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Boyfriend invited to wedding without me

WinniePooh

By WinniePooh
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WinniePooh New Member

WinniePooh

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So my boyfriend of 5 years was invited to OUR friends wedding. Myself and this friend did have a falling out about 5 years ago when I first started dating my boyfriend, but my boyfriend is still good friends with this person. We have since talked briefly and though we arn't good friends anymore we did mutually decide to be civil to each other. Now our friend is getting married and only my boyfriend was invited to the wedding, and not me. Am I right to be offended about this, or am I over-reacting? :(

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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IMO, unless you're a Millionaire, people have limited seats at a wedding. Some people reserve invites for people who mean/meant something to the bride and groom...cuz a wedding isn't just a party to them. They wanna be surrounded by those close to them.

 

That being said, if you had a fallout with the friend, that probably why she didn't invite you. You also aren't married to your bf. Some people don't give status to couples who aren't officially commited - regardless of how many years together.

  • Like 3
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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So my boyfriend of 5 years was invited to OUR friends wedding. Myself and this friend did have a falling out about 5 years ago when I first started dating my boyfriend, but my boyfriend is still good friends with this person. We have since talked briefly and though we arn't good friends anymore we did mutually decide to be civil to each other. Now our friend is getting married and only my boyfriend was invited to the wedding, and not me. Am I right to be offended about this, or am I over-reacting? :(

 

You are wrong in saying OUR friends. They are his friends and you and them are civil, which does not make you their friends. It's normal they do not want someone they had a fall out with at their wedding. It's their day.

 

Personally I would compromise on my wedding day for my family but I wouldn't for the girlfriend of a friend with whom I barely had contacts with in 5 years.

 

Let the boyfriend go and tell him to enjoy himself.

  • Like 7
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Given that you are simply civil to each other, it's fair that you're not invited.

 

However, as you find yourself sad at being excluded from their lives, perhaps it's time to bury the hatchet. If this is the route you want to take, tell us more about what happened and we may be able to advise the best way to go about making amends.

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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Well, this burying the hatchet applies to both the OP and the bride. The bride clearly has a grudge as it is ALSO typical and common, expected practice for the good friend's signigicant other to be invited as well. Especially of one who has been dating the 'good' friend for 5-years!

 

OP, the bride can do what she wants, but guarantee that she didn't invite you b/c of the falling-out 5-years ago. She has some growing up, maturing to do, but you being not invited is simply her getting back at you.

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MarkIVSteel Established Member

MarkIVSteel

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They're HIS friends not yours. It's THEIR wedding and they're free to invite who they want.

 

Grow up.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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I totally get that you feel you two are a package deal, and I totally get that you are feeling left out, offended and insulted. Go ahead and be upset about it, but it's not going to do you any good. It's their decision, it's their wedding. Just because you are civil with each other, doesn't mean you are forgiven. Whatever it was, it must have been real bad for someone to carry a grudge for so long.

 

I agree you should just let your BF go without guilt. Be the bigger person and tell him to pass on your well wishes, and congratulations on their wedding.

Edited by smackie9
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olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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I can certainly understand your feelings at being left-out. It is their day and they do have a right to invite who they want, but you are entitled to be hurt by the whole thing.

 

I think it would have been more mature of them to invite you both. You are his partner of 5 years and she be treated as a spouse, not as a random date.

 

If I was invited and my bf was purposely discluded, I personally would find it hard to want to go.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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It was right not to invite you as you are neither friends nor family.

 

Just accept it for what it is, and let your boyfriend go.

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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OP. It must have been pretty bad for you two to no longer be good friends. Again, she has a grudge. As others have said, there's nothing you can do about it. Let it go and hopefully she'll let the grudge go.

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joseb Established Member

joseb

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What was the falling out over?

 

Personally I wouldn't want to go to the wedding of someone I didn't like.

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olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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When/if you get married OP, you don't have to invite them either.

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MarkIVSteel Established Member

MarkIVSteel

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If you were smart, you would buy the couple a card and a gift and wish them a very happy marriage. Give it to your boyfriend to give to them when he goes to the wedding.

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BoxerMomma New Member

BoxerMomma

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I must be crazy based on the responses here, but I would never have split up a couple when inviting them to my wedding.

 

I want people to come celebrate my relationship, but refuse to acknowledge theirs? Meh, not for me.

  • Like 6
Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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I must be crazy based on the responses here, but I would never have split up a couple when inviting them to my wedding.

 

I want people to come celebrate my relationship, but refuse to acknowledge theirs? Meh, not for me.

