What next

[Briannejames]

I don't know if what i need is an advice or prayers but below is my situation.

I met my wife in 2011, she was the prettiest girl ever. She was just 19 then and i was 25. We dated for 3 years and got married in 2014. She lives in the US and i live in Canada now.

 

Before then, we both lived together in Belgium. Before we got married i discovered that she had been cheating on me but each time i confronted her she will go defensive even though she knows what she did.

 

I engaged her december 2013 and caught her with another man in Feb 2014. I was so mad but still yet married her in April 2014.

 

After that she has cheated on me with several guys (5 or 6) or more guys. I have forgiven her and keep praying and wishing she will change. She told me she does not know why she does all what she does. That she loves me and will never want to lost me.

 

In total if not mistaking, she has cheater on me from 2013 to date with more than 12 guys (yes i have the evidence of all this). But when i confront her she says it is just sex and nothing more and that she think she has become very weak when it comes t sex. I am still willing to forgive her and take her back and make her move to Canada but now she says she thinks she rushed into marriage.

 

She does not say she loves me anymore. Worse Thing now is, she has started sleeping with women, and when i asked her she said it was just her fantasy and that she thinks her not having a penis penetrate her, she does not feel guilty of cheating.

 

Please i need your advice on this.

Edited November 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[RecentChange]

Your wife does not seem particularly interested in being married to you.

 

Advice? Divorce and move on with your life - better to waste a few years rather than decades.

 

Yes you rushed. You married a known serial cheater, you should have accepted she will never change - she has shown you this, and you have basically accepted it, so there is no reason for her to change.

 

Further she doesn't tell you she loves you any more - to me this is case closed.

 

If you were both madly in love, and on the kinky side I would say look into an open marriage - but she doesn't love you, so there is no point.

 

WHY did you marry her?

[Briannejames]

I married her for love. She means the world to me. She used to love me. She made me fall deeply in love with her when we started dating. Our lives and every aspect of our love life was perfect and beautiful until she moved to the US and i moved to Canada. Now it looks like she is addicted to sex. I have tried to accept my fate but each time i try to move on, she resurfaces and tell me all this future plans for us. When i take her back and she gets comfy, she starts sleeping with others again.

[stillafool]

Advice - Divorce her.

 

She is not in love with you. She was just a child when you married her and now she has grown past you into the woman (or something else) that she is now.

[Satu]

"What next?"

 

Something worse.

 

This relationship has no merit.

 

Divorce and put all this behind you.

 

That's the only healthy option.

 

 

Take care.

[aileD]

The harsh truth is she doesn't love you and you shouldn't have married her.

 

You're only seeing what YOU want to see now, not what's reality.

 

read your post again but pretend it's a strangers post. What would you tell that stranger? If that stenget asked if you think his wife loves him what would you say?

[oldshirt]

Ummm, no amount of prayer or advice will help this situation because you are too naïve and weak to take action.

 

Your wife is screwing every man she wants because she can.

 

She can have all the fun she wants and then you will scowl for a few minutes and then go back to business as usual. In the mean time you rub her feet and do the dishes and pay the bills like a good little hubbykins and take care of things while she plays and parties with other men and women.

 

She has no respect for you and women can not feel desire or attraction for men they don't respect.

 

She has no respect for you because you are so desperate and needy that you have no respect for yourself.

 

No self respecting man would put up with this.

 

You established this arrangement way back when you were dating. She is simply doing what she has always been able to do and she has no reason to stop now because you are still enabling it.

 

The fact you are with a promiscuous party girl who has no intentions of being in a monogamous marriage is fully, completely, 100% on you. You know where the door is and you are free to walk out of it. The fact you are with this person is all on you.

 

You don't need prayer and you don't need advice. You need some self-respect, some dignity, a spine and some testicles.

Edited November 16, 2016 by oldshirt

[Briannejames]

I am fully aware of my situation. i love this girl so much and where i am from divorce is not really welcome. Now she told her friend she just want to live her life now because when she moves to Canada she will be a real and good wife. This is why i am confused because i know when we are together in the same country she has always been good. She only do what she does when we have distance between us. This is why i need to know if for sure she will change when she moves here with me or not.

