I slept with someone after we broke up but we're back together

[mcmadison]

I met him in college and ever since the first week we have been living together ever since. We love each other very much but sometimes he gets depressed because he doesn't know what he wants from life.

 

He broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he didn't want to have to come home to someone every night, or wonder if I ate. He wanted to be single so all he had to do was worry about himself (cheating or loyalty was never the problem). That night I balled my eyes out and he held me while I slept. He apologized and said that I deserved someone that is for sure about me. I deserve someone better than him. The next day he moved out. He told me if I ever wanted to talk then let him know (which was code for we can work it out.) The next day I texted him asking could we talk and he ignored my text. I sent him about 5 different text professing my love for him over the course of 3 days and I called him multiple times until he blocked me.

 

I was heart broken. A week later I found someone who was a nice guy. He was everything I wanted my ex to be. We had sex but I stopped him as soon as we started (within 2 mins). I felt like I wasn't ready and that I was cheating on my ex somehow. I told the guy this and we just became friends. 4 days later my ex comes to pick up the rest of his stuff from the apartment and professes his love for me. We got back together for two days then he broke up with me again after I threw a small tantrum because I wanted him to spend more time with me. He came back again into my life professing his love saying he wants to be with me forever. Today I told him that I slept with someone else. Again, he left me. Am I in the wrong? Should I take him back this time. I really do love him but when things get rough he's ready to leave. What do you think about the whole situation. Any advice? I am 21 and he is 25.

[elaine567]

You need to accept it is over.

He keeps breaking up with you because that is what he really wants but he is conflicted as it is hard to break up with people, especially people who love you. No-one decent and nice, really wants to go about breaking other people's hearts so he gives in to you, but he knows in his head that he wants to be single and so he keeps leaving soon after.

This is done.

Leave him be.

NO good will come of this, you even said yourself that the other guy you almost slept with was "everything I wanted my ex to be", so move on.

You have grown apart, it happens.

Go find some lovely guy who truly wants you, not someone who is blowing hot and cold all the time.

Edited November 20, 2016 by elaine567
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[Buddhist]

Give up on this already. He's broken up with you three times now. Love isn't everything. You can love someone and still be a crappy, irresponsible partner. If he's depressed because he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life he'll probably be depressed for the next 15yrs because that's usually how long it takes for most people to figure it out.

 

People cling to this idea that they love each other as if it's a once in a lifetime event. Trust me on this one you will love again, probably about another 5-6 times before you are 30.

[Bromeo]

If we can look objectively at the issue, I find myself leaning towards not accepting my ex back if she slept with someone else in a short timeframe after the split, say 1-2 months, but more accepting if the time apart was longer. I guess I find the ability to quickly hop into the sack, and then attempt to reconcile with me as distasteful.

 

Personally, until I am properly over one person, it does another a disservice to lead them on, and not be able to be 100 percent present and engaged.

 

I am interested in others thoughts on this topic though. Each person looks at situations differently.

[Arieswoman]

OP,

I agree with Buddist.

If a guy keeps breaking up with you, then he doesn't care that much.

 

Stop letting him pull your strings.

 

You need to let this go.

 

I'm sorry x