 

I personally agree. The bride to be is holding a grudge and this is payback for whatever happened 5-years ago. This has nothing to do with her not being a friend or family as the two of them used to be good friends. It's all about the GRUDGE...

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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All depends what the fall out was about. Some things are very hurtful and should never be forgiven.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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The OP did say they are no longer good friends but they have agreed to be civil to each other. Inviting the bf and not the OP is not being civil.

Asking a person to a wedding and not inviting their long term partner is madness IMO.

Not only is it awkward for someone to attend on their own, but it will put the couple's relationship under stress as no doubt it will cause a fight between them.

Invite both or none would be the right thing to do here.

I doubt the OP's intention is to ruin the wedding, so not inviting her is petty and malicious.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I think it's unfair to criticise the bride for holding a grudge when we don't know what happened.

  • Like 7
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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The OP did say they are no longer good friends but they have agreed to be civil to each other. Inviting the bf and not the OP is not being civil.

Asking a person to a wedding and not inviting their long term partner is madness IMO.

Not only is it awkward for someone to attend on their own, but it will put the couple's relationship under stress as no doubt it will cause a fight between them.

Invite both or none would be the right thing to do here.

I doubt the OP's intention is to ruin the wedding, so not inviting her is petty and malicious.

 

I can see myself agree with you if OP was married to her boyfriend (or common law). As per her original post they are bf-gf. Even after 5 years bf-gf is still just bf-gf.

 

It's really hard to judge until we know what that fall out was about. If she slept with the groom she definitely does not belong there.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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If she slept with the groom she definitely does not belong there.

 

Good point.

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Not sure how the assumption came about that they were only his friends all along? I understood it that they had a falling out but that they were all friends prior? I could be wrong...

 

I disagree with the majority comments as well. It's very petty, it's insane, and downright rude to invite a friend to a wedding and not their significant other. Even if they don't like the OP

 

And if you can't have a wedding that includes people and their partners then be "that weirdo couple" and make only single invitations. :sick:

 

I do agree though that depending on the reason of the falling out, it could be supported that they only invited the one friend depending on the severity of the fight.

 

Can you tell us what you did to get yourself exiled like this? :eek:

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
So my boyfriend of 5 years was invited to OUR friends wedding. Myself and this friend did have a falling out about 5 years ago when I first started dating my boyfriend, but my boyfriend is still good friends with this person. We have since talked briefly and though we arn't good friends anymore we did mutually decide to be civil to each other. Now our friend is getting married and only my boyfriend was invited to the wedding, and not me. Am I right to be offended about this, or am I over-reacting? :(

 

Ok, so that means you were never friends with them.

 

These people were your boyfriend's friends.

 

When you started dating your boyfriend you had the fall-out, which means you did not have time to build a friendship with these people.

 

Then you remained strangers that agree to be civil toward each other.

 

These people are not your friends, and have never been.

 

During the 5 years of your relationship your boyfriend continued being friends with them.

 

I am very interested in finding out why you want to go to that wedding at all? You don't know them and never been friends with them.

  • Like 1
Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted
So my boyfriend of 5 years was invited to OUR friends wedding. Myself and this friend did have a falling out about 5 years ago when I first started dating my boyfriend, but my boyfriend is still good friends with this person. We have since talked briefly and though we arn't good friends anymore we did mutually decide to be civil to each other. Now our friend is getting married and only my boyfriend was invited to the wedding, and not me. Am I right to be offended about this, or am I over-reacting? :(

 

Ok, so that means you were never friends with them.

 

These people were your boyfriend's friends.

 

When you started dating your boyfriend you had the fall-out, which means you did not have time to build a friendship with these people.

 

Then you remained strangers that agree to be civil toward each other.

 

These people are not your friends, and have never been.

 

During the 5 years of your relationship your boyfriend continued being friends with them.

 

I am very interested in finding out why you want to go to that wedding at all? You don't know them and never been friends with them.

 

As I read it, the bride to be was/is BOTH their friends. The OP did not meet the bride when she started dating the bf. From the post, the bride was also a good friend of the OP's.

  • Like 1
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Again, how are you interpreting that they are just the boyfriend's friend? They are now, after the falling out and for last 5 years, but they could have been all friends prior to that. That's how I read it.

 

Even if they were only friends with him, it's petty and childish. I didn't like some of my ex's friends' partners, I'd never exclude them that's tacky.

Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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As I read it, the bride to be was/is BOTH their friends. The OP did not meet the bride when she started dating the bf. From the post, the bride was also a good friend of the OP's.

 

I read the same.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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