jen1447 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 ^ This is a lot about perspective too. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and ppl tend to be very self-critical so the mirror's often not kind in our view. But the way ppl look at you tells a diff story. I know my ppl have said they felt gross on any given day when I was floored by their beauty and could barely contain my desire for them. 2
No_Go Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 I'm very surprised by the opinions of people in this thread - I purposefully checked the profile pictures of all that said they consider themselves ugly / unattractive, and I really don't see how is that possible?? I'm either visually challenged or something In principle I base very little on my attraction on looks - more on sexual chemistry which for me is primarily tactile and auditory. Still, I can be objective about looks and people that I'm attracted to do not become 6 to 9s in my eyes. I'm just attracted to what they are, not getting blinded.
Leigh 87 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 I have been called ugly my entire adult life. My story below is a very heavy example of how perfectly attractive womem are made to believe they are "ugly" to most kf society. I was suicidal and wanted 100k of plastic surgery at one stage because I thought I was ugly. However, if you check out my album, it is very obvious that I am not considered universally or conventionally ugly. Sure I am not pretty to EVERYONE- but I am definately NOT offensive or u appealing by most Westerners standards. My exes friends all called me too plain or ugly for him. He was y no means conventionally attractive either. His friends would repetedly hit on me. I was loyal as hell and never saught it out. When I tried to tell the truth I was labelled " too ugly " to garner the male attention in the first place. Despite being a pilates clad, gym junkie with a nice smile and a banging body. Apparantly my nose alone, made me "ugly". To add to the barrage of abuse, I also rejected men who then abused me verbally and told me that I had some audacity to reject them, since I was NO ONES type and apparatly NO MAN found me remotely attractive. Shaken from being bullied for my "hideous looks", I sought counselling. I was suicidal. I have since grown to love my looks. Sure, I am no model, and I may not be "classically" good looking. But it isn't hard for me to find men who think I am pretty and gorgeous. I love my curves and very feminine body shape! Just because a few bullies told me I am ugly- I have discovered that I am actually very attractive to certain people! And although I am sure that the MASSES and vast MAJORITY of men find me gorgeous and attractive- lets just say that it is not at all uncommon for people to find me attractive. I am by no means conventionally attractive, either; but I am DEFINATELY NOT ugly to the masses. After all, I have straight teeth, clear skin and nothinf overly offesive aside from a too long nose. The way I see it is we all have 1 to 2 bad features. That is why, despite my straight teeth and full lips and nice eyes - I am still not gorgeous. Because of my nose. 2
Leigh 87 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 I am a late bloomer - I didn't get "cute" till my mid 30's Seriously my mom last week commented that I had "finally grown into myself" - I am 38! It's about time I suppose. I had always just accepted that my looks weren't my strong point, and that it shouldn't really matter because personality and brains matter more. I was a chubby kid, teen.... all my life, but finally got the weight off - and while it wasn't a drastic amount of weight, it made a big change to my face etc. It's been interesting going from ugly duckling to - getting a fair bit of attention at this stage in life. I was verbally abused and called ugly and hideous my entire life due to hugely buck teeth and acne. I since got braces and clear skin. The difference in how I am treated is shocking. Absolutely unbelievable. At 30 I get the most attention I ever have.
