imaginarium Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 So my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year (and dated for 2 years a long time ago). Our personalities clash sometimes but we've gotten very good at compromise and we love each other a lot. My uncle who helped raise me when my dad left when I was a kid was put into a nursing home last Friday by my cousins. He doesn't need to be in there and I'm really upset. I've been very depressed all week, making time to visit him several days and bring him things he likes. My boyfriend knows this and said "I'll do anything I can to help you." Yesterday we had a rare day off together. We only get them maybe once every few months. A work friend of his that has been abroad came back to town and asked them to meet up. He invited me, but given everything that's been going on I didn't feel like getting really drunk or hanging out with a bunch of people I only kind of know. Plus no one else's girlfriends were invited. So I went to the bar, had a couple of drinks with them, said hi and was very pleasant, and then had somewhere to be for a few hours. I called him at 9 (been drinking since 430) to see if he wanted a ride home or just wanted to stay out. He was completely wasted but I wasn't mean or anything, just said would you like a ride home or should I just go home myself (we don't live together). He asked me to come get him. So I get there, he makes me drive around for 10 minutes cause he keeps forgetting I called and there's no where to park,and comes out and 2 friends get in, saying "I think the others are just gonna follow us." I have no idea what's going on, but realize that the whole party is going back to his place and he never mentioned that to me. Now he's so drunk he can't talk, I don't feel like being crammed in his tiny apartment with 10 wasted people, and I feel like a free uber. I acted pleasant with his two friends who could tell I had no clue what was going on but I didn't want to make them uncomfortable, not their fault. Dropped them off, told my boyfriend goodnight, and went home. He didn't text me again and I didn't him. This morning he texts me like nothing happened, and when I told him how upset I was and now I just feel super depressed because of everything going on, he went off on a rant about how "next time he just will have to choose between me and his friends" because I'm selfish and can't share my time with him and doesn't find anything wrong with not telling me everyone was coming over when everyone was fall down wasted and i was sober and just wanted to go to bed. I'm super hurt, because A. He knew I wasn't in a party state of mind and B. I did go out for awhile, I was nice, and I gave one of his friends a lift home on my way out of the bar the first time. His friends like me, I do hang out with them far more often than he hangs out with my friends, and I didn't try to stop him from hanging out with them on a day we were supposed to spend together. So I think I was pretty compromising about everything. He says he doesn't understand why I'm mad and started being a jerk over text so I told him I need some space for the day because I have to go to work and I'm already very down. Am I in the wrong by not staying there last night and being upset today?
clia Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 I honestly can't figure out what you are mad at him about. YOU called him to see if he wanted a ride home. He accepted. You drove him and his two friends to his house and then left. You're mad because he was drunk and disorganized about it? You're mad because you had to drive his friends also? You're mad because he invited people back to his house? This morning he texts me like nothing happened, and when I told him how upset I was and now I just feel super depressed because of everything going on, he went off on a rant about how "next time he just will have to choose between me and his friends" because I'm selfish and can't share my time with him and doesn't find anything wrong with not telling me everyone was coming over when everyone was fall down wasted and i was sober and just wanted to go to bed. What exactly did you say to him? Honestly, you should've just let him take an Uber. I'm not sure why you offered to cart him around in the first place if you just wanted to go to bed. He says he doesn't understand why I'm mad and started being a jerk over text so I told him I need some space for the day because I have to go to work and I'm already very down. Am I in the wrong by not staying there last night and being upset today? Was he mad you didn't stay over? You said he texted you like nothing this morning. 2
PegNosePete Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 I'm not sure what you're upset about. He treated you like a free Uber? Well you did offer him a lift home. Maybe he took a liberty by saying you'd also give his friends a lift too but it's not that different taking one person or taking 2 or 3, is it? You're going to the same place ether way right? If you don't want to be treated like a free Uber then don't offer to give lifts home... 3
Author imaginarium Posted November 16, 2016 Author Posted November 16, 2016 I guess I'm more upset because when I called I said "do you want me to come get you or do you want to stay out and I'll just head home" and he said "come get me I'll stop drinking now" so I drove half an hour out of my way just to find out I was just shuttling half a party to his house. As opposed to picking him up and is going to bed. If the party wasn't coming back I would have stayed there, not just been dropping them off. Thank you I know I'm probably just overreacting. This whole putting someone I love in a nursing home has been harder on my emotions than I thought it would. It's making me not act normal.
VeveCakes Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 He was drunk so when you called he probably thought you just were being nice and he wanted to see you. Don't make an issue out of this. Sorry about your uncle. Take care.
Author imaginarium Posted November 16, 2016 Author Posted November 16, 2016 No, thank you guys. Once I typed it all out I was able to be a little more removed from it, and I realized I was just getting too worked up. He texted back in a nicer tone and we talked about it and he apologized. It's just easier sometimes to say it here because when we first started dating there was a lot of baggage and he had a pretty bad drinking problem so when I'm upset and it involves him drinking, I don't like to talk to people I know about it. I don't want to make him look negative to them just because I'm upset. Part of it was that early on he did do some really horrible things in our relationship when he was drinking so much. He doesn't drink hard like the very often anymore, but when he does that d***ish side comes out and puts me on edge, and I think with all the emotional turmoil in my life right now I just overreacted. Thanks for giving me somewhere to vent it out. 1
Buddhist Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 Honey, he was drunk. Okay so drunk he couldn't even string a sentence and you seriously expect him to be considerate in that state? I think you did the right thing dropping them off and going home. But really it's a tad unrealistic to expect a drunk person to do all the social niceties. Next time just stay away from him when he's in that state. Problem solved.
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