He lied about being out of town

[angelica11]

Found out my boyfriend lied to me about going on a business trip. He "left" yesterday and is "coming back" Thanksgiving morning.

 

I don't know know why he did it. I just know it's making me question all the times he went out of town and I have a really bad feeling about everything.

 

What is the best way to approach this? I am so angry so I haven't said anything. He even called last night to tell me he "landed" and I pretended to be none the wiser. I feel so disrespected.

 

I think I am also scared, like I don't know this person even after being together for 2.5 years. For that reason, although a part of me is saying I should talk to him, another part of me wants for him to come home to an empty house without me or any of my belongings.

 

If he can lie to my face about this, what else has he lied about? What else WILL he lie about?

[stillafool]

How did you find out and where is he?

[angelica11]

He's just here. He didn't even go anywhere! Unless he is really leaving this weekend...

 

I found out when I saw him with my own two eyes. I had a meeting like two buildings across the street from where he works. I was looking out the window and saw him heading out to lunch. Yes, I am dead sure it was him.

 

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he came back early and just hadn't told me. His "trip" is across the country though, so if that were true, he would not have been back by then.

[Gaeta]

You live together?

[Gaeta]

He's just here. He didn't even go anywhere! Unless he is really leaving this weekend...

 

I found out when I saw him with my own two eyes. I had a meeting like two buildings across the street from where he works. I was looking out the window and saw him heading out to lunch. Yes, I am dead sure it was him.

 

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he came back early and just hadn't told me. His "trip" is across the country though, so if that were true, he would not have been back by then.

 

Don't you know what day his flight was to go there? and his flight back? Why do you know so little about his trip?

 

If you want to know where he is then look at your detailed phone bill and where he called you from. Cellular are using towers. If he is across the country his call will come from a tower over there.

[angelica11]

Gaeta -- what?? I just said he supposedly left yesterday and will be coming back Thanksgiving. Those are the details of his flights. At least from what he has told me.

 

I don't even know where to find those cell tower details. Our bill doesn't show that. It shows the city where the area code originates.

 

Finding out where he was when he called isn't really the issue here. His lie is. I want to know the best way to approach this. Or maybe what you guys would do. Right now he doesn't know I know and if I decide to hear him out it will be in person when he "gets back."

[TheTraveler]

Gaeta -- what?? I just said he supposedly left yesterday and will be coming back Thanksgiving. Those are the details of his flights. At least from what he has told me.

 

I don't even know where to find those cell tower details. Our bill doesn't show that. It shows the city where the area code originates.

 

Finding out where he was when he called isn't really the issue here. His lie is. I want to know the best way to approach this. Or maybe what you guys would do. Right now he doesn't know I know and if I decide to hear him out it will be in person when he "gets back."

 

What city is he in? I would ask him to snap photos or bring me something back from there if it's a large city. It's actually even better if it's a small city. You could ask for a local tshirt/shot glass or something random to the small city. Play the game

[l8estnews]

There's a big pot of Gold that you'll discover at the end if this rainbow. But I have this feeling you should pack your things already and prepare yourself at what you will discover... I am sorry

[ChatroomHero]

I can't help think you are making this harder on yourself than it already is. A simple, I saw you at your office. You lied to me....would do it. No need to play games or trap him. You'd be playing a game to catch him lying and you already know he is lying.

 

I wouldn't delay the inevitable, it will just torture you. My guess is he'll say something like he wanted a break for a few days, say last minute his plans were cancelled and needed alone time....whatever. I believe in dealing with problems head on, you know the outcome is not good and that is why you are delaying it. The quicker you deal with it, the quicker the torture will end overall.

[MarkIVSteel]

You only saw him in passing out a window from across the street. You could have seen someone else that looks like him, you could have been thinking about him so you saw what wasn't really there.

 

If you had seen him a second or multiple times, I would understand but you just saw him in passing from way across the street.

 

You haven't seen him again since then. You need to gather more evidence than seeing him from a window across the street.

[Buddhist]

This is too easy. He's sure you aren't looking for him, so wait outside his office until he leaves for the day, follow him. Ask a friend to drive you if you're worried he's going to recognise your car. When you get to the address he's gone to drive off. Then have a courier deliver all his belongings there and change the locks.

 

Happy thanksgiving!

[TheTraveler]

This is too easy. He's sure you aren't looking for him, so wait outside his office until he leaves for the day, follow him. Ask a friend to drive you if you're worried he's going to recognise your car. When you get to the address he's gone to drive off. Then have a courier deliver all his belongings there and change the locks.

Happy thanksgiving!

 

Depending on the state, you cannot do this. We do not know who owns the place, who is on the lease, etc

[joseb]

I actually know a guy who is doing this He's seeing a girl but an ex is in town to stay with him so he pretends he is away for a week. Even though in his case they are only casual, it's pretty low nonetheless

Edited November 19, 2016 by joseb

[Sweetfish]

Easy call his phone... if it goes straight to voice mail... your good. If it rings... dump him.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta -- what?? I just said he supposedly left yesterday and will be coming back Thanksgiving. Those are the details of his flights. At least from what he has told me.

