Boyfriend invited to wedding without me

[olivetree]

Personally, a couple of 5 years should be a package deal at a wedding, especially a mutual friend. She did not say they were enemies, simply that her bf was is still "good friends" with the friend that was once her "good friend" too.

 

If my bf went without me in that circumstance, I would feel like he is saying it is okay if the friend didn't acknowledge me as his gf. If OP and her bf get married, this person could not expect to be at their wedding. So maybe that's just it....

 

OP, not to get your wheels spinning too much, but it makes me wonder how much your bf makes it clear that you are in his life for good. If he told his friend that he didn't think you would last, perhaps they don't feel like forking out the money for you.

[Gaeta]

So who met who when OP started dating her boyfriend?

 

So OP was friend with this bride-to-be to start with and when OP started dating her boyfriend she had a fall out with her?

 

It doesn't really make sense because then why would they invite OP's boyfriend if they were not friends with him at beginning?

 

It makes more sense if OP's boyfriend was their friends at first, when he introduced OP she had a fall out with that bf's friend, that is why her boyfriend continued being friends with them after the fall out, but not her.

[Gaeta]

You don't think it's weird that OP starts her post with emphasis on OUR friends, when in fact they had a fall out 5 years ago and have not been friends in 5 years?

[JewelD]

Regardless, it's petty to invite half of a couple. If the bride really can't stand op, then don't invite her or her boyfriend.

 

Although I think it's odd that your boyfriend would remain friends with someone you had that big of a falling out with. What exactly happened here that you have to be civil with these people and yet he's apparently been continuing to build this friendship over the past five years?

 

Just from my experience, if you don't like someone's partner, it's hard to continue that friendship. And most of the time it needs to end anyway if that partner is going to be around for a long time.

 

The only situations I can think of that being OK are if op did something incredibly foul to the bride. However, I imagine if that were the case, the bride would want to sever ties with both of them.

 

If you weren't invited, I wouldn't send them a goddamn thing.

[Gr8fuln2020]

So who met who when OP started dating her boyfriend?

 

So OP was friend with this bride-to-be to start with and when OP started dating her boyfriend she had a fall out with her?

 

It doesn't really make sense because then why would they invite OP's boyfriend if they were not friends with him at beginning?

 

It makes more sense if OP's boyfriend was their friends at first, when he introduced OP she had a fall out with that bf's friend, that is why her boyfriend continued being friends with them after the fall out, but not her.

 

Not saying that this could not be the case as the OP's post may not be entirely clear, but based on her post, it does not indicate that the bride was the bf's friend first. Not at all. It could very well be that they all were friends when the OP began her relationship with the bf and that his friendship resumed after the falling-out while hers ended. That's the way it reads to me.

[Gaeta]

If the 4 of them were all friends since beginning than I think OP and the bride-to-be had a fall out and the guys remained friends.

 

The groom wants his buddy at his wedding and the bride-to-be doesn't want OP.

 

Men won't skip being present at their best buddy's wedding because the girls had a fall out.

 

It's my guess of what happened.

[Gr8fuln2020]

If the 4 of them were all friends since beginning than I think OP and the bride-to-be had a fall out and the guys remained friends.

 

The groom wants his buddy at his wedding and the bride-to-be doesn't want OP.

 

Men won't skip being present at their best buddy's wedding because the girls had a fall out.

 

It's my guess of what happened.

 

Possible, but we don't know anything of the groom's relationship to any of these people.

[dispatch3d]

uhhh if i was the boyfriend I wouldn't go, but anyhow.

[mortensorchid]

It was right of a previous poster to say that this person should not be referred to as "OUR friend" anymore, because that person, based on the story that you shared, is no longer our but "his friend".

 

I would not be bent out of shape about it, it was a long time ago and you and this person are no longer friends. If your bf wants to go, let him. It would be disrespectful if he brought you as well. Weddings bring out a strangeness in people.

[phineas]

fricken drama.

i'd be pissed just because someone put me in the situation as the ops BF.

[Shining One]

There's a lot of hypothetical analysis in this thread. I guess I'll add to it. It could simply be that there are limited seats and the OP didn't make the cut. Frankly, being "civil" would be an incredibly low threshold to justify a wedding invitation.

 

Over the last 5+ years, I've noticed that a lot of wedding invitations are "invitee only" and don't include plus 1's. It makes sense though, a lot of these weddings are paid for by the couple and money is finite. Each person is an added cost. You also have those weddings in special venues that are simply limited in space. Last year, I went to a wedding on a tiny sandbar in the Florida Keys, which was where the couple met. My girlfriend wasn't invited (she was not offended, by the way).

 

The point of the story: You don't know why you weren't invited. It could be cost. It could be space. It could be the bride/groom still holding a grudge. It could be them just not thinking about you.

