My ex girlfriend is destroying me, but I still have feelings for her.

December 5, 2016

So basically what happened is that my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me around 3 weeks ago.. it was on Halloween when we both got drunk and I was giving her a hard time going to hang out with her friends because the last time she got drunk(around 3 weeks ago) she ended up cheating on me and coming back to my dorm around 4 in the morning drunk as hell and claiming she doesn't remember anything.( we are both living in residence in university right now). Anyways so as I was saying.. I wasn't letting her go and so she told me "I'm only going to be gone for 30 minutes" and so I replied with "that's what you said last time" and she totally lost it and broke up with me. I was crying trying to change her mind but I couldn't do anything about it. The next day she messages me and we were friends. I tried to talk to her because I just did not believe that we actually broke up. But she was telling me that she doesn't want a relationship while in school right now.. so I said okay I geuss il wait. But then a couple days later I was passing my friends dorm and see her car parked outside in the parking lot. I knew she was there.. turns out she slept with him the night we broke up and has been staying at his ever since.. so me being all sad and **** I texted my friend and he said he's not with her. So when I went to go knock on his door he wouldn't open the door and texted me saying how my ex was sad because of everything that happened so she stayed the night. For about 20 minutes I tried to ask her to come outside and talk to me. I was crying behind the door.. but then the guy was texting me saying how I was scaring her and how he is going to call the cops if I don't leave. I don't know how you can scare someone when you are crying helpless.. but ok.. anyways I go back to my dorm and the cops show up asking me if everything is okay and that I'm not trying to harm myself.. I said no I'm not and then they told me that my ex and her friend don't want me contacting them ever again.. I was so devastated. Her parents are my God parents because I got babtised just this past summer. Anyways I was speaking with her mom whom I'm very close to and she's telling me to give her space and everything. I talked with my parents and my aunt and my sister. They are all telling me to leave her alone and she will realize what she is doing is stupid and run back. But now that I have figured out she has been sleeping with this guy. They are telling me to totally forget about her. I don't know why she is acting like this.. can anyone give me any advice on how I can deal with this kind of situation? I still think about her everyday. And I do miss her. Even though I'm disgusted by her actions. You can't just forget about a 2 year relationship just like that. I lived at her house for a year to help her and her family take care of her handicap sister when they fired their caregivers.. I need help on what I should do here. She is with what seems to be a rebound. But that rebound was my friend and a friend of my other friends. And now I'm too embarrassed to see any of my friends. I have no more friends now. It's just me and myself here at the university everyday alone.. eating breakfast and lunch bymyself.. studying by myself.. I just call my parents and my sister everyday to talk to them
Because I literally have no one else to talk to..and on top of everything. While she is seeing this new guy. I saw her with her ex before me hanging out on campus.. even though she would always tell me how much she hated him.. what is she trying to do? What is her goal right now? What do I do?

I am currently trying my best to have No Contact. And see where it goes from there. I need healing and when I am healed I think I would be in a better position to realize if I want her back or not.. that is.. if she comes back to me.

dont worry about her. find another woman, who will care about you. get the best grades that you can!

December 13, 2016

So basically what happened is that she called me last Friday. We talked and everything seems to be going good, she said that she still has feelings for me and that she doesn't want me to think she is a bad person, I told her I forgive her for everything that has happened and she forgives me too. She cried a lot, jumping to the point we ended up going to a two day retreat at a church Saturday and Sunday, we told each other we miss each other and that we still have feelings for each other, we both told each other that we love each other.

While in church we held hand the whole time, I forgive her for everything because that is what Jesus wants from us. To truly forgive everyone. We ended up hugging very tightly and eventually gave each other a little kiss. After the kiss she started crying saying how she promised she would never do that to anyone ever again because of the kid she has been seeing for a month now.

I told her I'm sorry but the impression I got from her when we talked before is that nothing is serious between them. She told me that she doesn't connect with this new kid on a spiritual level and doesn't feel comfortable with the relationship. And she started crying saying how she is going to break the news to him.

