Daisy711 Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 A guy I dated a few years back got in touch with me, and I saw him over the weekend. He tried getting in my pants, despite previous conversations about wanting to wait (I denied). A few days later, I asked where he saw me fitting in his life, and he said he's not sure if he's ready for a relationship. So I got a little upset, and he said he never said anything about dating, then changed it to "we'll see." Well flash forward to yesterday (I didn't want to overeact and push away too quickly). I told him I'd received some bad news and can I call? He said he was busy, and I blurted out a family member had cancer. He only said sorry, and then no good morning text. I told him I felt like he didn't care what I was going through, and immediately "it's not going to work" and it's "terrible" using the illness to make him feel bad. It was a little extreme because it is a serious situation, and I would respect him telling me what he needed. I told him he treats me like crud, he says no and keeps clinging to "issues" I have, that aren't. (But it's clearly very important he keeps friends that are girls without questions or complaints) He posts all these sob stories about what a nice guy he is, how much he gets friendzoned, and all these sappy things about wanting a girl who does this and that. But yet when he gets what he wants, it's not good enough. He waited until running away to say that he saw something working out eventually but I feel like it's an attempt at making me feel guilty. And now I realize why it didn't work before. It's his way or no way, don't ask anything, don't say anything, don't rock the boat, or he'll throw me aside like garbage leaving me wondering what happened. However this time I know I dodged a bullet. But seriously though... What is his problem!? Does he really think he's a nice guy??
VeveCakes Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 So you just started hanging out again this weekend? I think it's a bit much to be mad you didn't get a good morning text or more of a response about your family member. You are not a couple but you have couple expectations. 2
BluesPower Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 Sounds deluded to me... You can see that he is a creep. If he acts like that with all women no wonder he thinks he gets friend zoned. He is a creep and no one wants to date him. I think you may not want to date him again either. I think he has shown you what kind of man he is. 1
Author Daisy711 Posted November 16, 2016 Author Posted November 16, 2016 So you just started hanging out again this weekend? I think it's a bit much to be mad you didn't get a good morning text or more of a response about your family member. You are not a couple but you have couple expectations. We've been talking for 2 weeks, so yes I know it's early. But he's been texting good morning every day, and communicating via social media. He has his own health issues that I responded to with great care, so I don't think it's unreasonable, but I can see how if we didn't talk as much how it would come across.
joseb Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 It's a bit much to expect some guy you just spent a bit of time with at the weekend to be a sounding board for a family crisis. That's what your friends are for. I can totally see why he would find this strange. If it didn't work out with you both before, it probably wont this time. If you have issues, discuss with a therapist or a good friend, not someone you might be about to date. 2
dispatch3d Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 Yeah that stuff is kinda expectations you'd have of a good friend. I wouldn't say he's particularly caring and maybe you two just aren't compatible.
dumbass2 Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 I'm with the others that it seems a bit too much this early to throw on him. The problem is that you have expectations and you shouldn't have any right now and no, I "nice" guy is usually someone that puts others first and is maybe over caring about people and putting their wants and needs second, but he's not what I would define as a "nice" guy in this case.
elaine567 Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 She dated him before, so she has slipped into a far more familiar stance than had she just literally met him 2 weeks ago. She already feels she "knows" him hence the need to reach out to him with the news of her family member's cancer. BUT he seems to be a jerk and has on doubt consulted his "black book" for likely candidates to have sex with. "Bit of a dry spell, oh I know what to do, I will look up some old gfs/exes and hope they still have some feelings left so that I can persuade them to have sex with me..."
Author Daisy711 Posted November 17, 2016 Author Posted November 17, 2016 She dated him before, so she has slipped into a far more familiar stance than had she just literally met him 2 weeks ago. She already feels she "knows" him hence the need to reach out to him with the news of her family member's cancer. BUT he seems to be a jerk and has on doubt consulted his "black book" for likely candidates to have sex with. "Bit of a dry spell, oh I know what to do, I will look up some old gfs/exes and hope they still have some feelings left so that I can persuade them to have sex with me..." See that's pretty much what I feel. And for me, intimacy leads to more expectations, if somebody wants in my pants they can't be a flake... We've cut ties again, just annoying how he throws such a pity party but he's really not that nice.
travelbug1996 Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 He's a lame. You don't have to be in a relationship to be compassionate and empathetic. The people on here saying your expectations are unreasonable to expect kindness and compassion from someone you used to date are disturbing to me. People have lost all natural affection and care for one another. 1
joseb Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 He's a lame. You don't have to be in a relationship to be compassionate and empathetic. The people on here saying your expectations are unreasonable to expect kindness and compassion from someone you used to date are disturbing to me. People have lost all natural affection and care for one another. If he was an ex husband or serious long term relationship, then yes, I would agree it's reasonable to call him in those circumstances. But that's not the impression I got. OP, how long were you together before?
TheFinalWord Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 Next... Wouldn't waste time. Most people think they're nice. Wouldn't over analyze.
BeholdtheMan Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 But seriously though... What is his problem!? Does he really think he's a nice guy?? He is not entitled to ur vag Neither are u entitled to his emotional support
Buddhist Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 But seriously though... What is his problem!? Does he really think he's a nice guy?? He's probably in his 20's.
TheFinalWord Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 He's probably in his 20's. LOL good point.
Miss Peach Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 This guys is basically telling you at best to slow down and at worst he's not going to see you as anything more than something casual. You're dumping a lot on him for knowing him a short amount of time and based on what he's showing you he wants. This guy really doesn't seem to 'nice'. I used to fall into the trap of seeing men were 'nice' when they had manners but IMO that's not what makes someone nice.
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