Leigh 87 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 To add, My new found confidence attracted men at first site. So it is clearly not just conventionally gorgeous women who can garner any lust at first site, from romantic partners..... Despite not being a conventional beauty, my partner was instantly attracted to me. It was instant attraction. Prior to him, I have had many men be instantly attracted to me. I am therefor proof that even women like me, who are not gorgeous or attractive to the majority, can find people who are instantly attracted to us, without having to ALWAYS get to know our " awesome personalities" first. 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 I think that also ties into the question. Its hard to be subjective about your looks. We all have flaws. The thing is how do you know if you are making something bigger than it is or the other person does not see it as much as you do or even at all. This relating more to physical aspects like baldness, crooked teeth, bad skin, etc. My partner is bald, average height and average body type. Average teeth on paper/ objectively speaking. I was instantly transfixed and magnetically attracted to him. He is the hottest thing alive to me. I have dated men who were tall, muscly and with perfect teeth and a strong jaw. I was not as into them physically as I am to my partner. I am sure he has dated prettier girls too! I am cute and I am sure I am one of the better looking girls he has dated but by no means would I be the best looking girl that ANY given guy has dated!! But for reasons we cannot fully explain, we have better overall chemistry than the rest. So we are by far the most attractive people sexually than other "better looking' partners have been. We have our best sex of our lives together. The prettier girls and technically "hotter " men did not translate into a greater sexual attraction for either of us 3
Sweetfish Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 (edited) Yes, looks fade and beauty does not last forever. I know that looks get you in the door but don't necessarily guarantee long term success. Additionally, appearance is most definitely a significant factor to dating when you are younger. However, it is not exclusive to youth and can apply to any age. Not to take a one sided view, but I think men tend to be less forgiving on the attractiveness of their mate. I think women are more inclined(not always) to overlook certain appearance issues if the man possess important traits like loyalty, empathy, and so on. A both negative but honest reason might also included monetary influence. Men generally will not take in interest if they don't have a strong sense of attraction. They are less likely to explore the potential to grow attraction. Sometimes I look at couples and imagine how they ended up together because they seemed so mismatched either physically or personality wise. I know that in reality there is nothing truly strange or unusual given what goes on in the world. Wait what!? That is very one side. It is women that are not forgiving to OTHER women. It is women who pride them selves in wearing mini skirts and high heals. Lips stick and multilayer foundation and eye liner. As I read in a book. "Women do not take value in the compliments that men give... they pride them selves when another women takes notice." Most men rarely care if a women is wearing jeans and a t-shirt or a dolce cabana hand bag. We except you more if you are not wearing make-up and hiding imperfection. It is much more easy for a female to look attractive. A new dress, get your nails did*, and apply make-up and your up 2 points in the looks department. Men do not have it easy. It is noted that women who have weight lose surgery have to go thru consulting as the chances of divorce increases by the folds. Or the gf that dumped her boyfriend of years after she lost 80lbs. Her words: "to the next girl that picks up my ex.. treat him kindly as he did everything and anything for me and blah blah blah" Reality is she leveled up and dumped him. It is women, who's looks degrade faster than men. By age 35 things start sagging and stretching. It is women who yearn for the fountain of youth, buy creams and spells. Goes to spas and buy special bras and botox every bat wing the creeps under a jaw or arm pit. Many men appreciate that women beyond 35 and yet it's women who are the high majority who pull the trigger on divorces.. It is women who buy the anti wrinkle cream and flood the market with plastic surgery. So in reality attraction(the essence) is relative to gender.. We are not the ones that are not forgiving.. it's women who raise the bar.. Edited November 19, 2016 by Sweetfish 1
Gloria25 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Wait what!? That is very one side. It is women that are not forgiving to OTHER women. It is women who pride them selves in wearing mini skirts and high heals. Lips stick and multilayer foundation and eye liner. As I read in a book. "Women do not take value in the compliments that men give... they pride them selves when another women takes notice." Most men rarely care if a women is wearing jeans and a t-shirt or a dolce cabana hand bag. We except you more if you are not wearing make-up and hiding imperfection. It is much more easy for a female to look attractive. A new dress, get your nails did*, and apply make-up and your up 2 points in the looks department. Men do not have it easy. It is noted that women who have weight lose surgery have to go thru consulting as the chances of divorce increases by the folds. Or the gf that dumped her boyfriend of years after she lost 80lbs. Her words: "to the next girl that picks up my ex.. treat him kindly as he did everything and anything for me and blah blah blah" Reality is she leveled up and dumped him. It is women, who's looks degrade faster than men. By age 35 things start sagging and stretching. It is women who yearn for the fountain of youth, buy creams and spells. Goes to spas and buy special bras and botox every bat wing the creeps under a jaw or arm pit. Many men appreciate that women beyond 35 and yet it's women who are the high majority who pull the trigger on divorces.. It is women who buy the anti wrinkle cream