jerrygordon3 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 so, for the last year or so Ive been posting about my now ex. It took me a year to get the balls to walk away, but now that I don't care we've been sleeping together and 1/2 the time she is happyish and doesn't flip out on me too much, but the other half is the old her. unhappy, flips out, always arguing- to the extent in which she sobs for hours into the night and will sort of elbow me in bed, while her daughter is sleeping next to us... she will wake her up with her sobbing and yelling and refuses to let me leave unless I call the police. Last time it happened I swore it was the last time I spent the night with her because her five year old daughter woke up and was standing right next to me while the SO was sobbing, grabbing my face begging me not to leave, and threatening to kill herself IN FRONT OF HER KID. She's not all bad, but definitely unstable and can't control her emotions, and honestly that kind of drama in my life isn't healthy for anyone. NOW I must get to the point- she recently found out she was pregnant and it's definitely mine. She wants to get the abortion but is asking me to give us an honest shot or she can't see me anymore ( every time I've left her or said no more she's called and asked for me back and the second I want to I can go over and spend the night with her) but this time she has a baby in her. I DO NOT want a kid w this person. Should I say no to the honest shot, get the abortion, and move on and never talk to her again Or should I give it an honest shot and have her hopefully still get the abortion... IDK what to do. I think the right thing to do is have her get the abortion and avoid her because she displays toxic behavior in front of her kid, and threatens to kill herself sometimes.
ElizabethIII Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 (edited) She is unstable and cant control her emotions and is a bad person to be in your life and you dumped her because of it. But she was good enough for you to keep on having sex with, without using birth control though. You sound delightful. You made your bed. Lie in it. Edited November 19, 2016 by ElizabethIII 5
ElizabethIII Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Cut both cords and GTFO, now. Why? he chose to keep having unprotected sex with his ex. he is responsible for the consequences. 1
smackie9 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 If you still care about her and somewhere in that head of yours has the maturity to man up to your responsibilities, I suggest you get her into therapy, and take counseling together. She is either really immature, has trouble coping or has mental illness. Either way I would be more concerned for her now child's welfare, and this little one that's on the way. YOU need to step up and get her help NOW. 2
Author jerrygordon3 Posted November 19, 2016 Author Posted November 19, 2016 SHE ALWAYS CONTACTS ME WHEN I LEAVE SO YES I GO BACK AND SEE HER SOMETIMES BUT I DONT WANT TO COMMIT TO SOMEONE WHO FLIPS OUT. lie in my bed.... bring a child into this world in a toxic relationship or not. ? if you don't have positive information about the livelihood of a child in this situation then don't comment. she just called me and said she bled a lot and has lower back pain so possible miscarriage.
Blanco Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Anyone following this guy's threads over the year can say this is probably the more predictable outcome ever. Constant drama, lots of breakups, physical and emotional abuse. All that was missing was bringing an innocent, unsuspecting life into this world. Both of you are deeply troubled, irresponsible and, really, immature people. Gross. 10
Blanco Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 SHE ALWAYS CONTACTS ME WHEN I LEAVE SO YES I GO BACK AND SEE HER SOMETIMES BUT I DONT WANT TO COMMIT TO SOMEONE WHO FLIPS OUT. lie in my bed.... bring a child into this world in a toxic relationship or not. ? if you don't have positive information about the livelihood of a child in this situation then don't comment. she just called me and said she bled a lot and has lower back pain so possible miscarriage. You have nearly two dozen threads about this awful relationship and most of them have advised you to step away. You are not innocent in all of this, so stop acting like this is something you got conned into. 11
ElizabethIII Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Anyone following this guy's threads over the year can say this is probably the more predictable outcome ever. Constant drama, lots of breakups, physical and emotional abuse. All that was missing was bringing an innocent, unsuspecting life into this world. Both of you are deeply troubled, irresponsible and, really, immature people. Gross. And now a miscarriage at the same time as the thread. One wonders if all this is for real. 2
Versacehottie Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 You have nearly two dozen threads about this awful relationship and most of them have advised you to step away. You are not innocent in all of this, so stop acting like this is something you got conned into. Can I add, since you are likely to best comprehend things from your own point of view: how will you feel if a year or so from now it's your kid that is sitting in bed with this woman while she is together with another guy, threatening to kill herself over some slight or another? Get a grip, neither of you is in a position to bring a child into this toxic world of your behavior--it's unfair and cruel. Grow up, get your act together and then maybe. Never with this one together. Poor judgement from both of you. 2
smackie9 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 SHE ALWAYS CONTACTS ME WHEN I LEAVE SO YES I GO BACK AND SEE HER SOMETIMES BUT I DONT WANT TO COMMIT TO SOMEONE WHO FLIPS OUT. lie in my bed.... bring a child into this world in a toxic relationship or not. ? if you don't have positive information about the livelihood of a child in this situation then don't comment. she just called me and said she bled a lot and has lower back pain so possible miscarriage. This tells me this is just another one of her shenanigans for attention......I was thinking this would happen....no surprise there.
