I'm a morning person, bf is a night owl. he sleeps too much!

[Gr8fuln2020]

As a lifetime night owl, I can think I can say that you are both incompatible unless you accept his sleeping late (without resentment) and he accepts your early waking (also without resentment). A couple I know have always worked it between them - he does the early shift with the kids, she does the late one. But, I know I could not be with an early bird who resented me for sleeping late. There is no point continuing if you are going to feel unhappy about it. Seriously, people's body clocks don't change that easily. I have spent a lifetime trying to keep up with everyone else's body clocks (because the working day is structured around early birds) and it has been a nightmare.

 

Ah, but you do to accommodate for the working hours. As anyone else would. This bf can find the time, EASILY, to accommodate a few hours on a Saturday morning to go on outtings with his gf.

 

People adjust their sleeping habits all the time for many reasons. To suggest that it is unreasonable to do so for a few hours on a weekend morning is just silly. (This is not directed at you spiderowl.)

[Gr8fuln2020]

Hehe - you clearly don't have a partner who loves to watch international football. Time differences can make for diabolical viewing of live football.

 

For example, my husband likes the English Premier League and UEFA..and they get shown at their actual play time. We're in Australia.

 

Of course. I was stuck in my own time zone. :-)

[ASG]

Ah, but you do to accommodate for the working hours. As anyone else would. This bf can find the time, EASILY, to accommodate a few hours on a Saturday morning to go on outtings with his gf.

 

People adjust their sleeping habits all the time for many reasons. To suggest that it is unreasonable to do so for a few hours on a weekend morning is just silly. (This is not directed at you spiderowl.)

 

Yes, however, the weekend is when you get a chance to sleep in your own pattern... I had to wake up at 6am most of last week. It was an absolute nightmare for me and I was only getting about 5h sleep a night. As the weekend rolled, I slept a good 12h from Friday to Saturday!

 

Which is why I think it is unreasonable to impose a wake up time for BOTH days of the weekend, as the point is to have your alarm off. If I *have* to wake up before 12, I always set an alarm, as, even though I tend to wake up between 10 and 11, that is not always the case and 1pm has creeped up on me many times.

 

However there should be a compromise and he should be able to wake up earlier ONE of the days.

[ASG]

 

I went out with an early bird once. Up at 6am and asleep on the sofa by 9pm. Spent every evening alone on the sofa listening to them snore.

 

No late night trips to movies. No late night dinners and drinks out. Nothing.

 

To my mind he was sleeping the relationship away.

 

 

This would be the tricky thing for me... I'm all about the late night dinners and drinks and midnight showing of movies and rocking home at 4am after a good night out. Having a partner be unconscious from 9pm would definitely NOT be acceptable for me.

[darkmoon]

I had a boyf like this, if you do not need him, leave, or learn to occupy yourself til he wakes up, it was boring tbh hanging around but the right thing for me

[spiderowl]

Ah, but you do to accommodate for the working hours. As anyone else would. This bf can find the time, EASILY, to accommodate a few hours on a Saturday morning to go on outtings with his gf.

 

People adjust their sleeping habits all the time for many reasons. To suggest that it is unreasonable to do so for a few hours on a weekend morning is just silly. (This is not directed at you spiderowl.)

 

I agee, yes you can accommodate to compromise but you do that at work. You'd have to be really serious about a partner to make changes that affect your body clock. He could go to bed a bit sooner and get up a bit earlier but going by what she's said, that wouldn't be enough either if she's up at 7am. After getting up early all working week, I am just desperate for a lie-in at the weekend. Also, some people need more sleep than others. Some people sleep 6-7 hours per night and wake up bright and bushy; I feel I've lost sleep if I don't get at least 8 hours. If left to myself, I will sleep 10 hours or more if I don't set an alarm. Not everyone has the perfect body clock and it is really inflexible.

[Els]

He's not.

 

They're just on different schedules, which is why my initial post said that it's very difficult form morning and night people to enter relationship. Not only is there the surface stuff that comes when one person is up and ready to go at 7am while the other needs until 2pm, but this likely also indicates a difference in the types of activities they enjoy. One wants an early morning walk on the beach followed by a hearty breakfast and the other prefers to dance or drink the night away...