and flood the market with plastic surgery. So in reality attraction(the essence) is relative to gender.. We are not the ones that are not forgiving.. it's women who raise the bar.. I'm sorry, but I strongly disagree... I do not dress and look forward to compliments from other women. Quite frankly, I dread looking good cuz all I get is women attacking me. I'm 40 years old. Tired of women and their cattyness. Going through that (again) at current job. Every day they have something snarky to say when I'm not dressing for them at all. Believe it or not, I like dressing up. Remember when we had dolls growing up? Didn't you like getting your Barbie like different stuff to wear? Now, as a grown up, you too can dress up. I also do not enjoy attention from men on how I dress. I only care about the object of my affection. I also am dressing for him. A woman should look nice for her man. I don't do it as a "bait and switch" to attract a guy only to go all frumpy once I get him. I'm also very conservative. I prefer to dress like a bag lady or a bum. I really don't like attention from ANYONE except for the man who's the object of my affection. Quite frankly, lately it's been pissing me the heck off. I wanna dress nice and cute cuz hello, that's me. I watch Sex and the City and come on, like in the first movie, it's so fun to watch them dress up in all of Carrie's 80's clothes and jamming to 'Walk this way'. I also like it when the object of my affection is proud to have an attractive woman like myself interested in him (he also carries himself very well). I don't do it for those catty women and I don't do it for those other guys at work - especially the married guy who won't leave me alone. I'm seriously thinking of going back to frumpy cuz the negative attention from the women and guys I'm NOT interested in is just annoying. Also, I don't agree that men could care less about how we dress/look. IMO, that's just an excuse a lot of women use to be lazy. If guys didn't care, then just drop dolling up when you're dating and/or just meeting a guy...see how many you can attract or even get a first date with. No, IMO, a woman shouldn't have to get dolled up every day. I see those women. They literally look like they spend ten hours in the mirror and can't ever be caught dead w/o makeup. That's not me, but I do my best to look nice for my man. It's my "gift" to him. Any man who tells you he doesn't appreciate it when his woman dolls up for him (even if it's just once a week for "date nite"), then he's either so neutered and trained to not expect it; or, isn't that much into keeping himself looking nice, so he could care less if she gets sloppy too. Lastly, I'm getting tired of women equating "getting old gracefully" with being lazy. No, we cannot control sagging breasts, cellulite, wrinkles, etc....but, we can control our weight. We can cut our hair, keep our nails trimmed and nice, etc. I do pushups and pull-ups, sure makes these sagging breasts look nice. I work out, again, can't control my cellulite, but I got a tight butt. There's women who are pregnant at the gym...no, they're not sprinting and/or running one hundred miles, but they're keeping in shape. They just don't sit around and turn into a blob. Geesh, African women put their freakin' kid on their back and work the fields - do you see any of them turning into blobs upon having kids? 2
Sweetfish Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Point proven. In essences you do agree... The problem in pushing a point like this in particular forums like these.. is that women on these forums. like your self are not like most women in general. So at times women who do "get it" get offended when the point at hand is to the general gender of higher end societies like the USA or U.k.
Buddhist Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 It is women, who's looks degrade faster than men. By age 35 things start sagging and stretching. I don't disagree with anything else you said but this is plain false. I am almost 45 and my breasts are higher and more perky than they were at 35. I'm heavy breasted and developed my pectoral muscles and it really does pull everything up. The breast tissue sits higher on the muscle and it pulls the skin covering it taut. Very little of my breasts are actually fat. I have no facial lines aside from a few periorbital lines that everyone, regardless of gender has if they've spent time in the sun. A lot of 'ageing' isn't ageing at all but a lack of physical exercise and poor diet. If things are sagging and stretching it's generally due to a lack of muscle tone which surprise, surprise will atrophy with a lack of exercise. It isn't genetics either because I have 3 other sisters who all look a lot different than I do at younger ages and at the same age. I get tired of hearing this ridiculous mantra that women are 'had it' by 35 and men don't age. It's just a crock plain and simple. Everyone's body is a direct reflection of their lifestyle choices more so than it a reflection of genetics or age. I know men younger than me that already have the old age paunch going on....it's really a beer and junk paunch, incidentally. They have flabby upper arms because they don't do anything more strenuous than tap a keyboard. Lifestyle is a bigger factor in how people age than anything else. