He completely ignored me

[Nicole10]

I posted here before about this guy. We are in the long distance 1.5 years. At beginning things were great, then we had rough patches, then kind of sorted it out and talked about future plans (I was to move there when done with school). I also accepted that he wasn't going to text me as much as at the beginning, he got more comfortable. But we still kept in touch texting in the morning, throughout the day and good night. I also stopped reading too much into whether he was texting 50 or 5 times a day.

But yesterday, it was 11pm and no single text from him. Maybe I should have sent him one first, but I didn't want to. So, I had enough and texted him: "Good night. I guess we both agree there is no point to keep in touch anymore." He read it, was online few more times after that and never replied. After putting so much effort to travel and meet him, and after talking for two years every single day, I would expect a response.

What do you think? Was I wrong to send this kind of a text? How would you react in his situation?

[introverted1]

What was your intent when you sent that message - were you truly calling things off or was that a passive aggressive way of trying to prompt him into begging you to give him another chance? Either way, there are more mature (and more productive) ways to communicate.

 

Assuming there is anything here to salvage (I have not read your back story), you might want to try communicating with him.

[Nicole10]

Thank you for your reply.

I was prepared to break up with him when I sent this. I am very well aware that breaking up with someone repeatedly is not the way to keep the relationship.

When I broke up with him the first time, he didnt want to let me go and we salvaged the relationship. I know that this time he might not do the same and I am ok with that. I cant put so much effort into something if I don't feel confident in a relationship. It is already hard enough just because it is a long distance. I remember the times when I felt confident about us and it felt great.

I am only surprised by his lack of response.

[introverted1]

I can't speak for him, but that message would have annoyed me. And I'd have been happy to take the message at face value. Perhaps that's what he did.

[Nicole10]

I can't speak for him, but that message would have annoyed me. And I'd have been happy to take the message at face value. Perhaps that's what he did.

 

Yeah, I guess that is what he did too. Just confirms that he wasn't fully commited in the first place.

Edited November 20, 2016 by Nicole10

[losangelena]

I think your text was an overreaction. You've been seeing this guy for 1.5 years, he doesn't text you for a day, and you suddenly announce that there's no point keeping in touch? Wow, talk about zero to sixty. If I were you, I would have texted something way more benign—how was you day, maybe—and seen how he responded.

 

I don't understand why you'd just call it quits on a relationship like this after only one day of no communication.

[Nicole10]

I think your text was an overreaction. You've been seeing this guy for 1.5 years, he doesn't text you for a day, and you suddenly announce that there's no point keeping in touch? Wow, talk about zero to sixty. If I were you, I would have texted something way more benign—how was you day, maybe—and seen how he responded.

 

I don't understand why you'd just call it quits on a relationship like this after only one day of no communication.

I did it because two months ago, our communication drastically changed. He started a project that was stressing him out, and even though he still initiated most of our converstaions, they were almost non existent comparing to before. I confronted him about it and that is when we almost broke up but he explained how busy and stressed he was and warned me that he foresees similar amount of communication in the future too. I decided to give it another shot and things actually improved. He texted more often, told me he was missing me and in general tried more (but still not as much as in the beginning).

And since he knows how much it upsets me when I dont hear from him, why would he go the entire day without saying hello. And the app shows he was online around 2pm, and then around 10pm as well. Again, I know I could have texted him first as well, but I just feel like I am putting more effort into this relationship than he does.

He does initiate conversations but when it comes to seeing each other, I am a student and can barely afford to fly across the country to see him, but I still do. He does fly to see me too, but comparing our incomes and general situation, if I am honest, I do expect some help from him. He did mention paying for our trips in the future, but I just can't be sure about it. When I am around him, I am somehow used to paying my own share and have the feeling he values money too much. Yeah, he is cheap too. And dont get me wrong, I am not a gold digger, expecting someone to take me on vacations but I do spend my last hard earned money to see him.

With all that being said, I can't deal with lack of communication too. If I am going to spend my last money on him, he better show me he is really interested in me.

Sorry, I am rambling, just trying to figure out what really bothers me about the whole situation.

