Plenty of fish... baffled

[saltyfishhead666]

I'm beginning to think I'm just not cut out for dating and I should just become a crazy cat lady haha.

 

So I met a guy on pof, we have great conversations and he gave me his number. We've been texting on and off for just under a week now, we have the same kind of humour and conversations flow great.

 

Twice he's said, would you like to go on a date. To which I've replied yeah we should definitely do that (I'm not into the whole game playing thing) but he's not actually made any plans.

 

I left it a couple of days and then mentioned it on Monday, and said we should arrange something and he said he had a busy week but would figure it out and hasn't mentioned it since again

 

I'm really quite frustrated actually. I'm pretty fourthcoming and honest and he suggested it but I don't feel that we're going anywhere because he's not doing anything

 

I don't think I need advice, I think I need to slowly back away and leave it in his court. I don't want to be texting forever I want to be actually out dating.

 

So I'm just ranting

[Miss Clavel]

in his profile, did he say he wanted to date or that he wanted a pen pal?

 

 

if you are on there to meet men IRL then, move on.

 

good luck

[joseb]

Sounds like he has a few different prospects and is trying to line up some others ahead of you.

[saltyfishhead666]

It said in his profile seeking relationship not pen pal I feel like a pen pal right now though.

 

I actually would've assumed he was talking to others and such however I genuinely believe it's just laziness and that's not cool.

 

If I stop replying to his texts I'm an ahole and if I say look dude I don't want a pen pal I'm still an ahole

[ElizabethIII]

I learned the hard way not to chase. I used to do what you did. Now I just leave them well alone.

 

Stop contacting him and see what he does. It tends to make them keener I found if you just leave it be.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Sounds like he has a few different prospects and is trying to line up some others ahead of you.

 

Yeah, this....

[andie1969]

I "met" a lot of guys like that on different dating sites. I have found they either want to meet pretty directly, within a day to a week, or it doesn't happen at all. They either have no intentions of actually meeting, OR they are chatting with several women and can't decide what to do. Ain't nobody got time for that! I started messaging with my BF on a Friday and we met the following Tuesday, only waited that long because he had his son all weekend. It's very frustrating to be strung along like that!

[saltyfishhead666]

I'm leaving it well alone now...

 

He wants to take me out? Well he knows where I am.

 

He keeps texting me and I'm replying hours later (rather than when I actually see it) with short mundane replies. I hate being so forward and very "2016" as I am dying to say what on earth is your deal and I can't without looking like a whackadoodle

[salparadise]

I'd be inclined to drop him a clue with a note of sarcasm, like asking... have you ever been on an actual date with a woman?

 

At this point you have nothing to lose. Feigning demure is not a good strategy.

[PegNosePete]

I think I need to slowly back away and leave it in his court.

No, you don't need to slowly back away. You need to drop him and move on.

 

You need to quickly filter out the time vampires on OLD. You let him know quite clearly that you were interested in a meeting. If he were interested in meeting you then he would have arranged something within 24 hours. Failure to do so means he is simply not interested and you should move on. No excuses, no "I'm a bit busy this week", blah blah. If he's that busy then he shouldn't be on OLD. No date = no interest.

 

Don't waste your time with this kind of guy. There are plenty who are actually looking to meet someone but if you waste your time on these guys who mess you around then you're missing out.

[saltyfishhead666]

Haha!!! And this is why you guys are awesome!!! Thankyou for the reiteration

[ChatroomHero]

"Twice he's said, would you like to go on a date. To which I've replied yeah we should definitely do that (I'm not into the whole game playing thing) but he's not actually made any plans."

 

 

I think either time you could have answered, "sure, Thursday after 6pm, Fridays and Saturdays work for me...pick one". If you give him a couple of options and you get anything less than a definite answer as in, this week is busy, I'll let you know, maybe Friday I have to check my schedule...you know it isn't going to happen.

 

 

If I am interested in a girl and ask her out and she gives me a couple of options, I simply pick one. Occasionally if I do have a busy weekend or whatever, I still make a firm date right then and there because I want to go out with her and she just gave me an "in" and I am not going to chance blowing it with someone I am really interested in.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm beginning to think I'm just not cut out for dating and I should just become a crazy cat lady haha.

 

So I met a guy on pof, we have great conversations and he gave me his number. We've been texting on and off for just under a week now, we have the same kind of humour and conversations flow great.

 

Twice he's said, would you like to go on a date. To which I've replied yeah we should definitely do that (I'm not into the whole game playing thing) but he's not actually made any plans.

 

I left it a couple of days and then mentioned it on Monday, and said we should arrange something and he said he had a busy week but would figure it out and hasn't mentioned it since again

 

I'm really quite frustrated actually. I'm pretty fourthcoming and honest and he suggested it but I don't feel that we're going anywhere because he's not doing anything ��

 

I don't think I need advice, I think I need to slowly back away and leave it in his court. I don't want to be texting forever I want to be actually out dating.

