My ex girlfriend is destroying me, but I still have feelings for her.

[Karousi]

So basically what happened is that my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me around 3 weeks ago.. it was on Halloween when we both got drunk and I was giving her a hard time going to hang out with her friends because the last time she got drunk(around 3 weeks ago) she ended up cheating on me and coming back to my dorm around 4 in the morning drunk as hell and claiming she doesn't remember anything.( we are both living in residence in university right now). Anyways so as I was saying.. I wasn't letting her go and so she told me "I'm only going to be gone for 30 minutes" and so I replied with "that's what you said last time" and she totally lost it and broke up with me. I was crying trying to change her mind but I couldn't do anything about it. The next day she messages me and we were friends. I tried to talk to her because I just did not believe that we actually broke up. But she was telling me that she doesn't want a relationship while in school right now.. so I said okay I geuss il wait. But then a couple days later I was passing my friends dorm and see her car parked outside in the parking lot. I knew she was there.. turns out she slept with him the night we broke up and has been staying at his ever since.. so me being all sad and **** I texted my friend and he said he's not with her. So when I went to go knock on his door he wouldn't open the door and texted me saying how my ex was sad because of everything that happened so she stayed the night. For about 20 minutes I tried to ask her to come outside and talk to me. I was crying behind the door.. but then the guy was texting me saying how I was scaring her and how he is going to call the cops if I don't leave. I don't know how you can scare someone when you are crying helpless.. but ok.. anyways I go back to my dorm and the cops show up asking me if everything is okay and that I'm not trying to harm myself.. I said no I'm not and then they told me that my ex and her friend don't want me contacting them ever again.. I was so devastated. Her parents are my God parents because I got babtised just this past summer. Anyways I was speaking with her mom whom I'm very close to and she's telling me to give her space and everything. I talked with my parents and my aunt and my sister. They are all telling me to leave her alone and she will realize what she is doing is stupid and run back. But now that I have figured out she has been sleeping with this guy. They are telling me to totally forget about her. I don't know why she is acting like this.. can anyone give me any advice on how I can deal with this kind of situation? I still think about her everyday. And I do miss her. Even though I'm disgusted by her actions. You can't just forget about a 2 year relationship just like that. I lived at her house for a year to help her and her family take care of her handicap sister when they fired their caregivers.. I need help on what I should do here. She is with what seems to be a rebound. But that rebound was my friend and a friend of my other friends. And now I'm too embarrassed to see any of my friends. I have no more friends now. It's just me and myself here at the university everyday alone.. eating breakfast and lunch bymyself.. studying by myself.. I just call my parents and my sister everyday to talk to them

Because I literally have no one else to talk to..and on top of everything. While she is seeing this new guy. I saw her with her ex before me hanging out on campus.. even though she would always tell me how much she hated him.. what is she trying to do? What is her goal right now? What do I do?

 

I am currently trying my best to have No Contact. And see where it goes from there. I need healing and when I am healed I think I would be in a better position to realize if I want her back or not.. that is.. if she comes back to me.

[basil67]

Paragraphs are your friend.

 

I couldn't read it all because of the formatting...but from what I did read, it sounds like she did you a favour. You're far better off without her.

[Karousi]

I had to repost this because people had trouble reading the last one due to the formatting.

 

So basically what happened is that my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me around 3 weeks ago.. it was on Halloween when we both got drunk and I was giving her a hard time going to hang out with her friends because the last time she got drunk(around 3 weeks ago) she ended up cheating on me and coming back to my dorm around 4 in the morning drunk as hell and claiming she doesn't remember anything.( we are both living in residence in university right now).

 

Anyways so as I was saying.. I wasn't letting her go and so she told me "I'm only going to be gone for 30 minutes" and so I replied with "that's what you said last time" and she totally lost it and broke up with me. I was crying trying to change her mind but I couldn't do anything about it. The next day she messages me and we were friends. I tried to talk to her because I just did not believe that we actually broke up. But she was telling me that she doesn't want a relationship while in school right now.. so I said okay I geuss il wait. But then a couple days later I was passing my friends dorm and see her car parked outside in the parking lot. I knew she was there.. turns out she slept with him the night we broke up and has been staying at his ever since.. so me being all sad and **** I texted my friend and he said he's not with her.

