ItsAllConfusing Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 There is a guy that I had a ons with. This happened in the third week of September. He had been texting me every weekend in the evening since then to ask if I was free. He would never make prearrangements. I declined all of them because I thought it was disrespectful. In short, I've never had a ons and I'm stuck on the thought of him. In fact, he is the second guy that I've been with in my 30 years of life. What makes it so bad is that he didn't make me orgasm but he came. I left shortly after sex but I think he might have wanted to go again. I just liked his warmth and kisses. I want more but only if he could make arrangements with me. So I've blocked him yes. I think the last text I received asking me to go out was two weeks ago. I'm just stuck on him. I don't know how to move on. I'm trying. We only met once and I'm stuck on this man. I know he'll never give me what I want so I've let that idea go. He just came out of a long term relationship and is busy in school. What can I do? I'm staying busy but he keeps coming back intoy mind.
smackie9 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 It's not him you miss, but the feeling he gave you at that moment when you felt desired, and safe. You can get that feeling back when you start dating seriously and find that special person that wants to share that experience with you. For now, take a break and go out dancing with some GFs. Have some fun, flirt with some guys, enjoy yourself. 3
ElizabethIII Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 (edited) He has asked you out every weekend since....even if it is last minute, it is still at the weekend. A night stand is a random evening never to be repeated. he has asked you to meet again. That isnt a one night stand if he wants to meet again. YOU left shortly after sex when he wanted you to stay and then you declined every request to meet since then. Why are you saying he disrespected you? You are the one who walked off after sex and refused his subsequent weekend invitations as you found them disrespectful. You have made it a one night stand by walking off and not agreeing to meet again. You could communicate with the guy and say happy to meet again but I need some notice..... You say you still want him and he thinks nothing of you. How did you work that out when you are the one who walked off straight after sex and declined all his later requests to meet. It looks as though you dont want him. Oh well, you've blocked him for his "disrespect" so I guess you will never know what another meeting would have been like. Edited November 19, 2016 by ElizabethIII 3
spiderowl Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 If he is asking you out on a date (not just round at your place) at least a couple of days in advance, then he is going about it in the right way. If he is just contacting you last thing expecting you to spend the night with him, then that's just a booty call.
kidm Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 He has asked you out every weekend since....even if it is last minute, it is still at the weekend. A night stand is a random evening never to be repeated. he has asked you to meet again. That isnt a one night stand if he wants to meet again. It isnt as if he is asking you out on a Monday night when he is bored and horny and nothing better to do. Oh well, you've blocked him for his "disrespect" so I guess you will never know what another meeting would have been like. Reaching out to her last minute on weekend evenings is likely a booty call. A booty call is not limited to weeknights. If he was serious, he'd try to plan ahead since she had declined his previous attempt but he didn't because he is looking for another romp and doesn't want to put it much effort. 2
ElizabethIII Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Reaching out to her last minute on weekend evenings is likely a booty call. A booty call is not limited to weeknights. If he was serious, he'd try to plan ahead since she had declined his previous attempt but he didn't because he is looking for another romp and doesn't want to put it much effort. People assume a hell of a lot. She can communicate with him and say happy to meet but I need some notice.
Author ItsAllConfusing Posted November 19, 2016 Author Posted November 19, 2016 People assume a hell of a lot. She can communicate with him and say happy to meet but I need some notice. I have told him about two times how I need to know in advance if he can meet. The one time he did attempt to plan in advance he sent me a text the day before saying, sorry I can't make it. I was so upset. He then said he had a meeting to attend. I'm busy too but I still have time. I'm a mom to one and work full time and I can still plan in advance. Also when he'd ask me I'd give him an alternate date and it was always something like I'll let you know. I'm under the impression that I'm an after thought or something. I think if he really like me he'd put in more effort to meet me halfway. Idk maybe I am making too many assumptions.
ElizabethIII Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 (edited) I have told him about two times how I need to know in advance if he can meet. The one time he did attempt to plan in advance he sent me a text the day before saying, sorry I can't make it. I was so upset. He then said he had a meeting to attend. I'm busy too but I still have time. I'm a mom to one and work full time and I can still plan in advance. Also when he'd ask me I'd give him an alternate date and it was always something like I'll let you know. I'm under the impression that I'm an after thought or something. I think if he really like me he'd put in more effort to meet me halfway. Idk maybe I am making too many assumptions. You didnt say that in your first post. What do you mean he is busy in school? How old is he? Edited November 19, 2016 by ElizabethIII
Author ItsAllConfusing Posted November 19, 2016 Author Posted November 19, 2016 You didnt say that in your first post. What do you mean he is busy in school? How old is he? He's 26 and a grad school student. He is a teacher assistant.
ElizabethIII Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 He's 26 and a grad school student. He is a teacher assistant. With the greatest of respect, you might want to choose more carefully in future. He, as a grad school student of that age, is unlikely to want a 30 year old girlfriend who already has a child. Not impossible but unlikely. You are at different life stages. I am in my 30s and recently slept with a man in his mid twenties. I dont expect him to make me his gf. Leave him blocked. If you cant handle a purely sexual relationship, let this one go. 1
Author ItsAllConfusing Posted November 20, 2016 Author Posted November 20, 2016 With the greatest of respect, you might want to choose more carefully in future. He, as a grad school student of that age, is unlikely to want a 30 year old girlfriend who already has a child. Not impossible but unlikely. You are at different life stages. I am in my 30s and recently slept with a man in his mid twenties. I dont expect him to make me his gf. Leave him blocked. If you cant handle a purely sexual relationship, let this one go. Yes I understand this. I'm confused. I wanted someone to share intimacy with and someone who could call or text in advance to spend time together. I guess that sounds like a boyfriend. You're absolutely right. It's just hard to move on because I've never just slept with someone like that without continued and respectful contact/genuine interest. I've no choice to move on but I genuinely want to move on and not pretend like I've moved on. Thank you for the reply.
lily999 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Same here. I had a 26 years old guy who would contact me every now and then. Even though I told him to fuXk off many times, but he would still text or call me when he had no other options. When I almost forgot about him I would get text messages from him again and brought me these annoying memories. He never planned in advance and would even cancel sometimes(I did the same too). The worst thing was he would never tell me his real phone number, and he used some application named text plus to text me all the time. I am at my 30s
kidm Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 People assume a hell of a lot. She can communicate with him and say happy to meet but I need some notice. This is not assuming a hell of a lot. A guy who is serious about dating a girl will make plans in advance if he's tried several last minute invitations and the girl was unavailable. The logical response would be "How about [date in advance]. I'd really like to see you" or something to the effect. Consistent last minute evening requests is definitely in booty call territory. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck...
Mkn1010 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 OP, you sound exactly like me! It's hard because intimacy for you feels meaningful even when it's brief. But this is not the same for the majority of people in today's modern age, sadly! I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. Keep holding to your standards, it's what makes you wonderful and different! Don't think for one second that you should try to fit into to this one-night-stand or FWB culture of today! It's not you! I wonder how people do these things long-term and not just become soul-less detached individuals! You are likely dealing with one such individual who is probably capable of cruelty or would not understand the level of courtesy you're seeking. You'll move on, it just sadly takes time. But it'll take a whole lot longer if you stray from who you are!!
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