 

I don't even know where to find those cell tower details. Our bill doesn't show that. It shows the city where the area code originates.

 

Finding out where he was when he called isn't really the issue here. His lie is. I want to know the best way to approach this. Or maybe what you guys would do. Right now he doesn't know I know and if I decide to hear him out it will be in person when he "gets back."

Call your phone company and ask from where he last called. Simple.

 

You need to confirm it's really him you saw. Maybe you just saw his look alike.

[stillafool]

Why not just tell him you saw him and ask what is up? Isn't that easier than guessing? How can you be someones gf and can't communicate about something such as this?

[joseb]

Why not just tell him you saw him and ask what is up? Isn't that easier than guessing? How can you be someones gf and can't communicate about something such as this?

 

It's the obvious solution. But if he really is saying it to play away, do you to think hes going to tell the truth?

[ManyDissapoint]

I have been tempted to do something like this. Not to cheat but just to get a break from relationship duty. He could be lying to spare your feelings. Talk to him.

[biker23]

I have been tempted to do something like this. Not to cheat but just to get a break from relationship duty. He could be lying to spare your feelings. Talk to him.

 

This. Be open with him. Take the high road.

[Erik30]

It's the obvious solution. But if he really is saying it to play away, do you to think hes going to tell the truth?

 

Yeah if you tell him that you saw him, it wouldn't surprise me if he would just lie again and flip the whole thing on you... Denying it was actually him and how dare you think he could do something like that

[ChatroomHero]

Yeah if you tell him that you saw him, it wouldn't surprise me if he would just lie again and flip the whole thing on you... Denying it was actually him and how dare you think he could do something like that

 

That would tell her everything she needs to know. He can flip the blame all he wants, it would just ensure where their relationship stood. What kind of relationship is it anyway if you have to accept lies and deception to keep it together?

 

Everytime he goes somewhere she will suffer wondering if he is lying, she will waste time and emotion trying to catch him in a lie. Why? All she has to do is call him on it and be done. The only way that is bad is if he gives a lame excuse and turns it around and she accepts it. If they are in a relationship, there is no way it will ever work if she catches him in a huge lie and can't call him on it.

[Gaeta]

I remember once I was heading to my ex-h work to get something. As I was walking down the hallway in the building I saw him walking toward me and waved at him. It's only when he was right in front of me I realized he was not my husband and the man and I had a good laugh. After 10 years with my ex-h I certainly knew how he looked like and his body language yet I was completely fooled by someone looking a great deal like him.

 

So, OP seeing her boyfriend in the street, through a window across the streets 2 buildings away is her proof....she better have other proof if she wants to confront her boyfriend.

[ChatroomHero]

I remember once I was heading to my ex-h work to get something. As I was walking down the hallway in the building I saw him walking toward me and waved at him. It's only when he was right in front of me I realized he was not my husband and the man and I had a good laugh. After 10 years with my ex-h I certainly knew how he looked like and his body language yet I was completely fooled by someone looking a great deal like him.

 

So, OP seeing her boyfriend in the street, through a window across the streets 2 buildings away is her proof....she better have other proof if she wants to confront her boyfriend.

 

I would bet this is not the first issue the OP has had. OP seems sure it was him, maybe he was going to his car, maybe he wore certain clothes etc. I'm guessing if she just asked it would remove all doubt. There would be luggage tags, plane tickets, airport parking receipts, he could easily send a picture of the hotel room etc. It would be easy to prove where his was 8 times over, if he is not there, there will be a lot of reasons why he lost the parking receipt, his phone couldn't take a picture, he threw away the luggage tags etc. She needs to just ask what's up. No need for anything else.

[MarkIVSteel]

I remember once I was heading to my ex-h work to get something. As I was walking down the hallway in the building I saw him walking toward me and waved at him. It's only when he was right in front of me I realized he was not my husband and the man and I had a good laugh. After 10 years with my ex-h I certainly knew how he looked like and his body language yet I was completely fooled by someone looking a great deal like him.

 

So, OP seeing her boyfriend in the street, through a window across the streets 2 buildings away is her proof....she better have other proof if she wants to confront her boyfriend.

 

Yup. I said the same thing. She better get more proof than seeing him across the street through a window.

[Grapesofwrath]

Hmmm. A 7-day business trip that includes a weekend stay? That strikes me as odd, especially right before Thanksgiving. Few people want to conduct business on the days leading up to that holiday, as they like to take days off with family.

 

Is it possible for you to go to his workplace tomorrow and just approach him there? If they say he is out of town, you will have more information. If he's there, you also have your answer. If you have his belongings at your place, you can bag them up and deliver them to him at work. No need for a scene. Just let him know that you aware of his deception, hand him his things, and wish him well.

 

There is no excuse for what he's done. If his trip was cancelled or he needed a break, or whatever. To call you and say that he has landed, when he is clearly still in town, is an obvious indicator that he lies to you. And this is not the first time. Whether his goal is to cheat or get space, it doesn't matter. There is no trust.