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 I don't disagree with anything else you said but this is plain false. I am almost 45 and my breasts are higher and more perky than they were at 35. I'm heavy breasted and developed my pectoral muscles and it really does pull everything up. The breast tissue sits higher on the muscle and it pulls the skin covering it taut. Very little of my breasts are actually fat. I have no facial lines aside from a few periorbital lines that everyone, regardless of gender has if they've spent time in the sun. A lot of 'ageing' isn't ageing at all but a lack of physical exercise and poor diet. If things are sagging and stretching it's generally due to a lack of muscle tone which surprise, surprise will atrophy with a lack of exercise. It isn't genetics either because I have 3 other sisters who all look a lot different than I do at younger ages and at the same age. I get tired of hearing this ridiculous mantra that women are 'had it' by 35 and men don't age. It's just a crock plain and simple. Everyone's body is a direct reflection of their lifestyle choices more so than it a reflection of genetics or age. I know men younger than me that already have the old age paunch going on....it's really a beer and junk paunch, incidentally. They have flabby upper arms because they don't do anything more strenuous than tap a keyboard. Lifestyle is a bigger factor in how people age than anything else. All true.... The only thing I'd probably counter with is that as men and women age, its more difficult for women to stay youthful than it is men....The biggest reason is men have a much easier time gaining muscle and losing fat...I'm not a trainer, but Ive helped countless people over the years...Ive seen/helped middle guys that were 60 lbs overweight lose it in 4-6 months and that same type of transformation might take a woman, especially older women, year(s) and far more effort in terms of diet and exercise...When I see a middle aged woman that really looks great, especially the moms, I really gotta take my hat off...I know the kind of effort that it took for most of them.. I also think women that judge their attractiveness on how much attention they get from men, can be deluding themselves...I know very attractive women that never or rarely get hit on, and unattractive women that are hit on all the time...That stuff generally doesn't happen to guys...I know homely guys that NEVER get hit on...EVER....as in their whole lives... But I dont want to start another gender debate.. To answer the OP's question, well, when I look in the mirror I don't see Tom Brady, but Ive realized that I am probably better than average...I get complimented regularly, and get hit on all the time..but I often wonder if it isn't so much that I am traditionally handsome(def not the George Clooney type), more the Vin Diesel or some other more rugged kind of type..I've been blessed from an early age with a classic athletic/ mesomorph body, very powerfully built, no excess fat, etc..And I live clean, stay out of the sun, no alcohol, smoke, weed, drugs, eat right and have a dedicated training regimen...Everything works as it should, No facial wrinkles, no gut, double chin frown lines, etc..,I'm not blind...I realize that as someone just over 50, there aren't many in the same boat...Most of my buddies(some that were real studs back in the day) have fallen pretty hard...Mostly from not taking care of themselves.. Even my Dr is impressed... Eh.but alas..I have my issues though...no one gets to live their lives without a variety of things and I am no different,,,,,well, maybe not Tom Brady??? TFY 2
Leigh 87 Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I think we all know how look on some level. While I am not quiet at the league Fool of The Year is, I just know that I am the average 30 year old. Also - my friend is traditionally and classically beautiful. She has been scouted by model scouts when younger. She does not get more male attention than me. Yet it is plainly clear that she is pretty, and I am average. Of course, the men who are into my look (a distinct, long nosed, severe look that some men go for) would not agree that I am average - I have honestly had man find me gorgeous and genuinely NOT see me as average to society. That is the beautiful part of really falling for someone; you find them beautiful and REALLY cannot tell how they rank in societies eyes. I cannot tell how my own partner ranks, all I know is I found him "hot". Although just because I am "average", that doesn't mean it is uncommon for men to find me legit attractive, either. Does that mean I am pretty because I get male attention? No. I can see how women get easily inflated egos. The issue with being average is you can be swayed both ways; some very nasty adult bullies convinced me I was ugly. Then just as many people have told me they find me gorgeous (not just sleazy men, old young, same sex straight people who are not my mates and had nothing to lose have complimented me). So par and parcel of being dead set average is that... well, there is NO average, truly; the men who find me gorgeous do not think I am average. UGLY to me is a having majorly yellow teeth, a enormous hooked nose AND being female with say, male pattern baldness AND an apple shape. All those things combined and okay, they are probably " conventionally" ugly. Conventionally pretty women are told as such. It is just a known fact. It just "is".Even women who I personally do not find that attractive - I can still TELL if they are " pretty". I feel bad for truly ugly people. I believe there should be cheap or free plastic surgery for people with massively deformed teeth, enormous noses or ears to the stage that their identities stick out to the point where even the least vain person would feel uncomfortable. 1
Got it Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 For me it is looks but personality is what puts it over the line (or kills it). I have a type of dark hair dark features so only dated one blonde in my life. For myself, I am pleasantly average to attractive but, to be honest, I really don't focus much on it. Having had an eating disorder growing up I know that my vision of myself is skewed so I accept I don't see myself properly. I have bigger eyes and small mouth more like a doll look which makes me look younger than my age. Drove me crazy growing up but in my 30s it has panned out nicely. I am slim and maintain my size easily even having been pregnant; just lucky in that area as well as being a vegetarian. I have been told I am like a fine wine, only getting better with age. My personality is not one for everyone as it is a strong assertive one. I am reserved in general but have a high level position and a quick wit so it meshes well with men who are attracted to intellectual banter. I am satisfied with things and while aging can be hard at times so far I am fine with it. Baby has aged me far more than anything else but that is par for the course. Attractiveness is a double edge sword in the business world. It can get you in but it can also cause you to be seen in a sexual manner and negate your business acumen.
