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Is it friendship or more?

Angelmist

By Angelmist
in General Relationship Discussion

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Angelmist New Member

Angelmist

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Posted (edited)

I recently met a male coworker. We started chatting at work and then he emailed me to to get my contact to chat over the phone text messaging etc. Every few days of work he would buy me some coffee and treats. Then he asked me to go for brunch with me so I said sure why not, right. He is married. And he knows I'm married wit kids. Anyway, we chatted some more and he asked me to go over to his house for another brunch tea. No wife there at the time. Went over but nothing happened, played with his dog. But he pays attention to my likings and things I mentioned he would make note of doing for me. And we are setting up to go for more get togethers and mini day time get away s. Now I'm wondering, am I just thinking to much? Or is he trying to start something with me?

Edited by Angelmist
aileD Established Member

aileD

Posted
Posted
I recently met a male coworker. We started chatting at work and then he emailed me to to get my contact to chat over the phone text messaging etc. Every few days of work he would buy me some coffee and treats. Then he asked me to go for brunch with me so I said sure why not, right. He is married. And he knows I'm married wit kids. Anyway, we chatted some more and he asked me to go over to his house for another brunch tea. No wife there at the time. Went over but nothing happened, played with his dog. But he pays attention to my likings and things I mentioned he would make note of doing for me. And we are setting up to go for more get togethers and mini day time get away s. Now I'm wondering, am I just thinking to much? Or is he trying to start something with me?

 

Does his wife know about you?

 

Does your husband know about him?

 

If the answer is no, then you're in trouble

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Angelmist New Member

Angelmist

Posted
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Posted

Hmm, No. Both of our partners don't know. He said he would think of something to say for his absence to his wife for our get aways...

Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

Posted
Posted
Hmm, No. Both of our partners don't know. He said he would think of something to say for his absence to his wife for our get aways...

 

If he's a friend then why would he need to lie to his wife about it? And a mini getaway? what is that exactly?

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
Hmm, No. Both of our partners don't know. He said he would think of something to say for his absence to his wife for our get aways...

 

Uh, 'think of something' to tell his wife?

 

Ok, no one hides a "friendship". And, why wouldn't you tell your husband about him either and/or what he does with/for you?

 

It appears that you wanna play and he does too...IMO.

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Angelmist New Member

Angelmist

Posted
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If he's a friend then why would he need to lie to his wife about it? And a mini getaway? what is that exactly?

Like going out doing some activities like a sports we both enjoy or having lunch dates.

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Angelmist New Member

Angelmist

Posted
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Posted (edited)
Uh, 'think of something' to tell his wife?

 

Ok, no one hides a "friendship". And, why wouldn't you tell your husband about him either and/or what he does with/for you?

 

It appears that you wanna play and he does too...IMO.

Coz at first I thought it's something simple and I didn't think too much into it. But we haven't done anything crossing the line tho. But I guess ur right about why he would hide the friendship part.

Edited by Angelmist
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Scarlett.O'hara Established Member

Scarlett.O'hara

Posted
Posted

None of what you have described sounds innocent. You are making dates with a married man. He sounds just as keen as you are to start an affair.

 

Before you do though, I advise you to check out the ow/man and infidelity forums so you can get a good insight into the hell you are about to inflict on yourselves and your families.

 

I hope it works as a wake up call before it is too late.

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aileD Established Member

aileD

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Posted (edited)

Yeah. Nothing's happening YET.

 

Why? Because he's "grooming" you. Testing the waters. He'll start adding in some stuff like "oh woe is me, my wife hasn't had sex with me in months". And "my marriage has been dead for years". And "I've never felt for anyone the way I feel with you, it's like we are soulmates".

 

All bull**** to get you to drop your pants on the regular.

 

People don't hide "friends" from their spouses. Does your spouse know?

 

Head on over to the OW board. Read up on what hell your life will be if you entertain this for one more minute. Plus WTF, you are being disrespectful to another woman. His wife. Are you that type of woman???

