Thorean Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 My (ex)gf had herself commited to a psychiatric hospital about a month ago. We have been together for 10 months but have been friends for 15 years. She was still going through a divorce. The biggest reason for her depression is that She feels very guilty to her son(7) for breaking the family apart. She has trouble letting go of her family(marriage). She misses it. She told me they were great as a family but She lost him as a partner 3 years ago. He neglected her and even beat her a few times. She really loved me and I made her feel like a woman again. loved again. Now She says that She can not feel anything anymore (symptom off depression). She feels as if She has to choose between her son/family and her own happines (beeing with me). On the one hand I want to support her through her depression and see if she still loves me. However I could be setting myself up for a lot more heartache. All oppinions and any advice is very welcome. 1
spiderowl Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 If she is suffering from severe depression then everything will seem impossibly difficult to her. Has she shown signs of wanting to be with you once this is over? If not, I would be wary of getting too emotionally involved any more, unless you can just be a supportive friend. It is hard to know whether this is a chemical disturbance or due to reasons around her. A bad marriage can trigger depression. However, if she is unable to move on from that, even with you around, then it goes deeper. My impression is that she is giving hints that you will not be there in her future. Severe depression is all-encompassing and she may see things differently when she recovers but from what she is saying, she does not see herself going ahead with you. She does not have to choose between you and her family, that's just not true.
Author Thorean Posted November 19, 2016 Author Posted November 19, 2016 She contacts me almost every day via text but just to ask about my day or to say goodnight. There is no affection anymore. I wrote her a letter to tell her how i feel. She texted me saying that it wass a beautifull letter but that She cannot reply to it right now. She is not thinking about love or relationships right now. She has to work on herself first. 1
fromheart Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 My (ex)gf had herself commited to a psychiatric hospital about a month ago. We have been together for 10 months but have been friends for 15 years. She was still going through a divorce. The biggest reason for her depression is that She feels very guilty to her son(7) for breaking the family apart. She has trouble letting go of her family(marriage). She misses it. She told me they were great as a family but She lost him as a partner 3 years ago. He neglected her and even beat her a few times. She really loved me and I made her feel like a woman again. loved again. Now She says that She can not feel anything anymore (symptom off depression). She feels as if She has to choose between her son/family and her own happines (beeing with me). On the one hand I want to support her through her depression and see if she still loves me. However I could be setting myself up for a lot more heartache. All oppinions and any advice is very welcome. The harsh truth is a depressed person is not suitable for a relationship. Someone who is processing a divorce is not suitable for a relationship. Yes, you are setting yourself up for heartache. The best thing to do would be her friend for now, and get on with your life. Once things have settled for her and she's better, anything is possible. 3
Emilia Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 She stayed in an abusive relationship and she feels guilt for breaking up the marriage. Until she sorts out her psychological problems, she isn't relationship material. 1
Author Thorean Posted November 20, 2016 Author Posted November 20, 2016 Yeah, you are right. Even if right now She would tell me She loves me and wants to be with me, it just can't work right now. It is hard to let go because I believe there is hope. I'm sure we could be an amazing couple under better circumstances. She said something similar. "We where a great match and could have been great together if I did not have these problems." I'm gonna try to keep supporting her as a friend. Make less contact so we both have some space to heal. I have started reading a book on mindfullnes. I am determined to live a fuller and happier life no mather what happens. Trying to see this hard time as a catalyst for improving my life. 1
Cheryl11111111111111 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Depression isn't something that you should be discussing on this forum. I don't think anyone on this forum is worth a boyfriend or a girlfriend and that is the truth. Your all here because there is no where else to be. You want relationship advice. The advice is that everyone in a relationship is out there enjoying one. You should be making love to your partner not writing about it and if you can't do that then move on. I wish I knew I was being dumped one year and a half ago and I didn't. I wake up everyday more clued in and more clued in. I am angry, mad and I want to tell them all "why the hell did you not tell me sooner" why write about my disabled son and insult me so much. Why tell me this and that but in the end, here is what I learned. There are a few amazing people. Very very few. Most people have not had the opportunity to be that amazing person and here we are with the opportunity to do that. Imagine, strength and knowledge. Imagine being at work and having people look up to you because you are skilled at your job and experienced with heartbreak. Imgaine being at home and knowing you are this incredible person and any man would be lucky to be there. I sit there at night now, thinking it is time to let this go. It is time to move on and stop being on this side of the fence. It is time to read, and clean, and work out and get your hair done and make yourself a ten. Be a ten and then go find other ten's. In the end, Karma is this. he's out making love to her today but if you put in the time then his novalty wears off and your now making love for the first time. It's amazing. His life is back because you go up and you go down no matter who you are on this planet. Waves. Life is full of waves, up and down. So trust me, no one looses here but you and the time you spend putting yourself into this forum. Find those who survived the heartache and that's who i chose to speak with now. Survivors. Not this.
