CRUSHed

[boulevard]

I've known him for around 6 months now.

Brief background:-

Myself: Alpha-woman, careerist, reserved when required...put myself on pedestal...but also very popular in college for my physical fitness, dance skills, stand up comedy and humor.

Survived a very hash break-up, but recovered from the trauma and depression by educating myself a lot on narcissistic abuse, and have only become more strong and beautiful as a person..gaining extra boost of self-love and confidence...which I'm not ready to tread for anything.

Him (Say, M) : heart throb among majority of girls ONLY because of his physical appearance. His humor sucks, though. I NEVER considered him attractive initially despite his well-built physique and cute smile.

 

Our story:-

We started having common classes only 6-7 months back. Although we've been in same college for past 1 year. I was going out with some one else for the fist 5 months, and then recovered from my break up with him for the next 4-5 months.In that period I was not ready to consider any new fling/relation. And hence, never considered this new guy M either.

 

Then as I recovered, in the process becoming quite fresh and bright in my appearance, I started noticing behavioural changes in M towards me.

 

Now, M knows very well he's a girl-magnet. He is quite often surrounded by ladies who try to woo him. However, I would see him staring at me across class/hallway/in crowd/when talking to others..A LOT. I even caught him shivering a bit when trying to make an attempt to talk to me. I have seen him making extra attempt to come up and PRETEND bumping into me and strike up a conversation.However, he NEVER ever would bring up any other romantic talk.

Having developed a very hard wall of self-respect for myself, I somehow never felt like going beyond my comfort zone and asking him out or anything, initially. Also, there was this one girl who would almost lay her whole life for him...pampering him, bringing him food when he's hungry, cooking for him et al. Competing with SUCH girls, that too just for a guy...is so not me.

PS: that girl wasn't anyone that any man would easily fall for. Very poor in terms of physical appearance, and definitely not one of the smartest. And you could sense her being fake and desperate for his attention from miles away.

 

I somehow felt he EXPECTED me to compete with these kind of girls to get further of his attention. While he had started flirting with me a lot whenever I would be around, he NEVER EVER asked me out, or texted me to catch up or anything of the sort. He would just play by his convenience: flirt with me when convenient, check me out when i'm around, but also rope in the pampering from the other girl.

So i distanced myself from him. I secretly hoped he would reach out to me but he didnt.

PS: even a few other people had enquired me that there was a rumor M liked me, but then nothing happened between us, so what the deal was? To which I myself didn't have any answer......

 

 

With time, we all got busy with work. I was waiting to see if anything would develop between M and that girl who used to pamper him. Nothing happened. He simply even stopped going around with her or even talking to her. They are no more even caught talking much. I guess she just did so much for him that he got bored.

 

So, feeling that anyways we both are single (PS: he had even asked me if I had a boyfriend once, and that's when I got to know he too had had a break up), one fine day, as I had little work to do, I mustered up some courage, practiced a bit and met him..and asked him out for dinner. He said YES. And..never got back to me.

 

Now, after I had asked him out, I had even told him that I would be going for a vacation after 6 days, so he should fix a date before that. Next day, i got much drunk at a party, and texted him something very lame...like very, very lame....it was something to do with yoga, LOL, coz I knew he too was into fitness and he replied with one word "Okay".

 

Next morning I read and re-read the conversation and had this feeling that he should understand it was drunk, coz it was so lame, and this mustn't affect our dinner. But....damn...he fell silent like a trunk after that. Never brought up the topic of dinner (I doubt if he would have brought it up otherwise, though).

 

 

I taught myself to ignore it totally and get over him. Coz if it was meant to be, it would've happened. Also, I wasn't ready to make myself vulnerable to yet ANOTHER man and throw myself into depressing thoughts again. I had invested so much in bettering myself.

 

So after that we were in different cities for 2 months. In between he texted me once for thanksgiving, which I replied very curtly ..making it clear i was up for only professional relation with him. Back to college now, I'm maintaining the same attitude. I communcate formal/professional things all over text....and strictly avoid eye contact with him in person.I don't wish to even smile at him.

 

 

 

But.....this has led to him staring at me even more these days. Yesterday I saw him staring straight at me while talking to a bunch of people, 2 days ago, he was going to grab snack with his friends, but changed his route to come to the same canteen where I was going, although his friends carried on their own way....he stood beside me while ordering, looking at me...but i ignored him completely. Yet another day i ACCIDENTALLY ended up looking at him, and saw he was already looking back at me....he HELD MY GAZE for 4-5 seconds, it was blank, yet it tried to communicate...i dont know what......but it was too intriguing for me to keep looking at him so I broke the eye contact.

 

The problem is......if this continues....I cannot quite fall out of love with him. And I really think i must.

 

SO what do i do?

How do i interprete his action?

Is he JUST feeding his male ego by confirming i still have feelings for him? May be the day I break my silence and approach him, he will take me for granted?

If he was REALLY so much interested, he would have texted/spoken to me about it, right? A guy can't be THIS shy.

 

Meanwhile, I've been asked out by 3 other men..and casually going out with one of them. I'm not really interested in him. I keep it only to a few drinks and good food with him, helps in splitting the bill.

......I prefer reading up books/watch movies/ compose dance choreographies/go gymming now, instead of wasting time behind men I'm not interested in.

But, what about the man I have been really interested in?

What do i do about this one sweetheart who has captured my fantasy?

Edited November 16, 2016 by boulevard

[Buddhist]

This happens so often. A guy stares and does nothing else. There is nothing to interpret here. If he isn't taking action he just isn't interested period. If he was he'd be all over it.

 

No amount of you playing hard to get or whatever is going to make this guy take action. Just move on.

[boulevard]

Thanks !!

You see...I already felt the same and hence moving on in my own method.

 

But...guys don't even seem to digest it when you move on like that. They actually like to keep you hanging around I guess....so his actions now are hindering my otherwise usual speed of moving on.

 

I think I must just ignore him and keep doing it my way. If he is doing whatever suits him, then so should I.

Period.

[stillafool]

The staring means nothing. My brother was a player (back when he was a single man) and told me back then that he got a kick out of staring at women he knew had an interest in him because he knew he was making their panties wet. If this guy wanted you he would have asked you out on a proper date instead of you asking him out and getting rejected. His ego just wanted confirmation that you were just like the other girls and wanted him.

[boulevard]

he knew he was making their panties wet. If this guy wanted you he would have asked you out on a proper date instead of you asking him out and getting rejected. His ego just wanted confirmation that you were just like the other girls and wanted him.

 

 

hahaha..thanks ! You just made it a tad bit easier for me to go ahead and HATE this guy..instead of just "stop liking" him

I pretty much needed this.

Arrgghhh...i so wish to get rid of all these unnecessary extras in life