 

So when I went to go knock on his door he wouldn't open the door and texted me saying how my ex was sad because of everything that happened so she stayed the night. For about 20 minutes I tried to ask her to come outside and talk to me. I was crying behind the door.. but then the guy was texting me saying how I was scaring her and how he is going to call the cops if I don't leave. I don't know how you can scare someone when you are crying helpless.. but ok.. anyways I go back to my dorm and the cops show up asking me if everything is okay and that I'm not trying to harm myself.. I said no I'm not and then they told me that my ex and her friend don't want me contacting them ever again.. I was so devastated.

 

Her parents are my God parents because I got babtised just this past summer. Anyways I was speaking with her mom whom I'm very close to and she's telling me to give her space and everything. I talked with my parents and my aunt and my sister. They are all telling me to leave her alone and she will realize what she is doing is stupid and run back. But now that I have figured out she has been sleeping with this guy. They are telling me to totally forget about her. I don't know why she is acting like this.. can anyone give me any advice on how I can deal with this kind of situation? I still think about her everyday. And I do miss her. Even though I'm disgusted by her actions. You can't just forget about a 2 year relationship just like that.

 

I lived at her house for a year to help her and her family take care of her handicap sister when they fired their caregivers.. I need help on what I should do here. She is with what seems to be a rebound. But that rebound was my friend and a friend of my other friends. And now I'm too embarrassed to see any of my friends. I have no more friends now. It's just me and myself here at the university everyday alone.. eating breakfast and lunch bymyself.. studying by myself.. I just call my parents and my sister everyday to talk to them

Because I literally have no one else to talk to..and on top of everything. While she is seeing this new guy. I saw her with her ex before me hanging out on campus.. even though she would always tell me how much she hated him.. what is she trying to do? What is her goal right now? What do I do?

 

I am currently trying my best to have No Contact. And see where it goes from there. I need healing and when I am healed I think I would be in a better position to realize if I want her back or not.. that is.. if she comes back to me.

[JewelD]

First things first, you need to understand that college is the time and place for everything. Most people are not serious about dating. Even if they think they are. There's too many people, you're too young, there's a lot of stuff going on and it's not a good environment for a healthy long-term relationship although it happens for some people.

 

You should have been done with this girl the first time she cheated on you. Trying to prevent her from going out because you were afraid she was going to cheat on you again was also pointless. As you've learned, if someone wants to cheat on you, there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop them. Except break up with them of course.

 

As it stands now, the situation has gone way too far. You need to stop contacting her and the guy you thought was your friend and you also need to cut ties with her family. It doesn't matter if they're your godparents, your connection to them is her and since that connection is over, the connections with her family need to be severed as well. Either you can do it or they are going to stop answering your calls and texts anyway.

 

As far as being alone, there's so many different activities on a college campus.if You can put yourself out there and actually try, you're going to meet new people and new girls to date. Join a club or get a part-time campus job. That's how I met a lot of my friends in college.

 

But the next time you do decide to start dating someone, learn how to say no. If someone disrespects you or cheats on you, you end the relationship. You can keep trying to drag it out because you like the person, but you will only prolong your suffering.

[Karousi]

Thanks a lot, you have given me a lot to think about

Edited November 19, 2016 by Karousi
She is not a man

[sandylee1]

She's not a good girlfriend and your friend isn't a good friend. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. You need to focus on your studies and don't contact her again.

 

This girl is not ready for a committed relationship. She wants to have sex with other guys whenever and then use alcohol as an excuse.

 

You deserve better. Enjoy Uni and take care of yourself.

[Marc878]

You have some growing up to do. Crying, begging or pleading is the absolute worst thing you can do. It really lowers your status or worth in any situation.

 

You can't control or make anyone do anything.

 

You can only fix yourself.

 

You also have yo realize when someone's not worth your effort.

 

In this case go dark and never look back

[Karousi]

I'm a lot better now. I haven't cried for 2 weeks, it's just the first week that was really hard for me. But everything you guys are saying are exactly what my family was saying. She's not worth it and if and when she texts back, because she always texts her exs when she gets into a bad argument with her current relationship.. to just keep ignore her and block her out of your life. Because she's not the type of person you would want to spend the rest of your life with. And on top of that if she really did love me she wouldn't have hurt me this bad.

[Karousi]

But I'm curious as to what she is trying to do with this rebound and while contacting her ex at the same time. What's her reason for this? Is it to make me feel like crap? What is her thinking and what is her goal here?