dichotomy Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 (edited) Yes I am. But I am big and intimating - so people kept their views to themselves. I appreciate discretion even if its based on fear. Edited November 21, 2016 by dichotomy 1
Sweetfish Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 (edited) I don't disagree with anything else you said but this is plain false. I am almost 45 and my breasts are higher and more perky than they were at 35. I'm heavy breasted and developed my pectoral muscles and it really does pull everything up. The breast tissue sits higher on the muscle and it pulls the skin covering it taut. Very little of my breasts are actually fat. I have no facial lines aside from a few periorbital lines that everyone, regardless of gender has if they've spent time in the sun. A lot of 'ageing' isn't ageing at all but a lack of physical exercise and poor diet. If things are sagging and stretching it's generally due to a lack of muscle tone which surprise, surprise will atrophy with a lack of exercise. It isn't genetics either because I have 3 other sisters who all look a lot different than I do at younger ages and at the same age. I get tired of hearing this ridiculous mantra that women are 'had it' by 35 and men don't age. It's just a crock plain and simple. Everyone's body is a direct reflection of their lifestyle choices more so than it a reflection of genetics or age. I know men younger than me that already have the old age paunch going on....it's really a beer and junk paunch, incidentally. They have flabby upper arms because they don't do anything more strenuous than tap a keyboard. Lifestyle is a bigger factor in how people age than anything else. I never stated in my previous post that a woman's days are numbered at 35 nor men escape the clutches of age. Your statement is simply a form of egocentrism. It is simply you who's breast have developed and this possible do to exercising assume. Millions of women pay for enhancing and this is before the age of 30 and usually and ironically it's not for men... it's for them and other women. "Because they want to feel like a women" It is genetics. Women are already at a disadvantage as they have a higher body fat % then men. Being pregrant takes a toll on women and depletes her body. To add to that, testosterone is an essential building block of maintaining and building muscle which women lack. By percentage men are more active than women. These are simply the cards that were laid by (chose your religious leader) women show age faster than men and medical and make-up companies know this and exploit women. It's a zillion dollar business from here to Hong kong. If you disagree with this... I don't know what to tell you. Men chase after beautiful women.. this is not a lie. Men are wired this way. But it is RARE when a man who is married or in a long term relationship to fall out of love. Obviously, a site like this were most ppl have been dumped there will be more who disagree. When it comes to beauty I think men are forgiving. Men hardly like alterations. Breast implants, botox or the ever so growing ass implats. it is known that men prefer the women to be less... yes less attractive than advertised as the relationship progressive. Example: if his women was going to a club with her girlfriends and she dress to the 9's. He will react... it will bother him. This is how most men minds work. Women are not wired to get with the best looking guy. They hone in on, the way he talks, and the way he handles him self. But I believe as the relationshiip progresses for a women she is not forgiving of his looks... specially a women who is actively yearning for the fountain of youth. Hell most women won't even look at a guy if he is shorter than her. Edited November 21, 2016 by Sweetfish
Wade Lamare Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I'm sorry, but I strongly disagree... I do not dress and look forward to compliments from other women. Quite frankly, I dread looking good cuz all I get is women attacking me. I'm 40 years old. Tired of women and their cattyness. Going through that (again) at current job. Every day they have something snarky to say when I'm not dressing for them at all. Believe it or not, I like dressing up. Remember when we had dolls growing up? Didn't you like getting your Barbie like different stuff to wear? Now, as a grown up, you too can dress up. I also do not enjoy attention from men on how I dress. I only care about the object of my affection. I also am dressing for him. A woman should look nice for her man. I don't do it as a "bait and switch" to attract a guy only to go all frumpy once I get him. I'm also very conservative. I prefer to dress like a bag lady or a bum. I really don't like attention from ANYONE except for the man who's the object of my affection. Quite frankly, lately it's been pissing me the heck off. I wanna dress nice and cute cuz hello, that's me. I watch Sex and the City and come on, like in the first movie, it's so fun to watch them dress up in all of Carrie's 80's clothes and jamming to 'Walk this way'. I also like it when the object of my affection is proud to have an attractive woman like myself interested in him (he also carries himself very well). I don't do it for those catty women and I don't do it for those other