[oldshirt]

I am fully aware of my situation. i love this girl so much and where i am from divorce is not really welcome. Now she told her friend she just want to live her life now because when she moves to Canada she will be a real and good wife. This is why i am confused because i know when we are together in the same country she has always been good. She only do what she does when we have distance between us. This is why i need to know if for sure she will change when she moves here with me or not.

 

You have a tremendous ability to deceive yourself and make yourself believe your own fantasies.

 

The problem here is this is a character issue and not location issue. The reason she is screwing all these men is because she wants to and she doesn't have the character to not act on her desires.

 

The reason you tolerate it and put up with it is because you have no strength of character to stand up for yourself and you believe your delusions that she will morph into some kind of creature that she is not.

 

These are both character issues and you take your character with you where ever you go.

 

She will screw other men when you are together because that is who and what she is. You will continue to look the other way and allow her to do it because that is who and what you are.

 

She may be a little more sneaky and discrete about it when you are right there, but she will continue to do it because she can and because she will suffer no consequences.

 

You can not change her. You cannot turn her into a faithful, monogamous wife.

 

You can only change yourself and change what you are willing to accept and change how you allow others to treat you.

[RecentChange]

No, she will not change when she moves.

 

Divorce isn't accepted where you come from? Is it acceptable for your wife to sleep with 12 different men where you come from?

 

"When we are together in the same country she has always been good" - REALLY? You just said when you were in Belgium together that she was cheating on you then.

 

When will you believe she won't change? After 30 men? 100?

[stillafool]

I am fully aware of my situation. i love this girl so much and where i am from divorce is not really welcome. Now she told her friend she just want to live her life now because when she moves to Canada she will be a real and good wife. This is why i am confused because i know when we are together in the same country she has always been good. She only do what she does when we have distance between us. This is why i need to know if for sure she will change when she moves here with me or not.

 

The only thing that can tell you the answer to your question is waiting it out to see if she changes once you are in the same country. BTW, divorce is not welcomed anywhere but it is accepted when one is in an abusive relationship such as yours.

[Bryanp]

If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[Bryanp]

Ask yourself if the roles were reversed if your wife would have put up with such humiliation and disrespect from you? Apparently you don't even seem to care that she is putting you at risk for all types of STD's.

 

Like I said previously your wife has no respect for you whatsoever and now sees you as nothing more than a doormat that she can manipulate at her pleasure. Nobody and I mean nobody respects a doormat. Why you are into this type of self-abuse is beyond me. It seems that on some level you must enjoy the fact that she engages sex with lots of other people. I do hope you consider seeking therapy to find out why you put up with such an enormous amount of humiliation and disrespect.

[Satu]

I am fully aware of my situation. i love this girl so much and where i am from divorce is not really welcome. Now she told her friend she just want to live her life now because when she moves to Canada she will be a real and good wife. This is why *i am confused because i know when we are together in the same country she has always been good. She only do what she does when we have distance between us. This is why i need to know if for sure she will change when she moves here with me or not.

 

*You might be best to find a counsellor, and address your confusion in that context.

 

 

Take care.

[Cephalopod]

You are nothing but an ATM with a pulse to her.

 

Divorce, like you should have done the second time she cheated. Serial cheaters will not stop. They are like addicts. She will hurt you and use you until you are sucked dry to a shell of what you once were.

[WilyWill]

Now she told her friend she just want to live her life now because when she moves to Canada she will be a real and good wife.

 

No she won't. She's not capable of being a good wife now, and probably never will be. If you're in the same town, her next excuse will be the "distance" between you when you were at work all day. She couldn't care less about hurting you, and she's not going to change.

 

Find yourself a woman that loves you and only you. There are thousands if not millions that would be happy to remain faithful to a good man.

[Mr. Lucky]

I am still willing to forgive her and take her back and make her move to Canada but now she says she thinks she rushed into marriage.

 

At least one of you is realistic....

 

Mr. Lucky

[BuddyX]

Odds are, as you spend time on this forum right now, she's either in an affair or is grooming a guy to get involved. Think about that. You're wife with another man.

