nothingsintheflowerz Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Hi, So I went on a Tinder date last Sunday. He just turned 26, I'm 21. He cooked me dinner. It was nice; we drank really nice wine and scotch (I only had two drinks) and we talked for hours while we cooked and then ate dinner. I know a first date does not immediately equal a second one, but it really seemed like we connected. He talked about wanting to be a dad. He insinuated multiple times that we would hang out again (i.e. "i'll make you ethiopian food next time," "we should do yoga together," "i'll take you to this restaurant") how he thinks I'm beautiful, mature, intelligent, etc. He began to kiss me at one point but I didn't allow him to have sex with me. He dropped me back off at my dorm at 1 in the morning even though he said since he had just smoked weed, he would rather drive me home in the morning with "no pressure to do anything tonight" (I had work to do and in my mind I thought it was a bit too early to sleep over his house, regardless of the circumstances) I texted him "Thanks again! Had a great time :)" and he texted me back "Me too!" immediately, and I wrote later "Enjoy the rest of your birthday " (it was his birthday that morning). I never heard anything from him after that, even though this guy seemed so into me while we were talking. He got all personal with me about his life and had thanked me for letting him tell me, i don't know...was I just played? I then messaged him on Thursday like, "hey! do you have a snap?" and he messaged me back immediately "I do!" and then i responded "yay, here's my username you can add me if you want" and then, he never responded and didn't add me, either. Part of me wants to say that he's busy, but I know how these things go. If I'm reading it as an outsider, it just sounds like a classic case of "He's Just Not That Into You." :-/ Yet, it felt like he *Was* into me, and I've had a lot of guys who were not into me to know how a date typically feels. And is waiting another week for his possible response not worth it? I'm sick and tired of these dates that lead to nothing, and I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. Thanks, L
Author nothingsintheflowerz Posted November 20, 2016 Author Posted November 20, 2016 No advice on this one yall?
MidwestUSA Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 You went to his place on a first date and he cooked? He was looking for one thing, and he didn't get it. Move on, and make guys take you out in public on dates! 4
Gaeta Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Oh goodness where to start! Never EVER go to men's house for first date. If a man invites you over to his house for a first date it means he is looking for sex and nothing else. It also indicates he does not care about making a good impression on you by taking you out like a gentleman. There is also the matter of security. Again it can be dangerous to show up at a strangers house for a first meeting!! He could have easily raped you. Yes a man that wants sex will talk to you about personal things, give you compliments you want to hear and share personal stuff. It's all part of a game. You won't hear from him again. SO please! when you have a first date schedule it in a public place! What you did - going to his house and consuming alcohol and weed could have ended with you in a plastic bag. 5
Author nothingsintheflowerz Posted November 20, 2016 Author Posted November 20, 2016 why are men so good at pretending? i'm so tired of being played this way. and i talked to my friends, and they said it seemed like a cute date idea. it didn't even cross my mind that he only wanted sex. he would really go as far as to say that he wanted to be a dad?! some men are ridiculous!
smackie9 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Not only you meet in a public place, you also let someone know where you are, and who you are meeting....even forward a pic of the guy. People will say, oh you are just going over board. I've watched enough forensic shows to know women are more vulnerable than you think. Murder may not be on their mind but sexual assault can, or even sexual harassment. I feel meeting a total stranger r place of theirs makes you a sitting duck. 3
smackie9 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 why are men so good at pretending? i'm so tired of being played this way. and i talked to my friends, and they said it seemed like a cute date idea. it didn't even cross my mind that he only wanted sex. he would really go as far as to say that he wanted to be a dad?! some men are ridiculous! Know the bull crap. -love bombing -saying all the things you want to hear, babies, marriage, etc -talks about things that are too personal -brings up sex right away -not willing to take you out on a real date -suggest you stay the night -talks about the future -uses pet names -more focused on themselves...pumpin there tires -if it sounds too good to be true, it is! 3
Author nothingsintheflowerz Posted November 20, 2016 Author Posted November 20, 2016 it's funny you say that---it *did* feel too perfect. Smh. What a waste of my time. Is Tinder even worth going on, or should I try to just allow love to come to me in my normal life? It's not coming to me and I'm growing impatient.
stillafool Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 My goodness it was just a first date. You told him to enjoy the rest of his b-day which I imagine was what he did. Why did you feel you had to hear from him. Don't believe what guys say believe what they do. It sounds like you had a good time. If he is interested he will contact you again but stop getting so caught up on guys you just met.
OatsAndHall Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Wow... That wasn't a "date". That was a set-up for sex. Plain and simple. I almost feel like Chris Hanson should have broken up that little get together for a television show. 2
Gaeta Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 why are men so good at pretending? i'm so tired of being played this way. and i talked to my friends, and they said it seemed like a cute date idea. it didn't even cross my mind that he only wanted sex. he would really go as far as to say that he wanted to be a dad?! some men are ridiculous! Yes men are good at pretending when they want something so stop falling in their trap. All your girlfriends thought it was a cute date?? You all live at Disney Wonderful World? This is real life with real predators out there, with men that want to hurt you, rape you, take advantage of you, steel from you, manipulate you so stop believing in fairy tales and prince charming. Remember when you were a little girl and mom and dad told you to never take candy from a stranger? It's the same darn rule that continues in adulthood. This man offered you a candy and you took it without thinking if it was safe. From now on a guy has to take you on 3 real dates outside of his house and outside of your house, for a relationship to continue. That is all. Make this your new golden rule. 1
CommittedToThis Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Maybe after some thought he decided you weren't really up his alley so he went silent-ish? Either way, it was one date, you got lucky he wasn't a psycho (first date in his home was dangerous), and you can still keep trying Tinder and local, real-time outlets to continue meeting men. I think more than anything I'd be bummed about not getting that Ethiopian meal he promised.
frus69 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Why analyse so much on this date? It will just make you feel worse. It's just one date you should be able to get over it very easily. Just shrug it off. Don't care who what why how
Author nothingsintheflowerz Posted November 21, 2016 Author Posted November 21, 2016 I've gotten raped off of Tinder before, so I know. I did take the precautions I needed to make sure he wasn't a psycho. Thanks for everyone's concern.
smackie9 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I've gotten raped off of Tinder before, so I know. I did take the precautions I needed to make sure he wasn't a psycho. Thanks for everyone's concern. The thing is psychopaths are not detectable, they know how to blend in, so they can get close to their victims. They come of as gentlemen, very charming and very convincing.
Gaeta Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I've gotten raped off of Tinder before, so I know. I did take the precautions I needed to make sure he wasn't a psycho. Thanks for everyone's concern. You got raped off Tinder before and you STILL go to strangers house to meet them for the 1st time??? What precautions did you take? You had a full criminal background check done on him? Let me doubt it. 1
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