I told her I cannot help her with this because I do not want to influence her decision about them in anyway as that is not right, and that for her to go with whatever her heart tells her. I told her I still have feelings for her and that I cannot just be friends with her, especially while she is with this kid. I told

Her that it might be best for us to completely cut contact and go our separate ways.

She told me she does not want that as I am still her best friend. Ever since we have been talking on the phone every now and then. I did get the impression that she was going to break the news to this kid. I am not forcing her to do anything it is all up to her, but I then contacted her last night on the phone and asked her if she has feelings for this kid.

She said she does, so I told her the same thing about how I cannot see her, she said if we could get back together right now she would do it but she just can't right now, so I told her that if we are meant to be, we will, and if not we won't. I then told her that we should meet up on wed to figure things out. She said yes , I told her we need to figure out if we should move on with this or completely cut contact. She started crying telling me not to say that and how she feels empty without me.

I told her I know it's hard for me too but I just can't, I then asked her if she loves me more or him. She said obviously you, I only known this kid for a month, so then I told her that what she is doing is wrong. She said that she still had hopes of getting back together but she just can't right now, but she doesn't want to be with anyone else but me.

Either way when I see her I'm going to tell her that if she truly loves me then she would wait to figure out her emotions. Because right now im basically an option. And I am going to tell her that I am no ones option. And that if she truly loves me she would do this.

Can you guys help me out on some advice? What should I say to her when I see her. Obviously I want her in my life but I don't want to force anything. That's not right it will never work out that way. She needs to figure it out on her own. Please help me guys, I am in need of your advice. What do I do??

December 13, 2016

So basically what happened is that she called me last Friday. We talked and everything seems to be going good, she said that she still has feelings for me and that she doesn't want me to think she is a bad person, I told her I forgive her for everything that has happened and she forgives me too. She cried a lot, jumping to the point we ended up going to a two day retreat at a church Saturday and Sunday, we told each other we miss each other and that we still have feelings for each other, we both told each other that we love each other.

While in church we held hand the whole time, I forgive her for everything because that is what Jesus wants from us. To truly forgive everyone. We ended up hugging very tightly and eventually gave each other a little kiss. After the kiss she started crying saying how she promised she would never do that to anyone ever again because of the kid she has been seeing for a month now.

I told her I'm sorry but the impression I got from her when we talked before is that nothing is serious between them. She told me that she doesn't connect with this new kid on a spiritual level and doesn't feel comfortable with the relationship. And she started crying saying how she is going to break the news to him.

I told her I cannot help her with this because I do not want to influence her decision about them in anyway as that is not right, and that for her to go with whatever her heart tells her. I told her I still have feelings for her and that I cannot just be friends with her, especially while she is with this kid. I told
Her that it might be best for us to completely cut contact and go our separate ways.

She told me she does not want that as I am still her best friend. Ever since we have been talking on the phone every now and then. I did get the impression that she was going to break the news to this kid. I am not forcing her to do anything it is all up to her, but I then contacted her last night on the phone and asked her if she has feelings for this kid.

She said she does, so I told her the same thing about how I cannot see her, she said if we could get back together right now she would do it but she just can't right now, so I told her that if we are meant to be, we will, and if not we won't. I then told her that we should meet up on wed to figure things out. She said yes , I told her we need to figure out if we should move on with this or completely cut contact. She started crying telling me not to say that and how she feels empty without me.

I told her I know it's hard for me too but I just can't, I then asked her if she loves me more or him. She said obviously you, I only known this kid for a month, so then I told her that what she is doing is wrong. She said that she still had hopes of getting back together but she just can't right now, but she doesn't want to be with anyone else but me.

Either way when I see her I'm going to tell her that if she truly loves me then she would wait to figure out her emotions. Because right now im basically an option. And I am going to tell her that I am no ones option. And that if she truly loves me she would do this.