 

I couldn't tolerate that. Have some respect for yourself my friend.

[40somethingGuy]

I don't know if what i need is an advice or prayers but below is my situation.

I met my wife in 2011, she was the prettiest girl ever. She was just 19 then and i was 25. We dated for 3 years and got married in 2014. She lives in the US and i live in Canada now.

 

Before then, we both lived together in Belgium. Before we got married i discovered that she had been cheating on me but each time i confronted her she will go defensive even though she knows what she did.

 

I engaged her december 2013 and caught her with another man in Feb 2014. I was so mad but still yet married her in April 2014.

 

After that she has cheated on me with several guys (5 or 6) or more guys. I have forgiven her and keep praying and wishing she will change. She told me she does not know why she does all what she does. That she loves me and will never want to lost me.

 

In total if not mistaking, she has cheater on me from 2013 to date with more than 12 guys (yes i have the evidence of all this). But when i confront her she says it is just sex and nothing more and that she think she has become very weak when it comes t sex. I am still willing to forgive her and take her back and make her move to Canada but now she says she thinks she rushed into marriage.

 

She does not say she loves me anymore. Worse Thing now is, she has started sleeping with women, and when i asked her she said it was just her fantasy and that she thinks her not having a penis penetrate her, she does not feel guilty of cheating.

 

Please i need your advice on this.

Truth is that she cheats on you cuz she likes you but knows you are one big doormat and she can do whatever she wants and you will tolerate it by constantly forgiving you. You are not exuding the manly qualities women desire and likely will be cheated on by other women or if you are lucky- future women will just dump you before they go find men that are not doormats. Your case is one of the easiest cases in the world to figure out.

[MJJean]

She has cheated on you since the beginning with multiple men and now she is openly cheating with women, as well. Your wife is clearly a bisexual non-monogamist.

 

Your options are to have an open marriage, divorce, or you learn to turn a blind eye.

[Superchicken]

I am sure you must have had a "Pair" when you met your wife.

Its time to take them back out from under your bed, and use them to re start a new life without this rubbish you have been dealing with for so long.

 

 

I would rather have one depressing feeling of loosing my wife for a few months, than 3 or 4 different depressing feelings every week for the rest of my life.

 

 

The sadness does go away when you allow enough time to go by. But, stay, and your feelings continue with new highs every week for years on end.

 

 

If you have close friends or family, go visit them more often, and maybe spend time going out with them to get your mind of things.

But, in the end, you should be looking at starting fresh. So look at divorce as you new venture to happiness.

 

 

Ted

[Just a Guy]

Hi Brian, firstly, with your wife's penchant for bedding men why are you in Canada and she in the US? That seems like a recipe for disaster. Also if she is in the US how have you been keeping tabs on her to know she is cheating on you?

 

From all that you have written it seems that you are by nature cut out to be a cuckold. Your wife has sex with different men and except for a little discomfort, you are able to reconcile with the fact and with her and move on till the cycle is repeated. In such a case I would think that unless you are prepared to divorce her for disrespecting you so completely, that you just grin and bear it and be happy. Accept that you are a cuckold and that your wife is a nymphomaniac who is always going to be promiscuous and is not going to change her ways. Once you come to terms with that fact then all your angst will disappear and you can start to live as normal a life as possible. Good wishes to you.

[bubbaganoosh]

12 times she cheated on you and that was just with the guys so now it's women too. It doesn't matter but my God man when do you ask yourself when enough is enough.

 

The more you keep giving her a pass, the more she'll try to get away with it.

 

Now all of a sudden she wants to be the good wife? She cheated before you got married so not only is she a lousy wife but she was a lousy girlfriend too. Your fault. You should have cut her loose the first time she cheated.

[Satu]

OP:

 

If you're willing to let someone treat you with total disrespect, there's not much anyone can do to help you.

[Nyuki]

Hi

Its really unfortunate that you have to deal with such a difficult situation.

Have you tried to go for individual counselling to have someone walk with you through this and just to help you come to terms with some hard decisions that need to be made.