He's falling for me too fast

[Sallyx3]

Hi. I'' 20 and my boyfriend is 21. We met like 3 weeks ago. We did talk for months before meeting. He said some stuff that turned me off and I knew we would never work. We stopped talking and then finally met months later. The first time we met was amazing. We laughed a lot and talked about alot of things. He told me all this wonderful stuff that he likes about me. We kept hanging out and he asked me to be his giirlfriend. I said yes because i expierenced something in the past where i wanted to take things slow with this guy and he asked me to be his girlfriend many times after we met. I said no and it pushed him away.

 

Anyways, me and this guy are dating now and he tells me he loves me. I didnt know what to do so i said it back. I knew i didnt love him yet. We literally just met and i knownhe barely knows me. He said i am everything he looks for in a woman and he loves my personality and looks. He is already talking about maybe moving in and getting engaged in the future and it really threw me off. I told him that im trying to take things slow and that im not fully open with him right now. I got hurt by my ex so im really cautious. The thing is my ex wants me back and is really pushing for me to give him his 5th +chance lol. I really see a change in my ex but the relationship was so bad i dont think i ever want to go back. I saw him thought and we had sex. I feel bad that im lying to this guy, but I don't love him yet. He is so sweet and kind and does all the little things i appreciate. He is attractive, but he is moving way too fast. He already planned something huge for my birthday in a month. He is literally all i could ask for in a guy.

 

He tries to take care of me and makes sure im okay. He always compliments me and we pray together all the time. He asks me my opinions and does things for us is not selfish. Its just taking a while for me to open up.. i dont want to lead him on but im still not sure.. obviously im still seeing my ex! I feel like im leading both of them on. Then I think maybe im doing this because. Igot so hurt from my past relationship where i gave my all and got nothing in return and we were together for 3 years. I feel like I can finally play the "game". i dont want to hurt either of them and i know im being selfish. I want to finally try something eith this giy even though were already together, but really be serious. Its just hard because like i said he is moving FAST! And he already is falling for me hard. He even told me that im acting different and it feels like im slowly cutting him off..

 

Sorry if this post seems disorganized. There is so much more to this than ai can say. I'm trying to pick out the most important parts... i do want a relationship, but im confused. Any advice?

Edited November 17, 2016 by Sallyx3

[MidwestUSA]

He'll probably slow down really quickly if you tell him you're still hung up on, and sleeping with, your 'ex'.

 

Your main issue is his speed? Really?

 

Tell them both the truth, and things will sort themselves out.

[basil67]

The guy is simply getting carried away with infatuation. He doesn't yet realise the difference between those lovely heady feelings and love. Instead of giving him wishes washy comments such as "taking it slow", talk about not committing to anything until you know how the two of you feel when the infatuation dies down.

 

Also, if you got hurt by your ex, you should realise how hurtful your current cheating actions are on your boyfriend.

[Omei]

You shouldn't go back to your ex

 

And you shouldn't be playing games with this guy saying I love you back when you didn't.....seeing your ex ?

 

You're being a jerk don't date anyone. Let this poor guy go he deserves to be treated better by someone who's genuine you are not.

 

I know you feel lost and confused but that shouldn't be taking away from your wrongs and rights.

 

He may be moving fast but you seem to think it's an excuse to lie.

Edited November 17, 2016 by Omei

[Miss Clavel]

i put my foot in the bath water and got hurt. it burned so bad i have a welt on my ankle.

 

after that i took showers.

 

time went by and i decided i missed taking a hot bath, the welt wasn't really that bad.

 

i ran the water, stepped in and got a burn on the same ankle as last time.

 

my new guy was over, and he asked me about the bandage/burn on my ankle and i told him, i just can't get it right when it comes to soaking in the tub.

 

he ran the bath for me, added my favorite suds, then he tested the waters and called me to come and get in.

 

i don't think i'm ready for what i wanted.

 

should i drain the tub? should i go back to running my own ankle burning bath water?

 

help.

 

okay. extreme. but why don't you relax. you are on the verge or something marvelous. the only problem is that your new bff/boyfriend senses you might be looking back so he holds up a happy future to get you to look ahead.

 

don't look back, you are not going that way.

 

and you sure as hell should not be giving someone any more or your young life after 3 years of trying.

 

for me to give him his 5th +chance lol. I really see a change in my ex but the relationship was so bad

 

 

 

 

hopefully, you can put this slip behind you and move forward with a man whose only failing is that he can't get enough of you and thinks more of you then you deserve.

[BaileyB]

Yeah, he's moving too fast but he will slow down when you tell him you are still dating your ex.

 

Seriously, you need to chose who you want to date and let the other go. What you are doing is not kind, to either of them.

 

But first, you need to decide what you want. It sounds like you don't have a clue!

[Sunkissedpatio]

Seriously, you are concerned he is moving too fast and that you "had to say I love you back" when you didn't mean it yet and are still sleeping with your ex?

 

He's excited about you and wants to express it, you don't have to feel things or want things at the same pace as him but neither does he. Next time a guy is ahead of you in feelings and wanting to move the relationship along, don't say stuff out obligation, respect his need of expression but explain to him that while you love hanging out with him and like him a lot you will express what you feel when you feel it. Never lie about loving someone.

 

 

You can make all the excuses you want as to why you are two-timing two guys but the real reasons falls under being selfish and creating patterns for yourself that will feel normal to you soon enough and will be next to impossible to break going forward. You are excusing your sense of entitlement to be with two men because other men have hurt you in the past. That's not how it works.