Can you guys help me out on some advice? What should I say to her when I see her. Obviously I want her in my life but I don't want to force anything. That's not right it will never work out that way. She needs to figure it out on her own. Please help me guys, I am in need of your advice. What do I do??

She's just playing mind-games with you, can you not see through the negligence?

I don't think there's any necessary advice for you at this point. You need to take the advice already given to you and halt your current situation with this girl.

She needs to figure out her priorities, like you have said. Let her do so. If she comes back in time, fixed and willing to try with you, then so be it... go ahead and live a potential happy life with her. If she does not return, then that is an obvious indication of wasted time and that you should not pursue her any further.

Leave it entirely for now, as it is. Stop causing yourself to go through such unnecessary grief and pressure. Focus on things that will actually benefit you.

December 13, 2016

Also I know everyone is telling me to get over her, but it's so complicated, and this is why, I care for her, she suffers from high functioning anxiety and has had very bad depression. I always tell her that I am here for her anytime she needs me regardless of our status. I feel so bad for her and a lot of her decisions is because of her mental illnes. I made a promis to god that if there is someone in need of my help and I can give it, I will. Before we broke up I never truly forgave her for what she did, and now I am realizing that I did in fact her her a lot towards the end.

But now I see that I do forgive her and that I want the best for her. I just want her to be happy. No one knows what she goes through like I do, she hides it from her parents most of the time and comes to me. Which is why I feel so bad for her, I still love her, we pray together, and we take care of each other when we can. God tells us not to base someone by their past, and to just forgive them and be there for them. I am not angry at her what so ever. That's what I learned from my relationship with Jesus.

But like I said, for my own well being, I cannot be here to comfort her and at the same timecatch more feelings while she feels as if she still has me in her life so she can still be with this kid.

Help me, please. I know what she did was wrong but I truly do forgive her. Because you cannot truly have inner peace if you do not forgive.

Thank you guys

December 13, 2016

She has pretty much done everything necessary to relieve her own guilt. She's going to end up with a completely clear conscience, and continue to use you for emotional balance while she nails other guys.

You can forgive her, but you also can protect yourself at the same time.

December 13, 2016

Wow this is quite the situation that you've happened to be in.

From all your responses and how long this has been going on, you are still stuck in the break up and the relationship.

It has been a month and does seem like you are faring better than when you had initially posted. You remind me of my friend going through his break up.

From my experience of a break up and comparing myself to him, I am faring at least 100 times better. He is further along in the break up than I am.

I will say that you, and my friend, are stuck in the part of the break up where you still feel like your feelings are codependent on hers. I think this is more so in your case as you are deeply tied to your ex's family. On top of that, your ex is staying in your life. No contact is a period where you focus on yourself. I think you have done the part of no contact where you cut communication with her out of your life. That is good!

Now you need to just focus on alleviating your feelings. There were mistakes you both made. Focus on your mistakes. Realize them and feel the regret but don't let it hold you back. You won't make the same mistakes. Furthermore, she broke up with you. This break up is not all your fault. She has many mistakes to ponder about. THIS DOES NOT CONCERN YOU. Nor should her feelings of now be holding you back. All you need to do is know that you love her and you have to let her go. This is for you. "I love her and if she loves me, I don't want to let her go." Na, just let go and if she made mistakes and still sees you as a future prospect, she will come back and apologize. But this should not be something that drives you to heal especially after a month of the break up. You can't try to search the internet for learning some method that will allow you to find some way of staying in touch with her, getting those feelings of love requited back. It just doesn't work that way.