guys at work - especially the married guy who won't leave me alone. I'm seriously thinking of going back to frumpy cuz the negative attention from the women and guys I'm NOT interested in is just annoying. Also, I don't agree that men could care less about how we dress/look. IMO, that's just an excuse a lot of women use to be lazy. If guys didn't care, then just drop dolling up when you're dating and/or just meeting a guy...see how many you can attract or even get a first date with. No, IMO, a woman shouldn't have to get dolled up every day. I see those women. They literally look like they spend ten hours in the mirror and can't ever be caught dead w/o makeup. That's not me, but I do my best to look nice for my man. It's my "gift" to him. Any man who tells you he doesn't appreciate it when his woman dolls up for him (even if it's just once a week for "date nite"), then he's either so neutered and trained to not expect it; or, isn't that much into keeping himself looking nice, so he could care less if she gets sloppy too. Lastly, I'm getting tired of women equating "getting old gracefully" with being lazy. No, we cannot control sagging breasts, cellulite, wrinkles, etc....but, we can control our weight. We can cut our hair, keep our nails trimmed and nice, etc. I do pushups and pull-ups, sure makes these sagging breasts look nice. I work out, again, can't control my cellulite, but I got a tight butt. There's women who are pregnant at the gym...no, they're not sprinting and/or running one hundred miles, but they're keeping in shape. They just don't sit around and turn into a blob. Geesh, African women put their freakin' kid on their back and work the fields - do you see any of them turning into blobs upon having kids? Same for guys in many ways. Genetics only take you so far. I'm an old feller but I still lift weights a little, exercise, eat right (mostly ) try to dress reasonably well, wear tight trousers, v shaped shirts etc. I see many guys my age who have just given up. Big fat faces and bellies, tired if they have to walk any distance while I still regularly climb down and up cliffs and I outdo many guys younger than me. This hasn't happened by accident, I've admittedly had good genetics but you still have to take care of the body you've got. 1
Wade Lamare Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Also, have any of the guys here had the "OMG, who is that stunning woman over there." conversation? Only to be told that she is that girl who was always at the back of the class when you were at school, mousy, flat chested, slightly buck toothed etc. It's amazing what a difference growing up and maturing makes to the viewer and viewee. I don't know but I guess the same happens with guys too. Guys who wouldn't get a second glance from the girls at school suddenly become dateable. 1
thecrucible Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I'm not really sure about this. I was a proud nerd at school and did not care about my appearance at all. I kept my head down and spent an obsessive amount of time in the library. I would dress purely for practicality and was a bit of a tomboy. I'd wear make-up but I was pretty shy or just wasn't interested in dating. At school I didn't put out and I wasn't popular so boys didn't fancy me. Part of me still carries that self-perception. I think High School has an impact on how you see your level of attraction overall. Since High School, I've grown into my looks in the sense that I know how best to enhance them. I'm also comfortable around men and with my sexuality so I no longer have shyness holding me back. My weight fluctuates a lot though. When I've been skinnier, I've got a lot more attention on nights out so I know what my optimum appearance is. I still attract men for my looks being overweight but they probably see me as 'cute' (I take cute to mean I'm not that attractive). I'm curvy and I am happy that only some men are turned on by body type and these are the guys I want to date. I honestly think my personality holds me back more than my looks. I know guys like confidence and I'm confident most of the time but certain situations I become shy again so they probably don't see me the way I want to be seen. I also worry that I take myself too seriously (or I look like that) because I'm very mellow when people first meet me. I'm very reserved now even if I like the guy because I guess I've met too many undesirables so the cynicism comes through.
amaysngrace Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I'm okay looking but my personality is what makes me awesome. 3
Leigh 87 Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 So. Men go after beautiful woman. Sure that is true. Then how come an average woman like myself has had men go after me? My boyfriend was instantly attracted to me. He went after me, and in his mind he did go after a beautiful woman. My boyfriend only goes after women he finds very attractive. Men go after beautiful women but not so beautiful women like myself, has had men go after me purely because they were chasing what they wanted; I was not the girl they settled for cos the beauties were not paying them attention. Always remember that the average woman is beautiful to someone; and that someone does not always feel aware of what that woman "is" to society.
