ZA Dater Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 Brief summary. Tinder, I had a match, I decided ok lets meet up, albeit in the wisdom I decided to meet up for a hike, perhaps not the ideal first meet up idea. Nevertheless met up with her and after my previous experience of over investing with someone else I met up with I decided to simply take this at face value. It was an ok meeting, we chatted and while she was really pretty and what I call "great settle down with girl" (she has a 6yo son) I just didn't find myself that attracted. Should I have been more attracted, was my mind set wrong, did I read the situation incorrectly. Next day I sent her a brief message and got no reply, which wasn't unexpected. I sometimes cannot understand why I don't find people more attractive when fundamentally they are attractive. Thanks to the good advice here I didn't really feel too bad about being "rejected", probably because I don't think I really had much of a chance to begin with. Should I have tried to befriend her more in the hope of gaining some experience? Morally the idea is repulsive but at nearly 33 I am starting to think that perhaps taking the moral high ground is getting me nowhere?
NuevoYorko Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 Probably the lack of spark was mutual. That is common. 4
Gaeta Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 No, you don't befriend women when you are looking for a mate, you give them a 2nd or 3rd date to see if the attraction will grow as you learn more about their character. If after 3 dates nothing at all has changed from your initial impression than let it go. If you think only women that makes you weak in the knees are worthy of your attention then your search may take a long long time. 3
Larryville Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 The other thing is attraction is rooted in your core self. Meaning it is simply not about looks but an overall vibe you get when meeting someone. This is a much longer analysis, but girls who exhibited certain traits at a certain age resonates as you get older. There are character traits that I know I absolutely got with some of my grade school age crushes. I sometimes cannot understand why I don't find people more attractive when fundamentally they are attractive Explore your past, and you MIGHT get your answer. Me for example, eyes play a very important role. Why I HATE OLD pics with sunglasses. Everybody has a switch that trigger something with someone.
Author ZA Dater Posted November 16, 2016 Author Posted November 16, 2016 No, you don't befriend women when you are looking for a mate, you give them a 2nd or 3rd date to see if the attraction will grow as you learn more about their character. If after 3 dates nothing at all has changed from your initial impression than let it go. If you think only women that makes you weak in the knees are worthy of your attention then your search may take a long long time. Maybe a lot of truth in this. I just didn't really feel inclined to see her again, maybe I guess I am just used to feeling some sort of "be great to spend time with you again", this time I must be honest I thought "well you are really good looking what are you doing here with me". I probably should have tried harder I guess. Its rare I ever have two dates with the same person, which I suppose tells more about me than it does about them. In hindsight I think the lack of common ground didn't help here either which made the conversation quite difficult, again probably my issue. My over riding sense was she was someone who I could have maybe cajoled into something long term but I frankly didn't see any immediate upside. Sure I take her to dinner, what do we discuss? My own performance on this date wasn't really very stellar either, bit angry with myself about that. After lots of reflection I think most of my issues all stem from one thing, I like to be wowed. I like what I deem to be exceptional but I have no set standard as to what that is.
dispatch3d Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 I dunno about you but my first date expectations are pretty low. You barely know them at that point.
Grey40 Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 (edited) Not every hot girl is going to make you feel attracted. Your answer is that you are not shallow, and that's a good thing. You need more than looks to really want to be with someone long-term, and that should be the case. The whole point of first dates is to see if there's a spark. The chances of every first date creating that is really really low. It's essential to go on numerous dates to find someone that sparks you, and when it happens, you'll know. Conversation will flow naturally and easily and you won't really run out of things to talk about. On top of that, I've had pretty good first dates where I really like the person, and found out on the second date that I really don't. So it's always not really a good barometer of anything. But if the first date didn't click, absolutely no point in a second one Edited November 17, 2016 by Grey40
olivetree Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 If you're meeting online you also can't really think of the first meet up as a date. It's just meeting for the first time. You're seeing if this is someone you'd like to have a proper date with. Up until this moment you don't know if they look like their photos, what their mannerisms are, how they carry themselves, what they sound like, etc. So yes, expectations should be very low and if you are not attracted, well that's bound to happen!
smackie9 Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 You had no chemistry.....if it were that easy there would be no such thing as single people or dating sites. It takes time to meet "the one"
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