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I want a deeper connection with my love.. [UPDATE Girlfriend of 19 months dumped me.]

Coollaxer

By Coollaxer
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Simple Logic Established Member

Simple Logic

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You are certainly not going to like my advice. It is over. You are in a college LDR. Those relations fail 99.9% of the time. Leave her alone and go on with you life. You are powerless to make her realize anything. You will heal.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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If she has already asked for space three times, the writing is on the wall, I'm afraid. It's not working. Someone who is really in love and wants to be with you doesn't ask for space repeatedly.

 

There's not a lot you can do but give her space for now and let her be. If she is struggling this much, she's not in a place to be in a relationship. Please listen to her and respect that boundary.

 

EDIT: I took a look at your other threads. This relationship hasn't been on stable ground for some time now. I really think it's best you two finally let it go.

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Coollaxer Established Member

Coollaxer

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I understand that it's not been the best relationship, I know it's been rocky and the things that she said like needing space and such. She always came back saying she was sorry and she wants to try again, I never chased her I alwats gave her the space that she needed. But this time she finally broke up with me and it's so hard to deal with. I'm not saying she will come running back but say if she does, do I even take her back? Would it be foolish to take her back? Ovbiouslly I want nothing more to be with her but I also don't want to be heart broken like this again. And I know it's gonna hurt just as bad if we do get back together and then separate again... she has a hard time at home, her parents are on the verge of being divorced, she doesnt have that many friends here at home. I'm not trying to justify her but I really love her. And I know she really loves me. On of the things that hurt the most was when ( we were on FaceTime when she broke up with me) she said there is nothing I did wrong and that she loves me so much and still does, she really really appreciates me and she's really sorry but she has to do what she needs to do so she can be alone, learn to love her self and get her mind back on track. I don't get how if all I do is support her it's easier with out me? She always says she wants me in her life forever... even if we ever broke up.... we'll here we are now :(

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I understand that it's not been the best relationship, I know it's been rocky and the things that she said like needing space and such. She always came back saying she was sorry and she wants to try again, I never chased her I alwats gave her the space that she needed. But this time she finally broke up with me and it's so hard to deal with. I'm not saying she will come running back but say if she does, do I even take her back? Would it be foolish to take her back? Ovbiouslly I want nothing more to be with her but I also don't want to be heart broken like this again. And I know it's gonna hurt just as bad if we do get back together and then separate again... she has a hard time at home, her parents are on the verge of being divorced, she doesnt have that many friends here at home. I'm not trying to justify her but I really love her. And I know she really loves me. On of the things that hurt the most was when ( we were on FaceTime when she broke up with me) she said there is nothing I did wrong and that she loves me so much and still does, she really really appreciates me and she's really sorry but she has to do what she needs to do so she can be alone, learn to love her self and get her mind back on track. I don't get how if all I do is support her it's easier with out me? She always says she wants me in her life forever... even if we ever broke up.... we'll here we are now :(

 

A lot dumpers say things like this. And it might be very genuine, but it doesn't mean they want the relationship to continue.

 

Usually when these types of break-ups happen, it's not becasue the dumper necessarily thinks life will be easier with you. It usually boils down to them just not being interested in the relationship anymore. They know their hearts aren't in it, so they know it's time to part ways.

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Coollaxer Established Member

Coollaxer

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Thank you. I guess it's just hard to face and realize it's reality I guess.. and it's just really hard since it was only 3 days ago that we were promising each other to love each other forever. It just hurts a lot. I'm not sure exactly what to do.. but definitely not begging or even gonna try to communicate with her. I know that's not the right thing to do. Just hurts so much when I want her so bad you know?

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Coollaxer Established Member

Coollaxer

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Please guys some advice

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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Go dark. Complete no contact. You'll get over it better this way.

 

You're young. This was bound to happen.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Go dark. Complete no contact. You'll get over it better this way.

 

You're young. This was bound to happen.

 

Agreed.

 

OP, there's not a lot you can do when one person no longer wants the relationship. Go back and re-read your threads - this breakup was bound to happen.

amurb Member

amurb

Posted
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So I'm 19, she is 19 we both go to college and are in a college LDR. She goes to Marist college upstate New York and I'm on Long Island in a community college. We first met in high school as she was the "book keeper" for my lacrosse team I played on and supposedly she really liked me so I asked her to prom. Even made it after a big game we won and got some of my

Best buddies to wear white shirts underneath their jerseys that each had a letter to spell prom. So needless to say it was magical when we won the game and I had my buddy's line up to pull up the jerseys as it spelled out "prom?" On our shirts in frond of the whole crowd. Probably the best times of my

Life, we went to 2 proms (my only proms i ever went to) we fell so hard in love. I would surprise her with flowers all the time and she would always me she felt like she was in a Cinderella movie bla bla bla. She's my first love and I'm hers also. I would alwats pull out her chair, cover her with anything I had if I was raining, opened every door I could. I really tried to be the best gentleman and boyfriend I could be for her. She has really bad anxiety. All of these things I thought I'd share for you to get an understanding of the relationship. Now for the story of the break up.

 

Befor she came home for her first semester from college we had a fall out, she needed space and she said she didn't know what she wanted. (This has happened 3 times that she needed space SiNce she didn't know what she wanted. I ended it for a day until she begged me to try again (see last post) and so we tried again. Before she went back to college, we went to the city, went to dinner dates, shared so much love. It was amazing, so many late nights talking and in love and now she's back at college and it's only her 4 th week back there. Or third. But I made her promise me she can't bottle up he feelings and not tell me how she feels Bc she can't be afraid to hurt my feelings and everything. Well turns out this time seems to be a little different. The whole time she has been at college this semester she is pretty much miserable, she is horribly home sick, she isn't healthy as shes not eating, she's almost passed out from not eating the other day, she really really struggles to love her self. (Forgot to mention this.) she hates her body, she hates her skin, she hates everything about her pretty much when she is just so so hard on her self. She knows guys drool

Over her, she knows I think she is drop dead gorgeous but she continues to not love her self, not be happy, she is depressed and she has such bad anxiety.

 

So the reason she broke it off: she told me it had nothing to do with our relationship, with me, she still loves me the same and sill loves me so much and she says that she appreciates me so much. Everything I do for her she can't think of a way to repay, and that it's all her fault this is happeninf Bc she is so unhealthy, she is so sad, she is depressed, she needs to work on her self, and that most importantly she needs to learn how to love her self. And that she finally agreed to go see a therapist. She pretty much said she hopes we can stay close and be friends. And that if we are meant to be we will find our way back to each other but for now she can't handle a relationship anylonger please help guys I don't know what to do. All I know is i ovbiouslly want to be her partner SO BADLY. But I'm not gonna go chase her after all this and her final words were "we will talk soon, I love you more then anything". Please any advice would be so great.

 

 

 

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you find some thing to help you figure out your next move.

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