Leigh 87 Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 I'm not really sure about this. I was a proud nerd at school and did not care about my appearance at all. I kept my head down and spent an obsessive amount of time in the library. I would dress purely for practicality and was a bit of a tomboy. I'd wear make-up but I was pretty shy or just wasn't interested in dating. At school I didn't put out and I wasn't popular so boys didn't fancy me. Part of me still carries that self-perception. I think High School has an impact on how you see your level of attraction overall. Since High School, I've grown into my looks in the sense that I know how best to enhance them. I'm also comfortable around men and with my sexuality so I no longer have shyness holding me back. My weight fluctuates a lot though. When I've been skinnier, I've got a lot more attention on nights out so I know what my optimum appearance is. I still attract men for my looks being overweight but they probably see me as 'cute' (I take cute to mean I'm not that attractive). I'm curvy and I am happy that only some men are turned on by body type and these are the guys I want to date. I honestly think my personality holds me back more than my looks. I know guys like confidence and I'm confident most of the time but certain situations I become shy again so they probably don't see me the way I want to be seen. I also worry that I take myself too seriously (or I look like that) because I'm very mellow when people first meet me. I'm very reserved now even if I like the guy because I guess I've met too many undesirables so the cynicism comes through. I think you are super cute and pretty. I saw your old avatar. Plus you have intelligence and are very humble sounding. Sure beats a conceited girl who has been told she is pretty and had her behind kissed their entire lives. And the majority of men are innately attracted to curvy women. Most men I know go gaga over slightly heavier pear or hourglass shapes rather than thin waifs. I have been the thin waif and get way more body love from mem and women- as a curvy woman.
thefooloftheyear Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 So. Men go after beautiful woman. Sure that is true. Then how come an average woman like myself has had men go after me? My boyfriend was instantly attracted to me. He went after me, and in his mind he did go after a beautiful woman. My boyfriend only goes after women he finds very attractive. Men go after beautiful women but not so beautiful women like myself, has had men go after me purely because they were chasing what they wanted; I was not the girl they settled for cos the beauties were not paying them attention. Always remember that the average woman is beautiful to someone; and that someone does not always feel aware of what that woman "is" to society. See Bolded I don't want to sound disparaging, Leigh, but your mom(mum?) should have drilled this into your head at the age of around 13/14 or so... I won't make any judgement on anyone's looks as its not my place to... But here is the deal..If you want that question answered...And as I say this, in no means am I referring to you or anyone else..TBH, you are probably being too harsh on yourself anyway... OK...Many men will probably bang a warthog, if it had tits like a woman's,,,And many men(yes, even attractive and desirable men) will actively seek unattractive or "average" women, because quite frankly it puts them in a position of upper hand and makes it potentially easier to get to what they want...Most men don't approach this the same way women do, and that's why the differences... Also....and this is very important.... Women are just far more attractive than men,.......Not all, but if you take a random sampling of 1000 people off the street, attractive women would outnumber attractive men 25:1...And that's at ANY age...So then I guess its just law of averages that even an "average" looking woman would get a good amount of male attention... I'm not that young, but there are guys I have known that are below average looking that have never in their entire life had a woman come on to them....never....Can you imagine?. That's why a man can kind of "gauge" his level of attractiveness by how much attention he gets from women...For women its far more difficult.....A woman with just a nice pair of tits or a nice behind....and literally nothing else.....is guaranteed to get male attention... The smarter and more savvy women know how to weed guys out that have no interest other than body parts... TFY
BetheButterfly Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 (edited) We all have bad days and don't always look our best. I can't help but wonder if such days are a true reflection of how you look or just a momentary misrepresentation? I think those days are just a "momentary misrepresentation." (Eloquently stated question, by the way.) Beauty is subjective and what one person finds attractive may not apply to the next.True. I'm a natural ginger. Not everyone finds natural gingers/redheads attractive. Thank God, my hubby does! In the same kind of notion we as individuals are usually incapable of seeing these things/features in our selves that others like or appreciate. The question is two-fold. How much does personality influence attraction truly? From my own personal experience, when I am confident and my personality shines through, I'm considered beautiful to some people (not to everyone), but when I'm not confident, that beauty impression seems to dim. Interesting. When I'm confident, I've been compared to Nicole Kidman and Amy Adams, though I'm not tall at all, nor half as physically beautiful as either actress. Can it really elevate you a couple of notches or just increase a mild attraction? Yes to elevating a couple of notches Secondly, how much differently do we see ourselves from the way people are attracted to us do? Great question. My hubby can read me like nobody else can. One look at my face, and he knows how I'm feeling. He considers me beautiful, even when I don't feel beautiful. However, he only considers