zenzimek Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 Hi all, Here is my story: I'm currently 24 years old an had a relation of almost 5 months with a girl of 23 years old. I've met my ex girlfriend this summer and she was very into me, i liked her always from the beginning but was not realy into the whole relationship thing. But we kept seeing each other and i decided to give it a chance (never told her, just did go with the flow) and it went well. After 3 months she invited me to see here whole friend group at a housewarming (she just moved) and she made alot of future plans with me (eating with her familly, wedding of niece, travel etc.). But not much later she was pulling slowly back, i didn't noticed that there was something wrong but now after the break up it makes sense. Last Sunday was the break up. We had plans to see eacht other the whole weekend (we see each other only 1 to max. 2 times a week) so i was looking really forward to it because I had exam that week so i didn't had much time to text or talk. When i asked her that day at what time she would like to meet she suddenly had already plans wich i found strange but i didn't bothered me that much. I told her i don't want to mess with her plans and that she should have fun. We made a new date the next day but she flaked that day also because she had a big hangover, now at this point i knew there was something wrong because she didn't proposed a new date. I just texted "Ok" to let her know i was not pleased with this. We didn't talked anymore after that. The next day i got the "we need to talk" text and asked to meet tomorrow after her work. I texted her back "if you call me it's fine for me" Then she said "No it's too important" I said i have a meeting tomorrow so it's not possible to meet so just call me whenever you have time (in fact i had one but it was possible to meet her if i wanted but i knew already and calling was Ok for me) 5 hrs later she called and broke up with me. I said: "If that makes you a happier person then you need to do that." I asked her why she never told me. Then i got the "It's not you, it's me thing (it turned out that she realised after almost 5 months she doesn't have time for a relation haha) I got the "i still want to be friends" offer but i said no thanks. Anyway, i was very polite, wished her the best of luck, she did too and i hung up right before she was done with speaking, ups. We are now 4 days later and we didn't say a word to eacht other. Backgrond info: She is a very nice and smart girl that just finished this summer university and is working for a few months now. We live in different cities but she works in the city where i live. After her work she would come to my place and in the weekend we did things in her city I already typed alot more then i actualy wanted to but here comes bottom line: I want her back but i don't know what to do. I'm a bit afraid she thinks i'm not fighting for her and that i never liked her that much because of the easy phone call (no fighting/arguing) and me disappearing this hard. I guess i want her to let her feel how it is without me and to miss me but i'm not really sure this will work, no experience with this... Also i want to give both of us space, let things sink in. I noticed a few things the last days in her social media behavior. She did put a "i'm happy" selfie with her 2 sisters on facebook. And she is a lot online, a lot.. and right now she did put her online status to offline so it's the whole time '1 minute ago online' Past 5 months she only goes online at certain time frames but last 4 days everytime i go online she is online. (I know it's not healty to check things like this but hey i miss her) I know it" difficult to make something out of this but if there are people that can tell me what my next move should be i will take that in consideration. Also another thing is: the day before she rescheduled the plans to meet her for the weekend i send her a card with the words "for the sweetest xxx" But it is still on the way to her (i know because i did send also one to my sister) I don't know how she is going to react on that but it is obvious i did send this before the breakup. If you made it this far reading, thank you and sorry for the bad English.
whatnot Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 the die is cast. even if she came back...the dynamics of this relationship are set. She broke up with you. My mom's advice throughout my lifetime comes to mind... "You can't change other people"
Author zenzimek Posted November 17, 2016 Author Posted November 17, 2016 Thank you for the reply. Right now i just want to fix things but i dont know what my next move should be. I want to show her how much i do care for her but i don't want to break the NC. I can wait until the card is delivered and maybe after that she will send a text. Any thoughts on the fb behavior? 1
Sweetfish Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 Get the whole "fight for her love" thing out of your head. It's something media and romance novels planted in us good guys head. Are you at war? Is she using love as a bargaining chip and the man who works the hardest gets her heart... lol 1
Sweetfish Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 Thank you for the reply. Right now i just want to fix things but i dont know what my next move should be. I want to show her how much i do care for her but i don't want to break the NC. I can wait until the card is delivered and maybe after that she will send a text. Any thoughts on the fb behavior? You know you love her.. Does she love you? Then you sit back and see if she fights for you... if she doesn't she is not worth it.. trust me... do you want to be with a women who's feelings change at the drop of a dime.. specially were divorces rewards cash and prizes to the female. Your house and kids..? Invest else where. 1
whatnot Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 Thank you for the reply. Right now i just want to fix things but i dont know what my next move should be. I want to show her how much i do care for her but i don't want to break the NC. I can wait until the card is delivered and maybe after that she will send a text. Any thoughts on the fb behavior?She check-mated you. Game over.
Author zenzimek Posted November 17, 2016 Author Posted November 17, 2016 Hmm okay, this is pretty much what my friends also told me. But yes you are right, i can't initiate contact, ball is in her court. Time to move on then I just have a little bit of hope that she starts to miss me enough and that the card pulls something but i guess it is better to start dating other girls lollll
whatnot Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 there's one more thing you can do.....the next time you talk...and she says she wants to break up or be friends or whatever....just ask her...."Are you sure?" It does two things.....it makes them think....because, it's let's them know you're serious.
Author zenzimek Posted November 17, 2016 Author Posted November 17, 2016 I like that advice because i know she is dead serious for the relation thing but i think that it bothered her that i didn't make enough commitment. So you guys think it is the best to keep NC until she initiates contact and then i ask her "Are you sure" question? Thanks so far.
Sweetfish Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 Hmm okay, this is pretty much what my friends also told me. But yes you are right, i can't initiate contact, ball is in her court. Time to move on then I just have a little bit of hope that she starts to miss me enough and that the card pulls something but i guess it is better to start dating other girls lollll Move on... 5 months in a relationship is slim to none she will miss you enough that the cards will favor on your side. Looks at the threads were men and women have been in 3 to 5 years relationships and the S.O. bails for other ppl.
Sweetfish Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 I like that advice because i know she is dead serious for the relation thing but i think that it bothered her that i didn't make enough commitment. So you guys think it is the best to keep NC until she initiates contact and then i ask her "Are you sure" question? Thanks so far. Don't do that to your self.. she was with these friends and the priority shifted. The excitement she had with the friend was greater than her love (lust) for you.
Author zenzimek Posted November 17, 2016 Author Posted November 17, 2016 (edited) Now i don't follow you. Perhaps you mean that it is better to ask her next week if we can grab a coffe to sort things out and ask the question, if she still doesnt want to see me anymore then i forget her? Edited November 17, 2016 by zenzimek
fromheart Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 The way you've left it at the moment was cool. Chase her or contact her, and you will reinforce her decision. NC is taking back the high ground. It re addresses the dynamic between dumper and dumped. If your a real, self respecting catch, she's the one who has to chase YOU. She dumped you, and she's the one who must show she cares, to make it into your life at all. So contacting her would be saying that you are weak, needy and she can walk all over you and you'll come back for more. If you doubt this and contact her, you'll see for yourself. But ask yourself, and I ask all the dumped to ask themselves this one question. Why would you want to be with someone who's dumped you? Why waste anytime wanting someone with a low interest in you?
Author zenzimek Posted November 19, 2016 Author Posted November 19, 2016 Yeah you are right, i'll' stick to NC and move on. She can wipe her ass with with the card that will be in her mailbox next week.
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