He completely ignored me

November 20, 2016

Didn't I just answer this question in post #21?

I double posted it somehow. I apologize

November 20, 2016

I was in relationships where I felt special and, maybe not the center of the Universe but pretty important. My ex-bf was ready to move to another continent because of me (wasnt LDR, we lived in the same city), another one was ready to change his career (accept less demanding but also lower paying job) to be able to spend more time with me. I never asked something like this from my current bf, Making plans to see me and talking to me every day wasn't too much to ask.

It clearly was for him. You are now single. Now go date someone who will do all those things you want.

November 20, 2016

Long-distance relationships are very difficult and the probability of success is low. Relationships thrive through shared experience and time spent together. I think your LDR has run its course. Doesn't make him a bad guy. Just means it's time for both of you to move on.

November 20, 2016

Long-distance relationships are very difficult and the probability of success is low. Relationships thrive through shared experience and time spent together. I think your LDR has run its course. Doesn't make him a bad guy. Just means it's time for both of you to move on.

It does make him a bad guy. If he lost interest, he should have told me that and not let me stress over his texts. Also, if I didn't break up now, he would let me spend money and time on our next vacation. And then, I seem bad for dating other people.

November 20, 2016

It does make him a bad guy. If he lost interest, he should have told me that and not let me stress over his texts. Also, if I didn't break up now, he would let me spend money and time on our next vacation. And then I seem bad for dating other people.

And then? But you've already dated others while you were allegedly in a relationship (good or bad) with him. You already 'seem bad'.

Did you tell him you were dating others? Maybe he picked up on it.

November 20, 2016

And then? But you've already dated others while you were allegedly in a relationship (good or bad) with him. You already 'seem bad'.

Did you tell him you were dating others? Maybe he picked up on it.

No, I did not tell him about dating others. I was just tired of him shuting down whenever he was "stressed". Again, that never happened at the beginning of our relationship. I guess, somehow, his work got so stressful all of a sudden. Yes, he told me every single detail of his project, and it was overwhelming but still not an excuse to treat me poorly.

November 20, 2016

No, I did not tell him about dating others. I was just tired of him shuting down whenever he was "stressed". Again, that never happened at the beginning of our relationship. I guess, somehow, his work got so stressful all of a sudden. Yes, he told me every single detail of his project, and it was overwhelming but still not an excuse to treat me poorly.

But you viewed it as an excuse to cheat. Don't you see the hypocrisy?

November 20, 2016

But you viewed it as an excuse to cheat. Don't you see the hypocrisy?

My best friend has been cheating on her husband for 2 years.

She reasons he deserves it as he has been mean to her for a few years before this.

Ive tried telling her this. His bad behavior is a reason to divorce not to stay with him and cheat.

The op isnt married to him and is long distance. Why why why dont people just breakup instead of doing these things.

November 20, 2016

But you viewed it as an excuse to cheat. Don't you see the hypocrisy?

I guess I should have been done with him and then date others but I had and still have feelings for him. I guess it was my copying mechanism while waiting for him to reschedule our meeting.

What I am asking here: is his lack of response a sign that he is annoyed by my text (I already did this once and he begged me to stay) or is it a sign that he lost interest and wanted the relationship to end.

It is just weird to end things in one sentence after 1.5 years.

November 20, 2016

Btw, he hasnt been online today at all. He usually comes every two hours or so. Maybe he is really busy.

November 20, 2016

So it would ve safe to say I will never hear from him again. I was ready to end the relationship when I texted him (well, not ready for no response but I did expect him to say something like "ok, if that is what you want."

That's the problem. The problem is you are butthurt that he didn't massage your ego and give you the validation you wanted.

You wanted him to acknowledge your text or grovel and beg. When he didn't do that, your ego got hurt.

Not only that, you cheated on him as well. He's better off without you and he's probably already dating another woman that is treating him much better than you did.

November 20, 2016

Stop with the victim play. I was treated so poorly, he just doesn't care about me, I don't feel special. Oh please. You are a grown adult acting like a 5yr old child. Not only that but also going behind his back and cheating on him too. And you expect us to have sympathy for you because he decided enough of your games and to finally ignore you as he should have done so long ago. You spent 1.5 yrs with this guy of your own free will. If you didn't like having to pay for so much then why do it? You had a choice and made the choice to spend it. The fact you did that expecting some kind of transactional return on your investment doesn't make other people wrong and bad for failing to live up to that.

Your posts are all about 'me, me, me' and how special you need to feel and how your expectations are so right and everyone else is wrong. Sorry to call it this way but you need to grow up and realise that it isn't other people's job to make you feel special. The problem society has now is a whole generation of people who think like you do. That the world owes them their expectations on a plate with a bow on top merely because they exist and they shouldn't have to be accountable for their own participation in events that aren't to their liking.