Edited November 20, 2016 by Nicole10

[MidwestUSA]

I think you actually did the guy a favor. You weren't exclusive, were you?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/601619-seriously-red-flags

[ElizabethIII]

Now you're both free to meet someone close to home.

[Nicole10]

I think you actually did the guy a favor. You weren't exclusive, were you?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/601619-seriously-red-flags

 

I did him a favor? He expects me to move across the country for him, to live together but he doesn't bother saying hello for the entire day. Not to mention, showing zero concern about my financial situation and my efforts to meet him. I have the feeling if I offered to cover his trips, he would have accepted without a second thought.

[MidwestUSA]

I did him a favor? He expects me to move across the country for him, to live together but he doesn't bother saying hello for the entire day. Not to mention, showing zero concern about my financial situation and my efforts to meet him. I have the feeling if I offered to cover his trips, he would have accepted without a second thought.

 

 

Is he required to say hello while you are on dates with other guys?

[Nicole10]

Is he required to say hello while you are on dates with other guys?

 

Yes, he is. I have decided to date other guys after being sick of feeling insecure in a relationship. I do have feelings for him, but I wouldn't settle for someone who is not 100% crazy about me. He was at the beginning and I never even thought about dating other guys. He convinced me to stay in relationship, talked about future with me, but the feeling of insecurity is still present. The last thing I want is for him to string me along. If he has lost interest he could have been honest about it.

Example: before he would schedule another meeting as soon as he gets home from visiting my city. Then he would talk about it every week. Now, we were supposed to meet this month. He was very busy, I was probably even busier. And meeting was impossible. He did mention something like" I know we should plan to meet but I am so strung I cant even think abput it. We will plan something soon"I replied with "no worries, I am busy too." He never, ever mentioned anything again. The last time we saw each other was in August. That is the change I am talking about and he has been denying. I wish guys could be more honest and open about their level of interest.

[MarkIVSteel]

That was pretty passive aggressive of you. A man goes through enough headaches in this world and doesn't need his own woman piling on those headaches.

[Nicole10]

That was pretty passive aggressive of you. A man goes through enough headaches in this world and doesn't need his own woman piling on those headaches.

So it would ve safe to say I will never hear from him again. I was ready to end the relationship when I texted him (well, not ready for no response but I did expect him to say something like "ok, if that is what you want."

[Deonce]

You sound just like my ex GF that I had a LDR with. She would send me texts like that and I would be annoyed every time. Not surprised he hasn't responded.

 

He deserves a better girl, not only are you cheating on him but you also seem immature.

[Nicole10]

You sound just like my ex GF that I had a LDR with. She would send me texts like that and I would be annoyed every time. Not surprised he hasn't responded.

 

He deserves a better girl, not only are you cheating on him but you also seem immature.

 

I appreciate your insight but... did you miss the part where I said he has changed and I am def not a priority in his life (not sure if I ever was). My life is 100 times more stressful and harder comparing to his, but it doesnt affect my communication with him. I was terrified that in order to afford our next meeting I will be completely broke (I would do it for a guy who cares) and I am not sure he would be willing to help me out. So, yeah, I decided to keep my options open, in case he decides his life is too stressful to have LDR.

Another example: our last trip was to Mexico. He suggested Hawaii, I said I couldn't afford it so we opted for Mexico. While I never expected him to pay for my ticket or hotel, he did split everything in half (including tips at all inclusive resort and small things like sun lotion, T-shirts and tickets for entertainment. We took turns paying for it). Come on, you wanted to go to Hawaii in the first place... but I never broke up with him because I don't think this is a good enough reason to be a dealbreaker. However, his lack of effort is def a dealbreaker.

Edited November 20, 2016 by Nicole10

[Space Ritual]

You were both dating internet air with a coupe of Real life interludes along the way.

 

Move on. Long distance relationships require a boatload of trust and communication, which this LDR has none of. It's dead in the water.Find someone you can date in real life and be able to look into their eyes and touch them every day. It is very hard for some people to decipher tone through text. Take it as a lesson that you would be better off without and LDR.