[spiderowl]

I am very sorry to hear what happened to you. Basically, a girlfriend of two years has cheated on you. Once someone does that, they are effectively in the process of leaving and you should help her to leave. Why should you accept someone treating you like that? You tried to stop her going out - that was never going to work because she will take that as you trying to control her. You cannot control someone else's actions and trying to do so will turn you into the enemy, no matter how reasonable it can seem at the time.

 

I am not saying the above to blame you in anyway, only to point out that she does not deserve you any more. Trying to save a relationship where your partner has cheated is doomed to failure - because she cannot be trusted.

 

Whatever happened with the other guy could have been a mixture of things - her seeking comfort, her cheating, her just not knowing where to go at that point. Regardless of her motivation, you cannot stop her doing this. I know it must be tempting to want some control over this hurtful situation but you know now it doesn't work. You need to accept that this girl is not the one for you. She cheats. You deserve better. It is as simple as that. No contact is hard but contact is harder. You need to mourn this loss and cut her off.

 

For your own sake, do not engage any more with this woman or those who are supporting her. You could end up in jail. I completely understand the emotions that all this must have generated in you and I feel for you. You need to look after yourself now and pay attention to your own recovery. It will be a process, not sudden, not consistent - there will be ups and downs - but once you are over her there will be someone else special in your life. I know at the moment you won't believe that, but it is true. We get 'locked onto' one person and cannot shake that, but when we do and are clear of those feelings, then suddenly there is a whole new world out there where people treat us better. Just stick with the no contact and value yourself now.

[spiderowl]

But I'm curious as to what she is trying to do with this rebound and while contacting her ex at the same time. What's her reason for this? Is it to make me feel like crap? What is her thinking and what is her goal here?

 

She probably doesn't want to burn her bridges, but it doesn't mean you should allow yourself to be a bridge. She got herself into this mess and hurt you in the process. If you get back with her, you will have more of the same - cheating!

[Karousi]

This is awesome, I'm a happy i stumbled across this website. You guys are all very helpful and supportive. That's exactly what I need. Thank you guys. From now on I will try to completely block her out of my life. Il definitely update you guys on what happens in a few weeks from now. If anything does happen regarding her.

[fromheart]

Once you've got you self esteem back, I can 100% guarantee that you will not be interested in a girl like this.

 

Got strict NC on her. Work on yourself and meet a girl who is trustworthy.

[Marc878]

I'm a lot better now. I haven't cried for 2 weeks, it's just the first week that was really hard for me. But everything you guys are saying are exactly what my family was saying. She's not worth it and if and when she texts back, because she always texts her exs when she gets into a bad argument with her current relationship.. to just keep ignore her and block her out of your life. Because she's not the type of person you would want to spend the rest of your life with. And on top of that if she really did love me she wouldn't have hurt me this bad.

 

If you block her number as well as social media you won't have to worry about it. Leaving a communication open won't get you anything. You already know who and what she is.

[Karousi]

Anyone else have any advice on this?

[Slimtripper]

Anyone else have any advice on this?

 

She's already cheated on you. Level attraction to her is about 0 at the moment.

If you want to look attractive to her. Block her on everything, ignore her when u see her, go work out every day, and make your life a success.

 

Trust me u wont care about her in a few months. DO u want to look back and have everyone in college know u acted like this?

 

Go hit the gym n enjoy college. I would give anything to be back at college!

[Karousi]

Thanks for the advice bro, and damn I was reading ur post like half an hour ago haha good luck with everything man

[Karousi]

Hey guys,it's been 1 month that I have went NC on my ex girlfriend, she broke up with me around a month ago ( it was a 2 year relationship), she recently (about three days ago) called me, I ignored her call and the she texted me saying " I have a question" I called her parents as I am very close with them, and I asked what her mom it could possibly be about and she told me that they got into an argument so she did not want to talk to her.

 

I had a coffee date with her mom around a week ago and so she called me saying that her parents are mad at her and that if I told them anything about her. I told her that my conversation between her mom and I does not concern her (by the way her mom did not tell her anything that we talked about as it is personal).

 

Anyways as we were talking on the phone and she started to cry saying how she is very sick and the hospital told denied her and told her to go to the campus clinic.

 

I want you guys to keep in mind that the day we broke up she slept with one of my friends and basically destroyed me on another level because is still seeing him. Me and her are 21 and this kid is 19. Since she has been with him she has been smoking weed and getting drunk all the time. Which is what I what I warned her mom about on the coffee date because I still care for her and want the best for her.

