Heartbroken, angry and I don't know how to move forward

[ilovechocolate]

So I don't know where to start never posted on a forum before, well here we go.

 

Me and my ex gf of 5 years broke up about 4 months ago, she moved out about 3 months ago.

 

The break up was and is the most painful thing I have ever had to go through so far in my life, I have never experienced a loss in my life to this extent before not to mention this was my first girlfriend, serious relationship. We had our whole lives planned together we where building a house when I told her I wanted to split and she agreed. It was very sad crying on both ends, so it was a somewhat amicable split.

 

after she moved out it hit me shes gone

It hit me harder than i thought it would I had to take 2 weeks of work as I would just burst into tears like a little girl.

 

I felt as if my recovery was doing well going out hooking up with girls having fun had a very brief fling with a work colleague about a month after the break up which was more of a distraction than anything, I soon ended it as it just did not feel right and didn't help me like I thought it would.

 

But about the second month in and ever since I am really feeling this loss hard waking up for a week straight every day thinking she is there but shes not. Remembering all of the great times we had together how much of a genuinely nice and caring woman that she was, no one could believe we split and said I was a fool for initiating the break up.

 

I got in contact with her briefly and had a couple of chats on the phone which where nice, about a week later I sent her a long message saying that I am willing to have a chat to maybe work things out, and she just replies yeh cool.

 

she tried to meet up with me a few times since the break up and I declined as I needed more time,

 

about a month later I met up with her at a park near my work and listened to some music and had a nice chat and had all those feelings come back, as I left I gave her a hug, she asked me to hug her again and it was longer and more intimate. I left and she tried arranging to see me again which I accepted for a beer some time.

 

 

Then about a week later she posts on her facebook wall feeling happy with a big smiley face with some other guy tagged there, who I found out she works with and people are posting love hearts on it and everything, it made me feel sick to the stomach, why would she do that to me? I mean I felt as if after 5 years together she could at least have the courtesy to tell me look no I dont want to work it out or I have found someone else, but the whole thing just seemed like a massive slap to my face and intentional, not the girl I know.

 

I deleted her after that because I new looking at her facebook would only bring me harm, about a month later a friend said it looks like she has moved on and has changed her facebook profile to a picture of her and this guy am I that easy to forget is it possible she is rebounding? I just feel like an absolute piece of ****, a shell of the man I once was, I am usually fairly good with the ladies but this has really affected my confidence and self esteem I feel as if i dont know who I am anymore I am having somewhat of an identity crisis.

 

But I am just confused as the coffee shop I am a regular at which she avoided for a while after the split, he told me she has come in a couple of times over the last week? why would she do this is she trying to run into me or something I mean what for?

 

Did our whole relationship mean anything to her at all, not even 4 months out of our relationship and she is in another one and in someone elses arms and seems to have forgotten about me.

 

I want to take active steps to move on but I dont know how, how can I feel worse now that what I did earlier in the break up, part of me does not want to move on, and I cant bring myself to throw out all of her stuff and our photos together yet, I still love her deeply. I am finding it hard to just throw her out of my life like that. any thoughts, advice or questions would be appreciated alot

Edited November 16, 2016 by ilovechocolate

[Sweetfish]

This is her way of dealing with the pain. Call it a defense mechanism. She found another guy to fill in the void.

 

Absolutely, nothing you can do now.

 

You cant throw a hand grenade in a relationship... bail and expect to come back to the wreckage and rebuild like nothing happened.

[Kelley]

Trust me the new guy is her way of coping and it will back fire and rubbing it in your face is just immature. Facebook take it with a pinch of salt it's all surface look at me stuff! Nobody ever posts the bad stuff or what is really going on in their lives! You need to move on and heal. That's why the flings have made things worse because they are not her, and you need time to get over the relationship. Believe me, still loving, missing her, not sleeping, her constantly being on your mind is normal after a break up. It doesn't mean the relationship was perfect or that you should get back together.

 

If you want to heal cut contact, forget flings, and take each day as it comes and heal. Let all the emotions out by writing them down. Even try writing an e-mail to your ex and then deleting it. This helped me a lot along with building up my own life, doing new things and being happier being on my own. I know it feels like hell and when people would say to me you will feel better I didn't believe them, but I did and do. I put it down to NC though not knowing gives you peace and the ability to take a step back. If you are really ready to move on and heal start that now! Take care.

[VienneseCoffee]

Yeah social media is the worst when it comes to stuff like this. I would definitely suggest you block her so you don't have to see stuff like this anymore even if it is just a profile pic or something. Definitely tell your friends you don't want to know what she is up to either. I don't know why an ex can't just be honest and tell you if they've moved on or they're seeing someone else, but I think you need to forget about her or try to anyway.

[basil67]

Oh come on....you dumped her. And you're complaining that her moving on is like a massive slap in the face? Yep - moving on is what people do when we dump them.

 

When you get caught up in all the reminiscing, remind yourself of the reasons you ended the relationship. As you were with her for 5 years, I trust your decision would have been balanced and well thought out. You knew that you'd lose her, but that was balanced by knowing you'd be better without her. Not to mention that she deserves happiness.

 

Continue with ceasing all contact. Hang a note on the fridge reminding yourself why you ended it.