Is it a bad idea to message him to see how he is coping with the loss of his father?

[mellybelly]

My ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago and about 2 weeks before that his father passed away. I noticed he started pulling away a few days after the death. He didn't offer any explanations other than he just "can't" and "we've had so many ups and downs" and "it would be better for you to find someone who can be there for you and isn't dealing with all this stuff". I didn't try to convince him to not break up but I pressed a little for answers in the first couple weeks but all he could say is "I don't know". I also asked if he was seeing someone else and he said he wasn't.

 

I finally decided to go no contact because he obviously had no answers to the questions I was asking. It's been exactly 3 weeks since I last contacted him and I've heard nothing other than a probable accidental text that said "Nice! got it". I never answered because it was obviously not meant for me.

 

We have had a very rocky relationship but I did love him with all my heart. All my friends say I should just let it be because he has treated me like less than a priority for the last year or so and he has hurt me a lot.

 

I'm wondering if it would be a terrible idea to text him and see how he is doing? On the other hand, he has pushed me out of his life so does he really deserve my concern. I'm torn because he is going through something rough and I can see how that might cloud his judgement.

[darkmoon]

what was the "all this stuff" what stuff?

[basil67]

I agree with your friends - leave him be.

 

And to be blunt, if he wanted your care and support at this time, he wouldn't have broken up with you.

[stillafool]

He's had plenty of time to reach out to you or come back and he hasn't. Just leave him alone and move on.

[mellybelly]

what was the "all this stuff" what stuff?

 

He wouldn't answer any of my questions and has never really been able to communicate how he feels. I assume he meant dealing with the death of his dad and the fact that his will had not been completed before he died.

[mellybelly]

I appreciate your answers! It kind of confirms what I already knew, I shouldn't contact him. I guess I'm looking to make excuses for his behavior but I read a lot about grief before he broke up with me and it is not unusual for people to push others away and isolate themselves.

[elaine567]

When people suffer bereavements, most (but not all), want to have loved ones near, they need their support and they lean on them heavily.

 

However bereavement can also prove to be a focussing tool. People can realise after a death what is really important in their life and so they can make decisions that perhaps they were putting off or they will no longer tolerate things in their own life that was not working out for them.

It can be a wake up call for some, life is not rehearsal, time to spring clean.

 

I am very sorry your bf decided to exclude you from his life after the death of his father, but I do not think getting in touch now is a good idea.

[mellybelly]

When people suffer bereavements, most (but not all), want to have loved ones near, they need their support and they lean on them heavily.

 

However bereavement can also prove to be a focussing tool. People can realise after a death what is really important in their life and so they can make decisions that perhaps they were putting off or they will no longer tolerate things in their own life that was not working out for them.

It can be a wake up call for some, life is not rehearsal, time to spring clean.

 

I am very sorry your bf decided to exclude you from his life after the death of his father, but I do not think getting in touch now is a good idea.

 

This just made me tear up. I think you are right...I think it made him realise he didn't love me. Which is really painful but I guess it's a blessing in disguise because I'm not wasting my time in a relationship with someone who doesn't love me anymore.