 

So I'm just ranting ��

 

Gee...big surprise, another pen-pal/cat fisher in the online dating world...chalk it up and move on.

 

But, hey, as the advice that was given to me here, "Oh, you're the one that's probably doing something wrong, not the flaker."

[Larryville]

Just a different analysis…

 

So I met a guy on pof, we have great conversations and he gave me his number.

 

We've been texting on and off for just under a week now, we have the same kind of humour and conversations flow great.

 

Twice he's said, would you like to go on a date. To which I've replied yeah we should definitely do that (I'm not into the whole game playing thing) but he's not actually made any plans.

 

I left it a couple of days and then mentioned it on Monday, and said we should arrange something and he said he had a busy week but would figure it out and hasn't mentioned it since again.

 

You need to quickly filter out the time vampires on OLD.

 

He clearly was one. There was another thread recently about guys giving out the number first I think. He threw that out (baited the hook) you bit so you were simple one of many and definitely not a priority. Genuine interest would result in a phone call and date in near term. NOT I have a busy week. That was such BS!

[saltyfishhead666]

Sadly I have to defend him slightly here.

 

He is in the military so isn't always 9-5 so I can't say ok I can do here here and here and him pick an option because it isn't that simple here.

 

However I do agree, if he was interested when I asked him on Monday so when are we going out he would've checked his schedule before bothering to reply.

 

Urgh since when did dating become so difficult? I think I find that the hardest because I say what I mean and mean what I say... finding that is hard!

[PegNosePete]

I think I find that the hardest because I say what I mean and mean what I say... finding that is hard!

That's fine, you just need to know when to not bother saying anything, and just move onto the next one.

 

As you gain experience with OLD that process should become quicker and easier, as you learn to identify the serious ones from the time wasters.

 

Don't get emotionally involved until you've MET. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't be afraid to cut them loose early on if they're showing flaky or time vampire behaviour. If they are interested they will arrange a meeting sooner rather than later. If they don't, move on, and don't feel guilty or bad or like you're missing out. The only thing you're missing out on, is having your time wasted.

[Larryville]

Urgh since when did dating become so difficult? I think I find that the hardest because I say what I mean and mean what I say... finding that is hard!

 

I feel your pain in terms of trying to find people who will just be straight with you.

 

However the easiest way of telling if people are being legit with you is those individuals who have a "genuine" interest will be more inquisitive and not on a superficial level.

 

They will inquire about things that truly matter about you in depth, not crap like what music you like, or movies, fav restaurants, that you like paint ball and you like watching The Walking Dead… who cares.

 

The whole picture as in what profile pics are displayed, the age, what they do for a living, distance and there are just some things that people say and sometimes (what they don’t say) that tips you off to just being better off by simply avoiding them and keeps you from wasting time and frustration.

[MarkIVSteel]

If he's in the military, it can be hard to for him to find time.

[Larryville]

If he's in the military, it can be hard to for him to find time.

 

While I agree, you kinda should know what your limitations are BEFORE you start a conversation with someone.

 

I’m former military and unless you are on a flight crew not much harder than any civilian gigs.

[saltyfishhead666]

I agree guys I'm a military brat and my parents were rarely around and it was never in a normal day to day basis. I think that's probably why I've handed him so much leeway here because I understand...

 

He could actually genuinely be busy..

 

But if I say I have a hectic week, I'll check when I'm free I actually do, and he hasn't in this case.

 

If I'm interested I wanna joke around with you in person

[Daisy711]

I'm pretty sure next time I date, first thing I'm saying is that I don't do endless texting. I prefer phone calls and face to face interactions. If he can't handle it he's not worth it.

[saltyfishhead666]

I'm pretty sure next time I date, first thing I'm saying is that I don't do endless texting. I prefer phone calls and face to face interactions. If he can't handle it he's not worth it.

 

 

 

Amen to that!!!!

[joseb]

I'm leaving it well alone now...

 

He wants to take me out? Well he knows where I am.

 

He keeps texting me and I'm replying hours later (rather than when I actually see it) with short mundane replies. I hate being so forward and very "2016" as I am dying to say what on earth is your deal and I can't without looking like a whackadoodle ��

 

Yeah it's also possible he lacks a bit of confidence and was hoping you would take his cue of wanting a date to suggest something.

If this is the case, he is now probably seeing your mundane replies as further loss of interest so is even less likely to ask you out!

 

So while I think the multiple juggling is the more likely answer, this is possible too. Hard to tell without more context.

 

If he suggests another date (in any hinting way) just suggest something concrete, if he doesnt bite on that then ignore him totally.

[dispatch3d]

Just stop replying, its not that big a deal. Girls get way more messages than guys just move on to the next guy. This one is a dud. Also don't put much energy into anything before you meet. People are way different in person.

[saltyfishhead666]

Like I said yesterday my problem in general is I like to see the best in everyone and take their words as such. It's a serious curse. I like to think because I am so honest everyone else is too and I'm beginning to realise that's not the case at all