 

Why don't you try suggesting a double date? See his reaction and excuses.

 

Then send him an email "I'm uncomfortable with the direction this is going because I feel it's disrespectful to our spouses, so I need to cut it off. Please don't contact me again.

 

Seriously. Trust the people here. You have to cut this off now before all hell breaks loose and you ruin your life, your marriage, your family, your sanity and your dignity.

Edited by aileD
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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Are you really that dense ?

 

At first I thought that cuz I don't know what it's about a lot of women. They play this "clueless" game when a guy is doing this/that. I don't play that.

 

That neighbor I was telling you about who had like 3/4 kids? When I first moved into the hood, the old lady next door came over with some food and introduced herself, so at first when he came over and introduced himself, I didn't think nothing of it either and I was really friendly (which probably made him think I was interested), but trust me, after I caught his friend allegedly "accidentally" going into my townhome, I was like 'No, something's up'.

 

There's this married guy I work with now who's getting on my nerves. First, he was like 'Can I have your tel cuz I'm putting everyone's tel in my phone?'. Really? Really? Why do you need ALL of your co-worker's telephone numbers in yours? Then, one day he asked if he could take my picture. Again, I said "No". Then, the other day he was like 'You look nice'. I just walked past him like he didn't exist.

 

So I'm sorry, I cut off a fool really quick. I don't believe the OP is clueless. Like most women, she has an idea that he's attracted, but she wants to entertain it to see where it goes. IMO, she wants to play and is asking us what we think about his actions to see if he wants to play too.

 

Cuz, if it was sooooo "innocent" why doesn't her husband know about him? And, it's not like you have to "report" cto your SO everything you do, but it would come up in casual conversation...like you come home and say to your husband, "Hey, I had a great time at lunch with Bob today"...or "Hey, Bob and I are gonna go hiking, I'm looking forward to just getting away from my desk"...The OP hasn't mentioned the co-worker to her husband cuz she wants to keep it on the downlow cuz she isn't dense and/or clueless.

 

**Thing is, IMO, women can be just as crude as men, but by playing the innocent "I have no idea what's going on" game, they can justify having guys orbit them, having endless guy "friends", and like having a little side action.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

It will be what you make it be.

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BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
Posted

While Mike may be a little blunt...

 

Are you really, really that dense???

 

If you have not figured it out yet, he is grooming you for an affair, and it sounds like you really don't mind that much.

 

Of course he wants to get in your pants, what's more is I think you realize that. You are already having an emotional affair with him right now. If you think you are not, tell your husband about your "dates" that you have had so far and see what he thinks.

 

He must just really enjoy the chase because I would have taken you to bed already.

 

If you care about your marriage, stop this and all contact now. You simple are out matched with this guy. He has been there before many times.

 

You just have no idea how much you will get hurt if you continue this affair. Read the OW and Infidelity forums here on LS if you don't think I am right.

 

You really are making bad choices that will hurt you if you do not stop.

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Angelmist New Member

Angelmist

Posted
  • Author
Posted
While Mike may be a little blunt...

 

Are you really, really that dense???

 

If you have not figured it out yet, he is grooming you for an affair, and it sounds like you really don't mind that much.

 

Of course he wants to get in your pants, what's more is I think you realize that. You are already having an emotional affair with him right now. If you think you are not, tell your husband about your "dates" that you have had so far and see what he thinks.

 

He must just really enjoy the chase because I would have taken you to bed already.

 

If you care about your marriage, stop this and all contact now. You simple are out matched with this guy. He has been there before many times.

 

You just have no idea how much you will get hurt if you continue this affair. Read the OW and Infidelity forums here on LS if you don't think I am right.

 

You really are making bad choices that will hurt you if you do not stop.

 

Ok guys! Thanks for being blunt and straight to the point. I think just posting this is to let out my thoughts and get my brain/act together to cut out this guy. And what u guys have said has made some points to put my actions to a stop. Thanks I have already ignored his msgs and have turned him down. Thanks for ur knocking me back into reality. It's been helpful.

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