Ilovehertoomuch Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Hello everyone, This is my very first post, and I hope everybody can be supportive. I have a girlfriend of two years, we are currently doing long distance. She is now in a state that according her, "has lost all feelings for me". Our brief story: We are in early 20s and both spoiled kids from different countries. We started dating very passionately, and things moved very very fast. We have gone on trips to a lot of places very early on, those were good memories and we never argued on trips which means we are somewhat compatible. We went to internships together for 3 months, although we quit half way because we didn't feel like it. We have met each other's parents multiple times in different countries. Moved in after internship (already lived together during internship), and that's when the wonderful mixed with rough times arrived. My faults: I dropped out of university but I lied about it, she found out, and said its ok . I was depressed, lazy, got fat, no motivation and I acted like a kid in front of my parents, I acted like a kid in front of her, which made her think she is my babysitter. A month ago, I visited her and it was great. Right now, I'm not depressed and starting my own company soon. But she said she wants to break up and have no feelings for me about 2 weeks after the trip. I begged and agreed to stay loyal to each other but will try to get the fire/spark by going on dates after she comes back, which is in a month and a half. Main arguments: no ambition, liar, lazy, too reliant on her socially, not attracted(because I always comfort her and apologize, basically no dignity no respect for me). I don't think its a healthy relationship and I'm actively changing myself to be the man I want to be. Is it too late, I really love her.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 As a woman, I would say that yes, it is probably too late. It is very hard to come back from lost attraction. You can try, but prepare yourself for the end too. This one might just have run its course. 3
Sweetfish Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 All the problems you stated that you have. there is noooo way you can resolve them in 2 months and women know this.. thats why most dont even give men a 2nd chance. In 1 year maybe 2 years you can turn your issues around... the long distance hurts you the most. More than likely there is another guy and every little thing you do is a check list for her not to like you. So right now you've guilt tripped her back... that is a dark place to be... your saving grace is to actually kill the relationship with your own sword now. That is the only possible way of saving this relationship. She will respect you. You will have self respect. Give you time to fix your issues. You will regain some power in the relationship If she is not with someone when you truly changed.. its is the ONLY way to restore "power" you cannot do it in 2 months... it don't work that way. If you guilt her back and make one wrong move... YOU WILL... have zero chances. It's you call man. But you should end it... it's your only chance in this scenario.
JellyTot Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Many women are more shallow than they care to admit. If she thought she was dating a fit, ambitious guy who was studying for a degree, but then you dropped out of college and got fat and demotivated, she must be wondering what her future will look like with you and perhaps thinking she can do better. You need to focus on improving this situation because a lot of women will be put off by weight and lack of success. Ditto with being reliant on her socially - take up a hobby and get out there. Women tend to like guys more when they see them in a social context and see that others (particularly other women) approve of them. Secondly, one of the key points about long distance relationships is that they're harder than dating someone who lives close by, which means they have to be worth it. If the relationship is no longer amazing, it's no longer worth the additional effort. From what you said I'm not sure if she is a long distance girlfriend or if she lives with you? The third possibility is that she has met someone else and is trying to let you down gently. Either way, your best bet is to focus on fixing the issues with yourself that you've identified. Make yourself more desirable and give her some space. Don't beg - you're only making yourself look weaker. Let her go and focus on being strong and independent. Stay in touch and make sure she sees the improvement in you. If she doesn't change her mind, at least you'll be in a better position to find someone else. 2
BaileyB Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 I also think that it's probably too late for this relationship. I'm sorry.