 

Of course as Gaeta mentioned, once kids are on the scene, schedules are out the window. Children tend to be morning risers (as well as have morning activities) and a lot of resentment can breed if one parent is left doing all the heavy lifting while the other one sleeps.

 

I agree, kids being in the picture would change everything. I still don't think it necessitates both partners to rise early - IMO it could work if the night owl handles the night-time feeding or awakenings, and then the night owl sleeps through the morning while the morning lark handles the morning activities. But regardless sacrifices are always needed for kids and sharing the load is important.

 

However the OP and many of the responses to her don't involve kids, in which case frankly I think it's a bit much for a few posters (not you, and not Gaeta) to be crucifying him for wanting to sleep in on weekends when there are no kids involved. Her way isn't the 'right way' - they're both different. Either they agree to a compromise, or they split up.

 

If my SO wakes up a couple hours earlier than I do on weekends, he just takes that time to indulge in personal hobbies. And vice versa. There's plenty of time to go out in the afternoons and evenings - we live in a town where things close early, and we still get a good 8 hours out if we want to! Based on my visit to the US, places close even later there so it would be even less of an issue IMO. I really don't see why a child-free couple can't be flexible in this regard.

[Raena]

I do not believe my sleeping pattern, mode is better. Rather, the bf's is rather unreasonable and frankly, seems a little selfish. To waste an entire morning??? Come on!

 

I agree this may be an important lifestyle difference that may involve letting lose. I wonder if he has the same sleeping patterns when he works? If not, then he can certainly adjust when desired, needed. If not, he demonstrates that he is capable of functioning as required.

 

Again, OP, you should plan ahead to give him a heads up so he can accommodate an addition hour or two so that an entire morning is not wasted. He can surely do this.

 

The bolded is YOUR opinion. I personally don't like mornings and feel much more invigorated when it's dark out. To me it isn't wasted or selfish at all... it's sleeping when I feel best to sleep and doing what I do when I feel best doing it. That's what my point was. Neither is better or more selfish... it's just what's best for different people.

[preraph]

You're the one with the unreasonable schedule. No one gets up at dawn on the weekends or goes to bed early if they're still young and active. So you're the grandma in this. Either resign yourself to leaving him alone and letting him sleep or realize you aren't compatible in this way. This is not something that you can expect him to change.

[Buddhist]

IME men tend to be night owls in general. What you're describing is a common pattern witnessed in relationships. I don't know if it's hormone levels or what but I've yet to see a man that goes to bed earlier than midnight and is up with the birds who isn't also a farmer. This could just be his circadian rhythm and you can't really negotiate with that.

 

I've handled it in the past by having a later start to the day. I still get up at my normal time and use that time to do things for me that I want to do so that when he's awake and ready we are both ready to do things together. Sometimes you just have to work with what you've got. Is this worth having an argument over is what you need to ask yourself? Do you really need to do all these things together? Would it be more reasonable to cut down on the number of shared activities or just plan them for later in the day.

 

Gosh even I like to sleep in on the weekends just because I can and stay up late for the same reasons. It's nice to punctuate the weekend with a change in routine, it's what differentiates it from a work day. If you start monopolising the weekends you'll just find he spends fewer of them with you.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Buddhist

[Buddhist]

sleep habits can are often changed.

 

Really? Because I was a shift worker for about a decade and never managed this sleep pattern change you talk about. I ended up with a clapped out nervous system that then became some very unpleasant chronic conditions. My circadian rhythm runs from about 4:30am to about 8-9pm. Working shifts ending at 10 or 11pm were pure torture for me, don't even get me started on back of the clock shift work. It's well known that engaging in longterm shift work shortens your life span. Sure if it were so easy to re-program our circadian rhythmn then this wouldn't be the case.

