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Posted (edited)

Summarized for people that don't want to read the whole story:

 

-got engaged to next door neighbor

-moved in with her and her dad found out they have an odd relationship together.

-lived together for almost a year got kicked from one argument with the dad

-she ends engagement because controlled by father sexually/mentally

-doesn't want to talk or see each other anymore

 

Well were do I start. I'm a 30 year old male that fell in love with a 31 year old female. Let me start from the beginning...

I moved next door to the love of my life & she lives with her dad. Now I didn't find her attractive at all at first. She chased me for years I even stopped talking to her for a year when she asked me out.

Ok I'll try to shorten the story. We got to hanging out, drinking on a regular occasion. I settled for her and decided to be a couple. Things got serious in moved into her dad's house.

I started noticing unusual behaviors between him and her. Her pants and underwear were always dropping off her privates around him. I offered to buy a belt she refused. He gets naked changed not in the bathroom and she's ok with it. I caught her lift her shirt up but she was stretching. He slept in the bed with her until age 13 she told me and he sleeps nude. they swing outside all afternoon and night fantasizing together. The list goes on.

I asked about sexual abuse but she denies it. That became a constant argument was the accusations.

Long story short I got into one argument with him and got kicked out. I'm leaving out a lot of detail for length here. Oh I forgot to mention we got or were engaged.

I got sent to the phyc ward for saying I would kill him if our relationship ended because of him. She gave the ring back when I was in there.

Now 2 weeks later she wants to be secret bf gf. We were sexually but not sex active every day. I've been going threw a lonely withdrawal from not being with her. We slept in the same bed about 7 months.

It's been so hard and I tell her every day she makes me hate life.

Well that's my story summed up with a lot taken out. How do I deal with this loneliness and heartbreak? I truly did fall in love with her. I don't know what to do now in the situation.

We talk everyday and tell each other we lover each other. A healthy relationship is impossible with her father. She chose him over me. She won't leave him for me. Many people and neighbors say he controls her. Oh has an order of protection for me.

I honestly love her more than anything and want things to work. Any input or advice would be very great fully appreciated.

It really helps me to talk about what I'm going threw because my friends & family are sick and tired of hearing it every day. I had to move out of my ex fiance's house and into my mothers house which is in the middle of nowhere. You have to drive over 30 minutes to civilization. There is no neighbors around I could make friends with. The isolation is very depressing.

I can't get a job because there is absolutely nothing around. I don't have a car because I sold them to buy the rings. My mom lets me borrow hers when she gets home from work though. To fight this depression I drive into town when she gets off work and go to the gym.

I was talking to one of my best friends the other night & he was telling me how I was completely in the wrong for accusing my ex of doing things with her father because I never caught it first hand. Such as actual sex or touching.

I'm starting to realize maybe I was just paranoid and took what I saw and twisted it. It hurts so much more realizing I'm all to blame. I truly love her & want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know everybody is saying to move on. I'm not sure why if we're both willing to work on things.

She agreed to being just my girl friend secretly & will let people know when the times right. We got into a big argument about this and once again I realize I'm wrong because it would stir up drama if her dad knew. She also promises to meet me every month. We live an hour and a half away from each other now. I talked to her about church and she also agreed to that every Sunday but I'm kinda scared because it's across from her house and I'm not sure if that's far enough away for the order of protection with her dad.

We are talking every day telling each other how much we love each other. I ask her if she's just doing all this because she pittys me or thinks I'll commit you know. She says no and gets mad that I think that.

I know you guy are telling me to move on but my heart hurts like you have no idea. i wake up every morning with a double heart shock. I have a nightmare about her leaving me begging her to not let me go I think because the day this happened I was holding her tight, crying and shaking begging her to not let go I love her and please don't leave me. Once I wake up and realize she's not here next to me in the bed my heart drops again. I was use to being in bed with her every night over 7 months I think it was and now so quickly all this changed.

I can't imagine ever moving on and not having her in my life. I proposed to her because I knew that was the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I am seeing a Therapist but only once a month. I wish I could be in some sort of program all the time but there isn't any. Everything is so booked up. I'm thinking of just paying a psychiatrist because I desperately need one. I do see a phyc doctor for meds. I take the max dose of Carbamazapine I cant spell it. I've tried depression meds on top of it but always have bad side affects so I've just been sticking to this.

It's hard living in isolation with no cell service until I go into town at night.