This is not a harsh statement that I'm trying to make for you to realize something. This is for you. I want you to come out of this process feeling okay, feeling like your heart is slowly mending itself back together. But you haven't or aren't letting it, from what I see. You have to let go of her so you can heal. This also means letting herself go through this, and having her come out a stronger person too. So just let her do her thing, and in the meantime, you focus on making yourself a better boyfriend for whoever else is in your picture in the future, okay? Wishing you a speedy emotional recovery

-WhatdeWWWWW

December 13, 2016

your right, but i can see she still loves me, the way she acts towards me, after the retreat on sunday we sat in her car talking about how our lives are doing, she didn't want to let go of my hand and told me that she misses cuddling with me so much, her mom called her and asked her to come home, she did not want to leave, we talked for about 2 hours and i really got the vibe that she still loved spending time with me. she told me how during the break up she would call her mom sometimes 5 times a day and start crying while saying how much she missed me.

to me it seems as if she wants to keep me around because she has the hopes that one day we will get back together. But like i said I'm not an option waiting for her rebound relationship to crumble. if she truly does love me she would understand that this is not right. I'm not saying she has to get back with me as soon as she stops seeing him.

but if she truly wants to give it another try then she should be focusing on herself as she heals so she can then decide whats best to do.

December 13, 2016

Wow this is quite the situation that you've happened to be in.
From all your responses and how long this has been going on, you are still stuck in the break up and the relationship.
It has been a month and does seem like you are faring better than when you had initially posted. You remind me of my friend going through his break up.
From my experience of a break up and comparing myself to him, I am faring at least 100 times better. He is further along in the break up than I am.

I will say that you, and my friend, are stuck in the part of the break up where you still feel like your feelings are codependent on hers. I think this is more so in your case as you are deeply tied to your ex's family. On top of that, your ex is staying in your life. No contact is a period where you focus on yourself. I think you have done the part of no contact where you cut communication with her out of your life. That is good!

Now you need to just focus on alleviating your feelings. There were mistakes you both made. Focus on your mistakes. Realize them and feel the regret but don't let it hold you back. You won't make the same mistakes. Furthermore, she broke up with you. This break up is not all your fault. She has many mistakes to ponder about. THIS DOES NOT CONCERN YOU. Nor should her feelings of now be holding you back. All you need to do is know that you love her and you have to let her go. This is for you. "I love her and if she loves me, I don't want to let her go." Na, just let go and if she made mistakes and still sees you as a future prospect, she will come back and apologize. But this should not be something that drives you to heal especially after a month of the break up. You can't try to search the internet for learning some method that will allow you to find some way of staying in touch with her, getting those feelings of love requited back. It just doesn't work that way.

This is not a harsh statement that I'm trying to make for you to realize something. This is for you. I want you to come out of this process feeling okay, feeling like your heart is slowly mending itself back together. But you haven't or aren't letting it, from what I see. You have to let go of her so you can heal. This also means letting herself go through this, and having her come out a stronger person too. So just let her do her thing, and in the meantime, you focus on making yourself a better boyfriend for whoever else is in your picture in the future, okay? Wishing you a speedy emotional recovery

-WhatdeWWWWW

thank you, you gave me some really good advice right now and a lot to think about. i think this is what i want my mind to be focused on as i meet up with her sometime this week. that way i can make wiser decisions on what to say and how to handle things.

i totally agree with you tho. I'm going to let her do her own thing and figure things out for her self. in the mean time I'm going to pray as much as i can in order to get closer with god, he is always there for us. i know that because I've had quite a few experiences where he worked his miracles.

one being that about a little over a year ago i was very stupid with the decisions i made. i ended up crashing my car on the highway at 220km/h. rolled and everything. at the end of it i crawled out without one single scratch or bruise or any pain. and the car was destroyed. that being said. i for myself know that he is my only way i can get through this without any damage

December 13, 2016

OP, one quick contribution that I hope will help....I too am a believer, all my life and fully committed to His way.....that being said, I also went through a situation in College very similar to yours. Engaged, deeply in love, to the point of really losing myself in the R. She broke up with me, not once but twice and came around for a third try and at that point I had to decline even though I still loved her. She approximately a year later came back to me (I believe preggos by her fiance) asking for one more try, which i told her that she needed to commit to her fiance which she did.