ElizabethIII Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 This tells me this is just another one of her shenanigans for attention......I was thinking this would happen....no surprise there. Hopefully a pregnancy scare will make him think twice about seeing her again. I wondered if it was actually real. If she is as messed up as he says with threatening to kill herself then a faked pregnancy is another easy ploy.
Author jerrygordon3 Posted November 20, 2016 Author Posted November 20, 2016 I watched her take two tests, and I'm in the medical field and know a fair amount about all of this stuff. at first the test was barely positive, but the next one was more definitive, regardless, a thing blue vague line, still means positive. she's always threatened to kill herself, even when i tried to leave her for cheating on me and getting pregnant with another mans kids a year ago. she will start fights constantly, never resolve them, and it almost seems like, I can't have a life and have her too. She must come first, in any scenario, or its a constant fight, nothing is ever right, she is never happy, and has hit me hundreds of times, called me every name possible. nowadays she is more civil, far more.... however just two weeks ago she sobbed and flipped out and yelled at me while her friend was wake in the other room and her child was sleeping two feet from us. until her kid was awake and watching my ex lose her **** and threaten to kill herself, when I went for my phone to call the police because she was blocking the door and pushing me every time i went close, she threw my phone against the wall and shattered it in front of her kid. All because I didn't want to have a conversation with her at 1 am when I had work and she had been drinking, which never ever goes well. so no, seeing her again was a huge mistake and lways has been, but she's gorgeous. loves me. is unrelenting, and I do, still have a soft spot for her for god knows what reason.
Buddhist Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Neither of you have any idea of what love is. What we have are two dysfunctional people addictively pushing each others buttons. The guy works in the medical field but can't figure out how to put a condom on? 4
ElizabethIII Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Neither of you have any idea of what love is. What we have are two dysfunctional people addictively pushing each others buttons. The guy works in the medical field but can't figure out how to put a condom on? I was going to say that. He should know how to use a condom in that case! Unbelievable.
Dark Horse Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 This girl is manipulative and an emotional train-wreck.
Sometymeswhy Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 A long time ago I dated a guy who kept going back to his crazy ex. I was the rebound and he eventually went back to her. I though he and I were more compatible as we are both easy going, from similar backgrounds etc. But no, what he found exciting was all the passion filled drama from a crying, screaming, stalking, violent filled relationship. He must have been turned on by the lengths she would go to express her love and possessiveness. I would shake my head at how you can come back from several incidents where police were involved, restraining orders, drinks thrown in your face, damaged doors from being kicked in and other disfunction. But some people get off on that. Nothing to be done but accept it. 2
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Why? he chose to keep having unprotected sex with his ex. he is responsible for the consequences. It is absolutely reprehensible to suggest she bring that baby into the world in such a toxic situation. Yes, she should have the abortion, and the OP should get the hell out of there. There is no other choice here, suggesting otherwise will bring a baby into a terrible life? Is that what you want? I would be curious about her other kid and the circumstance of it's creation... And birth control is not just the responsibility of the guy, just a thought 1
Blanco Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Have you read any of his other threads about this relationship? He was a fool to be sticking anything uncovered in her given the insanity that's been this relationship. She is responsible, sure, but it's absurd to give him a pass and act like he is somehow not also at fault for going back to her again and again and topping it off with unprotected sex. 3
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Have you read any of his other threads about this relationship? He was a fool to be sticking anything uncovered in her given the insanity that's been this relationship. She is responsible, sure, but it's absurd to give him a pass and act like he is somehow not also at fault for going back to her again and again and topping it off with unprotected sex. I have not read any of the OP's other threads, and i'm not giving him "a free pass", i'm pointing out that it's a shared responsibility. Regardless, get the abortion. You don't bring a child into the world to make a point or give someone a lesson...