Edited November 20, 2016 by Buddhist

November 20, 2016

Stop with the victim play. I was treated so poorly, he just doesn't care about me, I don't feel special. Oh please. You are a grown adult acting like a 5yr old child. Not only that but also going behind his back and cheating on him too. And you expect us to have sympathy for you because he decided enough of your games and to finally ignore you as he should have done so long ago. You spent 1.5 yrs with this guy of your own free will. If you didn't like having to pay for so much then why do it? You had a choice and made the choice to spend it. The fact you did that expecting some kind of transactional return on your investment doesn't make other people wrong and bad for failing to live up to that.

Your posts are all about 'me, me, me' and how special you need to feel and how your expectations are so right and everyone else is wrong. Sorry to call it this way but you need to grow up and realise that it isn't other people's job to make you feel special. The problem society has now is a whole generation of people who think like you do. That the world owes them their expectations on a plate with a bow on top merely because they exist and they shouldn't have to be accountable for their own participation in events that aren't to their liking.

It is a partner's role to make other person feel special. Otherwise, why staying together, especially in LDR. I stayed longer than I should have because I fell for him. I made every possible excuse based on how he treated me in the past, work-related stress or whatever not. But, when text messages and communication is everything you have in LDR, then going a day without talking IS too much. No one is that busy.

November 20, 2016

And I dont expect anyone to have sympathy for me. I am hurt that this ended and just need more insight because I cannot get an honest answer from him (or any answer at all).

November 20, 2016

And I dont expect anyone to have sympathy for me. I am hurt that this ended and just need more insight because I cannot get an honest answer from him (or any answer at all).

Why would you expect one? You told him there was no point in keeping in touch. I'm assuming he took that as final.

You were too stubborn to initiate friendly texting, and felt it was on him to always lead. It's not his job to make you feel special. Every. Single. Day.

Bottom line, you ended it. He's probably assumed you have someone else on the hook.

Call that guy you want on two dates with who wanted to have sex in the car. It'll take your mind off things.

November 20, 2016

No, I did not tell him about dating others. I was just tired of him shuting down whenever he was "stressed". Again, that never happened at the beginning of our relationship. I guess, somehow, his work got so stressful all of a sudden. Yes, he told me every single detail of his project, and it was overwhelming but still not an excuse to treat me poorly.

Don't worry I'm sure he was dating others as well. Probably the real reason he was tired.

November 20, 2016

Why would you expect one? You told him there was no point in keeping in touch. I'm assuming he took that as final.

.

What???? OP you have the answer above. He took you at your word and has moved on. What else did you expect?

November 20, 2016

And I dont expect anyone to have sympathy for me. I am hurt that this ended and just need more insight because I cannot get an honest answer from him (or any answer at all).

If you wanted an honest answer, you shouldn't have sent that awful text. You end it in a civil manner with an actual conversation.

November 20, 2016

If you wanted an honest answer, you shouldn't have sent that awful text. You end it in a civil manner with an actual conversation.

I was tired of someone who talks about waiting for me to be done with school, buying a house together and moving in together while, on the other hand, couldn't text hi till 10pm or perhaps not at all.

November 20, 2016

That's understandable. So you broke it off with him and he has moved on. Why haven't you?

November 20, 2016

It is a partner's role to make other person feel special. Otherwise, why staying together,

And this is the fallacy underlying all your relationships. No, other people aren't in your life to make you feel special. That is a totally unrealistic expectation that most people grow beyond. That's a fairytale for little girls who still believe in the tooth fairy and santa claus.

Don't believe me? Go and read a heap of properly researched relationship books. Not girly fluff books about knights in armour and men proving their love rubbish. But books written by relationship researchers who had found out what makes a successful relationship (longterm marriages) and what doesn't.

It's our personal responsibility to fulfil our own needs. It's also part of growing up to realise that feeling special is a phantom that comes and goes from your life on a whim and isn't something to make decisions over. I don't blame you for thinking as you do, I did as well at some point. And God knows there's an entire publishing industry out there making a ****load of money off people believing in this fairytale. The self help industry is out there telling everyone on the planet they are special snowflakes with some divine mission to accomplish and nothing short of every dream coming true for you will ever be success or fulfilment. I'm hear to tell you though....all of that is rubbish.

The truth is we are human, mostly no better nor worse than each other. All of us think we are unique when the truth is we are mostly very similar. A very few people live their dreams, most do not. Most live lives of whatever meaning we can find for ourselves. The mid life crisis is nothing more than realising that you've been sold a load of **** by society, the self help industry, spiritualists and anyone with an internet connection who wants to make money off you. You come to a point where you realise all your striving and believing and positive thinking was a giant waste of time and it's now time to get real, decide what is actually important in life and leave everything else behind. Some people sadly take their own lives out of waking up from The Matrix which is modern marketing. The shock is that rude.