I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her. Just from this couple week separation is making me depressed beyond what I can explain. I want to work things out and end up together again and live a happy life together forever.

Well last night was a crisis. Here was my day....

I went to church with my ex in the morning. The church is right across the street from the church so she just walked over. It went really good then we went to the park to make out. I asked her if we could do intimate stuff and she got mad and accused me of that's all I want from her. She said she wasn't feeling good so I took her out got some food and we went back to the park. We did some intimate stuff I took her back to the church we held each other telling we love each other making out and she went home.

I went over to my sisters and I took her out to eat and we went out drinking. I was suppose to be getting our there meeting new people but I always had my ex on my mind.

After drinking a bit I called my ex asking to see her before I went home so we could end the day on a good note. Her dad was home and yelling at her. She refused I got really depressed told her I'd kill myself if she wouldn't. She still wouldn't and stopped talking to me.

I called a friend and told him I was going to do something stupid. He rushed on his way to me. I parked at the church trying to call ex she wouldn't answer. I started cutting my friend pulled up so I stopped doing that. I went to his house talked then went home. I tried calling over 20 times and nothing. She deleted me off Facebook so it's official now hah... anyways I tried calling her on mom's phone she said hello I said please don't hang up she hung up. Mom called her dad telling him it's not just me she has been saying she loves me and seeing me secretly. I could hear him yelling at her in the background.

Anyways that was my night. My case worker for mental health came by today. I'm just really depressed but not going to hurt myself. She's looking into once a week could counseling right now I do once a month therapy.

Its hard because I went from being with her every day and night to this. It's really hard but I have no choice but to move on now.

 

:::I've posted on another forum but didn't get much feedback. I copied and paste what I wrote so I don't have to retype everything.:::

Edited by loveloss86
Posted
It's really hard but I have no choice but to move on now.

 

How are you doing today?

 

Take one step at a time and be thankful for the support and therapy you do get and focus on the things you can do independently to make your brain more relaxed and balanced.

 

Don't drink. Make sure you are exercising. Try picking up a new healthy habit and focus on you.

  • Like 1
Posted

The fact that you are doing these things to your self means your not ready to be in a relationship right now. Trust me it feel great to be with another person... but you must be healthy and happy first before you can move forward.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
How are you doing today?

 

Take one step at a time and be thankful for the support and therapy you do get and focus on the things you can do independently to make your brain more relaxed and balanced.

 

Don't drink. Make sure you are exercising. Try picking up a new healthy habit and focus on you.

 

I'm pretty depressed. I keep dreaming about the ex. When I wake up in the morning and realize she's not next to me my heart sinks. Thank you for asking it means a lot.

 

I only drink socially maybe once or twice a month. I might be doing it more now to try and get out there and meet new people. I have really bad social anxiety and the alcohol gets rid of all of that for the time being in public.

 

I'm feeling very lonely and think that if I meet someone new I can just move on and realize there is hope for me. I'm 30 so I feel like I'm really losing time to settle down with someone.

 

I go to the gym 3-4 times a week now. I had to stop when I was with her to babysit her around her dad. Now that I'm back at it I'm getting into really good shape. The sad thing though is I've been on more dates over weight then when I was in shape. I don't get it...

  • Author
Posted
The fact that you are doing these things to your self means your not ready to be in a relationship right now. Trust me it feel great to be with another person... but you must be healthy and happy first before you can move forward.

 

Honestly I think I'm ready to be in a relationship. There are just some traits about me that will take a loooong time to change. I know I get very emotionally dependent on the other person. I'm always asking for reassurance about how they feel.

 

I have only been in two serious relationships so I haven't really been with many people. I want to be someone and make them happy. I want to be in love and be loved in return. I feel like I need that in my life.

Posted
I know I get very emotionally dependent on the other person. I'm always asking for reassurance about how they feel.

 

That's something you need to work on. You need to have confidence in yourself and have the capacity to feel content being alone. Always asking for reassurance shows how insecure you are. That's a turn off for women, they want a strong confident man who makes THEM feel secure. If you're the one seeking security, then it could potential push her away.

 

Just my opinion, but I feel strongly about that. Work on YOU! You can't make someone happy if you're not happy with yourself. Trust me.