My vision of her now is one of much more clarity as she cheated on me likely many times, cheated with me (I thought we were getting back together until she asked for a very early morning ride back to her dorm and not to tell anyone about our evening the night before). This truly defined who she was with respect to me. she may not be that person to her now husband but that is who she was / is to me....your situation sounds very similar in that she cheated at least once on you and emotionally cheated with you at the retreat but is unwilling to break the tie with the other guy.

Best thing i did was to walk away and leave this drama behind and find a woman that was loyal and trustworthy.

December 13, 2016

thank you, you gave me some really good advice right now and a lot to think about. i think this is what i want my mind to be focused on as i meet up with her sometime this week. that way i can make wiser decisions on what to say and how to handle things.

i totally agree with you tho. I'm going to let her do her own thing and figure things out for her self. in the mean time I'm going to pray as much as i can in order to get closer with god, he is always there for us. i know that because I've had quite a few experiences where he worked his miracles.

one being that about a little over a year ago i was very stupid with the decisions i made. i ended up crashing my car on the highway at 220km/h. rolled and everything. at the end of it i crawled out without one single scratch or bruise or any pain. and the car was destroyed. that being said. i for myself know that he is my only way i can get through this without any damage

My experience with God is that He can be very equivocal with me when he's trying to make a point. That He's involved is clear enough, but the path to take isn't. Sometimes it takes me years to figure it out, and there's still things on my list of "yet to understand". I'm not saying you shouldn't ask or that you shouldn't listen, but I will tell you two things that are indisputable:

1) God doesn't even make people love Him. So, if He won't do that for Himself, don't think He'll ever do that for you. Free will, my friend, for all of us. It's the only love that exists.

2) Sometimes, the signs are there and you don't want to read them. Like with this girl you've written about. Probably the wisest thing you can do to detach yourself is to DETACH YOURSELF.

See how simple that is?

December 13, 2016

you guys give me a lot to reflect on. i really need to sit down and think to myself for a bit what the best thing for me is right now. i don't pray to god to get back with her, i pray to god so that whatever happens is for the best for both of us, i pray for healing and protection, i just want to go wherever god wants me to go.

but that being said I'm going to be totally straight up with her when i see her. because at the end of the conversation i hope she understands that she needs to figure out for herself if she truly does love me and wants a happy life with me, or if its best to let go. she doesn't have to decide right then and there. she can have all the time she needs to get herself together and decide then. but until she does that i cannot keep contact with her. i just cannot do it. i am on winter break right now and starting school again early january. and by then, whatever happens between me and her.. i want to be stable and healed as much as possible as i need to focus on school and myself for my own future.

December 13, 2016

you guys give me a lot to reflect on. i really need to sit down and think to myself for a bit what the best thing for me is right now. i don't pray to god to get back with her, i pray to god so that whatever happens is for the best for both of us, i pray for healing and protection, i just want to go wherever god wants me to go.

but that being said I'm going to be totally straight up with her when i see her. because at the end of the conversation i hope she understands that she needs to figure out for herself if she truly does love me and wants a happy life with me, or if its best to let go. she doesn't have to decide right then and there. she can have all the time she needs to get herself together and decide then. but until she does that i cannot keep contact with her. i just cannot do it. i am on winter break right now and starting school again early january. and by then, whatever happens between me and her.. i want to be stable and healed as much as possible as i need to focus on school and myself for my own future.

I get you....this approach of "she doesn't have to decide right then.....etc." will only extend your healing process. You should push for an answer now during the conversation and if she doesn't give it to you, tell her that this is her answer. That you will begin healing and moving on, looking for that one special person as you thought she was the one but that special one would not do what she is doing to you. Trust us on this, she is cake eating, i know you don't want to think this about her and maybe she doesn't even realize it but that is what it is....there will be that one special person who'd never do this to you.....she candidly has already proven herself unworthy of your devotion by cheating.....

