bluefairy812 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 To make the last 1 year and 3 months story short... My boyfriend and I moved out together at 9 months together. During half way into those 9 months I had noticed he wasn't making moves sexually. I, the woman, was always the one to make the first move and initiate sexual contact. He blames this on always being "tired" "exhausted" etc. I, however, thought it was just a phase. Fast forward to now, things have not changed. He does not initiate any sexual contact, I am always the one. In addition, he is not vocal when it comes to how he feels about me. I can count on one hand how many times he has complimented me, told me I'm sexy, that he wants me, etc. I've tried it all - Lingerie for Valentine's Day, sexy tease photos, talk to him dirty, etc..... I don't really receive an inviting response back. I don't know if he's awkward or shy or what. I am NOT his first partner.... but I am his first serious girlfriend in a long time. (I am not bad looking - I turned 30 years old and look younger than his 28 year old self. I work out, eat right, and dress cute). Today, as I was going to put his iPad to charge that I used on a business trip, I noticed snapchat photos of some social media model who had her breasts out. OBVIOUSLY - I was very upset. He cannot give me sex, compliment me or appreciate the photos I have sent him or lingerie, but has photos of this woman's breasts???? WHAT IS WRONG HERE???? I told him he ruined my morning. He said I jumped to conclusions. This is NOT just the fact he has this social media whore's breast photos. It's about him not meeting my sexual needs and guess who feels LOW and UGLY now??????? Mind you, we have talked about the sex topic many times. He says he does not want our relationship to turn into just sex. I don't understand. Please help. I'm not ok.
basil67 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 The purpose of moving into relationship is to gauge long term compatibility with a person. This relationship has proved that the two of you are incompatible. Your needs aren't being met. It's time to call this one a fail and move on without him. 4
Author bluefairy812 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 basil, I really don't want to end things. He's a great person and I do love him. I want to try and fix this with him and also see how to address this. The purpose of moving into relationship is to gauge long term compatibility with a person. This relationship has proved that the two of you are incompatible. Your needs aren't being met. It's time to call this one a fail and move on without him.
RecentChange Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Haven't you heard that you can't change people? What are you waiting for? Your self esteem to hit rock bottom? For you to get totally sexually frustrated? He's not going to magically turn into a lustful person. He's not going to start complimenting you. This isn't a tired 20 year marriage. You should be in the head over heels F'ing like bunnies stage right now. If its not happening now, it ain't ever going to. Decide if you want to settle (and then don't nag him because you made your choice), or if you want more in life and move on. If you love someone, you don't pressure them to change into who you want them to be. They are who they are. 5
Buddhist Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 So you don't want to end things but you want him to be different to how he is. Relationships are not bargaining stage where you both set forth your expectations of the other person then trade off on certain things. I know a lot of people think they are, but lets face it a lot of people have been wrong many times in history. All that will happen here is you getting frustrated, having lots of fights before it eventually ends. He's more interested in looking at pics online than looking at you. That's everything you need to know. He's not the guy for you no matter what his other fine qualities may be. 4
Gaeta Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 basil, I really don't want to end things. He's a great person and I do love him. I want to try and fix this with him and also see how to address this. Being a great person is not a good reason enough to remain in a sexless frustrating relationship of 9 months especially at your age. He is showing you early who he is beleive him. At 4 months dating he had already lost interest in sex with you. How do you want to fix this? The is no magic spell, there is nothing you can say or do to make him want you sexually. I remained in a sexless relationship once. He didn't touch me for 3 years. I stayed because he said he loved me and it was just exhaustion. Turned out he was having sex else where. How long you have to waste? 1
LD1990 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Life's too short to settle for a lousy sex life. I don't know any guy who would say "I don't want our relationship to turn into just sex." This dude is pathetic. Solution - find a man, not a boy. 1
basil67 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 basil, I really don't want to end things. He's a great person and I do love him. I want to try and fix this with him and also see how to address this. It's not a phase. As a previous poster said, the two of you should be going at it like rabbits right now. You can't fix this. It's who he is and it's not going to change. Your only option is accepting that this is who he is.
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