Cephalopod Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 I am currently away for the week with my kids as living under the same roof is proving to be intolerable. We are currently in-house separated and sleeping in separate rooms. My plan is to meet with a lawyer in the coming week and split our finances. I may have to move to an apartment. Stbwh is trying to pull every trick in the book to keep me in this M even as far as blaming me and my friends for the M ending. I am currently communicating by text only as speaking to him always leads to an argument. I may eventually have to get a restraining order if he doesn't stop harassing me. The biggest mistake he made was not asking you to move out when he found out about his affair. By allowing you to stay, he set both of you up for the kind of failure you are experiencing now. And no woman will respect a man who does not lay down some kind of penalty for her adultery.
Author ladydesigner Posted November 23, 2016 Author Posted November 23, 2016 The biggest mistake he made was not asking you to move out when he found out about his affair. By allowing you to stay, he set both of you up for the kind of failure you are experiencing now. And no woman will respect a man who does not lay down some kind of penalty for her adultery. My WH isn't your normal man he is a serial cheater and NPD. On the other hand I should have kicked him out when I discovered we were in False R! 1
BluesPower Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 Cephalopod - I just disagree... While I fully understand that having any affair is wrong, I just cannot condemn someone who had been through what she has been through. Her affairs were wrong, my affairs were wrong, everyone that has had an affair was wrong and stupid. But honestly it is not always as cut and dry as we all make it out to be. For me, My wife is sober, she is being a great wife, and I am thankful that we are in a good place with our marriage. Frankly I never thought it would happen, and in hindsight I probably should have divorced my wife years ago, and I think I would have been much happier overall. But, I did not, and in the bad bad times I cheated. It was wrong, I get that. But if I had not gone through all that I would not be here. I think the abuse that she has suffered almost (Just almost) justifies any and everything she has done. She just could not make the decisions that she was finally able to make until now. It doesn't make it right it just makes it reality. I for one am thrilled that she is moving forward to a better place. Maybe for once someone got out of a horrible relationship while they still have time in life to be happy. Just one man's opinion... 2
Steen719 Posted November 23, 2016 Posted November 23, 2016 ladydesigner. It is so hard to rail against someone who blames you for everything. I know. I was always at fault for everything. Even when he was cheating, he blamed me for leaving. BLAMED ME! I was trying to see if there was any way I could forgive him ONCE AGAIN and he was still talking to her every day and still BLAMED ME! And, like you, he blamed my friends and family for my decision to leave him. You see, he thought I wasn't strong enough to do it on my own. Idiot. But once I decided I wasn't going to be blamed anymore, I told him so and then when he would start on me, I would say, "OK, whatever you think". I stopped listening to him anymore. He had no impact and omg, that is when he turned it up. Could not stand not be to be listened to, wanted to feel that power over me. Too bad, I was done. Just like you are. Do your best to just ignore him. I said uh-huh a million times - so obviously not listening. He will give up and target someone else for all those things he is looking for. You and your kids will be fine. You will be happier. I'm glad you stopped with the OM. That will cloud what you want for YOURSELF. If anything is ahead for you with someone, it can wait. You have been through a great deal of crap. Look at you - still standing. You got this, ld. Not a single doubt about it. Soldier on. And {{{HUGS}}} 1
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