Broken1111 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 (edited) We've been together 5 years. Everything was great until the past few months when he grew more distant. He has been withholding affection and stopped saying he cared. He took longer to respond and yet he was still telling me he wanted the relationship. There had been a couple of times when he had been particularly dismissive and I avoided him for a day or two hoping he would understand it was disrespectful. During the most recent communication that ended things, he had been responding normally and ended up dropping off and stopped replying. After a few more texts I sent a message saying that " for where I am currently it hurt too much to feel a distance between us where you couldn't respond somehow and that I could not handle being platonic friends for right now, or handle the current swing between getting my hopes up that you still want me and later sending you don't. If you feel sure about us and want us back in the future, please reach out to me and see where I am at the time. Otherwise I am asking for both of us that we say goodbye on good terms. I am sorry I am not what you need. I wish I was and it hurts, but I understand. Please allow me to move forward for now. Goodbye with love." Will he ever reach back out even if he wanted to? I want to make sure I am retaining my self worth so I had to let him know I wasn't receiving the kind of treatment I was offering him...but I do miss him and care for him so much. It's so hard... Edited November 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
JewelD Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Have you met him in person? I think it was a mistake to give him the option of contacting you in the future when he feels like it. He has already made it clear he doesn't care so if he were to contact you again, it would be because he had nothing better to do or he was just bored. And now he has you in a state of limbo where you're saying you want to move on but you also want to know if he's going to come back to you. Is he going to come back? Possibly. Is he going to turn into the person you want him to be? Nope.
Author Broken1111 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 Met him? Yes we've been together for 5 years..
Author Broken1111 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 And today is day 8 with no communication..
stillafool Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 " for where I am currently it hurt too much to feel a distance between us where you couldn't respond somehow and that I could not handle being platonic friends for right now, or handle the current swing between getting my hopes up that you still want me and later sending you don't. If you feel sure about us and want us back in the future, please reach out to me and see where I am at the time. Otherwise I am asking for both of us that we say goodbye on good terms. I am sorry I am not what you need. I wish I was and it hurts, but I understand. Please allow me to move forward for now. Goodbye with love." ... Your message to him sounded like a final goodbye unless he responded back. It has been 8 days since you sent it and have not heard back from him so my guess is it's over and he's moved on. 1
JewelD Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Met him? Yes we've been together for 5 years.. I asked because it sounds like the bulk of the communication is happening through text message rather than in person. But yeah, if it's day 8, he's probably satisfied with the choice you made. 1
Author Broken1111 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 So it would be pointless to message him? And if I did what should I say?
Redhead14 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 So it would be pointless to message him? And if I did what should I say? He wasn't responding prior to the last text you sent and now it's been 8 days since that one. I doubt he will respond. If you feel compelled to reach out, I would call him. Texting in these circumstances is so impersonal. This was a 5 year relationship. Personally, since he's been unresponsive for so long, I'd just leave it alone and let him contact you if he's going to. You mentioned maintaining your self-respect, at this point, chasing him isn't going to help. He's treating this situation very poorly, IMO. If he's moving on from a 5 year relationship and can't have a conversation with you about it, he's just plain done and can't deal with it. He's a coward. 1
JewelD Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 So it would be pointless to message him? And if I did what should I say? Yes it would be pointless. You weren't satisfied with the relationship and you told him that you were done. So what are you going to message him for exactly? You can't talk someone into wanting to work things out.
Author Broken1111 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 So he reached out to me today. I will take it snow and see how it goes.. 1
JewelD Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 We've been together 5 years. Everything was great until the past few months when he grew more distant. He has been withholding affection and stopped saying he cared. He took longer to respond and yet he was still telling me he wanted the relationship. There had been a couple of times when he had been particularly dismissive and I avoided him for a day or two hoping he would understand it was disrespectful. During the most recent communication that ended things, he had been responding normally and ended up dropping off and stopped replying. After a few more texts I sent a message saying that " for where I am currently it hurt too much to feel a distance between us where you couldn't respond somehow and that I could not handle being platonic friends for right now, or handle the current swing between getting my hopes up that you still want me and later sending you don't. If you feel sure about us and want us back in the future, please reach out to me and see where I am at the time. Otherwise I am asking for both of us that we say goodbye on good terms. I am sorry I am not what you need. I wish I was and it hurts, but I understand. Please allow me to move forward for now. Goodbye with love." Will he ever reach back out even if he wanted to? I want to make sure I am retaining my self worth so I had to let him know I wasn't receiving the kind of treatment I was offering him...but I do miss him and care for him so much. It's so hard... So he reached out to me today. I will take it snow and see how it goes.. So this guy has been yanking your chain and after 8 days of not speaking to you, now you're headed back into the cycle? What about your self-worth and moving forward? What can he say to you that would make his behavior acceptable or convince you that this is not yet another push/pull tactic to keep you dangling on the line? You'll take it slow. As if you have a choice in the matter. You've basically put all decisions about the relationship in his hands. I don't see that ending well but keep us updated.
stillafool Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 So he reached out to me today. I will take it snow and see how it goes.. Are you sure it wasn't the other way around? 1
Author Broken1111 Posted November 19, 2016 Author Posted November 19, 2016 Not really any reason to make that up. I guess I came to the wrong place for advice since you seem to think only what you predicted would happen.
Been Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Be careful. When people usually act distant it can mean someone else is involved.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Be careful. When people usually act distant it can mean someone else is involved. This is often true, sadly. OP, what did he say when he contacted you? Why are you going back into this cycle? If after 5 years he isn't mature enough to have a conversation about what's going on, then I'm afraid he just doesn't care that much about you. I would be very suspicious of his reasons for returning now.
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