Calmandfocused Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Oh my good grief. What a mess! Right, a bit of tough love coming your way. Firstly, what country are you in? Let me tell you, here in the uk, safeguarding children is everyone's responsibility and what you're describing in relation to your girlfriends 5 year old would be considered emotional abuse. If you work in the medical field you would know this. Do the right thing and protect this child. No child should have to witness their mother threatening suicide. You're wrong for enabling this behaviour. Secondly, your poor baby (if there is one). Neither of you sound anywhere near ready to bring a child into this world. Either grow up, take some responsibility, and do what's best for the child, or expect history to repeat itself. Thirdly, does this kind of drama turn you on? Yes, she sounds mentally unstable, but you are contributing to all this instability. Yes, we all feel horny at times but what we don't do is intentionally sleep with an emotionally unstable ex. Again, make an adult decision and make alternative arrangements to get your rocks off. Stop playing with her emotions. If you don't, then I'm sorry, but you deserve everything you get.
Versacehottie Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 There is one thing I can never get behind on this board: people who fail to take responsibility and act as if you have no choice. You've had choices at EVERY step of the way. You are not an innocent. At this point it is less about placing blame than making sure you do the right thing (for you, the potential baby--not sure she's telling the truth at all because a made up story about a pregnancy goes with her MO; and yes I think she can fake it). You are gonna have to take this step by step. Most important is to first decide if you are going to move forward with having a baby with this woman. I think it's safe to say with a variety of posters there may be a variety of opinions from a moral perspective. Make your mind up, independent of having a relationship with her. If you have a kid with her, she is going to be in your life one way or another for the next 20 years or more. Emotionally, financially, etc. I don't really feel sympathy for you but you need to figure this out--you are still debating the stability of your relationship potential while you actually believe a child is on the way. At some point really soon, you are going to have to put this baby and your future in general in front of the other selfish things going on in your head. Stop acting like a victim and take some action. When you decide what you want to do, people can help you figure it out step by step. If you decide to keep status quo and toss the dice hoping things will work out, the baby is such a low priority that it adds another level of dysfunction that is just insane. Either way, if the baby gets here you will be legally and financially responsible. Might need two medical jobs for that.
Author jerrygordon3 Posted November 20, 2016 Author Posted November 20, 2016 Yes, I looked in the toilet, saw the blood tinged underwear and soaked pads, and lets her subjectively describe her symptoms which were all consistent w a spontaneous abortion.... During out conversation last night she kept telling me how she had wanted to keep it because she loved me. Maybe you guys are right. I like the drama or something. I like the comfort and the sex is amazing and she's totally gorgeous and it's easy and she is always there. But emotional child abuse, yes I'm well aware of this. I have a huge issue with fighting in front of kids but she does it constantly and the second the does I leave every time instead of argue or try and diffuse the situation. as of two days ago, someone reported her to CPS and they are investigating her. Also, in the midst of her telling me she wanted to keep our child, I had asked her about a unopened bottle of wine on her counter, to which she replied she had drank over the course of two days and when I called her out on her keeping it vs. drinking an entire bottle of wine she went on with excuses and justifying that she had been at the house alone and shouldn't have to just sit around.... seemingly justifying loneliness w drinking during a pregnancy- although we had been planning on getting an abortion.
Blanco Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 I have not read any of the OP's other threads, and i'm not giving him "a free pass", i'm pointing out that it's a shared responsibility. It's a shared responsibility, but I think there comes a certain point where if you fancy yourself the "stable" one (read: your partner is the one who is crazy/volatile/whatever), the onus is on you to take proper action. If that doesn't entail leaving the relationship, then for the love of god, use a condom. I guess what rubs me the wrong way is how OP is going on and on about how nuts this woman is, but if you've followed his threads, it's clear that he is far from an innocent bystander in this heap of a mess. 1
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