  • Like 3
Posted

Hi Loveloss

Sorry you are going through so much,but im glad you did mention that you go to church,you are going to the gym,are seeing a therapist and getting some medication.I believe you can overcome this difficult heartbreak given some time.I would like to ask you something though..Because you do go to churchCould you find a mentor through your church who can encourage and counsel you? Wishing you the best!”

Posted

First, thanks for the short version !.

 

 

 

 

My wife thinks guys that look good (Gym work) look for more than ordinary girls.

Just like some guys do, they see "Model" looking women, and think "She's out of my league". But, may well not be.

 

 

Mate, if she is going to shaft you with this crap now, and side with her father, then screw it.

You would have married the father once you put the ring on her hand.

 

 

Tell her "Good God", "Good Bye", and "Good riddens" .

 

 

However, I think she will restart something, or make contact with you soon.

If she does, you may have a chance, but I wouldn't wait too long.

 

 

Ted.

  • Author
Posted
Hi Loveloss

Sorry you are going through so much,but im glad you did mention that you go to church,you are going to the gym,are seeing a therapist and getting some medication.I believe you can overcome this difficult heartbreak given some time.I would like to ask you something though..Because you do go to churchCould you find a mentor through your church who can encourage and counsel you? Wishing you the best!”

 

I decided to stop going because of what happened. We made a promise to start going together every Sunday and that is no more. It's depressing to think about going by myself now because of what was suppose to happen.:(

  • Author
Posted
First, thanks for the short version !.

 

 

 

 

My wife thinks guys that look good (Gym work) look for more than ordinary girls.

Just like some guys do, they see "Model" looking women, and think "She's out of my league". But, may well not be.

 

 

Mate, if she is going to shaft you with this crap now, and side with her father, then screw it.

You would have married the father once you put the ring on her hand.

 

 

Tell her "Good God", "Good Bye", and "Good riddens" .

 

 

However, I think she will restart something, or make contact with you soon.

If she does, you may have a chance, but I wouldn't wait too long.

 

 

Ted.

 

I never thought about it that way between guys and girls, makes sense. I'll have to approach girls that are "out of my league'".

 

The contact has been long gone, this was the last message she sent me:

 

"This has gone too far. It would be best for you to move on from me. Please take care of yourself and get the help you need."

 

That was on the 13th of this month. I haven't heard from her since. I've tried calling and messaging but nothing. A few days ago I actually messaged her that I wouldn't be trying to contact her anymore and wont be waiting around for her if she decides to come back.

Posted

Believe it or not the feelings you are going through are normal after a breakup. The loneliness, the dreams, feeling the loss more when you wake in the morning, I went through the exact same like most of us here. It's just something you have to work through there are no short cuts. Trying to meet someone because you feel lonely is not only unfair on you but the new person. Until you heal it will make things worse, you need to heal. This takes time and work. Let your feelings out in a journal this helped me a lot. Build your own life, I did this too and got to happy on my own. Now I'm ready to date, like I said no short cuts it will get better.

 

 

I'm pretty depressed. I keep dreaming about the ex. When I wake up in the morning and realize she's not next to me my heart sinks. Thank you for asking it means a lot.

 

I only drink socially maybe once or twice a month. I might be doing it more now to try and get out there and meet new people. I have really bad social anxiety and the alcohol gets rid of all of that for the time being in public.

 

I'm feeling very lonely and think that if I meet someone new I can just move on and realize there is hope for me. I'm 30 so I feel like I'm really losing time to settle down with someone.

 

I go to the gym 3-4 times a week now. I had to stop when I was with her to babysit her around her dad. Now that I'm back at it I'm getting into really good shape. The sad thing though is I've been on more dates over weight then when I was in shape. I don't get it...

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Believe it or not the feelings you are going through are normal after a breakup. The loneliness, the dreams, feeling the loss more when you wake in the morning, I went through the exact same like most of us here. It's just something you have to work through there are no short cuts. Trying to meet someone because you feel lonely is not only unfair on you but the new person. Until you heal it will make things worse, you need to heal. This takes time and work. Let your feelings out in a journal this helped me a lot. Build your own life, I did this too and got to happy on my own. Now I'm ready to date, like I said no short cuts it will get better.

 

 

I really think I'm ready to date. I think i'm pretty much over the ex. I mean it's heartbreaking to think about so I basically try not to think about it hah..

 

I just feel unfulfilled as a single person. I want to settle down and love somebody and be loved in return. I mean we're not getting any younger, right?

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