[dispatch3d]

At 5 years in of a relationship they are a unit. You invite the two of them unless op is unbelievably unpleasant and is a risk to ruin the event. In that case I just wouldn't invite either of them. Thinking about it there's no scenario where I would invite someone and expressly say no you are not allowed to bring an extra person.

[Els]

I disagree with those here who say it's okay. It might be a cultural thing, but where I live long-term couples are ALWAYS invited together regardless of marital status and regardless of how close the partner is to the bride/bridegroom... I have never seen a couple not being invited together before. That would be a major breach of etiquette IMO.

 

The mature thing for them to do would have been to invite you both and bury the hatchet. But getting pissed off at them because of it isn't going to solve anything either.

[Shining One]

Some of you "invite everybody" people must have really deep pockets. Inviting significant others of every unmarried guest adds up very quickly, depending on how many people you have, of course.

[dispatch3d]

Maybe I'm naive, but isn't it like 25 bucks to invite an extra person (the price of the plate?). I mean if they were married this would be a you did what moment.

[Shining One]

Maybe I'm naive, but isn't it like 25 bucks to invite an extra person (the price of the plate?). I mean if they were married this would be a you did what moment.

The last wedding I went to, the costs were over $150 per person. There's more to it than just the food, but $25 seems really low for a per person food cost.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Some of you "invite everybody" people must have really deep pockets. Inviting significant others of every unmarried guest adds up very quickly, depending on how many people you have, of course.

 

I get why the bride didn't invite the gf of 'good' bf of 5-years. GRUDGE. Seriously doubt it was about another $25 or $150 a head in food costs. An additional $25 to $150 is hardly a rational reason not to invite the long time gf of a good friend.

 

The rational reason is the grudge. What happened 5-years ago.

 

I wonder if the bride lost out on a relationship with the bf to the once good friend, the OP?

Edited November 16, 2016 by simpleNfit

[Poutrew]

Well OP, the bride can invite whomever she wants...you have no control over that. However, if your boyfriend does indeed actually go to the wedding without you, then he is a fricking nincompoop! Far better to send a card and enclose a check for a nice amount from the both of you - make sure the card says something like 'wishing you much joy from boyfriend and winniepooh'. Show you are the better person and ram your humility right down the brides' throat at the same time... wanna bet the check never gets cashed>>>

 

Also, for those who might be saying "Poutrew, that's just nasty and childish..." do you really think the bride isn't up to no good knowing that inviting only one partner could cause problems for them?? I'd bet she is secretly hoping they get into a huge fight and bust up over it. Fight fire with fire, as the saying goes...

[Els]

Some of you "invite everybody" people must have really deep pockets. Inviting significant others of every unmarried guest adds up very quickly, depending on how many people you have, of course.

 

No one is saying they should "invite everybody". If seating or money was truly an issue, then don't invite either one of them. If you choose to invite a person and that person has a long-term partner or spouse, then you invite both. I don't know where the OP lives and what the culture is there, but marital status of the couple is not a factor in deciding guest lists for every wedding I've been to. Very new bfs/gfs (of a few months or less) or casual dates are typically not invited, but in this case we are talking about a partner of 5 years - it's a no brainer that the right thing to do is to invite both.

 

Also, weddings can be as expensive or as cheap as the people involved desire. If you have a simple reception with drinks and snacks, an extra person is not going to cost you $150 - the p/p cost can be as low as $20. If you want a $150 p/p reception or dinner, then be prepared to fork out.

Edited November 16, 2016 by Elswyth

[ufo8mycat]

I get why the bride didn't invite the gf of 'good' bf of 5-years. GRUDGE. Seriously doubt it was about another $25 or $150 a head in food costs. An additional $25 to $150 is hardly a rational reason not to invite the long time gf of a good friend.

 

The rational reason is the grudge. What happened 5-years ago.

 

I wonder if the bride lost out on a relationship with the bf to the once good friend, the OP?

 

Or another more likely scenario - the bride (and/or groom) simply doesn't like the OP. There doesn't have to be grudge.

 

I don't think you are under any obligation to invite someone you don't like to an event you are hosting, regardless how long they have been together. It would hardly be a secret that the OP and these friends are not close.

 

Its their wedding, they can invite who they want (or not) and I don't know WHY you would expect an invitation to the event of someone that you have a strained relationship with that has an agreement of civility.

 

Civility applies to every day interactions, I wouldn't expect to extend to having to be civil to someone I don't like. At my wedding.

 

I am civil to my ex-husbands new girlfriend (and my former friend), doest mean I owe her anything.

[Els]

Also, tbh, if someone blatantly made a point of excluding my SO on purpose simply because they didn't like him, I would not go.

[Robert]

Looks like the thread starter has received some good feedback so we'll close this up pending a response from them. They can request the thread be reopened via the 'Alert Us' button on this post.

 

Thanks,

~6