 

But as I was saying, when we were on the phone she asked me if I wanted to have a cigarette with her for old times sake.. I kinda paused and said sure I geuss, so when she came to pick me up she I was asking me about school and how she's all ****ed up, I told her she's not ****ed up and she was telling me that she might have to redo this whole semester because she is not going to any lectures at all what so ever. But the reason her mom told

Me she called me was because of the physics lab notes that we did together that she needed. But never once in our conversation did she bring up the physics

 

THE MOST INSTERESTING PART! She has been stalking me online by checking my grades and my class scedule on my university website. My mom and older sister tell me that she is trying to ease her way back in my life because she is realizing her rebound is not working out. Which they never do.

 

I was loyal to her for 2 years, treated her like a queen.. she broke up with me because 3 weeks before we broke up she went out with her friends and came back to my dorm in my residence at 4 am saying she was sexually assaulted... then 3 weeks later when we were drinking she said that she was ganna go hang out with her friends, and all I said was "that's what you said last time" and she lost her **** and broke up with me while in tears.. as if she thinks I'm not giving her freedom but really I'm just worried because I care...

 

So my question to you guys is... why do you think she called me? Because the break up with really bad, when I found out she slept with my friend they called

Campus police on me to tell me to stay away from them so they could do their thing in piece... and now she's calling me... what's going on? What does she want? Is the trying to ease her way back in my life? Man Smh..

[LargoLagg]

She called you to torture you, and it's working. You can either continue to allow this or not.

 

It's up to you.

[LostOnes05]

Dude...

1) She cheated on you...likely twice

2) She left you for your friend

3) They called the cops on you

 

Why would you even answer? It's like you want to keep the door open in case she changes her mind. That's a no no. She has no respect for you if she thinks a few tears and a sob story will give her an opening. Stay away from her for your own good.

[Been]

She can only contact you because you ALLOW it.

Your leaving a line of communication open to allow her to comeback into your life. If we can see that she sure as hell can see that.

She CHEATED on you. With your FRIEND. Think about that for a minute. Cheating in itself is wrong but to sleep with someone's friend is almost saying she didn't have any respect at all for you.

You treated her like gold and she STILL cheated on you. You get back together what is going to be different?NOTHING other then you basically saying I'm ok with someone using me as a doormat. And MARK my words she'll do it again. And it will hurt TWICE as bad.

Your young. I get that you miss her-I've been there. It's like you don't feel complete without her even though what she did was bad.

I'm older then you so I'm going to give you some advice. Take it or leave it:

1.You have to have boundaries set up where as if someone does something you will not tolerate it.

2.Once someone does something to you-cheating on you for example- don't as the whys-you are never going to get the full truth and....

3.Its better not knowing why because that can make getting over that person harder and it doesn't change what they did.

4.Do not settle in life-you will end up regretting it. Be with someone that treats YOU like gold as well.

5.And if you want your ex back just remember it's not going to be like it was-she broke your trust. You will automatically assume the worst. Trust me on that one.

[WomenWubber]

Because she can and she wants to.

[DarrenB]

Just put a halt to these BS shenanigans between the two of you.

 

You're no longer compatible for each other, or even together or invested to each other for that matter. You need to draw the line between contact from here on out, simple.

[bubbaganoosh]

Friend. A piece of advice. Leave it alone. You want to heal? Then stop talking to her. She's using you at her leisure and your letting her.

 

She cheated on you twice so you tell me, is that what you want from a girl? Someone you can't trust, who doesn't give a damn about your feelings? If you feel that's all your worth then by all means let her continue but your getting solid advice in the forum and it would be in your best interest to open your ears and listen.

 

Most of us have been where you've been. It isn't fun and some of us had to learn the hard way without the benefit this forum so at least your getting some advice. Move on. Tell her to stay with the guy and stop bothering you. Say it in a way that she finally knows that your not her whipping boy any longer and once you heal, then find a girl with a bit more character. Now put your big boy pants on and get past this.

[Viking]

You're too young to get too wrapped up in all of this. Its hard to say and hard to hear, but move on from this and get older. When you're 25+, start to look for the lasting relationships. Until then, figure out what you like and don't like.

 

Meet new people, get good at something, explore your future job market, get an internship or travel abroad.

 

Find something that will motivate you and expose you to new people, places and experiences. It will be refreshing and you'll grow as a person. Leave behind the small time cheating chick. She's stuck now, as its on her reputation as a cheater. Its a black mark, a Scarlet Letter of sorts.

 

Go NC and disappear from her life.