lack of intimacy with 2 year relationship not sure whats going on

[Poe77]

Definitely sounds like impotence

How old is he?

He cannot just blame the ex's cheating for this, he needs to see a doctor ASAP if he hasn't already done so, as it could be a sign of more serious health issues. Psychological reasons may be the cause, but he needs to exclude all other causes before he should assume that.

 

Erectile dysfunction (impotence) - NHS Choices

 

 

Hes late 30s almost 40

[Gr8fuln2020]

Has he tried viagra or cialis? You can get a sample from doctors w/o charge if insurance or cost is an issue. In fact, you can go online to the company's site and request a sample, I believe.

 

If he gets really stiff erections then may not physical. But, if the erections are still weak or the drug doesn't work, it is likely physical.

 

Just something else to consider if he is willing.

[anika99]

You dont believe that relationships can be worked on? surely it cant always be easy but it must be able to be done other then the sex issue we are over all happy why just throw that all away and maybe down the road I end up with a guy who just wants sex and treats me badly..

...

 

Please tell me how this is being worked on. What is your bf doing to fix this issue? Because it doesn't seem to me that anything is being worked on and that you are just waiting around hoping for a change. You can't fix this. Your bf has to first want to fix it and then be taking active steps to actually fix it. That would be working on it. You have given him 2yrs to do something about this and he's done nothing because things are how he wants them to be. Is what you call working on a relationship? And he's almost forty? Sounds pretty hopeless to me but it's your life and if you want to spend it on this then go for it.

[elaine567]

Hes late 30s almost 40

 

OK, he definitely needs to go so a doctor. He sounds like it could be physical as his ability to get it up and hard enough for intercourse is poor in all circumstances.

 

From the article.

If you are unable to get an erection under any circumstances, it is likely that the underlying cause is physical.

[Poe77]

Please tell me how this is being worked on. What is your bf doing to fix this issue? Because it doesn't seem to me that anything is being worked on and that you are just waiting around hoping for a change. You can't fix this. Your bf has to first want to fix it and then be taking active steps to actually fix it. That would be working on it. You have given him 2yrs to do something about this and he's done nothing because things are how he wants them to be. Is what you call working on a relationship? And he's almost forty? Sounds pretty hopeless to me but it's your life and if you want to spend it on this then go for it.

 

Its quite likely he has a real issue and to be honest I could see were it would be very embarrassing for him to even think of getting "help" for it.. other then this and one other issue we had in the past that to the best of my knowledge has not happened again things are very good between us why would I just throw all that away why are so many just ignoring that? because sex is an issue?

 

Hell I dont even need sex as much as some but I know that's how most relationships work so I want to work on things and yes I know what your saying he is comfortable with how things are but im not fully so im going to have to figure a way to get thing going I guess im just honestly not use to be being the one to inshiate this kinda thing.

 

I know there are relationships that take things slow still even in this world were sex is the new hand shake and alot jump in the sack at hello..I guess this would look rather abnormal..but im not that kinda girl anyways...and no hes not "hopeless" Thanks!

Edited November 19, 2016 by Poe77

[Poe77]

Has he tried viagra or cialis? You can get a sample from doctors w/o charge if insurance or cost is an issue. In fact, you can go online to the company's site and request a sample, I believe.

 

If he gets really stiff erections then may not physical. But, if the erections are still weak or the drug doesn't work, it is likely physical.

 

Just something else to consider if he is willing.

 

This is good to know thanks simple might end up just doing that..

[Poe77]

OK, he definitely needs to go so a doctor. He sounds like it could be physical as his ability to get it up and hard enough for intercourse is poor in all circumstances.

 

From the article.

 

You might be right and I had a look at that article thanks for that ima try a few things and see how we go and if that truly is the main issue then I def will be getting him to a Doc those are some serious issues...I just need to address things carefully if it comes down to that..its clearly a sore subject for him..

[Gr8fuln2020]

You might be right and I had a look at that article thanks for that ima try a few things and see how we go and if that truly is the main issue then I def will be getting him to a Doc those are some serious issues...I just need to address things carefully if it comes down to that..its clearly a sore subject for him..

 

If he is resistant to seeing a doctor, try the viagra/cialis tests first. This way, it's not in the open, private, no embarassment involved. After the tests, he will be obliged to admit there is something physical going on.

 

I apologize, but have you tried to simply stroke him w/o expectation of intercourse? One of the things I love to do with a significant other is simply explore one another's bodies w/o expectation of intercourse or oral. Spooning one another and stroking each other's intimate areas. Wow, is that an awesome, fun, relaxed thing to do! See if he gets an erection and how it holds. Remember, you must make it clear to him that you don't expect him to perform, simply relax and enjoy, explore.

 

Went back and read your original post more carefully. Has he ever had a spontaneous erection while you two spooned or cuddled? Have you ever seen a very hard erection from him?