December 13, 2016

I get you....this approach of "she doesn't have to decide right then.....etc." will only extend your healing process. You should push for an answer now during the conversation and if she doesn't give it to you, tell her that this is her answer. That you will begin healing and moving on, looking for that one special person as you thought she was the one but that special one would not do what she is doing to you. Trust us on this, she is cake eating, i know you don't want to think this about her and maybe she doesn't even realize it but that is what it is....there will be that one special person who'd never do this to you.....she candidly has already proven herself unworthy of your devotion by cheating.....

are you sure that would be a good idea? she's going to have a lot of pressure on her and on top of that her anxiety will be through the roof. maybe i can tell her to get back to me within a couple days as the sooner i know the sooner i can accept everything and resume my healing process. last night before we got off the phone i asked her to call me today and let me know how she is because she took it really hard after everything i told her. she has not called me or texted me yet so I'm thinking she's really sad and confused right now and just lost in her head with all of these emotions scattered everywhere.

i thought about calling her but i figured its not a good idea to do that and just let her reach out when she is ready

December 13, 2016

she actually just texted me asking how my exam went. but its at 7. she has not brought up any of what we talked about yet. i asked her if she was okay and she said she missed her consultation with the priest because she lost her wallet. i hope she's doing okay

December 13, 2016

Karousi,

I am glad to be of any help and thankful that you are taking the things said with an open mind.

I personally think what you had thought of giving her all the time she needs is the smartest decision.

Making something a rash decision doesn't give her the time to make the decision with a conscious mind. Her mind is currently muddled with the break up, the consequences of all her actions, and ultimately, her answer will reflect this.

For example, had you asked me if I wanted to get back with my ex 3 weeks ago, I would have immediately gotten in your face screaming yes. Now, after giving myself time to process my emotions and getting a more objective view of everything, I would have to answer I am not sure. See how just 3 weeks of thinking can change the answer. Furthermore, I can guarantee in my case I would have messed up the relationship. Sometimes, time is the only thing that will heal, and give the best answer to a situation.

However, I do see the point in trying to get an answer. It does give you that extra "umph" factor for you to leave and try healing. If you are able to, I would like to ask you to just take a step back and put yourself in her shoes. After doing all that, do you think you could give an answer that is honest to your true feelings? Hell, I wouldn't even know what to label my feelings after the cluster **** I just did. I took the middle route in my situation and got the "I don't think reconciliation right now is a yes but maybe in a couple months." Personally, I regret asking as it gives false hope and I had already made it up in my mind to move on but I Thought I needed to get that extra umph. I didn't...

It's up to you. And so glad you're turning to God in the face of adversity. I have been doing it as well, and at this point, I've been thrown 2 other things in my life that have my emotions in some odd place. At this point, I just screamed, "I give up, I'm giving you my emotions and you can just take it all. I surrender." There wasn't some ray of light that shone down on me, but my heart and the void there is definitely feeling lighter and the void getting smaller. Best of luck, my friend

-WhatDEWWWWW

Edited December 13, 2016 by whatdeww18

December 13, 2016

Karousi,
I am glad to be of any help and thankful that you are taking the things said with an open mind.
I personally think what you had thought of giving her all the time she needs is the smartest decision.
Making something a rash decision doesn't give her the time to make the decision with a conscious mind. Her mind is currently muddled with the break up, the consequences of all her actions, and ultimately, her answer will reflect this.

For example, had you asked me if I wanted to get back with my ex 3 weeks ago, I would have immediately gotten in your face screaming yes. Now, after giving myself time to process my emotions and getting a more objective view of everything, I would have to answer I am not sure. See how just 3 weeks of thinking can change the answer. Furthermore, I can guarantee in my case I would have messed up the relationship. Sometimes, time is the only thing that will heal, and give the best answer to a situation.