 

Stop sleeping with your ex or stop seeing this new guy, you can't have it both ways. You told a guy you love him back and are sleeping with someone else. That is pretty low. I get you are confused but if you are adult enough to make the decision to see two guys at the same time, you are adult enough to know that what you are doing is wrong.

[Sallyx3]

Thanks for the replies! I do want to be with the new guy. My ex keeps saying he will kill himself if I leave. So thats why i kept seeing him. We had a bad abusive relationship and I even told him I feel like by him saying these things to me like be changed and all that ,after he saw i finally moved on, is his last jab at me. He doesnt want me to be with anyone else. I know he has problems becauseour whole relationship, we even lived together, he treated me like crap and talked to other girls. Now that he sees i finally moved on and im not under his trap, he is saying he changed and he loves me and he realized he didnt value me and that he wants to have kids like i always wanted. Sad to say i dont feel thay way towards him after all the things he did to me like put his hands on me and cuss at me for nothint.

 

Being with this guy thay treats me so good is a shocker. It's really what I look for in a guy.. I really don't want to get hurt again by anyone and that's something I need to work on.

[smackie9]

Your ex is full of it, he is emotionally blackmailing you. He's being childish.

 

If he kills himself, that is not your problem. contact his family and tell them he is suicidal, then leave it.

[TheTraveler]

Both are extreme! And this is not good...

 

There's no balance with either of these two guys.

[VeveCakes]

Time to sever ties with your ex. Block, delete, goodbye.

 

I think you need some time on your own, so you don't hurt people like you have been hurt. This new guys seems to care for you. He deserves some honesty and loyalty.

[Satu]

Yes, you need to spend some time on your own, getting to know yourself better and learning to love yourself more.

 

Be aware that in triangular situations like yours, every person gets hurt, even if they don't know that they're in a triangle.

 

So you're hurting yourself, first of all.

 

Don't do that.

 

 

 

Take care.

Edited November 17, 2016 by Satu

[basil67]

Oh for heaven's sake - if your ex tells you that he'll kill himself if you leave, tell him to do his best. He's playing you like a fiddle and you're allowing it.

 

It is not OK for you to blame your ex for the fact that you're cheating on this lovely new guy. It's YOUR CHOICE to sleep with him and cheat.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Actually if your ex tells you he is going to kill himself call 911 and alert them of the threat. If he is serious, you will have saved his life and that's what you do when someone threatens suicide. Not sleep with them.

If he is bluffing you will have set him straight from playing such low-blow manipulative threats.

 

I agree with everyone who said be alone for a bit. If your self-esteem is low work on building that up. You'll never be able to appreciate a good guy if you can't appreciate yourself.

[ElizabethIII]

He isnt going too fast.

 

he likes you and you dont like him, that is why you are uncomfortable.

Why are you wasting his time?

[Buddhist]

Okay lets put your behaviour into perspective here without any of the justifications.

 

 

He asked me to be his giirlfriend.

I said yes.

 

That was the point right there at which all other men were off the table to you. It doesn't matter why you said yes. You said it. You agreed to be in an exclusive relationship with this guy.

Me and this guy are dating now and he tells me he loves me.

 

This guy invested emotionally in this relationship believing that you had agreed to be exclusive with him in a committed relationship. That's what you agreed to.

 

My ex wants me back and is really pushing for me to give him his 5th +chance.

I saw him thought and we had sex.

I feel bad that im lying to this guy, but I don't love him yet.

 

So some person from your past contacted you and you immediately jumped into bed with him, despite being in an exclusive relationship with someone else? You don't feel bad at all otherwise you would never have betrayed him like that. You weren't single, in a position to entertain another man. Much less one that has repeatedly proven to you that he's not capable of a relationship. You need therapy. You aren't healthy or relationship material at all. It's clear you can't be trusted and you willingly lie, cheat and betray someone who genuinely likes you and professes to love you. Stop dating right now and go and sort your issues out.

 

He is so sweet and kind and he is literally all i could ask for in a guy.

 

And you clearly are not everything he could ask for in a woman. You clearly aren't ready to in a healthy, mature relationship because this is what you do to someone who trusts and loves you. The fact he loves you and you don't, isn't a justification for cheating. The fact he's invested and you're not isn't a justification for your actions. So stop telling yourself it is. You don't deserve him. It's that simple.

 

I dont want to lead him on but im still not sure.. obviously im still seeing my ex!

I feel like im leading both of them on.

I feel like I can finally play the "game".

 

Clearly you do want to lead them both on because you are talking about feeling smug about playing a game with them. You have serious issues that you need to go and confront and leave other people out of it while you do. Your behaviour is terrible and quite disgusting and your justifications for doing so are more flimsy than toilet paper and an act of pure selfishness.

 

i dont want to hurt either of them and i know im being selfish. I

do want a relationship, but im confused. Any advice?

 

You do want to hurt both of them because you are selfish. That self centred part of you needs to grow the hell up before you will ever be ready for a proper relationship. Your entire post was simply justifications for you treating other people poorly. You're not confused, you know exactly what you are doing. And what you are doing is hurting someone who never deserved it so you could satisfy your own ego. If you expected sympathy from me, I'm all out. I have no sympathy for people who go around hurting others for egotistical reasons.