Edited November 19, 2016 by simpleNfit

[elaine567]

Has he ever had a spontaneous erection while you two spooned or cuddled? Have you ever seen a very hard erection from him?

 

Poe already answered that.

 

A semi one and not for very long..I think in the 2 years ive only seen him with maybe 1 or 2 true ones that lasted a while even his morning "pee boners" are not really that hard

[Gr8fuln2020]

Poe already answered that.

 

Dang it! Sorry. I even remember reading that...

 

Okay, leaning more to physical problem as others have indicated, but would still try the viagra/cialis.

[elaine567]

Erectile Dysfunction Tests

 

I do not think you can use Viagra as tool to differentiate physical from psychological, best he just goes to the doctor, I think.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Erectile Dysfunction Tests

 

I do not think you can use Viagra as tool to differentiate physical from psychological, best he just goes to the doctor, I think.

 

Likely not necessarily an effective way, but under UltraSound it does suggest using such drugs to simulate erections. So, it could show whether or how long he could hold an erection or show how rigid it becomes with such a drug.

 

Just a thought if he is 'unwilling' to see a doctor.

[anika99]

Its quite likely he has a real issue and to be honest I could see were it would be very embarrassing for him to even think of getting "help" for it.. other then this and one other issue we had in the past that to the best of my knowledge has not happened again things are very good between us why would I just throw all that away why are so many just ignoring that? because sex is an issue?

 

Hell I dont even need sex as much as some but I know that's how most relationships work so I want to work on things and yes I know what your saying he is comfortable with how things are but im not fully so im going to have to figure a way to get thing going I guess im just honestly not use to be being the one to inshiate this kinda thing.

 

I know there are relationships that take things slow still even in this world were sex is the new hand shake and alot jump in the sack at hello..I guess this would look rather abnormal..but im not that kinda girl anyways...and no hes not "hopeless" Thanks!

 

I didn't mean he was hopeless, I meant the situation looked hopeless. He's not hopeless, he's a smashing success because he's getting exactly what he wants.

 

was that one other issue that you found him fooling around on-line with another woman? Guess it's a matter of perspective because I would view these 2 issues as very bad omens but it you feel differently then you should do whatever makes you happy. I seriously mean that. I wouldn't stick around for this kind of a relationship but if you are okay with it then it's okay.

[spiderowl]

I don't believe his reason for one minute. He has the chance to be with you, to have a loving, fulfilling relationship, and he is not doing. I think either he has a seriously low sex drive (which is possible but if he doesn't find out why it is so low it doesn't bode well for you), or he is gay or something.

 

I think you are right to think something is amiss here. It is.

[joseb]

He needs to see a doctor. It's not just embarrassing, it's potentially life threatening. Erectile problems at that age are often the prelude of serious heart issues.

[Gr8fuln2020]

He needs to see a doctor. It's not just embarrassing, it's potentially life threatening. Erectile problems at that age are often the prelude of serious heart issues.

 

Yes, possibly. Poor circulation...good point.

[Poe77]

I didn't mean he was hopeless, I meant the situation looked hopeless. He's not hopeless, he's a smashing success because he's getting exactly what he wants.

 

 

 

Yeah cause im sure all guys want to not have sex ever especially when they are in a other wise good relationship im sorry your just being very negative about my situation all around and im sorry if this is how your past relationships have taut you to be? that is a shame.. im not going to discount him or my other wise good relationship just cause it has a few bugs to work out cause I know the grass is not greener out there...

 

 

Anyways to the others who tried to offer helpful advice I do thank you all very much as I said ill be trying to get more "playful" with him with in the next few weeks and see how we go neither of us has really been trying so its half on me as well as ive been kinda complacent with how things have been going he has been starting to be more jokingly suggestive as of late so im going to take him up on that offer and see how we go and if it genuinely is a medical issue I will make sure he gets helps before it becomes a bigger issue..

[TheTraveler]

Yeah cause im sure all guys want to not have sex ever especially when they are in a other wise good relationship im sorry your just being very negative about my situation all around and im sorry if this is how your past relationships have taut you to be? that is a shame.. im not going to discount him or my other wise good relationship just cause it has a few bugs to work out cause I know the grass is not greener out there...

 

 

Anyways to the others who tried to offer helpful advice I do thank you all very much as I said ill be trying to get more "playful" with him with in the next few weeks and see how we go neither of us has really been trying so its half on me as well as ive been kinda complacent with how things have been going he has been starting to be more jokingly suggestive as of late so im going to take him up on that offer and see how we go and if it genuinely is a medical issue I will make sure he gets helps before it becomes a bigger issue..

 

I do not get how you could be with someone for so long and there's never been any passionate sex?

 

He either has a huge mental issue or erectile disfunction. I'm going with door #1

[Poe77]

I do not get how you could be with someone for so long and there's never been any passionate sex?

 

He either has a huge mental issue or erectile disfunction. I'm going with door #1

 

I know its hard in today's world to imagine a couple not jumping in each others pants at hello..