However, I do see the point in trying to get an answer. It does give you that extra "umph" factor for you to leave and try healing. If you are able to, I would like to ask you to just take a step back and put yourself in her shoes. After doing all that, do you think you could give an answer that is honest to your true feelings? Hell, I wouldn't even know what to label my feelings after the cluster **** I just did. I took the middle route in my situation and got the "I don't think reconciliation right now is a yes but maybe in a couple months." Personally, I regret asking as it gives false hope and I had already made it up in my mind to move on but I Thought I needed to get that extra umph. I didn't...

It's up to you. And so glad you're turning to God in the face of adversity. I have been doing it as well, and at this point, I've been thrown 2 other things in my life that have my emotions in some odd place. At this point, I just screamed, "I give up, I'm giving you my emotions and you can just take it all. I surrender." There wasn't some ray of light that shone down on me, but my heart and the void there is definitely feeling lighter and the void getting smaller. Best of luck, my friend

-WhatDEWWWWW

thanks a lot man, it really means a lot to me. she actually just ignored one of my texts . we were talking and i had told her I'm going home tonight. she asked me if i was going to chemistry exam tomorrow, i told her no because i know I'm going to fail and i want to go home . it shows me that she read my text but she hasn't replied. its really weird she always replies, atleast tells me she has to go or something. this is not like her. but eh, I'm not going to text her as i was the last one to say anything. when she does text me then il make her wait a bit too

December 13, 2016

thanks a lot man, it really means a lot to me. she actually just ignored one of my texts . we were talking and i had told her I'm going home tonight. she asked me if i was going to chemistry exam tomorrow, i told her no because i know I'm going to fail and i want to go home . it shows me that she read my text but she hasn't replied. its really weird she always replies, atleast tells me she has to go or something. this is not like her. but eh, I'm not going to text her as i was the last one to say anything. when she does text me then il make her wait a bit too

Okay, it's your call however here are the facts....you know she cheated, is holding you as an option B, knows how you felt and lead you on only to deny you on telling the other guy, read your message and has "chosen" not to respond. Is this the best you can do dude?

Don't you deserve someone who can't wait to see you, would never ever cheat on you, shuts other guys down when they hit on her, gives you no worries when she's out with the girls, and above all, make you feel like you're the MAN????? This girl is making you beg just to get two bits of information from her. If she happens to chose you, answer these questions:

She wants to go out with the girls, do / can you trust her to be faithful?

Will you ever really be secure with her knowing what she has not only done to other but to you multiple times?

When you're hurting, you know she's "with" the other guy....how does that make you want her back?

How solid will that foundation be if she chooses you?

I know this is a tough message but whether purposely or sub-consciencly, she is playing you.

IMO, the real issue here is you don't want to be alone and will take her scraps instead of looking for a whole person who doesn't need to be fixed. This my friend will lead to bigger and worse heartache.

It is your decision but objectively, you're extending your own pain. By telling her that you need to know now, you begin healing. If she decides later to come back to you, then you can set the conditions. This is from someone who has been there in this very similar situation.

Good Luck though.

December 13, 2016

Okay, it's your call however here are the facts....you know she cheated, is holding you as an option B, knows how you felt and lead you on only to deny you on telling the other guy, read your message and has "chosen" not to respond. Is this the best you can do dude?

Don't you deserve someone who can't wait to see you, would never ever cheat on you, shuts other guys down when they hit on her, gives you no worries when she's out with the girls, and above all, make you feel like you're the MAN????? This girl is making you beg just to get two bits of information from her. If she happens to chose you, answer these questions:

She wants to go out with the girls, do / can you trust her to be faithful?

Will you ever really be secure with her knowing what she has not only done to other but to you multiple times?

When you're hurting, you know she's "with" the other guy....how does that make you want her back?

How solid will that foundation be if she chooses you?

I know this is a tough message but whether purposely or sub-consciencly, she is playing you.