Author Thorean Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 So low contact is working pretty well for me. I almost never initiate and let her do the reaching out. And She does every few days. Last Sunday She wanted to come over for some stuff and we went bowling. We both had a good time. I still have feelings for her but have accepted that the relationship is over and the afternoon bowling was not awkward. Then no contact for 2 days. Now She has contacted me 2 days in a row. Last night She said She felt sick (flu). I reply "Sorry to hear that.Take good care off yourself." Her reaction surprised me. "A nice picture off you would sheer me up"? That is kinda giving me hope that her feelings for me might be comming back or at least attraction. But I am beeing very carefull with my feelings at this point. I'm doing ok and want to keep it that way untill She is sure what She wants. Even iff her feelings are comming back She still has a long way to go before She can have a healty relationship again. And so do I. Any thoughts on this?
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 If you choose to stay and fight for your relationship with this women, it will be a very long and very hard one. She not only is dealing with severe depression that requires hospitalization but she's also dealing with victim mentality as a result of being in an abusive relationship. It doesn't look good my friend. One challenge is often too much for a relationship to weather never mind two. I think you have the right mentality now. Be there as a friend and a friend only but go on with your life. She has a LOT to work through and it could literally take years and that's only with an enormous amount of professional help and a sincere willingness and effort to work through it herself as well. You both deserve better and right now she has more than enough on her plate to deal with. Worrying about nurturing you and your budding relationship is the last thing she needs however wonderful it may be. Good luck to you.
salem mark Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 tell her to conatct when she is ready/heaLTHY, and dont talk to HER TIL THEN
Author Thorean Posted December 7, 2016 Author Posted December 7, 2016 In an earlier post I mentioned She asked for a picture off me. So 2 days ago I thought what the hell and send her a shirtless picture off me after a workout. She bombarded my phone with messages saying how sexy I am and that I must attract a lot of woman. Then She even said she was getting horny from looking at it. The next morning the texting continued and wanted me to come over. So I visited her yesterday. She wanted me to get into the hospitalbed with her and whe hugged and even kissed. Then she started pooring her heart out about the bad stuff with her husband. After I got home got some more messages saying how great I am. I'm seeing her again on Sunday. She also asked to spend Christmasseve with me.
DarrenB Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 In an earlier post I mentioned She asked for a picture off me. So 2 days ago I thought what the hell and send her a shirtless picture off me after a workout. She bombarded my phone with messages saying how sexy I am and that I must attract a lot of woman. Then She even said she was getting horny from looking at it. The next morning the texting continued and wanted me to come over. So I visited her yesterday. She wanted me to get into the hospitalbed with her and whe hugged and even kissed. Then she started pooring her heart out about the bad stuff with her husband. After I got home got some more messages saying how great I am. I'm seeing her again on Sunday. She also asked to spend Christmasseve with me. Take it slow there, buddy. Gradually progress with her, let her regain her mentality and health to a better state before bestowing all these escapades.
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