Ego death is just the leaving behind of neurotic neediness and realising that life is what you make of it. It's mostly unremarkable and yet the most powerfully moving moments in your life are things like a cat falling asleep on your lap in total trust that you won't harm it. You having a fight with someone over trivial **** and getting up the next morning realising it was trivia and the relationship you have is more important than that. The ordinary is extraordinary for the fact that life is mostly cruel but some little moments of beauty exist.

Your Holy Grail quest for someone who makes you endlessly feel special is hollow and foolish. That's your job. And eventually you'll realise that feeling special is actually a waste of time too.

November 20, 2016

That's understandable. So you broke it off with him and he has moved on. Why haven't you?

Because this happened less then 24 hours ago and as I said, believe it or not, I have feeling, strong feelings for him.

November 20, 2016

Because this happened less then 24 hours ago and as I said, believe it or not, I have feeling, strong feelings for him.

Oh well, you'll just have to take your time and heal. Even if you were the one who broke up I guess it will just be a matter of time before you're over it.

November 20, 2016

And this is the fallacy underlying all your relationships. No, other people aren't in your life to make you feel special. That is a totally unrealistic expectation that most people grow beyond. That's a fairytale for little girls who still believe in the tooth fairy and santa claus.

Don't believe me? Go and read a heap of properly researched relationship books. Not girly fluff books about knights in armour and men proving their love rubbish. But books written by relationship researchers who had found out what makes a successful relationship (longterm marriages) and what doesn't.

It's our personal responsibility to fulfil our own needs. It's also part of growing up to realise that feeling special is a phantom that comes and goes from your life on a whim and isn't something to make decisions over. I don't blame you for thinking as you do, I did as well at some point. And God knows there's an entire publishing industry out there making a ****load of money off people believing in this fairytale. The self help industry is out there telling everyone on the planet they are special snowflakes with some divine mission to accomplish and nothing short of every dream coming true for you will ever be success or fulfilment. I'm hear to tell you though....all of that is rubbish.

The truth is we are human, mostly no better nor worse than each other. All of us think we are unique when the truth is we are mostly very similar. A very few people live their dreams, most do not. Most live lives of whatever meaning we can find for ourselves. The mid life crisis is nothing more than realising that you've been sold a load of **** by society, the self help industry, spiritualists and anyone with an internet connection who wants to make money off you. You come to a point where you realise all your striving and believing and positive thinking was a giant waste of time and it's now time to get real, decide what is actually important in life and leave everything else behind. Some people sadly take their own lives out of waking up from The Matrix which is modern marketing. The shock is that rude.

Ego death is just the leaving behind of neurotic neediness and realising that life is what you make of it. It's mostly unremarkable and yet the most powerfully moving moments in your life are things like a cat falling asleep on your lap in total trust that you won't harm it. You having a fight with someone over trivial **** and getting up the next morning realising it was trivia and the relationship you have is more important than that. The ordinary is extraordinary for the fact that life is mostly cruel but some little moments of beauty exist.

Your Holy Grail quest for someone who makes you endlessly feel special is hollow and foolish. That's your job. And eventually you'll realise that feeling special is actually a waste of time too.

Maybe we dont have the same perception of what I meant by feeling special. By feeling special, I meant not feeling insecure about how he feels about us. We only text, and rarely talk on the phone. I would feel special if he called for 5 min to tell me he wanted to hear my voice. Or explained that is too busy to plan a meeting (which he did) but then also tell me how much he misses me and at least give me some approximate time when he will available. Nothing of this happened. He just said he knows we were supposed to meet but he is too busy and stressed to plan anything.

November 20, 2016

I think everyone is giving you a massively hard time and I don't know if that's really how to help someone with low self worth. You will see things in your own time.

I think that you know deep down that you sent out that last text to him in a desperate ploy to feel loved and valued by him. We're all guilty of these things from time to time, so I don't think you should be condemned. I also think that people have good instincts and they feel insecure for a reason, when something is actually up. So you're probably spot on that he was losing interest/effort was declining or whatever.

And so I urge you to forget about getting that last bit of validation from him. It no longer matters if he reaches out to try to get you back etc. Find your own validation and learn to extricate yourself earlier from a situation that you're not content with rather than resorting to silly games designed to get you back on top. It's a very good idea, in my opinion, for you to remain single for a significant amount of time to face these insecurities and build a full life that doesn't require outside sources for fulfillment.

Also, BE someone you can be proud of (no cheating, games and any other crap) and then you will love YOURSELF.

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He completely ignored me

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