PogoStick Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 An unexpected situation came up. A grad student asked me to hangout, and we met for dinner and drinks for a few hours. My instincts say she's just being friendly or if she may be interested in more. Here's a rough breakdown: Pro-sexual: She contacted me first via facebook and suggested we meet. She's always given me a unique look at work, heavily holds eye contact when just passing by. She's friendly, open, and comfortable around me. She talked about being very sexual, and "doesn't believe in monogamy" (though I initiated this discussion.) And let me know she's on contraception. Cons: She's moving away at semester end. She has a boyfriend (but he's living out of state) It's unclear regarding non-monogamy - I think she might only consider it ok for her to be with other women (she's 100% bi). For example, she wants to be the only woman to her boyfriend, but is ok if he would see other men. Then again, if she's horny and sexual she may just be up for sex anyway. She didn't escalate or make herself extra available to me escalating while we were out. I never went at it hard by grabbing her hand or going for a kiss. My instincts tell me I would have gotten the hint if she wanted me to make a move. I think she could just be a very open person and I could be mistaking that for actual sexual interest. Break it down for me folks. I know I wimped out on this one, but we will be getting together a few more times before she moves away.
IfonlyIknew Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 She could just be trying to see who she can before she moves. She sounds a bit like myself personality wise as a lot of times men mistake my kindness for flirting EXCEPT there is one thing that stands out that I would definitely never reveal..if I'm on birth control. I would never tell that to a man I have no interest in going there with. I can see this situation as possibly her trying to get whatever out of her system so she can go settle down with her boyfriend or wherever she is moving.
jen1447 Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 She was prob auditioning you, which means she didn't know for sure if she wanted to have sex w you but she would take the opportunity if it panned out. That's the way a lot of 'non-monogamous' women roll. fwiw I don't buy the hetero-loyalty thing btw ....she'll jump on you in a heartbeat if the feeling's right. That's just how it works. That said, it's no guarantee for you and it's not just a matter of you making a move and she'll fall all over herself getting w you. Her mind's working out the mental logistics as we speak and she could go any way at any time, meaning you could get shut down just when you're feeling the most froggy or she could take you home just when you think you lost - all depends on what her impulses tell her and when. You won't last forever as a dud tho, that's one thing that's pretty universal. 2
Author PogoStick Posted November 17, 2016 Author Posted November 17, 2016 She was prob auditioning you, which means she didn't know for sure if she wanted to have sex w you but she would take the opportunity if it panned out. That's the way a lot of 'non-monogamous' women roll. fwiw I don't buy the hetero-loyalty thing btw ....she'll jump on you in a heartbeat if the feeling's right. That's just how it works. That said, it's no guarantee for you and it's not just a matter of you making a move and she'll fall all over herself getting w you. Her mind's working out the mental logistics as we speak and she could go any way at any time, meaning you could get shut down just when you're feeling the most froggy or she could take you home just when you think you lost - all depends on what her impulses tell her and when. You won't last forever as a dud tho, that's one thing that's pretty universal. Well yeah, I'm going on the assumption that a very sexual girl isn't going without sex for 4 months away from her BF. But she may just get herself by with picking up girls. We spent the night scoping out women together. Regarding contraception, that could have been incidental because we were discussing negative effects of antidepressants on sex drive, and she went into how birth control affected her. It did catch my attention but I can't read too much into that. And I know making a move isn't going to win her over, but it's the only sure way to know if the opportunity is there. Hmm, maybe I should go classic and see if she bites on coming over for a movie.
jen1447 Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 How could you have not known this was sexual Pogo? You sound like a noob lol.
Author PogoStick Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 (edited) I am a noob. Ok, I've been with quite a few women, which makes me think I have some ability to read signals. But I'm still a noob! When she first contacted me I was direct (and surprised) so I straight up asked if she had a crush on me. She said no but that she thought I would be interesting to chat with. She could have just been too embarrassed to say so. Then meeting and her neutral body language made me feel in the friend zone. I mean, don't you think instincts tend to get it right? Don't you think a girl who was bold enough to stalk me into first contact would have given inviting body language if she wanted me to go there? Or, in a girl's mind am I supposed to take that first contact as the big hint? Mixed signals if you ask me. Edited November 18, 2016 by PogoStick
jen1447 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Ha - you really are a noob if you don't know Rule #1 of Women - there are no rules. We do/say/think whatever we want. She may not have been giving you any hints at all and just wanted to see where it went organically. (And again it doesn't have to be any big plan or grand scheme.) And the no to the crush is standard - she prob doesn't have a crush and just wants to see if she wants to jump you and it you're DTF. And even if she did have a crush she prob wouldn't tell you. This is a real simple situ - she has a distant BF she's not real exclusive with apparently but the prospect of getting closer is looming and she wants to play around - w you or other men or other women, whoever. She'll figure it out. Just stand by and be ready and don't be a dweeb. 1
TheTraveler Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 You wimped out on the 1st encounter. Do not wimp out on the 2nd get together. Go for the kiss next time and escalate 1
Author PogoStick Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 This is a real simple situ - she has a distant BF she's not real exclusive with apparently but the prospect of getting closer is looming and she wants to play around - w you or other men or other women, whoever. She'll figure it out. Just stand by and be ready and don't be a dweeb. That's a helpful simplification. I think I have little control of the situation. Either she decides she wants me or she doesn't for whatever reason. I'm just over invested because she's the type of girl I'm really into: horny, non-mongamous, bi and wanting to chase women together What's not to like? Even if it doesn't pan out I take 2 good things from it. A reminder that women like this are out there and attracted to me (I know she has some attraction to me). And, she still makes a good wing woman which is priceless. Thanks for the help everyone.
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