[stillafool]

So it would ve safe to say I will never hear from him again. I was ready to end the relationship when I texted him (well, not ready for no response but I did expect him to say something like "ok, if that is what you want."

 

His silence is telling you the above. He didn't respond because you might respond back and keep this thing going. He wanted it to end.

[Space Ritual]

. My life is 100 times more stressful and harder comparing to his.

Then the choice is obvious isn't it?

[Nicole10]

His silence is telling you the above. He didn't respond because you might respond back and keep this thing going. He wanted it to end.

 

Then, why did he bring up moving in together and also our future together? He also, wanted me to meet his parents and invited me to a family cruise three months ago (I was not comfortable with that idea and we went to Mexico once he was back from a cruise).

[stillafool]

Then, why did he bring up moving in together and also our future together? He also, wanted me to meet his parents and invited me to a family cruise three months ago (I was not comfortable with that idea and we went to Mexico once he was back from a cruise).

 

Who knows? The point is he's gone now.

[Buddhist]

Yes, he is. I have decided to date other guys after being sick of feeling insecure in a relationship.

 

Your insecurity will not be fixed by throwing more men into the mix.

 

I do have feelings for him, but I wouldn't settle for someone who is not 100% crazy about me. He was at the beginning and I never even thought about dating other guys. He convinced me to stay in relationship, talked about future with me, but the feeling of insecurity is still present.

 

Because your insecurity is your problem, not his. Dating other men in a ridiculous attempt to make him jealous and give you what you want, and then sending passive aggressive jabs down a phone at him just makes you look very immature and not ready for a proper relationship.

 

So you aren't the centre of his universe? Well what man do you imagine is out there that will make you the centre of his universe? You need to get this idea out of your head because it will never happen and you're just going to go around and round in circles chasing someone else's attention as a cure for all that you personally lack within yourself. No-one in the world has enough attention to shine it endlessly on you and fix your insecurities. Not even your own parents let alone a romantic partner.

 

In the meantime you are coming off as a headache of a GF, wanting too much attention, not being to go even a single day without a virtual pat and reassurance and then lashing out in anger when you don't get what you want. Go home, stare at yourself in the mirror until you have an epiphany about why you are so needy and demanding of others.

[Nicole10]

His silence is telling you the above. He didn't respond because you might respond back and keep this thing going. He wanted it to end.

 

Then, why did he bring up moving in together and also our future together? He also, wanted me to meet his parents and invited me to a family cruise three months ago (I was not comfortable with that idea and we went to Mexico once he was back from a cruise).

[stillafool]

Then, why did he bring up moving in together and also our future together? He also, wanted me to meet his parents and invited me to a family cruise three months ago (I was not comfortable with that idea and we went to Mexico once he was back from a cruise).

 

Didn't I just answer this question in post #21?

[Nicole10]

Your insecurity will not be fixed by throwing more men into the mix.

 

 

 

Because your insecurity is your problem, not his. Dating other men in a ridiculous attempt to make him jealous and give you what you want, and then sending passive aggressive jabs down a phone at him just makes you look very immature and not ready for a proper relationship.

 

So you aren't the centre of his universe? Well what man do you imagine is out there that will make you the centre of his universe? You need to get this idea out of your head because it will never happen and you're just going to go around and round in circles chasing someone else's attention as a cure for all that you personally lack within yourself. No-one in the world has enough attention to shine it endlessly on you and fix your insecurities. Not even your own parents let alone a romantic partner.

 

In the meantime you are coming off as a headache of a GF, wanting too much attention, not being to go even a single day without a virtual pat and reassurance and then lashing out in anger when you don't get what you want. Go home, stare at yourself in the mirror until you have an epiphany about why you are so needy and demanding of others.

I was in relationships where I felt special and, maybe not the center of the Universe but pretty important. My ex-bf was ready to move to another continent because of me (wasnt LDR, we lived in the same city), another one was ready to change his career (accept less demanding but also lower paying job) to be able to spend more time with me. I never asked something like this from my current bf, Making plans to see me and talking to me every day wasn't too much to ask.