Sunnymae Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 (edited) I always get great advice from the LS community, so Im hoping you can help me with this one. So, I went out with a guy I met OLD. We went to an outdoor concert and he spent most of the time texting and looking at his phone, even when the band wasn't playing. So, he invited me out again, I'd like to go, but I want him to be engaging. So this is what I'm thinking about responding: Yes, I would like to meet you, but not if you're going to be on the phone, and not engaging, then what's the point? (my adult son said it sounds like I'm complaining) Or should I just say: sorry I won't be able to meet you, and forget about it. Can anyone suggest another way that doesn't sound like Im complaining to express my feelings? Any input, suggestion, or comments are appreciated. Edited November 17, 2016 by Sunnymae
Gaeta Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 What you are suggesting is too heavy and accusatory. Try: I would love to go to ABC with you but lets make a deal and both of us put our phones away while there ok! Then listen to what he says about that. 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 I wouldn't say anything at all. You had your chance to make an observation call when you were out with him and he was on his phone the entire time. You could have asked him "is everything ok? I noticed you were on the phone a lot and it looking like you were trying to put out fires." Go out with him again and observe. If he does it again he is one of those people that has an addiction to his phone and is clueless about social etiquette. Was this a band he was into he invited you to join him for or was it a mutual pick? 2
smackie9 Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 Or you can forget it. There are some people that their phone is more important than the world around them. Sure he may put his phone away at first, but it won't last for long once he gets comfortable with you, or he will simply excuse himself and disappear for several mins, hide in the bathroom, etc. If it's a deal breaker, then it's a "don't bother". Me personally, first impressions count, and if some dude did that to me during our first date, there would be no second date. IMO it's rude. 4
Author Sunnymae Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 Thank you for all the great advice! I haven't heard from him since Sunday, so I already made different plans. It seems like if he was interested, I should have heard from him. If and when I hear from him I think I'm just going to blow him off. If at this early stage of dating he is already exhibiting poor etiquette/behavior it will only cause me grief. One thing I learned from my ex, is to pay attention to the red flags. 1
ElizabethIII Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 I started a thread about a guy who only now asked to meet me last minute and not at weekends and how I should approach it and refuse unless the weekend. I got my arse handed to me on a plate by people here. It seems to be the resounding advice that men should not be called on poor behavior.
elaine567 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Thank you for all the great advice! I haven't heard from him since Sunday, so I already made different plans. It seems like if he was interested, I should have heard from him. If and when I hear from him I think I'm just going to blow him off. If at this early stage of dating he is already exhibiting poor etiquette/behavior it will only cause me grief. One thing I learned from my ex, is to pay attention to the red flags. If he cannot garner up enough interest to speak to you on a first date, then you would have an uphill struggle long term. Was the phone obsession about his work or was it his Tinder account or games????? All would be problematic I guess.
smackie9 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 By not giving these jerks another chance should send a message loud and clear. Giving them repeated chances to possibly improve lets them think their behavior is tolerated. You may as well be chasing your tail. And when you look at it OP, this guy just wasted your time, and your time is valuable.
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Ugh. People who are so obsessed with their phone regardless if they are male or female is a HUGE pet peeve of mine so don't even get me started on dates who do this. Personally, it sounds like a deal breaker for you and I don't blame you one bit! You can go the polite route as Gaeta suggested but honestly, I'm at the point in my own life where I'd rather call it as I see it if only to avoid either of us wasting any more time. I agree with the poster who said that if his phone was so distracting on the first date that prevented him from engaging with his date, you have a long haul ahead of you my friend. It's a sign of things to come. Trust me. Don't apologize for having standards especially when it comes to communication and just basic decency. We teach people how to treat us after all. Better sooner than later. Good luck.
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