IMO, the real issue here is you don't want to be alone and will take her scraps instead of looking for a whole person who doesn't need to be fixed. This my friend will lead to bigger and worse heartache.

It is your decision but objectively, you're extending your own pain. By telling her that you need to know now, you begin healing. If she decides later to come back to you, then you can set the conditions. This is from someone who has been there in this very similar situation.

Good Luck though.

your right man.. and i don't know I'm not usually like this but the times we had together we just connected so well. but your right about this. I'm going to get it out of her right then and there. if she needs some time to "think" if she should leave this other guy, then forget it. I'm gonna work on myself and do my own thing. and if she ever does end up coming back, and if i still even have feelings for her, i might consider giving it another try, on my conditions that is of course. if she doesn't like it then sorry i can't help you out. i don't need to chase after someone that might think of me as an option or a backup plan.

she hasn't texted me back yet, but when she does I'm going to tell her that whenever she is available to come speak to me in person. the sooner i get this over with the better.

she wants to keep me in her life because were best friends, thats fine, il always be there for her when she really needs me. but other then that i don't want anything to do with her. because even though I'm doing a lot better from when we first broke up. i need to continue healing.

December 14, 2016

your right man.. and i don't know I'm not usually like this but the times we had together we just connected so well. but your right about this. I'm going to get it out of her right then and there. if she needs some time to "think" if she should leave this other guy, then forget it. I'm gonna work on myself and do my own thing. and if she ever does end up coming back, and if i still even have feelings for her, i might consider giving it another try, on my conditions that is of course. if she doesn't like it then sorry i can't help you out. i don't need to chase after someone that might think of me as an option or a backup plan.

Well I hope you're prepared to actually go through with all that, because she's not going to respect your ultimatums or conditions. Your actions to date have shown a severe lack of self-respect and told her that she can pretty much run over you. Let's break it down:

-She screws some other guy. You stay with her.

-You don't want her to go out. She dumps you. You cry and beg for her back.

-She screws your "friend." You cry outside his door.

-You continue to talk to her and even try to get her back while she's still screwing this supposed friend of yours.

I don't care how sweet this girl was at Jesus Camp, right now she owns you, she knows she owns you, and if you got back together with her she isn't going to respect you. When someone treats you this badly, cut them out of your life.

she wants to keep me in her life because were best friends, thats fine, il always be there for her when she really needs me. but other then that i don't want anything to do with her. because even though I'm doing a lot better from when we first broke up. i need to continue healing.

You're a glutton for punishment. You don't owe her a thing. Being there when she supposedly needs you only means you won't heal.

Forget your "connection" with her and forget being there for her. She got drunk and hooked up with some other guy, and now she's hooking up with your ex-friend. Your connection doesn't mean a thing to her.

December 14, 2016

Well I hope you're prepared to actually go through with all that, because she's not going to respect your ultimatums or conditions. Your actions to date have shown a severe lack of self-respect and told her that she can pretty much run over you. Let's break it down:

-She screws some other guy. You stay with her.
-You don't want her to go out. She dumps you. You cry and beg for her back.
-She screws your "friend." You cry outside his door.
-You continue to talk to her and even try to get her back while she's still screwing this supposed friend of yours.

I don't care how sweet this girl was at Jesus Camp, right now she owns you, she knows she owns you, and if you got back together with her she isn't going to respect you. When someone treats you this badly, cut them out of your life.

You're a glutton for punishment. You don't owe her a thing. Being there when she supposedly needs you only means you won't heal.

Forget your "connection" with her and forget being there for her. She got drunk and hooked up with some other guy, and now she's hooking up with your ex-friend. Your connection doesn't mean a thing to her.

well when you put it that way, ur correct. i never thought of it like that. maybe it really is time for me to just let go. maybe she really isn't worth it. your right, and if she ever does want to come back, she's going to have to try her best and prove herself. if i even still have feelings for her then..

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My ex girlfriend is destroying me, but I still have feelings for her.

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