities in our lives and it is what it is. All the best."

 

He also said he was working and had a ****ty day (he does work till midnight sometimes because he has his own business). Then he said "take care of yourself and if our paths cross in the future I would like that."

This kind of texts kept me so long in this relationship. He always had an excuse and always seemed serious about us.

 

I'm so glad you decided to call him and find out the above situation yourself so you can put your mind to rest that it really is over. I know it may sting a bit but at least you know now he doesn't want you back and you can go forward and heal. The "take care of yourself and if out paths cross in the future I would like that" was just a nice way of saying if we see each other on the street we can be friendly but nothing more. I really hope that you will take this as your closure of this relationship and heal. Best of luck to you.

[Nicole10]

I'm so glad you decided to call him and find out the above situation yourself so you can put your mind to rest that it really is over. I know it may sting a bit but at least you know now he doesn't want you back and you can go forward and heal. The "take care of yourself and if out paths cross in the future I would like that" was just a nice way of saying if we see each other on the street we can be friendly but nothing more. I really hope that you will take this as your closure of this relationship and heal. Best of luck to you.

Thank you for your insight. However, I cant agree with the part about future. First of all we are 2k miles away, no way we will ever meet on the street.

And also, when I broke up with him the first time (not proud of it) he asked if we could at least stay in touch. I asked why and he said "just because it is not working now because of distance, it doesnt mean I dont want you in my life and have no hope for the future (that it might happen in the future). Now, he brings it up again.

[stillafool]

If you start grasping at straws you will never heal. To me and pretty much everyone else here he gave you a final goodbye with a 'in the future' thrown in to make it sound nice. You can use the word 'future' to keep you stuck where you are or you can face reality that it is over and go on and heal. It's up to you at this point as he was very clear.

[Nicole10]

If you start grasping at straws you will never heal. To me and pretty much everyone else here he gave you a final goodbye with a 'in the future' thrown in to make it sound nice. You can use the word 'future' to keep you stuck where you are or you can face reality that it is over and go on and heal. It's up to you at this point as he was very clear.

 

I know that but you are making that sound like all he wanted was to break up. I didnt expect him to beg me to stay this time. He already did that the first two times. The second time he also said "goodbye, all the best." But somehow, we talked more and he hept explaining his busy work and life and we worked it out.

I am not saying I am planning on doing the same thing this time, just saying he said the same things the last time and that is generally what you usually say when someone dumps you. No one wants to sound desperate.

[stillafool]

Well like I said it is up to you if you want to keep waiting it out. I hope it all works out for you.

[NuevoYorko]

I know that but you are making that sound like all he wanted was to break up.

I get the impression that that is the case. You just made it very easy.

 

I didnt expect him to beg me to stay this time. He already did that the first two times. The second time he also said "goodbye, all the best." But somehow, we talked more and he hept explaining his busy work and life and we worked it out.

 

Obviously you pushed it past the breaking point.

 

Frankly, I can't picture anybody out of high school sticking around with a person who threatens breaking up during conflict. Life is way too short. I hope you get some support to get to a place where you won't do this again with any future relationship.