[Els]

Really? Because I was a shift worker for about a decade and never managed this sleep pattern change you talk about. I ended up with a clapped out nervous system that then became some very unpleasant chronic conditions. My circadian rhythm runs from about 4:30am to about 8-9pm. Working shifts ending at 10 or 11pm were pure torture for me, don't even get me started on back of the clock shift work. It's well known that engaging in longterm shift work shortens your life span. Sure if it were so easy to re-program our circadian rhythmn then this wouldn't be the case.

 

I think it's technically possible, albeit with a lot of misery/lack of sleep/adverse health effects. People do it on work days because they have to, but why anyone would try to impose that on their partner on non-work days is completely beyond my understanding.

 

My guy wakes up at 6.30am on work days, because he has to. He doesn't naturally fall asleep before 1am, so weekdays are pretty hellish for him. On weekends, he catches up on sleep and sleeps in as late as he can manage, usually waking up at 10am or 11am when his body has had enough. I never set the alarm before noon on weekends unless we have something important to attend in the morning - what's the point?

 

But if we have friends coming over or a social event to attend or something, we just suck it up and get up early that day. It's the price we pay for being natural night owls in a largely morning-lark world. Fortunately we still get to lie in and rest during some weekends. Those are the best - a leisurely lie-in, cuddling, maybe sex... then waking up to get out for brunch before the cafes close at 3pm, outdoor activities after that. It feels very good to be child-free on those days.

[Poe77]

we live in a town where things close early, and we still get a good 8 hours out if we want to! Based on my visit to the US, places close even later there so it would be even less of an issue IMO. I really don't see why a child-free couple can't be flexible in this regard.

 

Yeah they do most places close at around 9pm and alot are even 24 hour anymore so all this "there is nothing to do" is kinda hogwash its the fact early birds are ready for bed at basically 8pm..

 

 

 

The bolded is YOUR opinion. I personally don't like mornings and feel much more invigorated when it's dark out. To me it isn't wasted or selfish at all... it's sleeping when I feel best to sleep and doing what I do when I feel best doing it. That's what my point was. Neither is better or more selfish... it's just what's best for different people.

 

Yeah ive also gotten this attitude my entire life how we are the "defective" ones cause we dont enjoy being up at the butt crack of dawn its really just personal choice when your an adult but a lot of people can be really negative and even nasty about it kinda stupid if you ask me im not judgemental on them getting up so early I could care less to each their own..

[Els]

Yeah they do most places close at around 9pm and alot are even 24 hour anymore so all this "there is nothing to do" is kinda hogwash its the fact early birds are ready for bed at basically 8pm..

 

 

Haha, it's interesting how subjective all of this is. If I had a guy who had to get ready for bed by 8pm, I probably would be complaining that he was 'sleeping our relationship away' too....

[Dirt]

As others have said, you aren't compatible. I'm a morning person and like to get up and get things done. I'm not fond of crowds so I prefer to shop when things aren't busy. I don't see the appeal of staying up late. Other than bars/clubs what else is open that late, so you're just wasting time on the Internet or watching TV.

 

I managed to include that I was a morning person when I did OLD to weed out the night owls. I naturally wake up at 6AM on the weekends, no alarm clock needed.

[ElizabethIII]

As others have said, you aren't compatible. I'm a morning person and like to get up and get things done. I'm not fond of crowds so I prefer to shop when things aren't busy. I don't see the appeal of staying up late. Other than bars/clubs what else is open that late, so you're just wasting time on the Internet or watching TV.

 

I managed to include that I was a morning person when I did OLD to weed out the night owls. I naturally wake up at 6AM on the weekends, no alarm clock needed.

 

What is open at 6am?

[VeveCakes]

Life is to short to try and tell someone when they should or should not be up.

[Dirt]

What is open at 6am?

 

Nice weather for 40-50 mile bike rides. And less cars to run me over.

[ElizabethIII]

Nice weather for 40-50 mile bike rides. And less cars to run me over.

 

You should have had a bike ride here at 6am today. The high winds and torrential rain would have been a real treat for you.

 

Also where I live, the sun doesnt rise until nearly 8am at this time of year, you would have been cycling blind in darkness and heavy rain at 6am.