Author Ilovehertoomuch Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 All the problems you stated that you have. there is noooo way you can resolve them in 2 months and women know this.. thats why most dont even give men a 2nd chance. In 1 year maybe 2 years you can turn your issues around... the long distance hurts you the most. More than likely there is another guy and every little thing you do is a check list for her not to like you. So right now you've guilt tripped her back... that is a dark place to be... your saving grace is to actually kill the relationship with your own sword now. That is the only possible way of saving this relationship. She will respect you. You will have self respect. Give you time to fix your issues. You will regain some power in the relationship If she is not with someone when you truly changed.. its is the ONLY way to restore "power" you cannot do it in 2 months... it don't work that way. If you guilt her back and make one wrong move... YOU WILL... have zero chances. It's you call man. But you should end it... it's your only chance in this scenario. Not even if I lost 10kg in a month and work my hearts out everyday plus growing to be more mature?
Author Ilovehertoomuch Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 Many women are more shallow than they care to admit. If she thought she was dating a fit, ambitious guy who was studying for a degree, but then you dropped out of college and got fat and demotivated, she must be wondering what her future will look like with you and perhaps thinking she can do better. You need to focus on improving this situation because a lot of women will be put off by weight and lack of success. Ditto with being reliant on her socially - take up a hobby and get out there. Women tend to like guys more when they see them in a social context and see that others (particularly other women) approve of them. Secondly, one of the key points about long distance relationships is that they're harder than dating someone who lives close by, which means they have to be worth it. If the relationship is no longer amazing, it's no longer worth the additional effort. From what you said I'm not sure if she is a long distance girlfriend or if she lives with you? The third possibility is that she has met someone else and is trying to let you down gently. Either way, your best bet is to focus on fixing the issues with yourself that you've identified. Make yourself more desirable and give her some space. Don't beg - you're only making yourself look weaker. Let her go and focus on being strong and independent. Stay in touch and make sure she sees the improvement in you. If she doesn't change her mind, at least you'll be in a better position to find someone else. So you are saying to try my best and see how it goes?
Author Ilovehertoomuch Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 I also think that it's probably too late for this relationship. I'm sorry. Do you mind Elaborating on that? Currently, I'm getting my own company started and also getting the necessary licence required. Lost 10kg last month since I got back. What I'm trying to say it that I want to show her I'm changing, that I'm capable, I think I'm showing strength. We are the cute smart funny charming type of couple.
Author Ilovehertoomuch Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 As a woman, I would say that yes, it is probably too late. It is very hard to come back from lost attraction. You can try, but prepare yourself for the end too. This one might just have run its course. Do you think that she might be "the one" if she can't even get pass the two years of my depression issues? To me, I just think that once I committe,I'll be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Otherwise I'll regret it.
Sweetfish Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Have some self respect. You want to lose weight. Become more mature. Own a business. So she can live off the fruits of your labor. Are you saying your not doing this on your own will...? This is the shallow behavior of many women these days... find some poor fool to fit her needs so she can live in comfort. When her needs change she'll jump to another cog when you don't produce that's required.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Do you think that she might be "the one" if she can't even get pass the two years of my depression issues? To me, I just think that once I committe,I'll be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Otherwise I'll regret it. She isn't The One. She's already lost interest after just two years, and given you notice that the end is coming.
mikeylo Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 It could be too little too late BUT , IF you can flip over something that was most important to her in a day then show that. Even if it's a work in progress, show the first drastic step. You do have series of issues. Choose the one that's most important AND most difficult. That will show your commitment and desire to change for what it takes. No lip service. No trying. Just doing. Then no flip flopping. No falling back into old pattern. Just moving forward. If you need motivation, what could be bigger than losing her. When you go back to old pattern, you send the message that she is an idiot to hold on to you. I guess there is always hope unless you prove to her that she was an idiot or a fool to give you a chance.
mikeylo Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Do you think that she might be "the one" if she can't even get pass the two years of my depression issues? To me, I just think that once I committe,I'll be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Otherwise I'll regret it. Dude, she is not your therapist. 2 years is a long time for her to deal with your BS. She is human with limited patience and capacity to let go. You testing that and when she can't take it anymore , you expect her to deal with it. Any other woman would have walked away after 2 weeks. Grab your balls and jump through hoops ,like NOW.
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