me sexy when I feel confident. Confidence is key to sexiness, in his opinion. For my hubby personally, he doesn't care about makeup or dressing up. What he cares about is physical fitness. While in my past I was told that I was "ugly" while wearing glasses, my hubby has increased my self-esteem tenfold and thinks I'm beautiful even wearing glasses. (At first I didn't believe him, but now I do. I still refuse to wear glasses though, except for when I drive.) One thing that does concern me in this modern age is the emphasis on rating physical beauty. Beauty comes in different forms and is diverse, like the colors of the rainbow are all diverse and beautiful. My Mom, for example, is one of the most beautiful ladies I know, yet she does not fit the model mold of beauty. I'm so glad that my Dad loves my Mom and still sees her as beautiful after 40+ years of marriage!!! He sees her beauty that people who just confine beauty to a model box can't see. Out of curiosity, have you read or heard the novel Uglies by Scott Westerfeld? If not, I recommend it. Your thread reminds me of that book. Anyways, again I think it's important to recognize that there are many kinds of beauty, and that physical beauty is not the only kind of beauty. Edited November 22, 2016 by BetheButterfly 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 See Bolded I don't want to sound disparaging, Leigh, but your mom(mum?) should have drilled this into your head at the age of around 13/14 or so... I won't make any judgement on anyone's looks as its not my place to... But here is the deal..If you want that question answered...And as I say this, in no means am I referring to you or anyone else..TBH, you are probably being too harsh on yourself anyway... OK...Many men will probably bang a warthog, if it had tits like a woman's,,,And many men(yes, even attractive and desirable men) will actively seek unattractive or "average" women, because quite frankly it puts them in a position of upper hand and makes it potentially easier to get to what they want...Most men don't approach this the same way women do, and that's why the differences... Also....and this is very important.... Women are just far more attractive than men,.......Not all, but if you take a random sampling of 1000 people off the street, attractive women would outnumber attractive men 25:1...And that's at ANY age...So then I guess its just law of averages that even an "average" looking woman would get a good amount of male attention... I'm not that young, but there are guys I have known that are below average looking that have never in their entire life had a woman come on to them....never....Can you imagine?. That's why a man can kind of "gauge" his level of attractiveness by how much attention he gets from women...For women its far more difficult.....A woman with just a nice pair of tits or a nice behind....and literally nothing else.....is guaranteed to get male attention... The smarter and more savvy women know how to weed guys out that have no interest other than body parts... TFY But I have had men who thought I was very attractive. They were not all hitting on me because they wanted the upper hand:sick: My point is: me, a plain woman, has met several guys who went for me because they found me instantly pretty.
Leigh 87 Posted November 22, 2016 Posted November 22, 2016 See Bolded I don't want to sound disparaging, Leigh, but your mom(mum?) should have drilled this into your head at the age of around 13/14 or so... I won't make any judgement on anyone's looks as its not my place to... But here is the deal..If you want that question answered...And as I say this, in no means am I referring to you or anyone else..TBH, you are probably being too harsh on yourself anyway... OK...Many men will probably bang a warthog, if it had tits like a woman's,,,And many men(yes, even attractive and desirable men) will actively seek unattractive or "average" women, because quite frankly it puts them in a position of upper hand and makes it potentially easier to get to what they want...Most men don't approach this the same way women do, and that's why the differences... Also....and this is very important.... Women are just far more attractive than men,.......Not all, but if you take a random sampling of 1000 people off the street, attractive women would outnumber attractive men 25:1...And that's at ANY age...So then I guess its just law of averages that even an "average" looking woman would get a good amount of male attention... I'm not that young, but there are guys I have known that are below average looking that have never in their entire life had a woman come on to them....never....Can you imagine?. That's why a man can kind of "gauge" his level of attractiveness by how much attention he gets from women...For women its far more difficult.....A woman with just a nice pair of tits or a nice behind....and literally nothing else.....is guaranteed to get male attention... The smarter and more savvy women know how to weed guys out that have no interest other than body parts... TFY I totally agree with the nice tits and behind statement. I have an epic bottom and am a 32DD. And a defined waist. But I am perceptive enough to realise that the loads of attention I get is 90% due to my curvy figure. It is a bit sad when women like me walk around and assume their attention from men must be because they are gorgeous specimens I had a guy walk past me on the street yesterday; he told me I looked beautiful today. It happened to me last year too, but it was a gas station. Again, said guy simply said " oh and by the way, you are beautiful " This is just what plain girls go through when they have a nice set of tits and dress flattering for their body type; MOST MEN do not view as as pretty or gorgeous. In the same token, the men and women who called me ugly a d told my ex I was not pretty- while they also meant it much like the men who call me beautiful, they are a MINORITY. Most of us are average despite the flattering and not so flattering stuff said about us.
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