 

Early birds dont get a good crack at the whip everywhere in the world. Getting up at 6am here, well the sun wont rise for another 2 hours and the weather is terrible.

Edited November 21, 2016 by ElizabethIII

[Els]

As others have said, you aren't compatible. I'm a morning person and like to get up and get things done. I'm not fond of crowds so I prefer to shop when things aren't busy. I don't see the appeal of staying up late. Other than bars/clubs what else is open that late, so you're just wasting time on the Internet or watching TV.

 

I really don't get why it's considered 'wasting time' for a couple to watch a few shows together late at night, with some drinks and cuddles in the mix. Does everything in life really have to be about productivity or physical activity?

 

I would never date a TV addict, but I also couldn't date someone who couldn't chill out at home with me a few nights a week and had to be on the go 24/7.

[veggirl]

How old is he? I know in their 20s a lot of people (guys and girls) will stay up hella late and sleep in on the weekends, if you are in that age range I find it odd that you are such a morning person, in that you are probably not the norm. I'm in my early 30s now, and I am DEFINITELY a morning person. I consider 7am sleeping in, I am up for work at 5 and usually up by 6 on the weekend.

 

My fiance on the other hand, is a night owl. He stays up late and on the weekends, he sleeps in.

 

You need to find a compromise, I think 11a is PLENTY late enough for him to sleep in...sleeping until the AFTERNOON is honestly crazy (again, unless you are like early 20s in which case it's probably not so strange).

 

Personally I LOVE my mornings to myself when my fiance is sleeping in! I do all my cleaning and cooking for my weekly lunches and watch all the shows he hates. But, we've been together 5.5 years...when we were early on dating, I would wake up and go home! I did feel like we never got to do things during the day!

 

I started to make specific plans (with him, for us), but I would usually make them for around noon, not like 9am. That worked fine!

 

I suggest you talk to him and ask him to NOT SLEEP TIL THE AFTERNOON. Even if he stays up til 4am, he can get up by 11............

[h0000]

I heard staying up late is very bad for your overall health. It affects your bowel movement, gives you pimples and dark circles and makes you age quicker. So I would recommend your BF to change his sleeping pattern if he doesn't want to look 10 yr older than he is

[LD1990]

I really don't get why it's considered 'wasting time' for a couple to watch a few shows together late at night, with some drinks and cuddles in the mix. Does everything in life really have to be about productivity or physical activity?

 

I would never date a TV addict, but I also couldn't date someone who couldn't chill out at home with me a few nights a week and had to be on the go 24/7.

 

Agreed. One of the best parts about being in love is having someone to just do nothing with. And there's plenty to do at night - watching a movie together, having drinks or a smoke, wild passionate sex (repeat until exhaustion), etc.

[Poe77]

As others have said, you aren't compatible. I'm a morning person and like to get up and get things done. I'm not fond of crowds so I prefer to shop when things aren't busy. I don't see the appeal of staying up late. Other than bars/clubs what else is open that late, so you're just wasting time on the Internet or watching TV.

 

I managed to include that I was a morning person when I did OLD to weed out the night owls. I naturally wake up at 6AM on the weekends, no alarm clock needed.

 

 

Most of the main stores in my town are open till 1am or 24 hours? I can go shopping when ever I like and the store will truly be empty I also hate crowds so I love it! I hate it when I have to go during the day and its crowded as heck even in the mornings its packed...usually with the elderly and moms with a trillion screaming tots..

 

na ill take my midnight runs any day over that..and after im done I can pick something up on the way home cause also most of our restaurants are open near 24 hours...and I live in a smaller town..so again I dont really think its a fact of nothing is open at those hours its just two different life styles ones not better then the other just different..

[Poe77]

I heard staying up late is very bad for your overall health. It affects your bowel movement, gives you pimples and dark circles and makes you age quicker. So I would recommend your BF to change his sleeping pattern if he doesn't want to look 10 yr older than he is

 

I call shenanigans on this my bf has worked over nights for the last 12 years or so hes in his late 30s now and gets mistaken for his early 20s all the time!..